Mr. Teavee Quotes in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Willy Wonka: Let's go put him in the taffy puller!

Mr. Teavee: [horrified] Taffy puller?

Willy Wonka: Hey, that was my idea!

Willy Wonka: I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.

Mr. Teavee: What do you mean?

Willy Wonka: Uh, well... sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?

Mr. Teavee: What kind of a question is that?

Willy Wonka: No need to snap, just a question.

Mike Teavee: A retard could figure it out.

Mr. Teavee: Most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. I mean, kids these days, what with all the technology...

Mike Teavee: [blasting enemies in a video game] Die! Die! Die!

Mr. Teavee: Doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.

Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, I was having a flashback.

Mr. Salt: I see.

Mr. Teavee: These flashbacks happen often?

Willy Wonka: Increasingly... today.

[Mike starts stomping on a candy pumpkin, completely destroying it]

Mr. Teavee: Son, please.

Mike Teavee: Dad, he said, "Enjoy!"

Mike Teavee: [seeing the Oompa-Loompas for the first time] Are they real people?

Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.

Mr. Salt: Oompa Loompas?

Willy Wonka: Imported. Direct from Loompaland.

Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.

Willy Wonka: What?

Mr. Teavee: Mr. Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I'm here to tell you...

Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and, oh, what a terrible country it is.

Mr. Teavee: [has just seen chocolate transported by television] So, can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?

Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.

Charlie Bucket: But could you send it by television if you wanted to?

Willy Wonka: Course I could.

Mike Teavee: What about people?

Willy Wonka: Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.