Mr. Harter Quotes in The Three Stooges (2012)

Larry: Mr. Harter! Just the guy I wanted to see.

Mr. Harter: I'll take the case. Please tell me it was Supercuts who did this to you.

Larry: No, it's me, Larry... Moe, Larry, Curly, remember? From the orphanage.

[Curly rhythmically claps his hands and barks]

Mr. Harter: Oh, my... goodness! Well, congratulations, you're still in remission. So... what brings you here?

Curly: Look, I'll cut to the chase, moneybags: we're in a jam. The orphanage needs 830 grand, or it's going belly-up.

Larry: Plus we got a sick kid getting fitted for angel wings.

Mr. Harter: Terrific! So, who do we sue?

Larry: Oh no, there's no one to sue; we need you to give us the money.

Curly: Yeah.

[Curly chuckles]

Larry: But we're not looking for a handout, mind ya. We'll work off every last penny right here in these halls.

Mr. Harter: [sighs] Look, I'm sorry, but, uh... I'm... committed to several other charities, and besides, I don't have that kind of money just laying around. But if you decide to sue the orphanage, I'm in.

Curly: Uh, Mr. H., please, I know what you're thinking: that we're both lazy bums like Moe, but - but we're not. Uh, some of us aren't afraid to get our hands dirty.

Mr. Harter: What? No, I never thought of Moe as lazy.

Larry: It's all right, that slug told us the whole story about why you dropped him back off.

Mr. Harter: Well, I can assure you it had nothing to do with his work ethic; he was ten. No, what - what happened was he wanted us to go back for you two, and frankly, it was... too much for us.

[Larry and Curly look at each other in amazement]

Curly: You mean... he wouldn't go without us?

Mr. Harter: No, he wouldn't. He was very adamant about wanting us to adopt all three of you, and... it was just out of the question, you understand. Anywho, got to skedaddle, late for a meeting. But if you ever do want to sue anyone for anything - a slip in the tub, a bone in the fish - I'm your guy.

Moe: [in Teddy's bedroom] Teddy! Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, what's the matter? Come on boy, speak to me.

Teddy: [barely awake] Who are you?

Moe: It's us, it's Moe...

Larry: Larry...

Curly: And Curly.

Teddy: [Teddy is still half-awake] Guys, what are you doing here?

Moe: All right buddy, we got you now.

Moe, Curly, Larry: [Lydia and Mac enter Teddy's bedroom] Nyah-ah-aah!

Teddy: [drowsily] Oh, honey, thanks so much for inviting the boys behind my back.

Moe: That ain't the only thing she's doing behind your back.

Curly: Yeah, she wanted us to smother you in your sleep.

Larry: And now it looks like she slipped you some knockout juice.

Teddy: [still drowsy] Lydia, what are they talking about?

Lydia: [feigning innocence] Honey, I am as confused as you are. All I know is that these men crashed our party, and when we tried to remove them, they start acting crazy.

Moe: Teddy, you've known us since you were a baby. Why, we were the ones who taught you how to play with matches. We treated you like a little brother. Why would we lie to you now?

Teddy: [still drowsy] Wait, Lydia, why am I still in bed if- if the party's going on?

Mac: [Lydia looks at Mac while trying to come up with an answer] I'll tell you why.

Teddy: [Mac reveals his left hand, which has a gun in it] Oh, Mac.

Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-ah-aah!

Mr. Harter: [Mr. Harter enters the room, with a gun in his right hand] Don't even think about it, Mac.

Mr. Harter: [the Stooges sigh and chuckle with relief] Real slow, now. Drop it to the floor.

Mac: Not a problem.

[Mac slowly puts the gun on the floor]

Teddy: Good work, Dad. You know, I had a feeling something was going on, but you, Mac? I mean, you were my best pal. Why would you do that?

Mac: It wasn't my idea; she was calling the shots, I swear.

Mr. Harter: No, Mac, I was calling the shots.

[Lydia walks up next to Mr. Harter, and kisses him, indicating Mr. Harter's and Lydia's treacherous partnership to get rid of Teddy]

Mr. Harter: [in the Harters' car] Hey Moe, do you know what day today is?

Young Moe: No clue.

Mr. Harter: It's your birthday.

Young Moe: Really?

Mrs. Harter: Well, to us it is, because today is the day that you came into our lives. So... what would you like as a birthday present?

Young Moe: Aw, I'm good. This - this lollipop's really hitting the spot.

Mr. Harter: [Mrs. Harter gasps, and Mr. Harter chuckles] Oh now, come on. come on, there's gotta be something that would make your birthday complete. Just go crazy, champ, anything your heart desires.

Young Moe: Well, when you put it that way...

[Moe whispers into Mrs. Harter's ear]

Mr. Harter: Well, what is it?

Mrs. Harter: He, uh... he wants us to go back and get his two friends.

Mr. Harter: Oh, Moe, heh, three youngsters are an awful lot to take on, like, all at once.

Young Moe: Oh, don't you see, Pop? That's the beauty of it. It's not gonna cost you a dime extra. Them two termites can bunk with me. I'll even split my meals with them.

Mr. Harter: Yeah, I don't know, Moe, it's just...

Young Moe: And you don't have to worry about sending them to fancy schools, 'cause they're not interested in reading or numbers. Heavy lifting and ditch digging, that's their dream.

Mr. Harter: Wow, those guys really mean a lot to you, don't they?

Young Moe: They're all I've ever had.

Mrs. Harter: Moe's right, honey. We can't possibly separate these three boys.

Young Moe: There we go! That's my mom talking.

Young Moe: [Mr. and Mrs. Harter drop Moe off back at the orphanage, deciding to adopt Young Teddy instead] Forget it! It was a bad idea! I don't want nothing! Mommy! Daddy! Please!

Young Moe: [sadly] Don;t go.

Young Moe: [Moe musically chants barbershop-quartet style] Hello,

Young Moe, Young Larry: [Larry joins Moe in chanting] Hello,

Young Moe, Young Larry, Young Curly: [Curly joins Larry and Moe as they chant together] Hello.

Young Moe, Young Larry, Young Curly: [spoken] Hello!

Mrs. Harter: [Mrs. Harter giggles; the young Stooges accidentally bump their heads together] How precious!

Sister Rosemary: Yes, I certainly don't envy you having to choose between such amazing children.

Young Larry: The choice is easy! I'm your guy!

[Larry starts tap dancing]

Mrs. Harter: That is so cute!

Mr. Harter: Absolutely adorable.

Mr. Harter: [to Mother Superior] How long's he got?

Mother Superior: Hmm?

Mr. Harter: He's taking chemo, right?

Mother Superior: No no no, he's healthy as a mule.

Sister Rosemary: And almost as smart.

Young Moe: Recede, Bojangles.

[Moe pulls Larry back by his hair]

Young Moe: Pick me, I make the best potato peel and eggshell smoothies in town.

[Mr. Harter chuckles nervously]

Young Curly: If you choose me, I'll let you play with my pet rat, Nippy! I even taught him a few tricks!

Mother Superior: Oh, boys and their rodents.

[Mother Superior chuckles]

Young Teddy: [Teddy enters the room] Mother Superior, may I have a glass of milk, please?

Mrs. Harter: Oh, who's this?

Young Teddy: Hi, my name's Teddy, and someday, I'm gonna have a puppy.

Mrs. Harter: Oh my God, he's wonderful.

Mr. Harter: I thought you said there were only the three.

Sister Rosemary: I never said that, I said "about three".

Mrs. Harter: I hope you'll forgive us for coming early; we just couldn't stand to wait another day.

Mother Superior: Oh, we understand, Mrs. Harter. This is a great surprise. We have three delightful youngsters for you to meet.

Mr. Harter: Three? 'Cause we were under the impression there were more than that.

Sister Rosemary: Nope, that's it, just the three. Children, get on in here, Mr. and Mrs. Harter don't have all day.

Young Moe: [Moe musically chants barbershop-quartet style] Hello,

Young Moe, Young Larry: [Larry joins Moe in chanting] Hello,

Young Moe, Young Larry, Young Curly: [Curly joins Larry and Moe as they chant together] Hello.

Young Moe, Young Larry, Young Curly: [spoken] Hello!

Mac: [Mac has a scratched face from his disastrous encounter with the zoo's lion] I don't get you, Lydia. Why would you throw a big anniversary party for Teddo? I thought we were trying to kill the guy!

Lydia: We are, I just want lots of witnesses for when that dope accidentally falls head first from that balcony.

Mac: Ohhh.

Mr. Harter: Well... you two are certainly looking rather cozy.

[Mac and Lydia laugh]

Mr. Harter: Good lord Mac, what- what happened to your face?

Mac: New kitty.

Mr. Harter: Ah.

Mac: I'm gonna go freshen up my drink.

Teddy: [the Stooges, Teddy, Mac, Mr. Harter and Lydia are all passengers in Mr. Harter's car] I don't get it. Why did it have to come to this, Dad?

Mr. Harter: Well, son, I didn't get rich... simply by... lawyering. I married into it. Unfortunately, when your mom passed away, she left everything to you.

Mac: So you were just using me to do your dirty work?

Lydia: Oh, heh, you cracked the code.

Mac: [Curly giggles and laughs ticklishly] What's so funny, butter-bean?

Curly: Nothing, Nippy's whiskers are tickling me.

Lydia: Who's Nippy?

Curly: Him.

[Curly takes Nippy, the Stooges' pet rat, out of his coat; Mr. Harter and Lydia scream with terror]

Lydia: [Nippy gets stuck in Lydia's cleavage] Take it out!

Mac: [Mac makes a hard left turn; the Harters' car falls into a nearby lake, Lydia screams] Open the door! Shoot the window out!

Mr. Harter: [Mr. Harter pulls the gun out] No, it's wet!

Lydia: Why would you let the gun get wet?

[the car's computerized navigation system says: "When possible, make a legal U-turn." ]

Lydia: [Everyone gasps for air] How long will the air last?

Mr. Harter: Maybe... five minutes, if we stay calm.

Larry: Oh, we got to break a window.

Teddy: It's impossible: There's a thousand pounds of water pressing against that glass.

Mac: Great! Great! How could this possibly get any worse?

[Bubbles occur near Curly as a result of indigestion; everyone groans at the stench]

Curly: I'm sorry, I guess the "pesto-bismol" didn't help with the lobster.

Moe: [angrily] Did you eat the shells again?

Curly: I don't know; it was on the plate, and then it wasn't.

Moe: Wait a minute! Does anyone have a lighter?

Larry: No... All I got are these stupid, easy-light, waterproof safety matches.

Moe: Why you...

[Moe bonks Larry on the head]

Larry: Ow!

Moe: Gimme that! Everybody close your eyes!

[Moe strikes a match on Curly's face]

Curly: Maybe that's not such a -

[the explosion blows the car up, and everyone escapes to the lake's surface]