Mr. Duvall Quotes in Mean Girls (2004)

[Mr. Duvall is introducing Cady to the class]

Mr. Duvall: Her name is Cady. Cady Heron. Where are you, Cady?

Cady: That's me. It's pronounced like Katie.

Mr. Duvall: My apologies. I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee.

[seeing all the girls fighting]

Mr. Duvall: Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this!

[hits fire alarm with a baseball bat]

Mr. Duvall: Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such behavior. And from young ladies. I've got parents calling me on the phone and asking, ?Did someone get shot?. I oughta cancel your Spring Fling.

[all girls shout, no, and whisper among themselves]

Mr. Duvall: Now, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ, but don't think I'm not taking this book seriously. Coach Carr has fled school property. Ms. Norbury has been accused of selling drugs. Now what the young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you're going to get it, right now. I don't care how long it takes. I will keep you here all night.

Joan the Secretary: We can't keep them past four.

Mr. Duvall: I will keep you here until four.

Bethany Byrd: Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons... but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!

Mr. Duvall: Yeah, I can't do this.

Mr. Duvall: Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls!

Mr. Duvall: Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a new student joining us. She just moved here all the way from Africa.

Ms. Norbury: [to black Michigan girl] Welcome!

Michigan Girl: [offended] I'm from Michigan!

Ms. Norbury: Great!

Mr. Duvall: Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?

Aaron Samuels: No.

Kevin Gnapoor: What are marijuana tablets?

Cady: [voiceover] The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me.

Regina: [to Cady] Okay... you have really good eyebrows.

Cady: Thanks.

Regina: [pushing Gretchen] Move.

Gretchen: Ooh.

Cady: [voiceover] Same with Gretchen: the meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in the plastics, hating life, than to not be in at all. Because being with the plastics was like being famous... people looked at you all the time and everybody just knew stuff about you.

Girl: That knew girl moved here from Africa.

Girl: I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.

Boy: That Cady girl is hot... she might even be hotter than Regina George.

Mr. Duvall: I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again. The 2 were seen canoodling at Chris Isen's halloween party... they've been inseparable ever since.

Mr. Duvall: So, uh... how was your summer?

Ms. Norbury: I got divorced.

Mr. Duvall: Oh. My carpal tunnel came back.

Ms. Norbury: I win.

Kevin Gnapoor: [rapping] Yo Yo Yo! All you sucka MCs ain't got nothin' on me! From my grades, to my lines you can't touch Kevin G! I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third, sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred - I'm Kevin Gnapoor! The G's silent when I sneak through your door. And make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me. Cause the next time you see her she'll be like, OOH! KEVIN G!

[cut off]

Mr. Duvall: Thank you Kevin, that's enough!

Kevin Gnapoor: Happy holidays everybody!

Mr. Duvall: K.G. and the power of 3!

Mr. Duvall: I just wanted to say that you're all winners. And that I couldn't be happier the school year is ending.

Mr. Duvall: [Reading] "Kaitlyn Caussin is a... "

Regina: Fat whore!

Mr. Duvall: Miss Smith, why would Regina refer to herself as a ?fugly slut?