Mr. Chow Quotes in The Hangover (2009)

Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!

Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?

Alan Garner: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! *Please*! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.

Stu Price: That is not Doug.

Mr. Chow: What're you talking about, Willis? That him!

Stu Price: No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow, that's not our friend, he... it's...

Alan Garner: The Doug we're looking for is a white.

Mr. Chow: It's funny because he's fat!

Stu Price: We can even write you a check right now.

Mr. Chow: No chance. Cash only.

Stu Price: There's a person in there!

Mr. Chow: You wanna fuck on me?

Mr. Chow: [as he closes his car window slowly, his head trails the closing gap] Toodle-oo, motherfuckers.

[whoops like a native]

Mr. Chow: Oh yeah? Why dont you suck on these little Chinese nuts?

[grabs his nuts with both hands]

[Alan falls from the window of the car because the door on the passenger side doesn't open]

Mr. Chow: [laughs obnoxiously] Funny fat guy fall on face!

Mr. Chow: I want my purse back, assholes.

Phil Wenneck: What, your purse?

Alan Garner: That's not a purse. That's a satchel!

Mr. Chow: It's a purse! Okay? And you steal from wrong guy!

Mr. Chow: Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douchebag.

Phil: What the fuck is wrong with those chickens?

Mr. Chow: They're angry. All I feed them is cocaine. And chicken.

Stu: We're not gonna kill the dogs, Chow. This will knock them out for hours.

Mr. Chow: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you worked for PETA. What a pussy.

[from trailer]

Mr. Chow: So long, bitches!

[goes on a paraglider]

Mr. Chow: I believe I can fly... I love cocaine!

[from trailer]

Alan: We can't be friends anymore. When we get together, bad things happen and people get hurt.

Mr. Chow: Yeah, but that's the point! It's funny!

Mr. Chow: You want Chow spirit hang over you when you make fuck on your wife?

Mr. Chow: I am Invisible.

Phil: Hey! That's not invisible, that's INVINCIBLE.

[the Wolf Pack is in a fight with cockerels]

Mr. Chow: Hold still, I'm trying to help!

[fires a gun wildly]

Stu: Are you out of your mind?

[the Wolf Pack wake up in a honeymoon suite]

Stu: [sees he has implants] I have boobies now!

Cassie: [laughs] Oh my God...

Phil: [laughs] Holy shit!

Stu: It's not funny! Alan, what did you do? What did you do, Alan?

Alan: The wedding cake... it was from Leslie...

[Chow enters, naked and brandishing a sword]

Mr. Chow: [laughs] We had a sick night, bitches!

[the monkey jumps back on Stu]

Mr. Chow: Who sent you?

Phil: No one! No. We just wanted to see you!

Mr. Chow: Liar! No one wants to see Chow!

Mr. Chow: You got something to say to me now, blue-eyes? No more silent treatment?

Mr. Chow: [hang-gliding off of Caeser's Palace] I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky! Think about it every night and day! Spread my wings and fly away!

Mr. Chow: Oh, you are having a bad day. Did you die?

Mr. Chow: What's the matter, you never do blow before? Sometimes your heart stop, it start up again. Read a book.

Mr. Chow: I do blow all night. Monkey jerk me off while I watch Stu make fuck with lady-boy.

Phil: Your password is baloney1?

Mr. Chow: Well, used to be just baloney, but now they make you add number.

Mr. Chow: We had a sick night bitches!

Mr. Chow: I got all kindsa heat on my ass. I got FBI, Bangkok PD, Interpol, MSNBC...

Mr. Chow: Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone!

Phil: Wait a second Chow. We're in Bangkok?

Mr. Chow: Holla! City of Squala!

Mr. Chow: [Following a harrowing car chase] I have such an erection right now!

Mr. Chow: [upon his arrest] How the fuck?

[Samir walks in]

Mr. Chow: Samir! You fuck me over 6 grand, you camel jockey?

[spits]

Samir: You spit to me? Huh? You spit to me? Hey! 6 grand this time, 8 grand last time. It's not the money, man. It's the principle!

Mr. Chow: Principle? Nigga, please! We both dead inside.

Samir: You call me nigger? Huh? Don't call me nigger!

Mr. Chow: [as the cops take him away] Toodle-loo, motherfuckers!

Samir: Racist asshole, man.

Phil: Chow, what happened.

Mr. Chow: You guys texted me. Said you fucked up and looking to party.

Mr. Chow: [holding up his hand while entering a restaurant] Stop! Chow crossing.

Phil: Do you ever do anything that doesn't end in a stand-off, Chow?

Mr. Chow: I a international criminal. It always ends like this. I met my wife at one of these things.

Stu Price: You have a wife?

Mr. Chow: Yeah, we married fifteen years. Whatsa matter, Mr. Chow not good-looking enough for woman?

Phil: Do you ever do anything that doesn't end up in a stand-off, Chow?

Mr. Chow: I'm an international criminal! It always ends up like this.

Mr. Chow: Have you ever seen monkey in jail?

Mr. Chow: It is about money.

When Mr. Chow gets arrested: It is not about money, it is about principle.

Phil: You ever do anything that doesn't end up in a standoff, Chow?

Mr. Chow: I'm an international criminal. It always ends like this.

Mr. Chow: Just let me do one bump, get my head straight.