Mr. Browne Quotes in Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971)

Mr. Browne: Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. You will believe no one or anything.

Eglentine Price: You must have given us the wrong address! You don't live *here*, do you?

Mr. Browne: In point of fact I do. Temporarily, at any rate. I found the front door open, the house was deserted! Everyone has left the neighborhood.

Eglentine Price: Now why should they do that?

Mr. Browne: This probably has something to do with it.

[shows them a pit with an unexploded shell in it]

Eglentine Price: Merciful heavens! I should think you'd be *terrified* at the very idea of living here!

Mr. Browne: You'd have thought so, wouldn't you? I am by nature a *little* bit of a coward; but then I pondered, as I often do. In the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object is probably the best friend I've ever had. It has enabled me, for the first time in my life, to live like a king. Shall we go in?

Mr. Browne: Women always lose things.

[as all of Miss Price's belongings come alive thanks to a magic incantation]

Miss Price: That's my nightgown.

Mr. Browne: [dancing with it] Is it really, my dear?

Miss Price: Yes, and I'm not responsible for its behaviour.

Mr. Browne: Obviously not, my dear.

Mr. Browne: Bookman! Before your very eyes, I shall cause this bed, and all the occupants upon it, to disappear!

Bookman: Disappear? I should like to see a cheap-jack tenth-rate entertainer do a trick like that.

Mr. Browne: Cheap-jack entertainer. Now that was naughty.

Mr. Browne: [singing] Portobello Road, Portobello Road, street where the riches of ages are stowed! Anything and everything a chap can unload, is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road. You'll find what you want in the Portobello Road!

Mr. Browne: This good lady is looking for the other half of this book.

Eglentine Price: It's called The Spells of Astoroth.

Portobello Road Book Merchant: I don't keep no torn or damaged books here. What do you think I am, a ruddy waste paper merchant?

Mr. Browne: Now, I shall place the framed glass in this brown, unprepared - unprepared, mark you, ladies and gentlemen - unprepared brown paper bag.

Eglentine Price: The Spell which creates this force is 5 mystic words. These words are...

[pause as Miss Price looks at the book]

Eglentine Price: But the rest of the book is missing.

Mr. Browne: Now you see why I closed down the college.

[Ms. Price speaks the magic spell for the first time; nothing happens]

Eglentine Price: Am I doing something wrong?

Mr. Browne: Well, to tell you the truth, it does seem a bit old-fashioned. After all, we are in the twentieth century.

Eglentine Price: What do you suggest?

Mr. Browne: Well, it needs rhythm, tempo, music! As I always say: do it with a flair.

Mr. Browne: It is not what things are; it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, Madam?

Mr. Browne: And the scent of burning sulfur in the air!

[rummaging through Miss Price's spells]

Mr. Browne: Where is it?

[getting slightly annoyed]

Mr. Browne: Confound it why can't women learn to file things properly!

[Nazi's begin to pound on the door]

Mr. Browne: Ah, here it is! Uh,filigree apogee pedigree perigee!

[blows out the match, then quickly runs and sits in front of a mirror]

Mr. Browne: Filigree, uh, apogee, oh pedigree perigee!

[Nothing happens, the Nazi's pounding is getting louder]

Mr. Browne: [to his reflection] Now come on my boy, for once in your life you've got to believe in something! That's it, good lad.

[concentrates]

Mr. Browne: Filigree apogee pedigree perigee!

[Mr. Browne's nose begins to twitch uncontrollably, he smiles as the spell surrounds him, the Nazi's finally break into the room, but they clearly can't believe what they see. Mr. Browne has turned himself into a fluffy white rabbit, and off he scampers to save Miss Price and the children]