Mr. Bean Quotes in Bean (1997)


Mr. Bean Quotes:

  • Mr. Bean: Hello, I'm Dr. Bean. Apparently. And my job is to sit and look at paintings. So, what have I learned that I can say about this painting? Well, firstly, it's really quite big, which is excellent. because If it were really small, you know, microscopic, then hardly anyone would be able to see it. Which would be a tremendous shame. Secondly, and I'm getting quite near the end of this... analysis... of this painting, secondly, why was it worth this man here spending fifty million of your American dollars on this portrait? And the answer to that is, well this painting is with such a lot of money because... it's a picture of Whistler's mother. And as I've learned by staying with my best friend David Langley and his family, families are very important and Even though Mr. Whistler was prefectly aware that his mother was a hideous old bat who looked like she'd had a cactus lodged up her backside, he stuck with her, and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her. It's not just a painting. It's a picture of a mad old cow who he thought the world of. And that's marvellous... Well that's what I think.

  • David Langley: I must admit, over the time you've been here, certain... suspicions have begun to gather in my mind. I'm going to be frank here... are you a doctor?

    Mr. Bean: ummm...

    [shakes head]

    David Langley: okay number two, do you know anything about art. I mean... let me see... was Leonardo Da Vinci a famous American basketball player?


    David Langley: [Bean looks confused, David's face drops]

    Mr. Bean: ...yes

    David Langley: ...I see

    [brings his hand up to his face]

  • Lt. Brutus: Mr. Bean, are you presently on any kind of medication?

    Mr. Bean: Not that I know of.

    Lt. Brutus: You certainly could use some.

  • David Langley: Well sir, an unorthodox start; but I never expected things with a man of your calibre to be normal. I must confess I've never actually read any of your work. Tell me doctor, what exactly is your position at the gallery?

    Mr. Bean: I sit in the corner... and look at the paintings.

    David Langley: Ach! That is brilliant! If only more scholars would do that, not lecture and write and argue, but just sit and look at the paintings themselves. Now that is brilliant.

  • Mr. Bean: [at the virtual rollercoaster ride talking to David] Brace yourself!

  • Kevin Langley: I can't sleep. I can'e stop thinking about naked women. What about you?

    Mr. Bean: Whistler's Mother.

    Kevin Langley: Well, whatever turns you on!

  • [David and Bean are outside the exhibition room; David is miserable]

    David Langley: Say, do you drink, Bean?

    Mr. Bean: No.

    David Langley: Good, neither do I.

    [the two men head off to a bar]

  • [Mr Bean and David are walking home drunk]

    Mr. BeanDavid Langley: [singing while intoxicated] yow, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.

    [Bean screams]

    Mr. BeanDavid Langley: Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.

    [both scream loudly when they approach the front door to David's house to find David's wife, Alison already home]

  • David Langley: Doesn't it take, like, five hours?

    Mr. Bean: ...not... necessarily

  • Waitress on Train: Un café?

    Mr. Bean: Ah! Oui.

    Waitress on Train: Du sucre?

    Mr. Bean: Non.

    Waitress on Train: You speak very good French.

    Mr. Bean: Gracias!

  • Sabine: [after finding out Mr Bean is wanted by the whole of France, angrily] Who are you? Where are you going?

    Mr. Bean: [takes out picture of Cannes and pokes it] To the beach.

  • Sabine: [in French] What is your name?

    Mr. Bean: Uhhh... Bean.

  • Sabine: Espce de conard!

    Mr. Bean: Espce de canard!

  • Vicar: Right. The winner of this amazing prize is: 9-1-9.

    Mr. Bean: [looks at his card but sees it upside down and thinks it is 616] Oh!

    [He throws the card in the air]

    Vicar: Nine one nine. Anybody have ticket 919? If there is no claimant, I'll have to pick another ticket from the bucket. Anyone?

    Mr. Bean: [sees his card again but right side up] Wait wait!

  • Mr. Bean: Back! Back! Back a bit...

Browse more character quotes from Bean (1997)