Movie Announcer Quotes in UHF (1989)

Movie Announcer: Next week on U62, he's back. And this time, he's mad. Gandhi II. No more mister passive resistance. He's out to kick some butt. This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with.

Gandhi: Don't move, slimeball.

Movie Announcer: He's a one man wrecking crew. But he also knows how to party.

Gandhi: Give me a steak, medium rare.

Gangster: Hey, baldy!

Movie Announcer: There is only one law: his law. Gandhi II.

[On the television show "Conan the Librarian"]

Timid Man: Can you tell me where I can find a book on astronomy?

[Conan the Librarian lifts the man up with his bare hands]

Conan the Librarian: [imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger] Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?

Movie Announcer: [addressing viewers] He's Conan the Librarian!

Young book customer: [before Conan slices him in half] These books are a little overdue.

[Bob opens a piece of mail and looks at the mail in shock]

George Newman: What do you got there, Bob?

Bob Steckler: It's the ratings!

George Newman: Don't tell me we actually made the list.

Bob Steckler: We're number one.

George Newman: Say what?

Bob Steckler: We beat the networks. This is unbelievable. Look at these notes. We got three shows in the top 5. "Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse" went through the roof. Do you known what this means? We're finally going to make some real money. George, we are the number one station in town!

[They both scream for excitement]

Movie Announcer: There's lots of fun coming your way this weekend on U-62. First, slam to your way to health as you "Stay Fit" with Mike and Spike! Next, everybody's favorite: Chef Bernie invites you to go "Bowling for Burgers"! Sunday, be a part of the excitement as we premiere our new dazzling game show, "Strip Solitaire"! And then, join us for hilarious fun on the all new "Practical Jokes and Bloopers"! And you won't want to miss "Celebrity Mud Wrestling" with special guest: McCall Contraband! It's a whole new weekend on U-62, the reason television was invented!

Stanley Spadowski: [chuckles] Be there!

[on the intro for "Town Talk with George"]

Movie Announcer: George Newman, he starts where the others stop.

George Newman: Sex with furniture: what do you think?

Movie Announcer: The world watched in amazement as he unlocked the secrets of Al Capone's glove compartment!

George Newman: Ah-ha... *road maps*!

Movie Announcer: He blew the lid off Satanism!

Satan: Look, all I was trying to say was...

George Newman: Oh, shut up, you pinhead! You make me SICK!

[He throws a glass of water in his face]

Movie Announcer: Sometimes shocking, always controversial. He deals with topics that the other talk shows are afraid to touch. He pries, he pokes, he digs deep. He gets the answers. He gets the facts. And most of all, he gets the ratings.

George Newman: [addressing viewers] Lesbian Nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight loss programs... all next week on Town Talk.

[gets hit with a chair]