Montana Moorehead Quotes in Soapdish (1991)

Celeste Talbert: [accepting an award] Ohhh, there's so many people to thank. First of all, my fabulous supporting cast, who gives a new meaning to the word "support"...

[At their table]

Ariel Maloney: Bitch!

David Barnes: Hag!

Montana Moorehead: I hate her so much!

Montana Moorehead: [as Lori, Celeste, And Jeffrey kiss and make up] WAIT! Wait! But I'm carrying his child!

Jeffrey Anderson: [annoyed] I didn't sleep with her! Will somebody please believe me!

[Ariel and Rose enter as doctors]

Jeffrey Anderson: Doctor!

Ariel Maloney: A second opinion...

[Celeste mouths to Rose asking what she's doing]

Ariel Maloney: ...this is Dr. Frans Blau of the sex change clinic in Bethesda, Maryland.

Rose Schwartz: Thank you. Dr. Randall, after extensive investigations, I've come to the conclusion that it's virtually impossible for you to have impregnated your nurse - Montana Moorehead - because before she came to our little clinic, she was... Milton Moorehead of Syosset, Long Island. Hello!

[Rose opens the high school yearbook showing Montana's teenage boy photo]

Montana Moorehead: [shouts and runs off] NO! NO! NO!

Montana Moorehead: [after seeing Lori on People magazine] YOU - promised me you would get rid of Celeste. WE WERE BOTH NAKED AND YOU PROMISED! NAKED!

David Barnes: Hey! We were never naked.

Montana Moorehead: Well, we could've been! Not only did you get rid of Celeste but you - YOU CREATED LORI! This ingénue from HELL! She has more lines than I do and she's a GOD... DAMN... MUTE!

Montana Moorehead: Get rid of Celeste and Mr Fuzzy is yours.

Montana Moorehead: [about Lori Craven] She has more lines than I do and she's a GOD DAMN MUTE!

Lori Craven: [bursting into David's office] We need to talk. Look, I don't care WHAT Tawny Miller says. This hat makes me look like the GOD damned Tweety Bird.

[to Montana]

Lori Craven: Do you mind?

Montana Moorehead: You, you're asking me to leave?

Lori Craven: That's right. I'm asking you to leave.

Montana Moorehead: David...

David Barnes: Miss Moorehead, may Miss Craven and I have a moment alone, please?

Montana Moorehead: No problem. I'm a professional. I do things professionally.

[storms out]

Montana Moorehead: [from off stage] I hate you! I hate you, you pig!

David Barnes: She's got a lot of spirit.

Lori Craven: She's a deranged bitch!

David Barnes: Listen, she just won her 8th Schmenger, right? Edmund's crazy about her. She's got a lot of juice.

Montana Moorehead: Well, that's when you dump people, okay? When they're still on top, before they lose their popularity and drag the show down with them.

Montana Moorehead: [to David] What kind of moron are you?

David Barnes: So, who dies? It can't be one of the regulars...

Montana Moorehead: Not even Bolt?

David Barnes: Bolt? No, Bolt's gold, especially with that whole impotency thing coming up. One of the extras...

Montana Moorehead: One of the homeless, David, one of the homeless.

David Barnes: That's cruel.

Montana Moorehead: It's very cruel.

[Jeffrey is about to prepare the brain transplant]

Lori Craven: MOTHER!

[Celeste sits up]

Lori Craven: No, I can't let you do this!

Burton White: She spoke?

Jeffrey Anderson: She spoke!

Montana Moorehead: Sudden speech, the last stages of brain fever! She can blow up any moment!

Lori Craven: I can always speak! Mother...

Montana Moorehead: She's MY mother!

Celeste Talbert: MONTANA, SHUT UP!