Mona Dearly Quotes in Drowning Mona (2000)

Chief Wyatt Rash: My mother always used to say, "When life hands you potatoes, make potato salad."

Mona Dearly: Yeah? Well life handed me a pile of shit. What am I supposed to do with that?

Phil Dearly: Make shit salad?

Mona Dearly: Don't call yourselves BJ Landscaping. You don't want people to go around calling you "Blow Job Landscaping."

Jeff: [while threatening to kill himself] I know you all think I killed my parents.

Chief Wyatt Rash: We don't think you killed anybody!

Jeff: Yeah? Well, you're full of shit! Everyone know I've been wanting to get back at her ever since that night...

[a flashback shows Mona cleaving a sausage]

Jeff: Hey, Ma, there's no more beer. Give me some of yours.

Mona Dearly: Don't touch that beer, Jeff.

Jeff: [reaches out] Oh, give it to me.

Mona Dearly: I SAID...

[cleaves his hand clean off]

Jeff: [screams in pain] FUCK!

[back to present, everyone goes disgusted in shock]

Jeff: Was I so wrong?

Feege: You bet your ass.

Jeff: Yeah, but, I didn't kill her. Look, don't get me wrong: I'm glad she's dead and all, but I sure as hell didn't do it.

Chief Wyatt Rash: Jeff, I know you didn't kill her.

Jeff: I didn't kill my dad neither.

Chief Wyatt Rash: Then why don't you give me the gun.

Jeff: [puts the gun to head] BECAUSE MY LIFE SUCKS, MAN!

Bobby Kalzone: [after grabbing the golf club Mona is using to damage Bobby's Yugo] God... this is. I mean, enough's enough. All I ever wanted was a nice professional business so that Ellie and I could have a...

Jeff Dearly: [Cuts off Bobby and begins tapping his thumb and middle finger together] Ya, ya, ya, you know what this is? This is the world's smallest tambourine, and it's, and it's playing some sort of song or something.

Mona Dearly: Shut up! Shut up! That's a violin, you asshole, give me that thing, give me that!