Miss Shepherd Quotes in The Lady in the Van (2015)


Miss Shepherd Quotes:

  • Rufus: Sorry, you can't park here.

    Miss Shepherd: No, I've had guidance. This is where it should go.

    Rufus: Guidance? Who from?

    Miss Shepherd: The Virgin Mary. I spoke to her yesterday. She was outside the post office.

    Rufus: What does she know about parking?

  • Market Trader: Isn't it an especially lovely day sweetheart?

    Miss Shepherd: Don't sweetheart me! I'm a sick woman. Dying possibly!

    Market Trader: Chin up love. We all got to go sometime.

    [under his breath]

    Market Trader: Smells like you already have.

  • Miss Shepherd: What with all this to-do, I think I'm about to be taken short.

    Miss Shepherd: [she starts making a beeline for Bennett's open front door] Can I use your lavatory?

    Alan Bennett: No! Uh... the flush is on the blink.

    Miss Shepherd: I don't mind.

  • Alan Bennett: Have you insured it?

    Miss Shepherd: I don't need insuring. It's like the van, I'm insured in heaven.

    Alan Bennett: So, who pays if you have an accident, the Pope?

  • Alan Bennett: Shouldn't you say sorry?

    Miss Shepherd: I've no time for sorry. Sorry is for God.

  • Alan Bennett: [narrating] The chair goes up on a lift. And in this small ascension, when she slowly rises above the level of the garden wall, there is a vagabond nobility about her. A derelict Nobel Prize winner, she looks, her grimy face set in a kind of resigned satisfaction.

    Miss Shepherd: Could we do that again? I'd like another go.

    Ambulance Man: When you come back.

  • Miss Shepherd: How are people supposed to avoid it? You see, I had it at my fingertips. I had it in my bones. I could play in the dark. Had to sometimes. And the keys were like rooms. C major and D minor. Dark rooms and light rooms. Just like a mansion to me, music. Only it worried me, that playing came easier than praying. And I... I said this, which may have been an error.

    Alan Bennett: Said it to whom?

    Miss Shepherd: My confessor. He said that was another vent the devil could creep through. So, he outlawed the piano. Put paid to music generally. Said dividends would accrue in terms of growth of the spirit. Which they did. They did.

  • Miss Shepherd: Mr Bennett. These young men who leave in the small hours... *I know who they are.*

    Alan Bennett: [under his breath] Oh, Jesus.

    Miss Shepherd: They're *Communists*!

  • Alan Bennett: In future, I would prefer if you didn't use my lavatory. There are lavatories at the bottom of the High Street. Use those.

    Miss Shepherd: They smell. And I'm by nature a very clean person. I have a testimonial for a clean room, awarded me some years ago. And, do you know, my aunt, herself spotless, said I was the cleanest of all my mother's children, particularly in the unseen places.

  • Alan Bennett: [about harassment] They were louts, but if you choose to live like this, it's what you must expect.

    Miss Shepherd: I didn't choose. I was chosen.

    Alan Bennett: Well, that settles it.

    Miss Shepherd: You think?

  • Alan Bennett: I bought you these.

    Miss Shepherd: Flowers? What do I want with flowers? They... They only die. I've got enough on my plate without flowers.

  • Miss Shepherd: Why? Why did you just let me die? I'd like to go up into heaven. An ascension, possibly. A transfiguration.

    Alan Bennett: That's not really my kind of thing.

  • Fiona Perry: [Miss Shepherd is moving her van to another part of the street] On the move again? You didn't stay long.

    Miss Shepherd: No. Because it was non-stop music.

    Fiona Perry: Lucy's doing her O levels.

    Miss Shepherd: It's the noise levels I'm worried about.

Browse more character quotes from The Lady in the Van (2015)