Miss Piggy Quotes in The Muppets (2011)

Miss Poogy: Sorry, Miss Piggy. But you've been replaced... Permanently!

Miss Piggy: Oh, yeah?

Miss Poogy: Yeah!

Miss Piggy: I don't think so... sister!

Miss Poogy: Who are you calling 'sister', sister?

Miss Piggy: Oh, look! An omelette station.

Miss Poogy: Where?

Miss Piggy: HIYA! There's only room for one Miss Piggy. And that's moi.

Miss Poogy: Yeah? Well, you ain't seen the last of me. I'll be back.

Miss Piggy: Yesh, yeah, ever heard of mouthwash?

Miss Piggy: Kermit, we found a celebrity! Jack Black has graciously agreed to host the show for us.

Kermit the Frog: That's great! Where is he?

Miss Piggy: In the trunk.

Jack Black: [Inside car trunk] Get me out of here!

Swedish Chef: No masken?

Miss Piggy: No Masken.

Miss Piggy: I can't believe I fell for Muppet Man!

Miss Piggy's Receptionist: Miss Piggy?

Miss Piggy: [as she's eating a doughnut] What? Can't you see that I'm busy?

Miss Piggy: [gushing] Ooh, you mad, impetuous thing, it's champagne!

Insolent Waiter: Not exactly. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.

Miss Piggy: Kermie, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

Kermit: Uh... motorcycle cop.

Miss Piggy: "Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?

Kermit: A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

Kermit: [asks the waiter to taste the wine for him and Miss Piggy] Will you taste it for us, please?

Insolent Waiter: [tastes the wine, makes a face and spits it out] Ooh! Ah... Excellent - choice.

Kermit: [to Miss Piggy] Should be, for ninety-five cents.

Miss Piggy: [impressed] Ooooh!

[Professor Max Krassman has just put Kermit in the electronic beanie]

Miss Piggy: [desperate] Please! Please! Not my frog, please!

Max Krassman: Say goodbye to your frog, pig!

Miss Piggy: Why should I?

Max Krassman: Because in 10 seconds, he won't know *you* from kosher bacon.

Miss Piggy: [furious] That does it!

Miss Piggy: [as Beaker combs her hair, he comes across a tangle] Ow!

[turns around]

Miss Piggy: Watch it!

[Beaker beeps back hurriedly]

Kermit: Miss Piggy, you look beautiful!

Miss Piggy: Thank you!

Kermit: [aside] Hollywood talk.

Miss Piggy: Oh Kermie, you were so courageous, so magnificent!

Kermit: Gee, I don't know what to say.

Fozzie: Say the bear was magnificent. After all, I did the driving.

Gonzo: And I took a hundred-foot belly flop onto a moving car!

Miss Piggy: Yes, but Kermit assumed the awesome responsibility of command!

Kermit: Gee.

Fozzie: Oh, brother.

Dr. Teeth: It's the man with the badge, the PO-lice, the cops, the fuzz, the P-I-...

Miss Piggy: Don't you dare!

Dr. Teeth: I wouldn't think of it.

[Kermit and the Muppets arrive in Hollywood]

Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie, look, it's wonderful. Like a dream come true.

Kermit: Well, don't count your tadpoles until they've hatched, I still have to audition, you know.

Floyd Pepper: Hey, there ain't nothin' to it but to do it!

Lord's Secretary: [closes the door] And where do you think you're going?

Kermit: Oh, hi there. We're here to audition for Lew Lord.

Lord's Secretary: You just can't walk in here off the street you know, especially with all these animals.

Kermit: Animals? Wh-What's wrong with animals?

[Muppets mutter indignantly but indistinctly]

Lord's Secretary: This is a movie studio, not a zoo. Besides...

[sneezes]

Lord's Secretary: ...I'm allergic to animal hair. Now get along all of you.

Kermit: Now wait a second, miss. I may not be one of your fancy Hollywood frogs, but I deserve a chance, and we're going to stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord. Aren't we, gang?

[the Muppets shout "Yes" indistinctly]

Lord's Secretary: [on the phone] Security, Miss Tracey. I want to report a...

[the Muppets shake their fur, causing the secretary to sneeze convulsively until she finally opens the office door]

Kermit: [as he and the gang enter his office] Um, Mr. Lord, forgive the interruption, but I'm here to audition.

All Muppets: Yes! Yes!

Kermit: We've come over 2000 miles, and...

[Stops when Lew Lord turns around in his chair to face him, making him nervous now]

Kermit: Um... oh boy.

Miss Piggy: Kermie, we are all with you.

Kermit: Um, please sir, my name is Kermit the Frog, and we've read your ad, and, well, we've come to be rich and famous.

Lew Lord: [Has a brief staredown with Kermit, then into his intercom] Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'Rich and Famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and Company.

[They all look stunned for a moment, then all the rest of the Muppets start cheering and celebrating behind Kermit, who just looks on shocked and starry-eyed]

Insolent Waiter: Miss Piggy? Miss Piggy! Are you Miss Piggy?

Miss Piggy: Yes.

Insolent Waiter: Telephone.

Rowlf the Dog: It's the fuzz, the police, the man with the badge. The P - I...

Miss Piggy: Don't you dare!

Rowlf the Dog: Oh, I wouldn't think of it.

Walter: Do you guys think that Kermit's been acting a little weird lately?

Miss Piggy: That's ridiculous! He's never been so caring and devoted to me!

Rizzo: Yeah, that's what we are saying!

Jean Pierre Napoleon: [about to interrogate Miss Piggy] Alors, I think it's time for good cop, romantic cop!

[flips table to reveal a candlelit dinner]

Jean Pierre Napoleon: Miss Piggy, you could end up locked inside! / Now's your chance to save your hide!

Miss Piggy: Gentlemen, I did not know / it's a crime to steal the show.

Sam Eagle: Tell us how the art was taken!

Jean Pierre Napoleon: If you want to save your bacon!

Miss Piggy: I haven't seen your missing art / All I've stolen is audience's hearts.

Sam Eagle: We can give you a plea deal!

Jean Pierre Napoleon: All you have to do is squeal!

Miss Piggy: I'm not a thief, I don't know how / All I've ever taken is a bow!

Jean Pierre Napoleon: We'll catch the swine that did this job!

Miss Piggy: Give up the pig puns, creep! Go jump in a lake, that's my suggestion!

Jean Pierre Napoleon, Sam Eagle: Thank you, Piggy, no more questions!

Jean Pierre Napoleon: [to Sam] I think she likes me.

Miss Piggy: Ich bin ein berliner.

Floyd Pepper: More like "Ein frankfurter".

Miss Piggy: You may be the world's most dangerous frog, but you're still a FROG!

[beats up Constantine]

Miss Piggy: [in between punches] NO - ONE - TRICKS - ME - INTO - MARRYING - THEM - AND - THEN - HURTS - MY - KERMIE!

Constantine: [dazed] What a woman...

Kermit: Yeah, MY woman! And I believe this belongs to you!

[smacks Constantine with his mole]

Kermit: Piggy, I'm sorry I ruined your wedding...

Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie... I'm so glad you did.

[they kiss]

[first lines]

Film Crew: And cut!

Walter: Wow, that was so amazing!

Kermit: Walter, you did a wonderful job.

Walter: Thank you, Kermit. Did we get that?

Miss Piggy: We got it.

Kermit: We got it, yup.

Film Crew: [speaks into bullhorn] Movie's over, people, go home. That is a wrap.

Scooter: Okay, nice work, everyone. Make sure to fill out your I-9's, and we'll see you on the next one.

Scooter: [crew leaves the set] So uh, what do we do now?

Fozzie Bear: Well, we're together again. We got the theater and all our fans are back.

Rowlf the Dog: Actually, those were extras.

Fozzie Bear: I saw a few tapping their toes.

Scooter: Yeah, those were paid dancers.

Fozzie Bear: Oh.

Miss Piggy: Or, maybe since we're all here, now could be the perfect time for you and me to tie the knot, Kermie.

Kermit: [stammering] Well... I mean, maybe I could-...

Walter: Hey, what's the camera still doing here?

Statler: Oh no, disaster! That can only mean one thing!

Waldorf: Doggone it, you're right.

Statler: Mm-hmm.

Waldorf: It looks like they've ordered a sequel.

Statler, Waldorf: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Baby Kermit: [Muppet Babies, singing] She's gonna be a movie star. And she's gonna learn to drive a car; she's gonna be a vet'rinarian, too.

[to Kermit]

Miss Piggy: And I'm gonna always love you-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

Fozzie Bear: Well, she's gonna be a singer, whoa-whoa-whoa!

Scooter: And she's gonna learn to fly a plane!

Rowlf: She'll be a doctor of diseases and help you with your sneezes...

Gonzo: ...and practice neurosurgery on your brain!

Kermit the Frog: [whispering] Piggy, I thought Gonzo was gonna play the minister.

Miss Piggy: [laughs]

The Minister: [singing] Do you, Piggy, take this frog to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you?

Miss Piggy: [singing] I do.

The Minister: [singing] Do you, Froggie, take this pig to be your lawful wedded wife until you die?

Kermit the Frog: [hesitantly singing] Well... I...

The Minister: [singing] Do you?

Kermit the Frog: [as everyone else listens intently for his decision; still singing] Well... I do.

The Minister: [singing] Then because you share a love so big, I now pronounce you Frog and Pig.

Roller Skater: Can I get my skates back please?

Kermit the Frog: Hey, hey just a second. How did you know about that "toupe"?

Miss Piggy: None of your beeswax!

Kermit the Frog: Hey have you been spying on me?

Roller Skater: I'll unlace them, while you fight. It's no trouble.

Kermit the Frog: Piggy! Have you been spying on me?

Miss Piggy: Maybe spying on vous and that certain young girl of the opposite gender.

Roller Skater: You two-timing her?

Kermit the Frog: No that's just Jenny. She's a friend. She's a friend and she's been trying to help me sell the show.

Miss Piggy: Ha!

Roller Skater: [to Piggy] He's gotta sell the show.

[to Kermit]

Roller Skater: What show?

Miss Piggy: Well if she is just a friend then what about the... the huggies?

Kermit the Frog: What?

Roller Skater: [shocked] The Huggies! You gave Jenny the huggies?

Miss Piggy: You know maybe, maybe Kermit, maybe it would have been better if we had never have met. Then, then you and Jenny would not be tormented by my presence.

[sobbing]

Kermit the Frog: Oh gee.

Roller Skater: See what the huggies'll getcha?

[Kermit, suffering from amnesia, doesn't remember he is engaged to Miss Piggy]

Kermit the Frog: Me? In love with a pig? Wait 'til I tell the guys in marketing.

[laughing]

Kermit the Frog: Maybe you expected me to go HOG-wild? Perhaps you could bring home the BACON! Ahhh... the sounds of love: su-EEEEE! Oink, oink!

Miss Piggy: Cancel the show! Hi-yah!

[Karate chops Kermit]

Miss Piggy: I spy because I care!

Kermit the Frog: Well I care, too!

Miss Piggy: Well, *why* don't you say so?

Kermit the Frog: I JUST DID!

Miss Piggy: ALL RIGHT!

[They start screaming, then try to catch their breath]

Roller Skater: Keep the skates. Keep the skates. I don't use 'em anyway; I just like to run around in shorts.

[Gonzo uses mouth-to-mouth resuicitation on his chicken]

Miss Piggy: Gonzo, is Camilla all right?

Gonzo: Yeah, but I think we're engaged!

Miss Piggy: Oh, dear Lord! Not jogging!

Miss Piggy: [to Nicky] You! It was you! Kermit was right! You're a phony. You're a phony! Yes, you are! And you know what, you can't even sing! Your voice was dubbed!

Miss Piggy: [Lady Holiday has just given Miss Piggy the entire backstory for the movie] Why are you telling me all this?

Lady Holiday: It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.

Nicky Holiday: Miss Piggy... You're a very different looking woman. I'm so tired of the same type, those tall thin creatures with the long legs, the aquiline noses, the teeth like pearls, soft skin...

Miss Piggy: Yeah, well, I can see where that might make you sick to your stomach.

Prison Guard: Miss Piggy.

Miss Piggy: What?

Prison Guard: Your lawyer is here to see you.

Miss Piggy: Lawyer? I don't have a lawyer.

Prison Guard: Och, sure you do. Little green guy.

Miss Piggy: [short intake of breath] Kermie. Oh. No wonder he hasn't come by to see me. He had to finish law school.

Lady Holiday: Carla, the neckline on that gown is too high, don't you think?

Carla: I rather like the effect.

Lady Holiday: You like looking like an ostrich?

Carla: [miffed] Of course not, Lady Holiday.

Lady Holiday: And Marla. Too many frills and furbelows, I don't think we should strive for the fan-tailed pigeon look, do you? And you, Darla, that outfit's the pits. Loose where it should be tight and tight where it should be loose, like the folds on a turkey's neck. Why would I design such atrocious looking clothes?

[sitting down with a heavy sigh]

Lady Holiday: I *must* be getting senile.

[she presses a button on her desk]

Voice over intercom: Yes, Lady Holiday?

Lady Holiday: We have to make drastic changes in the new line before the show tomorrow, all my girls are going around looking like barnyard animals.

Miss Piggy: Ahem!

Lady Holiday: Good heavens, who are you?

Miss Piggy: My name is Miss Piggy, and I would like to be a high-fashion model!

Lady Holiday: Doesn't surprise me. Seems to be the way we're headed.

Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermy! Oh, I've missed you so!

Kermit: [stiffly] Please, the name is Rosenthal.

[lowers voice]

Kermit: I'm your attorney, that's the only way they'd let me in here.

Miss Piggy: Oh, right! Oh, I've missed you so... Rosenthal. It's been an eternity.

Kermit: [puzzled] It's been forty-five minutes.

Miss Piggy: Time goes slow in the cooler.

Miss Piggy: [at the supper club] Well, what a delightful menu!

[Kermit looks at the menu and gasps]

Miss Piggy: What?

Kermit: [nervously] Oh, hah, nothing, it's just sort of amusing that the roast beef is the same price as an Oldsmobile.

Kermit: Piggy? Piggy, you're overacting.

Miss Piggy: What?

Kermit: You're overacting. You're hamming it up!

Miss Piggy: I am not! I am trying to save this movie.

Kermit: Yeah, well save your performance instead!

Miss Piggy: Well, as you can see from this small sampling, modeling is my life. It is my destiny, I shall accept nothing less.

Lady Holiday: I can offer you a job as a receptionist.

Miss Piggy: [jumping up and down and shouting] AAAAAAAHHHHH! I'll take it! I'll take it! Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, you won't be sorry, I promise. I can type, I can take shorthand, I can make coffee, I can do it all!

Lady Holiday: Sit.

[Miss Piggy immediately sits down and calms herself]

Miss Piggy: I can sit. I'm very good at sitting.

[Piggy's truck runs out of gas]

Miss Piggy: What am I? A glutton for punishment?

Miss Piggy: [about Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem's playing] They don't have to play this loud.

Kermit: That's okay, they don't mind.

Miss Piggy: [rides on a motorcycle] I'm coming, Kermie!

[the police chase her as the sirens get her attention]

Miss Piggy: [to the audience] Well, you wanted excitement.

Miss Piggy: Adios, mon cherie.

Gonzo: Rizzo?

Rizzo: Gonzo?

Miss Piggy: Kermy?

Kermit: Piggy?

TV Producer: What is going on here?

Agent Barker: Black belt, third degree.

Miss Piggy: Platinum belt, with an unlimited line of credit.

Kermit: He's one of us. And no matter what happens, no matter what obstacles we face, we NEVER forget one of our own.

Miss Piggy: I love it when you take charge.

Fozzie Bear: Hey! We left Bunsen and Beaker back at the gas station.

Kermit: Okay... Well, uh, from THIS point on , no matter what happens, we never forget one of our own.

Kermit: [after the 'Door in a Jar' forms but the door is too small] Gee, that's disappointing.

Miss Piggy: Perfect. Somebody knock and see if Barbie's home.

Miss Piggy: Quick, somebody knock and see if Barbie's home!

Miss Piggy: We're going to pause here and we'll be right back with Gonzo, the Geek Who Fell to Earth.

Agent Barker: How about this story? It's about a big, bad wolf and a little pig.

Miss Piggy: Um, that's three pigs, okay?

Agent Barker: Not in this version.

Miss Piggy: Oh! A real story. Intrigue! Danger! New outfits! And it's mine, mine, mine, all mine, a ha ha ha ha... (to camera) Oh, come on, please, you think Ted Koppel never gets excited?

Miss Piggy: I've got great news! Gonzo has been kidnapped by the government and it could be a life-threatening situation!

Kermit: How can that be great news?

Miss Piggy: Because, I've got a story, I've got a story! Oh! I need to change! Something that says journalistic integrity.

Miss Piggy: Hello! What's a nice man like *you* doing in a guardhouse like *this*?

Miss Piggy: Midnight. The lone alien stands before a naked sky. The mood is tense. My hair looks *great.*

Gonzo: People of Earth, do not be alarmed!

Miss Piggy: Oh brother.

Miss Piggy: Hello little people. What an absolutely splendid day.

Miss Piggy: What are you doing here?

Gonzo: I'm making contact. What are you doing?

Vomiting Veronica: [to her husband about going to India with Charles] Charles was vile. He insisted on cracking jokes all the time I was ill.

Charles: I was only trying to cheer you up, V.

Naughty Nicki: Oh, you're that Veronica!

Vomiting Veronica: Which Veronica? Charlie?

Charles: [trying to change the subject] Remember Bombay?

Naughty Nicki: When Charles and I were going out, he told me he had this interesting journey around India with Vomiting Veronica

[smiles]

Naughty Nicki: I think that was it.

Charles: [Embarrassed] I don't remember - maybe I did.

Mocking Martha: Oh, come on Charles! I don't think I've ever been out with anyone less discreet. I remember you going on about this one girl - Helena wasn't it... whose mother made a pass at you...

Vomiting Veronica: I remember this! You couldn't work it out whether or not it'd be impolite not to accept her advances!

Naughty Nicki: Helena was Ms. Piggy! So her mother was Mrs. Piggy!

[all laugh]

Miss Piggy: [who's been with them the whole time] We've both lost a lot of weight since then!

Ebenezer Scrooge: Bob Cratchit, I've had my fill of this.

Miss Piggy: And I have had my fill of you, Mr. Scrooge.

Ebenezer Scrooge: And therefore, Bob Cratchit...

Miss Piggy: And therefore, you can leave this house at once.

Ebenezer Scrooge: And therefore, I'm about to raise your salary!

Miss Piggy: Ooh, and I am about to raise you right off the pavement...! Pardon?

Kermit the Frog: Pardon?