Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez Quotes in To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)

Noxeema Jackson: When a straight man puts on a dress and gets his sexual kicks, he is a transvestite. When a man is a woman trapped in a man's body and has a little operation he is a Transsexual.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: I know that.

Noxeema Jackson: When a gay man has way too much fashion sense for one gender he is a drag queen.

Vida Boheme: Thank you.

Noxeema Jackson: And when a tired little Latin boy puts on a dress, he is simply a boy in a dress!

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: I didn't ask to come on this trip, did I? No, I don't think so! Did I ask you to be making me over and jump all kinds of hoops like some circus poodle? No, I don't think so! Do I want to go to jail because of some cop killer? No, I don't think so! So as soon as we get to the next town I am jumping on the first man and riding him all the way to New York City and away from you two puckered up, stuck up putas 'cause this trip sucks! It sucks!

Vida Boheme: After all we've done to include you, you would leave us so quickly?

Noxeema Jackson: That might be all fine and dandy but still have a lot more to learn before you become a full fledged Queen, my dear.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Can't I just stay a princess they're so much younger than Queens

[laughs]

Noxeema Jackson: Does everything have to be a joke with you, this is not a masquerade! This is real life! There are steps to becoming a Queen.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: I'm sorry. How many?

Noxeema Jackson: Four! There are four steps to becoming a Drag Queen.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Don't be stingy tell me what are they!

Vida Boheme: Patience mon cheri. You will know when you've done them. Noxeema our Dutchess of Protocol will inform you.

Noxeema Jackson: [laughs sarcastically] That's right just sit back. Auntie Vida's gonna make you a big ol'queen don't you worry.

Noxeema Jackson: Little latin boy in drag, why are you crying?

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: It's just cause the two of you are so pretty, you know. You're so pretty.

Vida Boheme: Yes, of course we're pretty, but why are you crying?

Noxeema Jackson: Maybe she just found out Menudo broke up.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: How do I look?

Noxeema Jackson: Like the Miami Sound Machine just exploded all over you!

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: [as Vida beats up Virgil] There's something you need to know about Vida... She...

Noxeema Jackson: [quickly] Vida works out. Yeah, Vida works out.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: A lot!

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: I'm the Latina Marilyn Monroe. I've got more legs than a bucket of chicken!

Vida Boheme: Now she's gonna get herself kidnapped by some mountain man and we will have to rescue her.

Bobby Lee: Are you serious about Bobby Ray, Miss Chi-Chi?

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Baby, you can have him. I've got a million dream lovers, alright. I've got a broken heart for every light on Broadway. And when one of them goes out, I just screw in another one, okay, hello good-bye.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: I'm a princess. "P" to the "R" to the "N" to the "cess". I'm a princess. Latin mystery, dark and sister-y. Princess Chi-Chi.

Vida Boheme: [after Chi-Chi gets upset about being called a Boy in a dress] You have the potential of a lifetime and you are squandering it.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: So what do you care?

Vida Boheme: Yes you will start off a mere boy in a dress, but by the time we are done with this crusade your Auntie Vida and your Auntie Noxee will give you the outrageous outlook and indomitable spirit that it will take to make you a full-fledged Drag Queen.

Vida Boheme: So now, I want you to turn your swayback little self around on those Robert Clergerie Knockoffs and get back in this car.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Maybe I'm not just a boy in a dress.

Vida Boheme: All right you are... a Drag Princess.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: [to Vida] Go on Vida and talk to him, you speak honky!

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: I think maybe he's prejudice-said.

Noxeema Jackson: I'll bet you were the brightest in your class, weren't you?

Carol Ann: This is the presidential suite.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Must've been one of those bad presidents.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: ¡Ay, nenita! Look! Look at this! Look what I found!

Noxeema Jackson: Golly, golly, golly.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: The seats are like butter.

Noxeema Jackson: Now this is a car.

Vida Boheme: A car? Mary Alice Louise, no. This is a land yacht.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: You know, I used to know a lawyer guy who had a car just like this, and I said right then and there I was gonna have one for myself. Vida, can we have this?

Noxeema Jackson: But we daren't.

Noxeema Jackson: This America does not respond kindly to our sort of person.

Vida Boheme: [sees a picture of Julie Newmar in the reflection of her compact mirror] Oh! No one say anything frivolous for the next few moments. I am having a significant experience.

Noxeema Jackson: [waves her finger in a twirling motion] Whoopy!

Vida Boheme: Look, Miss Julie Newmar has been watching silently over this entire conversation. And look at her, vintage Miss Julie. She is the perfect, the ultimate... oh! Try to describe her and not use the word "statuesque". Oh, Miss Julie, you are statuesque and you were the only Catwoman. Oh, read it please.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: "To Wong Foo, Thanks for everything, Julie Newmar." Who was Wong Foo?

Vida Boheme: I don't know but evidently they were close.

Noxeema Jackson: I've had enough of this conversation, I'm hungry.

Vida Boheme: We must take this message from Miss Newmar with us across the land as our sovereign token.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Let's just relax. It's gonna be alright.

Noxeema Jackson: I wish I was back in the club car, now we're driving across America.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Get with the program mijas, no one is so rich as to throw away a friend.

Noxeema Jackson: Why do I feel like I'm in the Tournament of Roses Parade?

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Because you're as big as a float.

Noxeema Jackson: Your mother.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Thank you.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: You know what Vida, you're not a queen because you rule people or you sat on a throne, baby. You're a queen because you couldn't cut it as a man so you had to put on a dress, that's why.

Vida Boheme: [gets up] What did you say?

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: [putting on lotion] You heard me.

Vida Boheme: [walks toward Chi-Chi] I've had quite enough...

[wig catches on hanging decorations and falls off]

Vida Boheme: Maps are for cheating.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Don't do that! Don't do that! What are you doing?

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Vida, how come you never told us you were rich, mama?

Vida Boheme: I'm not rich, my parents are.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: I'm a loser, I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate everything!

Vida Boheme: Oh no! No You're a winner, why you look like! You are a winner!

Bobby Ray: Don't cry, Miss Chi-Chi, please don't cry... Miss Chi-Chi, if you were my girl, you'd never cry for anything, except... maybe... for happiness.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: You said a mouthful

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Lets throw you two a pity party. Two fraidy ol' ladies. You gotta live live before it lives you, you stupid... You gonna be second class you gonna be second rate your whole life.

Crazy Elijah: Please, it's a wreck, ladies. Be careful with the... It'll never get you to California!

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: It's the look!

Vida Boheme: Now, Noxee, how could you possibly refuse?

Merna: Vaya con dios, Miss Chi-Chi.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: You ruin my language and I still love you.

Loretta: These all grow wild around here.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: You all grow wild around here. This reminds me of the story of Princess Laritza in 'Revenge of the Wench'. Seem everyone was giving her flowers because they thought she was dead, right? But she had taken this magical concoction...

Loretta: Well, anyway, bye-bye.

Merna: Bye.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Bye.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Maybe if somebody gave me back my "Princess" points, I would do the hitchhiking thing and get us a ride.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Maybe if somebody gave me back my "Princess Points", I would do the hitchhiking thing and get us a ride.

Noxeema Jackson: How you gonna hitchhike, huh?, if there are no cars, stupid?

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Well, you don't know me very well, do you, Creepella. I'm the Latina Marilyn Monroe. I got more legs than a bucket of chicken.

Vida Boheme: Now, she's going to get herself kidnapped by some wild mountain main and WE will have to rescue her.

Noxeema Jackson: Why she always gotta have the last word, huh?

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: [to the roughnecks] If I was your bread, would you be my butter?

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: [to Vida] Uh uh I'm not sleeping with the Wicked Witch of the West's toenails in my face and your Godzilla breath on me, no way!

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: [to Vida and Noxeema] Mamies! Don't quote me but I think this one is decease-ed.

Bobby Lee: Thanks.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: I gotta go. I got cramps.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Well, you don't know me very well, do you, Creepella? I'm the Latina Marilyn Monroe. I got more legs than a bucket of chicken.

Carol Ann: This is the presidential suite.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Must've been one of those bad presidents.

Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez: Live life before it lives you.