Miracle Max Quotes in The Princess Bride (1987)

Miracle Max: Beat it or I'll call the Brute Squad.

Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.

Miracle Max: [sees Fezzik] You ARE the Brute Squad!

Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle.

Valerie: Think it'll work?

Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.

Miracle Max: [Lifts and drops the arm of the dead Westley] I've seen worse.

Miracle Max: He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.

Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.

Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.

Inigo Montoya: What's that?

Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Miracle Max: You got any money?

Inigo Montoya: Sixty-five.

Miracle Max: I've never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.

Inigo Montoya: This is noble, sir. His wife is... crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation.

Miracle Max: Are you a rotten liar!

Inigo Montoya: I need him to help avenge my father, murdered these twenty years.

Miracle Max: Your first story was better.

Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Miracle Max: Get back, witch.

Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.

Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?

Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed.

Inigo Montoya: But this is Buttercup's true love - If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding.

Miracle Max: Wait. Wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?

Inigo Montoya: Humiliations galore!

Miracle Max: That is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job.

Miracle Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world - except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe

[smacks his lips]

Miracle Max: They're so perky, I love that.

Valerie: Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence has been shattered.

Miracle Max: Why'd you say that name? You promised me you would never say that name!

Valerie: What, Humperdinck?

Miracle Max: Aahaahh!

Valerie: Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck!

Miracle Max: I'm not listening!

Miracle Max: Get back witch!

Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!

Miracle Max: I'd rather eat lint!