Minstrel Quotes in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Minstrel: [singing] He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin His head smashed in and his heart cut out And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged And his nostrils raped and his bottom burnt off And his penis...

Sir Robin: That's enough music for now, lads.

Minstrel: [singing] Brave Sir Robin ran away...

Sir Robin: No!

Minstrel: [singing] bravely ran away away...

Sir Robin: I didn't!

Minstrel: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.

Sir Robin: I never did!

Minstrel: [singing] Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out.

Sir Robin: Oh, you liars!

Minstrel: [singing] Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Sir Robin.

Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis...

Sir Robin: That's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.

Minstrel: [singing] He is packing it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering off And chickening out and pissing off home, Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.

Left Head: Halt! Who art thou?

Minstrel: [sings] He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin, who...

Sir Robin: Shut up! Nobody really, just passing through.

Left Head: What do you want?

Minstrel: [sings] To fight and...

Sir Robin: Shut up! Uh, n-n-nothing, really. J-j-just passing, uhm, just passing through.

[first lines]

Minstrel: A legend is sung, of when England was young, and knights were brave and bold. The good king had died, and no one could decide who was rightful heir to the throne. It seemed that the land would be torn by war, or saved by a miracle alone. And that miracle appeared in London town: The Sword in the Stone.

Mark Chester: Maybe we oughtn't have a fire if there's Indians around.

Minstrel: With the moon as high, it won't make no difference. Anyhow, injuns don't need to see. They got an uncanny ear for hearing. They can hear a shadow moving over peace fuzz... a goose bump rising on a white man.

Mark Chester: What do them savages know about God? What kind of religion does an Indian got?

Sen. Blakely: Well, among other things, the religion of taking only from the land which is necessary for his survival. The Indian takes his food from the small end of the Horn of Plenty. The white man spills his from the large end and leaves it to rot upon the ground.

Minstrel: Just like a politician spilling words out of the big end. Senator, your Horn of Plenty is the same at both ends... no small end; none at all.