Milo Quotes in Pompeii (2014)

[last lines]

Milo: [to Cassia as lava approaches] Don't look. Look at me. Just me.

Atticus: What is your name? We will have to speak at some point.

Milo: No, we don't. What we have to do is kill each other at some point. So my name's my own, I have no interest in learning yours.

Cassia: You could ride before you were a gladiator?

Milo: I could ride before I could walk.

Milo: Why did you save my life?

Atticus: No gladiator should die from a blade to the back. When you die it should be to the front and it will come from my hand.

Milo: Well, I can make you a better promise: When you die, it will be quick and it will come from my hand.

Cassia: If you ride, you have a chance at freedom.

Milo: But at what cost to you?

Atticus: It is the gods. They have a plan for us all.

Milo: Perhaps. I saw the man who killed my family. Perhaps the gods spared me for a reason.

Milo: This isn't a battle. This is a massacre.

Atticus: How do you know?

Milo: Because I was there.

Milo: [as he leaves Corvus to burn] My gods are coming for you

Milo: You trust them to keep their word?

Atticus: I trust the law.

Milo: Will you look at the size of this? It's gotta be half a mile high, at least. It-It must have taken hundred- No, thousands of years to carve this thing.

[Vinny blows it up, and it falls down over a chasm]

Vinny: Hey, look, I made a bridge. It only took me like, what? Ten seconds? Eleven, tops.

Mole: You have disturbed the dirt!

Milo: Uh, pardon me?

Mole: You have disturbed the dirt! Dirt from around the globe spanning the centuries!

[pulls the covers of Milo's bed, exposing clumps of dirt with little flags]

Mole: What have you done? England must never merge with France!

Milo: What's it doing in my bed?

Mole: You ask too many questions! Who are you? Who sent you? Speak up!

Milo: Me? I'm, uh...

Mole: Bah! I will know soon enough.

[grabs Milo's hand]

Milo: Hey, hey, hey! Let go!

Mole: Do not be such a crybaby. Hold still.

[takes a bit of dirt from under one of Milo's fingernails]

Mole: Aha! There you are. Now tell me your story, my little friend.

[looks at dirt under magnifying lenses]

Mole: Parchment fiber from the Nile Delta circa 500 B.C., lead pencil No. 2, paint flecks of a type used in government buildings, you have a cat, short hair Persian, two years old, third in a liter of seven. These are all the microscopic fingerprints of the mapmaker.

[tastes dirt]

Mole: And linguist.

Milo: What's Mole's story?

Dr. Sweet: Trust me on this one. You don't wanna know. Audrey, don't tell him. You shouldn't have told me, but you did. And now I'm tellin' you...

[points at Milo]

Dr. Sweet: You don't wanna know.

Milo: Oh, my decision? Well, I-I think we've seen how effective my decisions have been. Let's re-cap. I lead a band of plundering vandals to the greatest archaeological find in recorded history, thus enabling the kidnap and/or murder of the royal family, not to mention personally delivering the most powerful force known to man into the hands of a mercenary nutcase who's probably gonna sell it to the Kaiser! Have I left anything out?

Dr. Sweet: Well, you did set the camp on fire and drop us down that big hole.

Milo: Thank you! Thank you very much.

Milo: Excuse me, you dropped your dy-dy-dy-dynamite!

[nervous laugh]

Milo: What else have you, uh, got in there?

Vinny: Oh, er... gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and... paper clips, big ones. You know, just, uh, office supplies.

Milo: Forget your jammies, Mrs. Packard?

Wilhelmina: I sleep in the nude.

[Sweet throws a sleep mask to Milo]

Dr. Sweet: You're gonna want a pair of these. She sleepwalks.

Dr. Sweet: Of course, it's been my experience, when you hit bottom, the only place left to go is up.

Milo: Who told you that?

Dr. Sweet: A fellow by the name of Thaddeus Thatch.

Milo: Say, Audrey. No-no offense, but how did a teenager become the chief mechanic of a multi-million dollar expedition?

Audrey: I took this job when my dad retired. But, the funny thing was, he always wanted sons, right? One to run his machine shop, another to be middleweight boxing champion. But, he got my sister and me, instead.

Milo: So, what... what happened to your sister?

Audrey: She's 24 and 0, with a shot at the title next month.

Vinny: You didn't just drink that, did you?

Milo: Mm-hmm.

Vinny: That's not good! That's nitroglycerin.

[Thatch gasps]

Vinny: Don't move, eh, don't breathe, don't do anything. Except pray, maybe...

Mole: [jumps up behind Milo, scaring him] BOOM!

[Vinny and The Mole laugh]

[Rourke is driving off with the crystalized Kida]

Milo: We can't let him do this!

Vinny: [holds Milo back] Wait a second.

[after crossing the bridge, Rourke pushes a detonator and the bridge is blown up]

Vinny: Okay, now you can go.

Milo: This is an illustration of the Leviathan, the creature guarding the entrance to Atlantis.

Vinny: With something like that I would have white wine, I think.

Milo: [after being seasick] Carrots? Why is it always carrots? I didn't even eat carrots!

Princess Kida: Cookies are sweet, but yours is not. Sweet is kindly, but that is not his name. Audrey is sweet, but she is not your doctor. And the little digging animal called Mole, he is your pet?

Milo: Close enough.

Milo: I'll have to quit my job.

Preston B. Whitmore: It's done. You resigned this afternoon.

Milo: I did?

Preston B. Whitmore: Yep. Don't like to leave loose ends.

Milo: Oh, my apartment. I-I'm gonna have to give a notice.

Preston B. Whitmore: Taken care of.

Milo: My clothes?

Preston B. Whitmore: Packed.

Milo: My books?

Preston B. Whitmore: In storage.

Milo: My cat?

[Milo's cat appears on his shoulder]

Milo: My gosh.

Milo: I know, why don't you translate, and I'll wave the gun around!

Milo: I'm home. Fluffy? Here, kitty.

Helga: Milo James Thatch?

Milo: Who, who are you? H-How did you get in here?

Helga: I came down the chimney, ho ho ho.

Milo: [to himself] Okay, Milo, don't take no for an answer. "Look, I have some questions for you, and I'm not leaving this city until they're answered!" Yeah, th-that's it. That's good. That's good.

[Princess Kida appears and grabs Milo from behind]

Princess Kida: I have some questions for you, and you are not leaving this city until they are answered!

Milo: [after speaking Atlantean] How was my accent?

Princess Kida: Boorish, provincial, and you speak it through your nose.

Milo: Alright, Milo, this is it. Any last words? Yeah, I really wish I had a better idea than this.

Milo: You don't know what you're tampering with, Rourke.

Commander Rourke: What's to know? It's big, it's shiny, it's gonna make us all rich.

Milo: You think it's some kind of diamond. I thought it was some kind of a battery. But we're both wrong. It's their life force. That crystal is the only thing keeping these people alive. You take that away, and they'll die.

Commander Rourke: Well, that changes things. Helga, what do you think?

Helga: Knowing that, I'd double the price.

Commander Rourke: I was thinking triple.

Dr. Sweet: What, something wrong with your neck?

Milo: Oh, yeah. I must've hurt it when...

[Dr. Sweet adjusts Milo's neck]

Milo: Aah! Ow!

Dr. Sweet: Better?

Milo: Yeah! Hey, how did you learn to do that?

Dr. Sweet: An Arapaho medicine man.

Milo: Get outta here.

Dr. Sweet: Born and raised with 'em. My father was an army medic. He settled down in the Kansas Territory after he met my mother.

Milo: No kidding.

Dr. Sweet: Nope. I got a sheepskin from Howard U., and a bearskin from old Iron Cloud. Halfway through medical school, I was drafted. One day I'm studying gross anatomy in the classroom, the next I'm sewing up rough riders on San Juan Hill.

Milo: Okay. Here's the plan. We're gonna come in low and fast and take 'em by surprise.

Audrey: Well, I've got news for you, Milo. Rourke is never surprised and he's got a lot of guns.

Milo: Great. Well, do you have any suggestions?

Vinny: Yeah. Don't get shot!

Dr. Sweet: I'm gonna need you to fill these up.

[taking out very large measuring containers]

Milo: [spits out thermometer] With what?

Milo: [Ducking under high powered ammunition and missiles Rourke fires at them] Holy SMOKES! I thought you said he only had guns!

Audrey: What I said was that he's never surprised!

Milo: It's a mythical sea serpent. He's described in the Book of Job. The- The Bible says... "Out of his mouth go burning lights... sparks of fire shoot out." But more likely it's a carving or, a sculpture to frighten the superstitious.

Princess Kida: You do swim, do you not?

Milo: Oh, I swim pretty girl... Pr-Pretty *good*, pretty good. Sw... Good. Swim good. Pretty good. I swim pretty good.

Audrey: Hey, Milo. Don't you ever close that book?

Dr. Sweet: Yeah, you must've read it a dozen times by now

Milo: I know, but this... this doesn't make any sense. See, in this passage here, the shepherd seems to be leading up to something. He calls it the Heart of Atlantis. It could be the power source the legends refer to. But then it just... it cuts off. It's almost like there's a missing page.

Vinny: Kid, relax. We don't get paid overtime.

Milo: I know, I know. Sometimes I get a little carried away. But, hey, you know, that's what this is all about, right? I mean, discovery, teamwork, adventure. Unless, maybe, you're just in it for the money.

Audrey: Money.

Wilhelmina: Money.

Dr. Sweet: Money.

Mole: Money.

Vinny: I'm gonna say... money.

Milo: Well, I guess I set myself up for that one.

Milo: By the way, we were never properly introduced. My name's Milo.

Princess Kida: My name is Kidagakash.

Milo: Ki-ki-kidamaschnaga... Uh, hey, you got a nickname?

Princess Kida: Kida.

Milo: Okay, Kida. I can remember that.

Milo: How 'bout some slides? Th-the first slide is a depiction of a creature, a creature so frightening that sailors were said to be driven mad by the mere sight of it.

[Slide shows Milo at the beach; all laugh]

Wilhelmina: Hubba, hubba.

Milo: Uh, sorry, that's... wrong.

Princess Kida: [in Atlantean] All will be well, Milo Thatch. Be not afraid.

Commander Rourke: What did she say?

Milo: I... I don't know, I didn't catch it.

Audrey: Where are you going?

Milo: I'm going after Rourke.

Audrey: Milo, that's crazy!

Milo: I didn't say it was the smart thing, but it is the right thing.

Dr. Sweet: Milo Thatch. You're my three o'clock. Well, no time like the present.

[pulls out a huge saw]

Milo: Oh boy!

Dr. Sweet: Nice, isn't it? The catalog says that this little beauty can saw through a femur in twenty-eight seconds. I'm bettin' I can cut that time in half.

Milo: [panicking, speaking with increasing speed] It's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink; it's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink!

Preston B. Whitmore: Atlantis is waiting

[Holds Milo's coat towards Milo]

Preston B. Whitmore: What do you say?

Milo: [Grabbing his coat fiercely] I'M Your Man Mr Whitmore!

[He puts his coat on the wrong side]

Milo: You will not regret this why I'm so excited I can't even hold it in.

[Milo is seasick over the side of a ship]

Milo: So, I guess this is how it ends, huh? Fine, you win. You're wiping out an entire civilization, but, hey, you'll be rich. Congratulations, Audrey. Guess you and your dad'll be able to open that second garage after all. And, Vinny, you-you can start a whole chain of flower shops. I'm sure your family's gonna be very proud. But that's what it's all about, right? Money.

Commander Rourke: Get off your soapbox, Thatch. You've read Darwin. It's called natural selection. We're just helping it along.

Commander Rourke: So we find this masterpiece. Then what?

Mole: When do we dig?

Milo: Actually, we don't have to dig. You see, according to the journal, the path to Atlantis will take us down a tunnel at the bottom of the ocean and will come up a curve into an air pocket, right here, where we'll find the remnants of an ancient highway that will lead us to Atlantis. Kind of like the grease trap in your sink.

Helga: Cartographer, linguist, plumber. Hard to believe he's still single.

Mole: You said there would be digging.

Helga: Go away, Mole.

Commander Rourke: Are you sure you're checked out on this class of vehicle?

Milo: Uhm...

Commander Rourke: Can you drive a truck?

Milo: 'Course I can drive a truck. Sure, you got your steering and your gas and your brake and, of course, this metal, uh, looking... thing. Okay, so it was a bumper car at Coney Island, but it's the same basic principle.

Milo: [after Kida speaks to them in Atlantean, replying in halting Atlantean] I... travel... friend.

Princess Kida: [In Atlantean] You... travel, you are a friendly traveler.

Milo: Ita, sum amice viator.

Princess Kida: Dices linguam Romae.

Milo: Parlez-vous francais?

Princess Kida: Oui, monsieur.

Mole: They speak my language! Pardon, mademoiselle, ah, voulez-vous...

[He whispers in Kida's ear and she punches him]

Dr. Sweet: Ooh, I like her.

Audrey: Hmm. 'Bout time someone hit him. I'm just sorry it wasn't me.

Atlanteans: Buenos dias. Ciao. Guten tag. Konnichiwa. Namaste. Ni hao.

Audrey: How do they know all these languages?

Milo: Their language must be based on a root dialect. It's just like the Tower of Babel.

Commander Rourke: Well, maybe English is in there somewhere. We are explorers from the surface world. We come in peace.

Princess Kida: Welcome to the city of Atlantis.

Milo: You think you're so fuckin' cool, don't you? You think you're so fuckin' cool. Well just once, I would like to hear you scream, in pain.

Joe Hallenbeck: Play some rap music.

Milo: Can we do a formal introduction here?

Joe Hallenbeck: Who gives a fuck? You're the bad guy, right?

Milo: I am the bad guy.

Joe Hallenbeck: And I'm supposed to be trembling with fear, something like that?

Milo: Something like that.

Joe Hallenbeck: Fine. I'll start trembling in a minute.

McCoskey: Good morning, gentlemen. Is there a problem?

Milo: Yes, officer. As a matter of fact there is a problem. Apparently there are too many bullets in this gun.

[uses the gun to kill the officer]

Joe Hallenbeck: Hey flash, rescue attempt?

Jimmy Dix: Blow me.

Milo: You must be James.

Jimmy Dix: [sarcastically] James?

Joe Hallenbeck: He does that with everybody. He calls me Joseph.

Milo: I trust you're alone.

Jimmy Dix: No, I got the fuckin' Vienna Boys Choir with me. What, is everybody stupid around here?

[thug slams his head into car bonnet]

Joe Hallenbeck: Just you, kid.

Milo: Hey, motherfucker.

Joe Hallenbeck: Hey, Milo. Where ya callin' from, the bottom of the pool?

Milo: Push this vile fuck off the road, man!

Milo: Excuse me, but did any of you stupid shits bother to frisk this FUCK? He could be a God damned cop. Frisk him please.

Joe Hallenbeck: That briefcase was loaded with explosives, wasn't it?

Milo: Ten pounds of C-4 is on the way to the Coliseum right now. It's ironic, don't you think? That this bomb's gonna be delivered to Baynard by his own personal bodyguards? After his death, the police will receive a photograph of you, Joseph, handing over the briefcase, and blame you for the crime. And they'll believe it, too, because they know what a fan of Baynard's you are.

Joe Hallenbeck: Go fuck yourself.

Milo: Okay, now that's not polite.

[Opens a switchblade and holds it in Joe's face]

Milo: It's very abusive-sounding. What would you do, Joseph, if somebody told you to go fuck yourself? Would you cut one of their eyes out?

Joe Hallenbeck: No.

Milo: No? What would you do?

Lyle Barton: If you will change your mind and join us. I'm hoping you have a feeling that that is the right thing to do ,

Milo: Well, I'm sure what you're doing is important, Mr. Barton, I just fell like this is... kind of my time to make my mark.

Milo: This isn't a game! In the real world, when you kill people they die - for real! And in the real world you're fucked!

Reporter: Gary Winston once said that any teenager in a garage could put him out of business. Is that what you've done?

Milo: [Looking around him] This is a garage.

Milo: Doesn't Bill Gates have something like that?

Gary: Bill Who?

Milo: Now I'm going to go out on a limb here because there's a very good chance you're not going to believe a word of what I'm about to tell you.

Bob Shrot: You'd be surprised what I'd believe about these people.

Milo: [after Zira has spoken the first time in the presence of humans] Zira, are you mad?

Cornelius: Please don't call my wife mad!

Milo: I'm not, I'm just merely asking her: Zira, are you mad?

Kusse-Kurt: [after flushing some cocain down the toilet] Can I get my money back?

Milo: What?

Kusse-Kurt: Can I get my money back?

Milo: Why?

Kusse-Kurt: It was an accident. Give me back my money!

Milo: Kurt... It was your accident, not mine.

Milo: There's something going on here that I really don't understand, but I like it.

Cliff: Do you have a family?

Milo: No sir I don't

Cliff: Then no one will miss you

[shoots Milo]

Milo: That's Vuk, my cousin. He's pretty good with electricity. For that meat ball paradise of yours; he can link up stuff.

Bennie: I don't need your Fuck.

Milo: [Bennie is scrubbing Mast's old Mercedes] Hey look, he's still scrubbing his dad's rusty piece of crap. Say, did you bury the old guy already, or are you gonna wait 'till he's dead?

Milo: I shot him, I think, I think he's dead.

Kay: You think?

Milo: Yeah, I think.

Kay: Hey, everybody! Milo thinks!

Milo: [about Brody] He's one tough bastard, Kay.

Milo: You feel better now?

Kay: I want you to explain to me again. How could you run from an asshole like that piece of shit?

Milo: I ran for help.

Kay: I think that you ran because you're a whimpering piece of radioactive waste that's even afraid of his own MAMA. I'M SURROUNDED WITH GODDAMN IDIOTS AND MAGGOTS.

Milo: You're not gonna let that girl get away with that crap, now are ya?

Kay: Nobody won't get away with NOTHING. I had a vision last night about that sweet bitch's future. It was short and very, very painful. Now I want you to get some of the boys to ride over to their camp, and you can shoot up the place a little bit. You can raise hell, you can have all fun you want, but you're gonna bring that bitch back to me. You understand?

Milo: Yeah, okay.

Kay: And if you don't...

[Takes off a switchblade]

Kay: ...then I'm gonna have to give you something that you ain't gonna be able to run from.

Milo: Chopper! Sic'em, boy!

The Writer: Now he said, "Sic'em, boy!" But what I heard was, "Chopper! Sic balls!"

Gordie: [Chopper turns out to be a small golden retriever] *That's* Chopper?

Teddy: Ha ha ha! Come on, Choppy! Bite my ass, Choppy! Bite my ass! Bite shit. Come on, Choppy! Sic balls, Choppy!

Milo: Stop teasing that dog, you hear me! Stop teasing him! Sonny, I'm gonna beat your ass, teasing my dog like that!

Teddy: Yeah? I'd like to see you climb over this fence and get me, fat ass!

Milo: Don't you call me that, you little tin weasel peckerwood looney's son.

Teddy: What did you call me?

Milo: I know who you are. You're Teddy Duchamp. Your dad's a looney. A looney up in the nuthouse in Togus. He took your ear and he put it to a stove and burnt it off.

Teddy: My father stormed the beach at Normandy.

Milo: He's crazier than a shithouse rat. No wonder you're acting the way you are with a looney for a father.

Teddy: You call my dad a looney again, I'll kill you.

Milo: Looney, looney, looney!

Teddy: I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck!

Teddy: I'll kill you!

Milo: You come on and try it, you slimy bastard.

Chris: He wants you to come over there so he can beat the piss out of you and take you to the cops.

Milo: You watch your mouth, smart guy! Let him do his own fighting.

Gordie: Sure, you only outweigh him by 500 pounds, fat ass!

Milo: I know your name. You're Lachance. I know all you guys and all your fathers are gonna get a call from me. Except for the looney up in Togus.

Teddy: I'll kill you!

Milo: You foul-mouthed whore master!

Teddy: You son of a bitch! Nobody ranks on my old man! My father stormed the beach at Normandy! He stormed the beach, you faggot!

Milo: Look what the blizzard blew in! You look hungry; how about some fish?

Otis: Okay, but not for me; for my puppies.

Milo: You have puppies? Me, too!

Otis: You have *what?*

Milo: I mean, uh, uh... kittens.

Milo: [smacking a bird on the head] Hey! Your singing stinks! Will you quit it?

Narrator: Milo reflected on the family he'd stayed with.

Milo: Geez... no wonder they call them *pigs!*

Milo: [taunting the bear in the drawers] Wanna come in? I'll help you. I'll pull you in by your nose!

Milo: Want some more dinner? Remember, you're eating for eight now!

Milo: You're a strange-looking cat.

Otis: Oh, I'm not a cat; I'm a dog.

Milo: All right, a dog, I understand, but... deep down inside, we're all cats, right?

Narrator: Sometime later, during the last weeks of the long winter, Joyce was making preparations. The time was drawing near.

Milo: [about her soon-to-come babies] You okay, Joyce? Want some more dinner? Remember, you're eating for eight now.

Joyce: Milo... Milo, I think it's time.

Milo: Okay! Remember the way to breathe?

[Joyce breathes deeply]

Mom: I thought I told you to go to bed!

Milo: You told me to "go to bed". You didn't say "get into bed".

Mom: Milo!

Mom: I thought I told you to go to bed!

Milo: You told me to "Go to bed". You didn't say "Get into bed". It's not specific.

Mom: Milo, my life would be so much better if I didn't have to be a nagging mom!

Milo: Yeah, well, my life would be so much better if I didn't have a mom at all.

Milo: What is going on?

Gribble: Mars needs moms, so the aliens are stealing them from Earth to raise their own kids.

Gribble: Have you ever seen Top Gun?

Milo: It's Milo.

Mom: Is that broccoli?

Milo: No, that's vomit, but I understand the confusion.

Mom: I thought I told you to eat that!

Milo: Well, you're not gonna make me eat it now, are you?

Mom: Go to bed.

Milo: But you said I can watch...

Mom: No, that was before you lied to me and poisoned the cat!

Milo: That broccoli was poisonous?

Mom: No! Of course the broccoli wasn't poisonous!

Milo: Well, you just said that...

Mom: No, I-I-I meant that it's poisonous to the cat!

Milo: Well, how can it be good for me if it's poisonous to the cat?

Mom: Because cats are not suppose to eat vegetables!

Milo: Maybe I'm not suppose to eat vegetables!

Mom: Milo! Just go to bed. *Now*.

Milo: [Milo's mother gives him her helmet and pushes the lever, giving him some air and allowing him to breath. He wakes up to see that his mother is dying without air] No. Mom, you need you helmet. No!

[He struggles not to let mom pull the lever, but Milo's mother quickly pulls out the lever]

Milo: No! Mom! Mom!

[as Milo watches his mother die, he holds her and he sobs]

Milo: No, no. Mommy, you have to come home with me. You-you have to come home with me. You're-you're my mom... and I love you.

[Milo sheds a tear]

Milo: No, no, no, no, no.

Gribble: The fact is, Mars needs moms.

Milo: What the heck does that mean?

Milo: [Milo and Gribble have landed in the huge trash area under the city and the male Martians, happy to see them are dancing around and hugging them] Let go! Let go! What are you doing?

Gribble: They're hugging. That's all these males ever do. That's why the females chuck 'em down here.

[first lines]

Milo: I'm so sick of doing this; I'm sick of waiting for the world to end.

Biscut: Me, too. Why don't we do something else for a change?

Grant: Yeah? Like what?

Biscut: Well, if we put our heads together, maybe we could figure something out.

Grant: My head just got stepped on. I can't think of nothing.

Milo: California! Let's move to California!

Biscut: I got a job. I got responsibilities.

Milo: Biscut, you're washing dishes in a shithole, brother. Personally, I think you could risk the career change.

Tock: You must forgive me, but you see, it's traditional for watch dogs to be ferocious.

Milo: I thought you were just great, but are you sure it's all right to leave those Lethargians back there alone?

Tock: Oh, I don't just watch Lethargians. I watch boys too. And right now, I'd say you needed a watch dog. And anyway, I just love automobile rides!

Milo: Very pleased to have you along. My name is Milo.

Tock: Milo? That's a strange name for a boy. My name is Tock.

Milo: Isn't that kind of a strange name for a dog?

Tock: Oh, no. How many names can you give a watch dog? Actually, my name is Tick Tock, but my friends call me Tock.

Milo: May I call you Tock? It's about time I had a friend.

Tock: It's about time? But time is your friend!

Milo: That was a very beautiful sunset, sir.

Chroma the Great: Why, thank you my boy. I've only been practicing since the world began, someday I'll get it just right, hmm?

The Terrible Trivium: Hello, little boy. Welcome to you, your faithful dog, and that handsome gentleman. I'm so terribly happy to see all of you. But before you travel on, I wonder if you could spare me a little time and asssist me with a few trivial tasks?

Humbug: Why of course, we're in no hurry.

The Terrible Trivium: Now young man, if you will take these exquisite tweezers, and move this pile of sand from here, to here.

Milo: With these?

The Terrible Trivium: Of course. And you sir, have the privilege of taking this delicate needle for digging a hole through this cliff.

Humbug: Why, thank you sir! An exacting assignment, quite worthy of my talents. I shall enjoy it no end.

The Terrible Trivium: And you sir, get to take this eye-dropper and empty that well.

Milo: But these tasks don't seem very important.

The Terrible Trivium: Of course they're not important! If you always do the easy and useless jobs, you'll never have to worry about the important ones!

Tock: Now I know who you are! You're the Terrible Trivium!

The Terrible Trivium: Quite correct! The Terrible Trivium, demon of petty tasks, ogre of wasted effort!

Milo: Come on, Humbug, let's get out of here!

The Terrible Trivium: [advancing] And *friend* to lazy and foolish people everywhere!

Word Salesman: Step right up! Fancy, best quality words right here! How about you young man? How 'bout a nice bagful of pronouns? Or maybe you'd like our special assortment of adjectives!

Milo: [choosing 'Upholstery,' 'Flabbergast' and 'Quagmire'] Boy, wait till Ralph hears me use these. How much are these, sir?

Word Salesman: [doubtful] And were you thinking of using all of them in the same sentence?

Milo: Why, yes sir.

Word Salesman: Well, I'll tell you what lad, why don't you take a bagful of 'Happys' and 'Goods' to start with. Very useful for 'Happy birthday,' 'Happy New Year,' 'Happy days' and 'Happy-go-lucky!' Useful too for 'Good morning,' 'Good afternoon,' 'Good evening,' 'Good riddance,' and 'Good-bye!'

Milo: This is crazy. Here I am driving down a street I've never seen to a place I've never heard of.

Officer Short Shrift: Where were you on the night of July 25th?

Milo: July 25th? What's that got to do with it?

Officer Short Shrift: Do with it? It's my birthday! Boys are always forgetting people's birthdays.

Spelling Bee: Please do not be alarmed. A-L-A-R-M-E-D, alarmed. I know that boys are often afraid of bees. B-E-E-S, bees. But let me assure you my intentions are peaceful. P-E-A-C-E-F-U-L.

Milo: And you don't sting?

Spelling Bee: Sting? Oh, I can sting, but I don't. But I can spell anything. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

Officer Short Shrift: You'll find it quite pleasant down here.

Milo: Isn't it a little dark?

Officer Short Shrift: Of course it's dark. Dungeons are always dark. If they weren't, they wouldn't be so unpleasant.

Milo: That's my speech! I didn't know I was going to eat my words.

King Azaz: Of course you didn't. That's what we're all doing. You should have made a tastier speech.

Humbug: Could you show us the biggest number there is? That will give him something to figure out.

The MathemaGician: Very well, Sir Humbug. What's the biggest number you can think of?

Humbug: 9,999,999,000,999 and... nine tenths!

The MathemaGician: Very good. Now add one to it.

Humbug: Add one?

The MathemaGician: Now, add one to that. Add one again. Add one again. Add one again. Add one again.

Milo: But he'd never be able to stop that way.

The MathemaGician: Never, for the number you hope for is always at least one higher than the one you had, and that's so large that if you started saying it yesterday, you wouldn't finish until tomorrow.

Milo: Now there's no sense anyplace, and it's all my fault.

Senses Taker: Names! I must have your names before you can proceed!

Milo: Well, uh, this is the Humbug.

Senses Taker: Humbug.

Milo: This is Tock.

Senses Taker: Tock.

Milo: And my name is Milo. Now can we go?

Senses Taker: Milo. Ooh, I haven't had an M in ages. Now then, if you will just tell me when you were born, where you were born, why you were born, how old you are, how old you were then, what grade you're in, your shoe size, shirt size, collar size, hat size, and the names and bank references of six people who can verify this information! Then you can go.

Milo: What do you need all this for? We're in a hurry.

Senses Taker: I'm the official Senses Taker! I must have this information before I take your senses! So, now then, if you will fill out in triplicate your height, your weight, how many ice-cream cones you eat in a week, how many you don't eat in a week...

Milo: We can't waste the time! We've got to get to the Castle in the Air!

Senses Taker: That does it! Now, I'm going to take your sense of duty, your sense of proportion, and especially your sense of direction!

Tock: Milo, the bottle of laughter! Use this bottle of laughter I got from Dr. Discord! He can't take away our sense of humor!

Milo: I've just come back from the most wonderful place in the world! And Ralph, guess what. I messed up the sunrise!

Ralph: That's silly! How do you mess up a sunrise?

Milo: Well, somebody has to conduct it. How else would you get the reds and the oranges and the yellows?

Officer Short Shrift: Now then, would you like a short sentence or a long sentence?

Milo: Well, I suppose a short one, if I have a choice.

Officer Short Shrift: How about "I am"? It's the shortest sentence I know.

[Writes "I AM" on his pad and hands it to Milo]

Milo: It's very kind of you to give me... such a short sentence.

Officer Short Shrift: And when do you think you can go to prison and start serving it?

Milo: Serving it? I guess I can't, not until I get back from Dictionopolis and the Castle in the Air.

[Thunderclap]

Officer Short Shrift: The what in the what?

Milo: Why, the Castle in the Air.

[Thunderclap]

Officer Short Shrift: [leaving] Boys are guilty of everything! Guilty, guilty, guilty...

Humbug: What are we going to do now?

Milo: Do? Why, we're going to take a stand right here!

Humbug: [Looking down at the cliff] I think jumping would be safer.

The Dodecahedron: My sides are many, my angles aren't few. I'm the Dodecahedron, and who are you?

Milo: What's a dodecahedron?

Tock: If I'm remember correctly, a dodecahedron is a geometrical shape with twelve sides.

The Dodecahedron: See for yourself. I only use one at a time. Saves wear and tear.

Milo: Look! You can't arrest me. I haven't been doing anything.

Officer Short Shrift: Not doing anything, eh? You'll have to admit at your age that's a crime.

Officer Short Shrift: I hereby sentence you to six million years in prison!

Milo: Six million years? But only a judge can pass a sentence.

Officer Short Shrift: Well, then, I'm also the judge. Come now, and I'll take you to your cell.

Milo: But you can't, I mean, only a jailer can take you to your cell.

Officer Short Shrift: Good point! I'm also the jailer!

Officer Short Shrift: I should have known. It's you! Guilty of sowing confusion, upsetting the alphabet cards...

Milo: Apple cart.

Officer Short Shrift: Correcting an officer, wreaking havoc, mincing words, having a dog with an unauthorized alarm...

[Tock barks at Short Shrift]

Officer Short Shrift: And illegal barking.

Milo: [Wakes up to find himself in the Doldrums] I wonder where I am.

Lethargians: [Echoing voice] You're in the Doldrums!

Milo: The what drums?

Lethargians: [Lands on Milo's head] Welcome to the Dol... drums.

Lethargians: Allow me to introduce... ourselves.

Lethargians: [Splits into 2 more Lethargians] We are lethargians.

Milo: I'm very pleased to meet you.

Milo: Could you help me please? I think I'm lost.

Lethargians: Think? Don't say that! It's against the law to think in the doldrums!

Milo: That's ridiculous! Everybody thinks.

Lethargians: We don't. And most of the time you don't, and that's why you're here you weren't thinking.

Lethargians: And you weren't paying attention either. And people who don't pay attention often get stuck... in... the... doldrums.

Milo: Ha ha ha! That's silly! Ah ha ha ha!

Lethargians: Stop that at once! Laughing is against the law!

Lethargians: And smiling is permitted only on alternate Thursdays.

Milo: Well if you can't laugh or think, what can you do in the doldrums?

Lethargians: Do? Why you can do anything

[starts to talk in singing voice]

Lethargians: As long as it's nothing.

Whether Man: My my my my my! Welcome, welcome welcome to the land of Expectations - to the land of Expectations! We don't get many travelers these days - we certainly don't get many travelers these days! Now what can I do for you? I'm the Whether Man!

Milo: How do you do sir? Could you tell me the right road to... Dictionopolis, or someplace?

Whether Man: Dictionopolis? Well now, well now, well now... I don't know of any wrong road to Dictionopolis, so if this road goes to Dictionopolis at all, it must be the right road, don't you think? And if it doesn't, it must be the right road to somewhere, mustn't it? Because there are no wrong roads to anywhere. Do you think it will rain?

Milo: But I thought you said you were the Weather Man.

Whether Man: Oh, no no no no no no no no no! I'm the WHETHER Man, not the Weather Man! For after all, it's more important to know whether there will be a change in the weather, than what the weather will be! Don't you think?

Demon of Insincerity: [offscreen] Trapped ya didn't I? I'm the long-nosed, curly-haired, wide-mouthed, bow-legged big-footed monster! And if I do say so myself, I'm one of the most dreaded fiends in the whole, wide wilderness!

[evil laugh]

Humbug: I-it sounds like we're doomed!

Milo: Sounds is right. If there's one thing I've learned around here, it's that people aren't always what they say they are.

Milo: [Milo climbs to the top of the hole]

Demon of Insincerity: With awful hideous me here, you wouldn't dare try to escape! Why I'll tear anyone apart that ever tries to get out of there!

[Milo reaches the top and sees that the monster is a tiny, rat-like creature]

Demon of Insincerity: For I'm the long-nosed, curly-haired, wide-mouthed, thick-necked, broad-shouldered, round-bodied, short-armed bow-legged big-footed monster! One false move and I'll... I'll chew up the lot of you, I'll rip you to ribbons, uh, I'll shred you to hamburger... uh... Oh, actually I'm the demon of Insincerity. I don't mean what I say, I don't mean what I do, I'm just mean I guess. Now you had to go and spoil everything!

[exits crying]

Humbug: Well, if he's typical of the monsters around here, we have nothing to worry about.

Milo: Everything's a big waste of time. When I'm in school, all I want to do is be out. When I'm not in school, I want to be someplace else. If only something could happen sometime. What's the use of subtracting turnips from turnips, or carrying a three, or knowing how to spell 'Feb-uary?' 'Feb-RU-ary.' Everything seems so impossible. Everybody says it's such a big, wonderful world. How come it seems so small, and kind of empty? There's no rhyme or reason to any of it.

Milo: I never knew words could be so confusing.

Tock: Only confusing, Milo, when you use a lot to say a little.

Milo: You'd better be very careful, Ma'am. There's a witch around here somewhere.

Faintly Macabre: Well of course there is. I am she. Faintly Macabre, the not-so-wicked Which. There, you see? "Official Which, Kingdom of Wisdom."

Milo: Oh, a 'Which.' Like the Whether Man.

Faintly Macabre: Of course! The Whether Man is my brother. At least he used to be. I don't know whether he still is, I haven't seen him in years.

Faintly Macabre: When Rhyme and Reason were banished...

Milo: Rhyme? And Reason?

Faintly Macabre: Yes Milo. When the two kings had their terrible quarrel. When King Azaz insisted that words were far more important than numbers, and hence his kingdom was truly the greater. And when the Mathemagician claimed that numbers were much more important than words, and hence his kingdom was supreme, why then naturally the asked the princess of Sweet Rhyme and the princess of Pure Reason to settle the question.

Milo: And what did they decide? What is the most important - words or numbers?

Faintly Macabre: The princesses decided that words and numbers are of equal value.

Tock: In the cloak of knowledge, one is the warp, and the other is the 'Woof!'

Faintly Macabre: But you see Milo, this decision infuriated the two kings. And they banished the princesses to the Castle in the Air. And I was thrown into this dungeon.

King Azaz: I seem to have a touch of indigestion.

Milo: Perhaps you've eaten too much too quickly.

King Azaz: To be sure, too much to quickly. I most certainly haven't eaten too little too slowly, or too much too slowly, or too little too quickly, or taken all day to eat nothing or, eaten everything in no time at all...

Milo: But wouldn't that be just as bad?

King Azaz: You mean 'Just as good.' Things which are just as bad also are equally good. Try to look at the bright side of things Milo.

The MathemaGician: Rescue Rhyme and Reason? What a wonderful idea... wait! Has Azaz agreed to it?

Tock: Yes sir, he has.

The MathemaGician: Then I don't! We've never agreed on anything and we never will!

Milo: And if I can prove otherwise, can we have permission to go?

The MathemaGician: Of course, of course.

Milo: Very well then. Now - if Azaz agrees with something then you disagree, correct?

The MathemaGician: Correct.

Milo: And anything Azaz disagrees with, you agree, is that correct?

The MathemaGician: Correct.

Milo: Then each of you agrees that he will disagree with the other, right?

The MathemaGician: Right.

Milo: Then you admit that you do agree with Azaz about something - you agree about disagreeing!

The MathemaGician: I'VE BEEN TRICKED!

Gelatinous Giant: And what have we here? Aha! I see! Breakfast!

Milo: Wait! I have a better idea!

Gelatinous Giant: [horrified] An idea? Ugh, if there's one thing I can't swallow, it's an idea!

Milo: Well, it just so happens that I have a bag full of all the ideas in the world, right here!

Gelatinous Giant: NO! No no no! Don't open it! Leave well enough alone! Don't take chances... keep things as they are... changes are so frightening... no... no... ideas...

Milo: King Azaz and the Mathemagician said there's nothing I can't do if I use words and numbers right; and I have a hunch, if I use them together, that I can do anything.

Milo: If you please, sir...

King Azaz: AHEM!

Milo: Your Majesty, my name is Milo, and this is Tock, my watch dog. And we've been sentenced to six million years...

King Azaz: ARRRGH! Six million? That's not a sentence, that's a number! It's against the law to mention numbers here in Dictionopolis!

Milo: You're gonna scream "Rock and Roll"? You're gonna go to jail for that?

Ian: There's a saying Milo: If it's too loud, you're too old.

[after catching Pip and Suzzi having sex]

Milo: Ahhhhh. You're screwing on my $1400 leather couch!

Rex: What's with the scream fest... aw, Pip.

Marcus: Milo, didn't I tell you to knock when you come to my office?

Milo: Just keep quiet and get that reel-to-reel deck down to the booth.

Marcus: Oh, gonna tell me to shut up now? Uh-huh, uh-huh. See, a brother can't open his mouth without the white man slap him down.

Milo: Just do it, Marcus.

[Milo steps aside to reveal Rex holding a gun]

Marcus: Damn.

Milo: All right I know you guys think I'm a dick... cheese... burger, or whatever.

Milo: I'm gonna need you to come in tomorrow. I'm cutting loose a lot of dead weight. There's gonna be a lot going on here.

Doug Beech: Oh, boy...

Milo: Problem?

Doug Beech: Well, I've been having a little bit of itching on my, um...

[Milo waits]

Doug Beech: I mean, it could be hemorrhoids.

Milo: I don't wanna hear that.

Doug Beech: No, I know. It's just that I made an appointment with my proctologist to get some type of... cream or something.

Milo: No, no, no, no, no, no!

Milo: You love her? I own her!

Milo: It's not a date if you're just fucking, right?

Danny: I knew this bloke once, right. And... he used to masturbate so much that he grew very fond of his hand. So much so, that he began to talk to it and he put a little face on it and he called it muriel. And after a while Muriel began to talk back to him.

Milo: Fore!

Danny: He would get her all doled up in make up and specially made little clothes and at night she'd go down and make intense mad passionate love to him. Anyway, one night about three am

Milo: Cheers

Danny: He wakes up in a cold sweat. And hears all this panting and moaning and groaning coming from the next door neighbours apartment. And he looks down at his hand, there's nothing there. Its gone. Its just this bloodied stump. So he staggers out into the hallway and he sees that the next door neighbour's doors is wide open. So he pops his head in and what does he see, on the bed, his hand, Muriel, all dressed up to the nines, make up on, going down on the next door neighbour.

[pause]

Danny: It's a true story

Flip: Yeah, I heard tell once dudes that a guy has about 4,000 times in him before he's all used up.

Milo: It's fucking bullshit.

Danny: More like forty thousand.

Otis: In your dreams, stick man.

Danny: Add it up, two times a day, seven days a week for what... I don't know 40 years?

Taylor: Two times a day?

Otis: Who the fuck gets to do it two times a fucking day?

Danny: Me and Jess used to.

Otis: Two times a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year...

Danny: Me and Jess used to do it five times a day.

Taylor: For forty years? What about hangovers? What about christmas day? How the fuck are you going to do it five times on a Christmas Day while the family is sitting around carving up the turkey?

Danny: Make up for it at night with the wife.

Taylor: Wife? What wife? You haven't had a wife in over six months.

Danny: I haven't got a problem getting women. I've got this thing I do that make them go gaga.

Otis: How exactly do you mean gaga?

Danny: Gaga. Insane, beserk, talking in tongues, you know... gaga.

Milo: What like some sort of secret weapon?

Flip: Some kind of weird sideways movement?

Danny: I can't really say flip, but its pretty special. Though it could be worth a lot of money.

Taylor: Let's just get this straight. You're 20-something years old, you have no job, no money, very few prospescts. You haven't been seen in the vicinity of anything which even faintly resembles a member of the opposite sex in over 6 months. And yet you sit here and tell us that you have some kind of special thing that makes the other side go gaga. Well if it makes them go so fucking gaga what the fuck are you doing here with us losers?

Flip: He's got a point there Danster.

Danny: Well I didn't say it fixed all the emotional stuff did I?

Milo: Bullshit!

Otis: It's not bullshit.

Milo: It's fucking bullshit.

Otis: White's bleeding over Orange, cradles him in his arms, and says, "I love you, man."

Milo: That's fucking bullshit, and even if it wasn't fucking bullshit, they'd be saying it like blokes say it to each other.

Otis: Then Orange says back, "I love you, too, man."

Milo: Yeah, they're saying, "I love you, man," not "I LOVE you, man."

Otis: Why would he say that? I mean, why would he say, "I love you, too, man" if he wasn't a chocolate-dipper.

Milo: He's bleeding to death, for Christ's sake. You say shit like that when you're bleeding to death.

Otis: He's been holding it in the whole time. He thinks he's gonna die. He has to let it out, otherwise his secret will be carried with him to the grave.

Milo: Bull-fuckin-shit! Look, I love Danny here, but that doesn't mean I'm a fucking chocolate-dipper. I'm no fucking chocolate-dipper, mate.

Flip: What about that bit where they're point all those guns at each other?

Milo: What about it?

Flip: Well, maybe it's not really their guns they're pointing.

Milo: There's no way, pal. No way. No fucking way!

Flip: Dude, I've seen it, like, eighteen times.

Milo: That's fucking bullshit! There are no fucking chocolate-dippers in that movie! It's my favourite fucking movie, man, and you're all fucking ruining it for me!

[repeated line]

Milo: Franke, my friend!

Milo: Frank, are you fucking with me?

Dova: Okay, plan. I'm listening...

Guy Foucard: Tell them you will let go of the hostages one-by-one. Then, instead of releasing us, release yourself.

Milo: [slow realization] Yeah. We, uh, pretend *we're* the hostages.

Guy Foucard: And then... tie us up. And, uh... be gone before they come in.

Dova: What do you think?

Law: Hey, I'm a sociopath, you know what I think.

[props up his rifle]

Dova: Where are you going?

Milo: I don't wanna be part of this. I'm turning myself in.

Dova: [pointing a gun] Don't make me do it!

Milo: [coughing on cigarette given by Law] Goddammit! Menthol... I hate menthol.

Law: I know.

Milo: [to Law] Jesus, I didn't know you could say that many words in a row.

Milo: [about Little Mohammed] King Kong of Copenhagen!

Little Mohammed: If you wan't to survive, you have to depend on the new generation.

Milo: New generation? And who might that be?

Little Mohammed: Me! Who else? That's me! The King of Copenhagen!

Milo: King Kong of Copenhagen?

Little Mohammed: That's right. So what are you gonna do? We outnumber you.

Milo: Well, well. Do you know anything about ecstasy?

Little Mohammed: Yeah sure. Why?

Milo: I'm trying out new markets. You know? New generations, new markets.

Milo: What's with the new shirt?

Rexho: You don't like it? It's a Hugo Boss.

Milo: Hugo Boss? I don't think so. "Hugo Bugo" maybe, but not Hugo Boss.

Corrupt Cop: What's up?

Milo: Little Mohammed has something that belongs to me.

Corrupt Cop: I'll look into it. Anything else?

Milo: Nope. But you'll call me when you know something, right?

Corrupt Cop: I'll call.

Milo: I NEED DOPE!

Rexho: You work for us now.

Milo: I work for nobody.

Rexho: You want me to call Luan? And tell him that you said that?

Radovan: [Milo opens the trunk of his car, with Little Mohammed inside] Who the fuck is that?

Milo: King kong of Copenhagen!

Radovan: Oh, so that's the King, eh?

Radovan: Listen, do you know who I am?

Little Mohammed: No, I don't give a fuck who you are!

Milo: [to Radovan] He shouldn't have said that.

Radovan: [discovering another body] What the fuck? Milo, you said there was only one body. Who's that guy?

Milo: An Albanian.

Radovan: [laughing] Then it's okay.

Milo: [to Little Mohammed] You're fucking me.

Milo: What's up?

Corrupt Cop: [opens the trunk of the police car, with Little Mohammed inside] That's Little Mohammed.

Milo: I can see that. How much do you want for him?

Milo: [at a narcotics anonymous meeting] My name is Milo. I'm a drug addict.

Little Mohammed: You fucking junkie!

Milo: Shut the fuck up! Don't call me a junkie!

Milo: Where is my ecstasy?

Milo: WHERE IS MY MONEY? I NEED MY MONEY!

Milo: I got a problem.

Radovan: What kind of a problem?

Milo: A big problem.

Milo: [trying to pawn his watch] It's a Bulgari, worth twelve thousand dollars.

Rexho: [to Luan, interpreting] He says it's worth twelve thousand.

Luan: It's a nice watch, but to me, it's worth a thousand dollars.

Milo: [to Luan] Look, it's worth twelve thousand...

Luan: It's worth a thousand to me! Okay?

Milo: Okay, okay. I understand. Okay. Thanks.

Milo: Stomach infection. Stomach ache. Do you understand?

Little Mohammed: Yes, I understand Danish. I am not like you! Do not eat Milo's food.

Milo: What is wrong with my Danish? I speak perfect Dane.

Little Mohammed: Let's say that.

Radovan: Milo, look around you. Look at me. I do not do that any more. Do you understand? It's over with that. For the first time in 20 years I am a happy human being. I wanted to help you. But nobody will ever make me do anything criminal again.

Milo: [after a long silence] Radovan, my friend. I do not have anyone else but you...

Radovan: [after a long silence] Listen to me: I will help you this time. But then you shall never ask of my help again.

Milo: If I'm having an imaginary conversation, I'd at least hope for something a bit more fucking exciting.

Milo: I heard this story once when I was a kid, or read it. It was about a storyteller who was so good at telling stories that everything he made up became real. So the storyteller creates a world for himself where he's the king of the castle, has a beautiful princess on his arm. And then, one day, he wakes up. He looks around. He kisses her on the cheek and... legs it.

Dan: Why?

Milo: I don't know. Even though his life was perfect, absolutely perfect, he had the feeling he should be somewhere else. With someone else. Anyway, the princess wakes up and he's gone. And that's it. I guess. Does that make any sense?

Dan: No. I'm going to open another bottle.

Milo: The storyteller was so used to his fantasies that no matter how good his reality was, it was never enough. Would never be enough.

Milo: If you tell anyone, we'll kill you first, and then your whole family, and we'll watch the film over and over and over.

Milo: [Deputy sees a HAM radio on the nightstand. It turns on and a chorus of voices come from it] It's the kids, it's the kids, it's the kids, it's the kids... DEPUTY!

Christmas Daughter: [after Zach brutally bullies Dylan and leaves him with a bloody nose] You don't deserve that.

Peter: You should do something about him.

Ted: And your father.

Ashley: And your mother!

Dylan Collins: [horrified at his imaginary friends' vengeful words] My mother didn't do anything!

Milo: [smiling, almost sadly] ... Exactly.

[walks away]

Milo: [mockingly] Come out, come out, wherever you are...

Milo: It's too late! You were supposed to kill them all.