Mike Wazowski Quotes in Monsters, Inc. (2001)

[Boo's laugh made all the lights go out]

Sulley: What was that?

Mike Wazowski: I have no idea. But it would be a really good idea if it didn't do it again.

Johnny: Enjoy the attention while it lasts, boys. After you lose, no one will remember you.

Mike Wazowski: Maybe. But when you lose, no one will let you forget it.

Chet: Oh, boy. That is a good point.

[Mike and Sulley are working in the mail room at Monsters Inc]

Yeti: Alright, newbies. Quit goofing around. I'll have you know that tampering with the mail is punishable by banishment.

Sulley: Yes Sir.

Mike Wazowski: We're right on it Mr. Snowman.

Mike Wazowski: [Before the First Scare Games Challenge starts] Squishy. We're not gonna lose, because we have everything we need to win right here.

[points to his chest]

Squishy: [smiling] Heart.

Mike Wazowski: No, me! I'm gonna win the race for us.

Mike Wazowski: Um, h... hello? Fella

[as he and Sully walk down the basement into a candlelit are, where O.K fraternity surround it, wearing black clocks]

Don: Do you, pledge your souls to the Oozma Kappa brotherhood.

Mike Wazowski: [Terri and Terry hit Mike with a cricket bat] OW!

Terry: Do you swear to keep secret.

Terri: All that you learn

Art: No matter, how horrifying.

Sulley: [Squishy hit Sulley with cricket bat] Hey!

Squishy: Will take the scared oath of the...

[initiation interrupted by someone, turning on the lights]

Don: For crying out loud.

Ms. Squibbles: Sweetie, turn the lights on when your down here. You're going ruin your eyes.

Squishy: MOM, WE'RE DOING AN INITIATION!

Ms. Squibbles: Oh Scary, well go on. Just pretend that I'm not here

[turns off half the lights, and walk downstairs to the washing machine]

Squishy: This is my mom's house. Do you promise to look out for your brothers?

[Mrs. Squibbles turns on the laundry dial loudly]

Squishy: No what the peril?

[Laundry machine runs noisily]

Squishy: ... WILL YOU DEFEND OOZMA KAPPA? NO MATTER HOW DANGEROUS?NO MATTER HOW INSURMOUNTABLE? THE ODDS MAYBE? FROM EVILS BOTH GREAT AND SMALL? IN THE FACE OF UNENDING PAIN AND... OH FORGET IT. You're in.

[On the First Morning in the Oozma Kappa Fraternity home, Mike's lips press against Sulley's hand, and Sulley falls off the bunk after the alarm goes off]

Sulley: What happened?

Mike Wazowski: Your paw was hanging out the Side of my Bed.

Sulley: Were you kissing my hand?

Mike Wazowski: [laughs] No! And what about you with all your shedding?

Sulley: I don't shed.

Mike Wazowski: Really?

[punches the mattress of the top bunk and Sulley's hair falls everywhere]

Sulley: I act scary, Mike. But most of the time, I'm terrified.

Mike Wazowski: How come you never told me that before?

Sulley: Because we weren't friends before.

Don: Sherri and I are engaged.

Mike Wazowski: Who's Sherri?

Squishy: [Embarrased] She's my Mom.

Don: Don't worry Scott. I don't want you to think of me as your new dad. After all, we're fraternity brothers first.

Squishy: This is so weird.

Don: Just think of me as your big brother that's marrying your mother. Wait, hold on, we're brothers who share the same mom slash wife.

Mike Wazowski: I've been waiting for this my whole life! I'm gonna be a scarer!

Mike Wazowski: My chances are just as good as yours

Sulley: You're not even in the same league with me.

Mike Wazowski: Just wait, hotshot. I'm gonna scare circles around you this year.

Sulley: [Introducing himself] James P. Sullivan.

Mike Wazowski: Mike Wazowski.

Dean Hardscrabble: Mr. Wazowski, what you lack simply cannot be taught. You're just not scary. And you too will not be continuing into the Scare Program.

Mike Wazowski: No No No, you've got it all wrong. Please, let me up onto the Simulator. I'll surprise you.

Dean Hardscrabble: Surprise me with what? I doubt that very much.

[Mike notices that his settings on the Scare Simulator had been set to the Lowest Difficult instead of the Highest like the others, which is how he was able to mysteriously make a Record Breaking Scare to successfully beat the RORs in the Final Challenge of the Scare Games]

Mike Wazowski: [shocked] It's been tampered with.

Sulley: Uh, I don't think you should be messing with that.

Mike Wazowski: Why are my settings... different?

Sulley: Mike, we should leave.

Mike Wazowski: Did you do this?

Sulley: Mike...

Mike Wazowski: [louder] Did you do this?

Sulley: [sighs] Yes I did. But... you don't understand...

Mike Wazowski: Why? Why did you do this?

Sulley: You know... just in case.

Mike Wazowski: [angrily] In case of what? You don't think I'm scary. You said you believed in me. But you're just like Hardscrabble, you're just like everyone else!

Sulley: Look, you'll get better and better...

Mike Wazowski: I'm as scary as you! I'm as scary as anyone!

Sulley: I was just trying to help!

Mike Wazowski: No! You just wanted to help yourself!

Sulley: Well, what else was I supposed to do? Let the whole team fail because you don't have it?

[offended, Mike storms off. Nearby, their Teammates heard everything, and Squishy sadly places their trophy onto the ground]

[In the human world, Sulley is able to find Mike sitting sadly by the Pond]

Sulley: Psst Mike. Look, I'm sorry I messed up. Now let's get you outta here.

Mike Wazowski: You were right. They weren't scared of me. I did everything right. I wanted it more than anyone. And I thought... I thought that if I wanted it enough I could show everybody that Mike Wazowski is something special. And I'm just... not.

[brushes his reflection away in the water]

Sulley: Look, Mike, I know how you feel.

Mike Wazowski: [angrily] Don't do that! Please don't do that! You do not know how I feel!

Sulley: Mike, calm down.

Mike Wazowski: Monsters like you have everything! You don't have to be good! You can mess up over and over again, and the whole world loves you!

Sulley: Mike!

Mike Wazowski: You'll never know what it's like to fail, because you were born a Sullivan!

Sulley: Yeah I'm the Sullivan! I'm the Sullivan that flunked every test, the one who got kicked out of the program, the one who was so afraid to let everyone down that I cheated! And I lied!

Sulley: [sighs] Mike, I'll never know how you feel. But you're not the only failure here.

[while trying to find someone to join his team for the Scare Games, Mike spots his Roommate Randy in the Crowd]

Randy: Excuse me. I'm running a little late.

Mike Wazowski: Thank Goodness, Randy. My Old Friend, I really need you to be in my team.

Randy: Sorry Mike. I'm already part of a team.

[Randy walks out of the crowd, revealing a ROR Jacket that he received after Sulley was kicked out of their team, much to Mike's shock]

Randy: They really liked my performance in the Final Exam, that they accepted me into their team.

Johnny: [Calling out] Hey Boggs, over here.

[Randy walks over to the Rest of the RORS]

Johnny: Do your thing.

[Randy turns invisible, leaving only his jacket visible]

Chet: Woah, where did he go?

Sulley: We need to find a New Team.

Mike Wazowski: We can't just get a new team! I checked this morning, it's against the rules.

[after Dean Hardscrabble tells Mike that his team is short one person to compete in The Scare Games]

Mike Wazowski: But, you need six guys right?

Greek Council VP: We count Bodies, not Heads.

[Pointing at Terri & Terry]

Greek Council VP: That Dude counts as One.

[Mike hasn't had luck finding someone to join his team, to make it Full to Compete in the Scare Games and get back into the Scaring Program]

Greek Council President: This doesn't look good. We really need to move on, so it looks like your team doesn't Qualify.

Sulley: Yes it Does.

[Climbs onto of a Nearby Vehicle]

Sulley: The Star Player, has just arrived.

Mike Wazowski: [Surprised] No No No. Please, anybody but him.

Greek Council President: [Losing her Patience] Look, we're shutting down Sign Ups. So is he on your team or not?

[Mike, aware that he signed up at the Last Minute, knows he hasn't got much a choice, seeing that no-one else is interested in joining his team, and he's really determined to get into the Scare Games to prove Dean Hardscrabble that he and his team really are scary. Sulley points at him and winks]

Mike Wazowski: Fine, yes he is.

[the Crowd starts to cheer, with the Scare Games about to start]

[Mike has received his Student ID Card, though it only shows the Top of his Head]

Mike Wazowski: I can't believe it.

Mike Wazowski: [Out Loud] I'm Officially a COLLEGE STUDENT!

[From the Teaser Trailer, Mike walks out of his dorm with Silver Plates glued to him, with other Monsters Partying outside]

Mike Wazowski: [laughs] OK. Very Funny Sullivan.

Sulley: You look great Wazowski!

Mike Wazowski: You know, if you're gonna prank someone. The least you can do is think of something clever.

[Sulley switches off the lights, and Mike begins to shine like a Crystal Ball as all the Other Monsters begin to party]

[as Mike and Sulley exit their Oozma Kappa Bedroom at the same time after waking up, they fall over, and Squishy suddenly snaps a photo of them]

Squishy: First morning in the house.

Art: That's going in the Album.

Don: [Arriving with a Scare Games Letter] Guys, it's arrived, our first challenge.

[Mike struggles to pull it off him]

Don: Sorry, Tentacles. Kinda Sticky.

[Mike reads the envelope]

Mike Wazowski: Wait a minute. They want us to meet where?

[In the First Challenge of the Scare Games, Mike and Sulley arrive badly stung from the Glowing Purple Urchins at the finish line, just behind the RORs]

Chet: Wait a blow Oozma Kappa!

Mike Wazowski: C'mon Guys. 2nd Place can't be that bad.

Greek Council VP: [Jaws Theta Chi arrive behind them, unharmed] 2nd Place, Jaws Theta Chi.

Mike Wazowski: *What*?

Johnny: Your whole team has to cross the finish line.

Greek Council VP: 3rd, Slugma Slugma Kappa. 4th, Python Nu Kappa. 5th, Eta Hiss Hiss. And in Last Place...

[the Rest of Mike and Sulley's Team arrive, very badly stung from the Urchins than they are]

Greek Council VP: Oozma Kappa!

Greek Council President: [Removing Oozma Kappa's name from the Leaderboard] Oozma Kappa have been eliminated!

[Dean Hardscrabble approaches a surprised and upset Mike, smiling]

Dean Hardscrabble: Don't look surprised Mr. Wazowski. It would've taken your team more than a miracle to win.

Greek Council VP: Attention everyone, we have an announcement. Jaws Theta Chi have been disqualified.

[Holds up a tin of Protective Gel that they've been using]

Greek Council VP: The use of Illegal Protective Gel, is the cause for elimination.

Big Red: [as referees remove the Protective Gel from him] Hey what are you doing, it's moisture.

[the referee stabs Big Red's arm with an Urchin, causing it to swell up like a balloon, with Big Red screaming in pain]

Greek Council VP: [Removing Jaws Theta Chi from the Leaderboard and adding Oozma Kappa back on] It's a Miracle, Oozma Kappa are back in the games. Only 1 team can go after each challenge.

Dean Hardscrabble: Your luck will run out eventually.

[Walks away]

Mike Wazowski: This is gonna be harder than I thought.