Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar Quotes in Mr. Destiny (1990)

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Saw the game, kid. Tough break.

Young Larry Burrows: You said it, mister. I blew it good.

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Don't worry too much about it. Remember, you've got your whole life to look forward to. Things will work out just fine. Trust me.

Young Larry Burrows: [walking away] Old fart. What the hell does he know?

Larry Joseph Burrows: 35 years old, and my life is shit.

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Can't be all that bad.

Larry Joseph Burrows: It's not that it's bad, you know, it's just that it's ordinary.

Larry Joseph Burrows: So, Mike, do you do this a lot, I mean, you know, change peoples' lives and stuff?

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: I've been known to make a few adjustments now and again.

Larry Joseph Burrows: How can my life change so much just because I hit one stinking baseball?

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Well, you see Larry, one's destiny is a very complicated thing. Every incident in a person's life affects everything else that follows it. Instead of missing the baseball, however, you hit it. Then you became a hero, married the prom queen, and so on, and so forth, until you find yourself exactly where you are. So you see, hitting that baseball has spun your life off in an entirely new direction.

Larry Joseph Burrows: Are you an angel or something?

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Not exactly, no.

Larry Joseph Burrows: Then what are you?

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Have you ever been faced with a decision, and you weren't sure what to do?

Larry Joseph Burrows: Yeah, sure, plenty of times.

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: And then something inside you made you choose one direction over another?

Larry Joseph Burrows: Yeah. So?

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: So that's me. I make the suggestions, and you make the choices. That's how destiny works, Larry - very subtly. Welcome to your new life, Larry. I hope you like it.

Larry Joseph Burrows: Is there anything else that's gonna come as a shock?

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: It all will, to some degree.

Larry Joseph Burrows: To what degree?

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: You'll see. Things have changed, Larry. You have to take the bad with the good. You didn't think everything was gonna be perfect, did you?

Larry Joseph Burrows: Well, I... I..., I suppose not.

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: This is your life, Larry. Learn to enjoy what you've got.

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: You'll find a lot of people don't like you, Larry.

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Congratulations, Larry. It's a brave man who takes control of his own destiny.

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: Your destiny has been changed, Larry, by request, I might add. And you must take responsibility for the circumstances of your new life. They are, after all, of your own making.

Larry Joseph Burrows: Well, if I made 'em, I can unmake 'em!

Larry Joseph Burrows: Thanks. Thanks for everything. The good and the bad. Boy, you sure do know how to make a point. Oh, and listen, Mike - whatever you've got planned for the rest of my life? It's perfect.

Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar: [toasts] Happy birthday, Larry.