Mike Damone Quotes in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

[the "five-point plan"]

Mike Damone: First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Mike Damone: I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.

Mark Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.

Mike Damone: That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.

Mark Ratner: The attitude?

Mike Damone: Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

Mike Damone: You are a wuss: part wimp, and part pussy.

Mike Damone: I think I just came... didn't you feel it?

Mike Damone: I woke up in a great mood; I don't know what the hell happened.

Mike Damone: Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I'm tellin' ya, Rat, if this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?

Mike Damone: This is going to be great, Rat. It's like the highlight of their day.

Mark Ratner: Hey maybe we'd better call first. I dunno about dropping in like...

Mike Damone: What are you kidding? We're gunna surprise them. Look, just fix your collar, alright? Relax, just be cool, attitude, remember? Where'd you get that, outta the hamper?

Mark Ratner: Hey, come on, this is clean.

Mike Damone: Look Rat, it's like riding a bike. Fall off; you're right back on. Mess up a date, do it again.

Mike Damone: [at home watching TV, the phone rings, Mike picks it up] Hello?

Mark Ratner: Mike, it's Mark.

Mike Damone: Hey, what happened to your date?

Mark Ratner: It's happening right now. Everything's fine except...

[sighs]

Mark Ratner: ... I left my wallet at home.

Mike Damone: Why don't you go home and get it?

Mark Ratner: No, I can't! I'm here! The food's coming and everything. Look, would you do me a favor and just borrow your mom's car, drive to my house, get my wallet and-and bring it back here.

[Mike says nothing, unenthusiastic about the idea]

Mark Ratner: Hello? Mike? Mike?

Mike Damone: Jeez, I'm really kinda busy, Rat.

Mark Ratner: [desperately] Look, just do me this one favor, I swear I won't ask you for anything again in this lifetime or any other but just please do this for me.

Mike Damone: All right, but you owe me for this one.

Mark Ratner: [smiles, relieved] Okay, thanks. Thanks a lot. Thanks.

Mike Damone: [hangs up, looks back at the TV] What happened?

Mike Damone: I can see it all now, this is gonna be just like last summer. You fell in love with that girl at the Fotomat, you bought forty dollars worth of fuckin' film, and you never even talked to her. You don't even own a camera.