Mike Brady Quotes in The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)

Mike Brady: Put on your Sunday best kids. We're going to Sears!

Mike Brady: I couldn't have put it better myself, Jan. But I'll try anyway.

Mike Brady: As a wise man once said, "Wherever you go, there you are."

Carol Brady: Marcia it looks like rain, you better take your shawl. How about you Doug? Do you have any protection?

Doug: Oh, yes ma'am. Assorted colors and textures!

Carol Brady: Good for you!

Mike Brady: Have fun, kids.

Mike Brady: Cindy, you know by tattling on your friends, you're really just tattling on yourself. By tattling on your friends, you're just telling them that you're a tattletale. Now is that the tale you want to tell?

Mike Brady: Jan, a real friend likes you for who you are, not what's on your face. If you judge your friends for passing judgment on you, you're not only judging yourself you're judging your friends for judging you. And that would be using bad judgment.

Mike Brady: Our house is more important than money. This neighborhood is more important than money. Tell me. How many times have we borrowed each other's power tools or patched up each other's kids? We know so much about each other. I know that every January, Mr. Yeager is going to have that big Super Bowl party at his house. We know that every spring, Mrs. Simmons is going to have the prettiest daffodils on the block. We know that at 10:15 every Saturday morning, Mrs. Topping likes to walk through her living room naked. Call me old-fashioned, but these things are important, and they're not for sale. This is our neighborhood, and we're staying.

Mike Brady: Alone, we can only move buckets. But if we work together, we can drain rivers.

Mr. Phillips: How should I put this delicately, Mike? Your designs are from another time.

Mike Brady: That's kind of you to say, Mr. Phillips. I've always thought of my style as classic as well.

Mike Brady: A gift is only a good thing when the giver has given thought to that gift. But when the gift the giver gives gives grief, then that gift should give the givee regrets.

Peter Brady: Dad, I think I hit him in the head with these. I'm sorry, Mr. Phillips.

Mike Brady: Peter, drumsticks are not toys.

Peter Brady: Oh, they're not drumsticks, Dad. They're weapons.

Mike Brady: Well, weapons are not toys either, Peter.

[after Carol has fainted]

Mike Brady, Roy Martin: Honey, are you all right?

[they stare at each other]

Carol Brady: [not surprised] I'm all right.

Mike Brady: Roy, I have something I'd like to discuss with you

Roy: Is it about where I shop?

Mike Brady: No, but now that you mention it, I have that same suit in brown and green.

Roy: I know. You're wearing it.

Mike Brady: Ah. So I am.

Mike Brady: Us Bradys have to stick together, or we'll fall apart. Much like that house of cards. You see, a deck consists of 52 cards, and if the hearts didn't work with the diamonds and the spades with the clubs, then how the heck would we ever play a game of Gin Rummy? So, in keeping with the spirit of togetherness, I'm sure you kids know the right thing to do.

Mike Brady: You seem to be having quite an effect on Peter, Roy.

Roy Martin: Well, it's like I always say: "Veni, Vidi, Vici. I came, I saw, I conquered".

Mike Brady: Well, like I always say: "Caveat Emptor".

Roy Martin: Doesn't that mean "Buyer Beware"?

Mike Brady: Yes yes it does.

Mike Brady: Now maybe, just maybe, we're dealing with a mutant form of slug here, a kind that eats meat!

Kim Brady: Did you hear? About Harold and Jean Morris?

Mike Brady: Nope, why?

Kim Brady: They're dead.

Mike Brady: Ah, come on now...

Kim Brady: Yeah, I heard it on the news. There was some sort of explosion in their greenhouse. They were both inside.

Mike Brady: Wha-Wait a second, how'd this happen?

Kim Brady: No one knows.

Mike Brady: Ah, Jesus. They were nice people. I liked them a lot.

Kim Brady: I know, I did too.

Mike Brady: [long pause as Brady looks down at the garden] So what are you doing out here anyway?

Mike Brady: After I've dealt with these slugs, what do you say to we get naked and crazy?

Mike Brady: Sheriff, you don't mind if I smoke do you?

Sheriff Reese: I sure as hell do, Brady. You can muck up your own lungs if you want but don't mess with mine, goddammit.

Sheriff Reese: [Brady throws his cigarettes out the window] Today's your lucky day, Brady.

Mike Brady: Oh really, why's that?

Sheriff Reese: Littering's a $500 fine in this state, don't let me catch you doing it again.

Mike Brady: Sheriff, you know what they found in those candies you're eating? Rat shit and maggot's eggs!

Sheriff Reese: [Sheriff spits the candy out the window] Pfffttt!

Mike Brady: Oh, now sheriff... littering! That's a $500 fine!

Sheriff Reese: Son of a bitch.