Michelle Quotes in Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

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Michelle Quotes:

  • Peter Parker: I've got to go.

    Michelle: Where are you going?

    [Peter stares at her]

    Michelle: What are you hiding Peter?

    [Peter still stares at her, not knowing what to say]

    Michelle: [laughs] I'm just kidding. I don't care. Bye.

  • Peter Parker: I can't make it to the Decathlon next week. I have the Stark Internship.

    Michelle: Figures. He's already bailed out on band class and chess club.

    Michelle: [Everyone looks at her] I'm not obsessed with him, I'm just super observant.

  • [from trailer]

    Michelle: [as the Washington Monument is attacked] My friends are up there!

  • Michelle: You look awful. When's that last time you got some sleep?

    Stone: Three or four days ago.

  • Michelle: It bit me!

  • Michelle: Believe me, from where I come from, death is just an upgrade.

  • Michelle: You... You killed my brother.

    Abraham: And you just killed my sister. I guess we're even.

  • [last lines]

    Michelle: Please don't leave me. I don't want to lose you.

  • Michelle: Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you.

  • Paul: Wait a minute, fat boy. You lost your shares to the bank. You don't even have a right to be here!

    Michelle: Gee, it's funny you should bring that up, 'cause I'm not sure that you have the right to be here.

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Whoa, what have we got here? Oh, my God, it's a Police Report.

    Ray Zalinsky: What's all this about?

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Let's see. "Paul Barrish, married May 1993 to Beverly Barrish aka Beverly Burns". Richard, how could Beverly be married to Paul and my dad at the same time? Interesting!

    Richard Hayden: Yes. Provocative.

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: What I think it means is your marriage to my dad was never legal.

    Michelle: Which also means that Beverly's shares still belong to Tommy.

  • Michelle: I saw your step mom and your step brother and he was kissing her.

    Tommy: So?

    Michelle: With his tongue.

    TommyRichard: UGH.

    Richard: He's doing his mommy?

  • Paul: That's it! I'm not gonna take this.

    Richard Hayden: Uh, uh! It's not over yet, Lee Harvey.

    Michelle: Let's see... warrants outstanding: New Mexico-Mail Fraud. Colorado-Wire Fraud. And coming soon to Ohio, Computer Fraud.

    [Paul makes as if to say something, then makes a break for the door]

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: [shouts] Get him!

    Ray Zalinsky: Don't let him leave the complex, Marty.

    Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: [Paul runs into the Zalinsky auto testing center] Hey, you forgot your wife!

    Paul: Screw you! Screw all of you!

    [trips over the lever that starts the crash test; car drives fast]

    Paul: Not good.

    Ray Zalinsky: Hit the brakes!

    Paul: [screaming; car stops abruptly, sends Paul flying into a chair; a huge test bag drops down and smashes his testicles] Aaahh! Ohhh!

    Richard Hayden: Ooh! That will ruin his weekend.

  • Tommy: Hey, remember your brother Duane? Whatever happened to him? We used to go to Safeway all the time and get caught trying to steal doughnuts.

    Michelle: He's a cop. He had to get a real job when my parents moved to Cuyahoga Falls.

    Tommy: Wow!

    [awkward silence]

    Michelle: [holds up box of Dunkin' Donuts] Want one?

    Tommy: I'd better not. I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and I'd get them lodged right in this region here.

    [motioning at his stomach]

  • Michelle: [speaking really fast] Guess what? You'll never guess what, I'll betcha! Uncle Cornelius said I could go with you on your ramble today, but I'll betcha he's forgotten all about it, & I'll never, EVER get to see what the big surprise is!

    [inhales deeply]

    Michelle: What took you so long?

    Abigail: My dad!

    Edgar: My mother!

    Russell: No breakfast!

  • Michelle: Uncle Cornelius, your mouth is hanging open!

  • Edgar: [tapping a road with his foot] This ground isn't normal. It's hard.

    Michelle: [sniffing the road] And it smells kind of funny!

  • Michelle: Uncle Cornelius, why do you look so sad?

    Cornelius: My goodness!

    The Furlings: Michelle!

    Cornelius: Oh, Michelle! You're all right!

    Michelle: Of course, I am! I just had...

    [yawns]

    Michelle: ... a long nap!

  • Michelle: What's that?

    Cornelius: Great Honk!

    [sees the Flapper-Wing-A-Ma-Thing]

    Cornelius: My Flapper-Wing-A-Ma-Thing! But how did you get it here?

    Abigail: We built it.

    Russell: And we flew it!

    Cornelius: Marvelous! Magnificent! Stupendous! You three have changed so much these past few days, I hardly recognize you.

    [happily]

    Cornelius: You're no longer my Furlings. You've grown up.

  • Michelle: Look, Uncle Cornelius! All the mommies & daddies are coming back!

    Cornelius: Not all of them, my dear. I'll never be able to replace your mummy & daddy, but I'll do my best.

    [Michelle sniffles]

    Michelle: I guess nothing will ever be the same again, will it, Uncle Cornelius?

    Cornelius: Well, my dear, if we all work as hard to save Dapplewood as your three friends worked to save you, it will.

  • Cornelius: Well, Furlings, there are times when we must learn to accept... setbacks.

    Michelle: Looks like one of those times, doesn't it?

  • Abigail: I can hardly see him behind his papers. He must be working on an experiment.

    Edgar: Good. Maybe he won't notice we're late.

    Michelle: I bet he's working on the big surprise, I'll betcha!

    Russell: Oh, I LOVE surprises! Let's have a look!

  • Edgar: Come on, we'd better hurry!

    Michelle: If Uncle Cornelius asks, tell him it isn't MY fault you're late!

  • Michelle: Uncle Cornelius, what's "ru-rumertism"?

    Cornelius: Rheumatism, Michelle.

    [his back snaps]

  • Cornelius: Russell, you are one lucky hedgehog. It's far too rare for a Furling to survive an encounter with... with...

    Michelle: A monster?

    Cornelius: That is a good name for it.

  • Cornelius: Oh dear heavens, not here.

    Michelle: What happened? Where is everyone? MOMMY! DADDY!

    Cornelius: Michelle!

    [to Furlings]

    Cornelius: We must stop her! It's not safe!

  • Michelle: This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.

  • Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch!

    Jim: Michelle! Michelle.

  • Michelle: Oh, and this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.

    Jim: [spits out drink] Excuse me?

    Michelle: What? You don't think I know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is. Sex Ed. So, are we gonna screw soon? Cause I'm getting kinda antsy.

  • Michelle: Now, I have 2 rubbers. Wear them both. It will desensitize you. I don't want you cumming so damn early this time.

    Jim: What makes you think that I would cum early?

    Michelle: Come on, I saw you on the net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing.

    Jim: Yes I am.

  • Michelle: Hey, remember that one time at band camp, when we licked whipped cream off each other's p...

    Selena: [Interrupts Michelle] Yes, yes. I remember.

  • Jim Levenstein: Stifler's having a party tonight. OK, I know that doesn't sound romantic or anything, but remember our first time was at a Stifler party. You made me your bitch.

    Michelle: Yes. Yes I did.

  • Michelle: Everytime I wanna shop online and I start typing Amazon, amazingcollegesluts.com pops up.

  • Michelle: Get off my husband you little piece of shit!

  • Michelle: Mr. S? We came up with some names for the band.

    Dewey Finn: All right, hit me.

    Eleni: The Bumblebees?

    Dewey Finn: No, it's too sissy.

    Eleni: The Koala Bears?

    Dewey Finn: No, what are you talking about? It's too sissy.

    [Dewey sees Miss Mullins]

    Dewey Finn: Hey, Miss Mullins.

    Michelle: How about, Pig Rectum?

    Rosalie Mullins: Michelle!

    Dewey Finn: It's a science project.

  • [at the end of her song at the Moonlight Lounge]

    Delores: Good night, ladies and gentlemen!

    MichelleTina: [singing] Heat wave!

    Delores: You don't give a shit.

    MichelleTina: [singing] Heat wave!

    Delores: Let's get the hell outta here.

    MichelleTina: [singing] Heat wave!

    [the song ends and only two people applaud]

  • Delores: [after Vince has sent Delores a purple mink coat] Well obviously Mr. LaRocca feels he can win me back by sending me this absolutely *fabulous* coat.

    Michelle: Put it on, put it on!

    Tina: It's beautiful.

    Delores: You see, some girls would fall for this but not me. I think I'll make him wait a while before I let him know that I...

    Michelle: What?

    Delores: [Showing a monogram stitched into the inside of the coat] Connie LaRocca. It's his wife's coat. The man gave me his wife's coat.

    Michelle: I don't believe this.

    Tina: Put it back on! It's yours now, you deserve it.

    Delores: No, I don't *deserve* it, I haven't *earned* it. You don't *earn* other peoples wife's fur coats, okay? I think it's time to just go upstairs, give it back to him and get the hell out of this dump.

  • Michelle's Friend: You are so sweet. He *is* special.

    Michelle: He's my bitch.

  • Michelle: Now don't freak out I'm gonna do something to push your threshold.

    Jim: Ow that's cold. What is that?

    Michelle: I just shoved a trumpet in your ass. Aren't instruments fun?

  • Michelle: [from a deleted scene] Its just like this one time at band camp.

    Jim: Ah, Michelle I've been to band camp, it's not all what its cracked up to be.

  • Jim: Was I any good that night?

    Michelle: Jeez how could I forget? You sucked. You didn't know what the hell you were doing. But wasn't it fun even though you were so terrible?

    Jim: I'm sorry, "terrible?"

    Michelle: I've had worse.

    Jim: Oh.

    Michelle: Oh, sorry. I just... ah... I could give you some pointers. If you want.

  • Michelle: Holy Potatoes.

  • Michelle: Okay, pretend I'm a hot girl. Now what do you want to do?

    Jim: I want to feel your boobs.

    Michelle: No, you dingbat. You don't just go groping away. You gotta pre-heat the oven before you stick in the turkey.

  • [Jim is kissing Michelle's collar bone]

    Michelle: Good Jim. Ooh, you're making me wet.

    Jim: Holy shit, really?

    Michelle: No, I was just saying that so you could practice.

    Jim: 'course.

  • Jim: This is good. This is good. Obviously.

    Michelle: Oh. Gilligan's Island, Mr. Howell.

    Jim: Eh, what?

    Michelle: You've gotta control yourself and think of something non-sexual. I haven't even touched you yet and you're turning into the Sears Tower.

  • Michelle: This one time... um, here.

  • Michelle: What are you picking on us for any way? We are NOT the ones who got fat.

    Christie: We're pregnant, you half-wit.

    Michelle: Oh yeah? Well, I hope your babies look like monkeys!

  • Michelle: You know, you really shouldn't let people fill out applications if you don't want them to actually try to get a job here. No, no, that's all I have to say.

  • Michelle: How did a little perv like you, turn into such a great guy?

    Jim: How did a little nympho like you, turn into such a great girl?

    Michelle: I'm still a nympho.

    Jim: Well, I'm still a perv.

  • Michelle: Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls.

  • Jim's Dad: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"?

    Michelle: I don't know. I just call it "boning".

    Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?

    Michelle: Horny, like I wanna bone.

    Jim's Dad: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.

    Michelle: Oh, you've never tried it?

    Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.

  • Michelle: Wow, Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. It's like, monkeys learning to use tools for the first time.

  • [Jim and Michelle are discussing Stifler]

    Michelle: Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence.

    Jim: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think.

    Michelle: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.

  • Michelle: So Finch, what will you do with your fancy NYU diploma?

    Paul Finch: I'll frame it. Then I'll write my memoirs.

  • Michelle: Hmm... horny, like I wanna bone!

  • Jim: Michelle, I'm going to ask you something I've never asked before.

    Michelle: [eagerly] Is it kinky?

  • Sam McCord: Well, I'm savin' a life, that's all I know.

    Michelle: Maybe, but you don't make any sense at all! Which is all right, because if you're too drunk to talk, we'll find something else to do.

    Sam McCord: That's perfect. You even sound like a wife!

    Michelle: I do not consider that a compliment!

    Sam McCord: I'm on your side, lady! It's my only politics: anti-wife! Any woman who devotes herself to making one man miserable instead of a lot of men happy don't get my vote.

  • Sam McCord: This is my old friend Lena Nordquist.

    Michelle: How do you do, Mrs Nordquist?

    Sam McCord: Well, come on, come on! There's nothing to fear. She's half-human.

  • Michelle: [Sam enters the cabin and picks up his revolver belt] Is he that mad?

    Sam McCord: He's not even here! Over at another mine, fighting some claim-jumpers. One good thing about that, them shootin' at him will take George's mind off Jenny.

    Michelle: Yes. A bullet through the head is always the best cure for love.

  • Michelle: Are you going to leave me here alone?

    Sam McCord: Make yourself at home. Billy's here.

    Michelle: Who's Billy?

    Sam McCord: George's little kid brother.

    Michelle: How little?

    Sam McCord: Seventeen. But he's man enough to take care of you!

    Michelle: That's what I'm afraid of!

  • Billy Pratt: [sniffing Michelle's neck after she seats her at the table] Oh, golly, you smell good!

    Michelle: Thank you. Whatever you're cooking smells good, too.

    Billy Pratt: I'd rather smell you.

    Michelle: Uhm... Shall we dine?

  • [Ryce sees Taylor talking to another girl]

    Michelle: Ah, forget her. He like you, he told me.

    [they see the girl Taylor is talking to again]

    Michelle: God, you can see her bra right through her shirt. Like totally accidental, I'm sure.

  • Sue: Its all your fault. If you'd had sex wi' him, he wouldn't have to go elsewhere.

    Sue's Mum: Keep you mouth shut!

    Michelle: Well, Is that you've been saying you dirty bastard?

  • Michelle: My husband is not a dirty bastard, it's your daughter and her so-called "mate".

  • Michelle: [while ironing Bobs trousers Sue finds a packet of condoms inside his pocket] What the bloody hell are you doin' with a packet of these?

    Bob: Me and Joe were havin' a laugh with 'em in the pub. We were blowin' 'em up!

    Michelle: I'm sorry to tell ya but I don't believe yer.

    Bob: Well go and see Joe and ask him yer self then.

    Michelle: [while tossing the packet at him] Yer a lyin' bastard, you've been arsin' around again.

    Bob: Don't be silly!

    Michelle: What's the matter, do you think I'm thick? I know you've been pissin' about.

    Bob: How do you know anythin'?

    Michelle: Staying out 'til all hours in the morning and making stupid excuses!

    Bob: So what?

    Michelle: I bet it was that dirty little bitch you was screwing before. The trouble with you Bob is you're sex mad.

    Bob: Ah don't be daft woman.

  • Ashby: Michelle, what do you do?

    Michelle: Well, that all depends on who I'm with.

  • Michelle: Why, Ashby darling, you want romance? Read a novel. You want me? I'm upstairs.

  • RebeccaMichelleCarrie: Here's to the men that we love, here's to the men that love us. But the men that we love will never love us so fuck all that, here's to us.

  • Michelle: Did you sleep with Charlie the Tuna last night or do you need to douche?

  • Michelle: Girl, are you crazy your big ol' titty's hangin' out.

  • Michelle: You're kind of cute, for a white boy.

    Tony: You know, you're white?

    Michelle: Don't you ever call me that!

  • Michelle: What up, Dick? Just a little warning: that ain't mud on your bed.

  • Michelle: What you need to do is get your titties done like me. I might be hungry, but I look good.

  • Michelle: You like that, don't you, little Cracker Boy?

  • Michelle: WORD!

  • Michelle: [while waxing a man] You a cyclist of just play for the other team?

  • [last lines]

    Chad: Goodnight, movie girlfriend.

    Michelle: Goodnight.

  • [first lines]

    Louise: [on the phone] Michelle.

    Michelle: Yeah?

    Louise: I threw heck to the wind and drove up to the country a day early, want to surprise Ian, spend the long weekend with him. So, I need you to call Metler and tell him that the papers were filed yesterday and everything is fine, and I will talk to him first thing on Monday morning. Then call my dentist, cancel my appointment, and reschedule it for Tuesday afternoon. And then cancel my meetings for the rest of the day. You know what to do, that's why you are my assistant. Kiss, kiss, kiss.

  • Michelle: Are you asking me out?

    Luke: I'll-I'll just sit there, I won't talk

  • Michelle: Your parents are simple, ignorant people. They love you; they just can't accept you.

  • Michelle: Cameron is your roommate. He is not your friend. Why do you keep confusing the two?

    Blaine: He's a gay man. We have a code of ethics, you know.

  • [Blaine laments that Xander slept with Cameron under the mistaken impression that he was Blaine]

    Michelle: As far as Xander's concerned, he didn't do anything wrong. He slept with you - well, I mean "Blaine" - and you can't blame him for that.

    Blaine: Nope, I can't, but I can't be happy about it. Christ! I just hope I wasn't any good!

  • Michelle: Wow, that is fascinating.

    Blaine: Isn't it?

    Michelle: No. I was practicing my sarcasm. How'm I doing?

  • Michelle: You know you belong in a mental institute, right? And I say that from a place of love.

    Blaine: Why do I tolerate you?

  • Michelle: She put the shotgun in her mouth, said goodbye, and pulled the trigger. So I put my shotgun in my mouth, said goodbye, and pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. Shells weren't in the book.

  • Michelle: Michelle: They are better than us because they still feel something, they still dream something. Something that hasn't been ripped out of them by hair cuts, and lattes with what kind of milk, and an ass that won't stop growing, and a husband who can't get his dick up.

  • [first lines]

    narrator: Welcome to the Jeffers Corporation, the largest and friendliest and most profitable corporation in the history of mankind.

    George: [gives middle finger to wall portrait] Good morning Mr. Jeffers.

    Michelle: [arrives giving middle-finger-salute] Jeffers morning.

    George: [returns middle-finger-salute] Jeffers morning.

  • Michelle: You know, most guys don't have the balls to get in the ring with me.

    Peck: Yeah... balls. I had some around here somewhere.

  • Gracie: Get off my bed.

    Michelle: Fuck you, bitch.

  • Richard Walker: Dede's been dead for over 12 hours.

    Michelle: How do you know? What are you, a doctor?

    Richard Walker: No corpse stinks that much after only 12 hours. Take my word for it. Yes, I am a doctor.

  • Richard Walker: I woke up and you were gone.

    Man in Tweed: Who is him?

    Michelle: He's... you know.

    Richard Walker: You guys make so much noise. Who are you? These guys are friends of yours?

    Michelle: Not really.

    Richard Walker: What the fucking are we talking about?

    Man in Tweed: Take it easy, there is some mistake.

    Man in Leather: He's American, he may be crazy.

    Richard Walker: You goddamn right, there is some mistake.

    Man in Leather: Cool it. Cool it. Just cool it, mister. We're only asking the young lady a few questions.

    Richard Walker: You're not asking her jack shit, man. C'mon. Go on. Now get out of here, I don't have all day.

    Man in Leather: I'll go in my own time.

    Richard Walker: [pushes the guy away] You'll go now. Don't mess with me, man. I'm an American and I am crazy!

  • Michelle: What kind of music do you like?

    Richard Walker: What? Oldies, I like oldies.

    Michelle: Oldies? Yeah, me too. You like this?

    ["I've Seen This Face Before" by Grace Jones is playing on the radio]

    Richard Walker: This? This is not old.

    Michelle: Well, three, four years.

  • Michelle: [Looking at Walker's ransacked hotel room] I thought my place was messy!

    Richard Walker: Yeah, well, there's always someone who'll do you one better, huh?

  • Michelle: You want your wife back or what? Then relax, be cool and just walk. We'll give them what they want. You will get your wife, I'll get my money and everyone will be happy... except Dédé.

  • Man in Tweed: Who gave you the instructions?

    Michelle: Dédé Martin.

    Man in Tweed: Who else?

    Michelle: Nobody else, just Dédé. He is a friend of mine.

    Man in Tweed: Uh uh. He was.

    Michelle: He was.

    Man in Tweed: So, then you left the statue in the locker, right?

    Michelle: The suitcase.

    Man in Tweed: The suitcase?

    Michelle: I was supposed to leave the statue but I saw him at the station and I panicked. I recognized him from the plane.

    Man in Leather: Bullshit! That's bullshit! The plane was packed. She didn't know where I was sitting.

    Michelle: Oh the stewardess spilled coffee on you. He has a bad temper.

    Man in Tweed: Yes, he has. So, you saw him at the station, right?

    Michelle: By the lockers.

    Man in Tweed: And you panicked? And...

    Michelle: I threw the suitcase in the locker.

    Man in Tweed: With the statue?

    Michelle: No, just the suitcase.

    Man in Tweed: You took the statue out.

    Michelle: No, it wasn't there.

    Man in Tweed: Where was the statue, dear?

    Michelle: In another suitcase.

    Man in Leather: [starts pulling Michelle's hair] What is this crap? What other suitcase? What other suitcase? Do you think we are idiots? Or what?

    Michelle: I don't think you're an idiot. Please.

  • Michelle: [on Chris Montez - The More I See You] I can't stand this music.

  • Richard Walker: Where is she?

    Michelle: Please don't kill me.

    Richard Walker: Where is she?

    Michelle: What do you want?

    Richard Walker: My wife.

    Michelle: What wife?

    Richard Walker: Where is she?

    Michelle: Why did you kill Dédé? Why did you kill him?

    Richard Walker: I didn't. I didn't kill anyone.

    Michelle: What do you want from me?

    Richard Walker: [holding matches from the Blue Parrot] Look familiar?

    Michelle: Where did you get that?

    Richard Walker: Your suitcase.

    Michelle: So you have it! Then pay me what you owe me. I did my job.

    Richard Walker: Job?

    Michelle: That's right. You know what I mean.

    Richard Walker: No, I don't know what you mean. All I know is I that I have your suitcase and you have my wife's. Do you understand?

    [shouting]

    Richard Walker: You picked up the wrong suitcase at the airport!

  • Man in Tweed: Once again, where is it?

    Michelle: I don't know!

    Man in Leather: Like hell you don't! Slut!

    Man in Tweed: They don't teach you to talk to young girls. Keep it in English and cut the good cop, bad cop shit. There's no time. Come on, we're French. We understand each other, don't we? Trust us. We don't go around cutting throats. We're no bandits. We're just not that kind of people. We can protect you. Show us some good will and we'll show you good will, okay?

    Man in Leather: At the airport in San Francisco, a blond guy kissed on both cheeks? What did he say?

    Michelle: Bon voyage.

    Man in Leather: He gave you something.

    Man in Tweed: She already told you. He gave her the Statue of Liberty. She put it in her suitcase. He gave you the Statue of Liberty. You put it in the suitcase. And then?

    Michelle: I got on the plane.

    Man in Tweed: In Paris, what did you do?

    Michelle: I put it it my locker.

    Man in Tweed: And the key, the key to the locker?

    Michelle: I left in the phone booth with chewing gun under the shelf.

    Man in Tweed: [a pigeon flies outside scaring everyone] Check the bathroom.

  • Douglas Shaap: The device doesn't belong to you, doctor Walker.

    Richard Walker: Doesn't belong to you either.

    Michelle: [punches the table] It belongs to me! I brought it over!

  • Michelle: I am cold, Walker...

  • Michelle: He's got to choose who he wants to be.

    Vincent LaMarca: Yeah, you think we got a choice? Nah, we just pretend that we got a choice.

  • Howard: [the three friends are playing charades in the shelter] I'm always watching.

    Emmett: Uh, God...?

    Howard: [solemnly] I know what you're doing. I see everything.

    Emmett: [faltering] Wha... uh, uh...

    Howard: I see you when you're sleeping! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

    Emmett: ...Um...

    [Emmet and Michelle stare at each other nervously]

    Howard: [seemingly going into a fit] I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO! I SEE EVERYTHING YOU DO! I'M ALWAYS WATCHING!

    Emmett: Uh, Howard...?

    Michelle: [blurting out] Santa Claus!

    Howard: [suddenly calm and cheerful] ... Yeah, Michelle! Except it was Emmet's turn, not yours. I'm claiming five points.

  • Emmett: Could have been the Russians, aliens, maybe the South Koreans...

    Michelle: You mean North Koreans?

    Emmett: Is that the crazy one? Then yeah.

  • Howard: Have a drink.

    Michelle: What is it?

    Howard: ...Technically, it's vodka... it's safe, I distilled it myself.

    [Michelle tries some and then makes a disgusted face]

    Howard: I just said I distilled it, I didn't say anything about it actually tasting good.

  • Michelle: [apprehensively to Howard] Yes, I will behave... and I'm SO sorry.

  • Michelle: [to Howard, about using the toilet] I... I can't go with you standing right here!

    Howard: Look, I'm not some pervert! Just go!... Don't flush until you've gone. Flushing wastes water.

  • Michelle: [holds up one of Howard's daughter's outdated girly magazines] Look, look at this! We could use this.

    Emmett: [incredulous] What, the 'ten new ways to style your bangs'?

  • Steven: I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off.

    Michelle: Me too!

  • Michelle: Your point of view is so different from mine.

  • Mike: Did you, uh, know... that chocolate... is the symbol of love?

    Michelle: Mmm... feed me.

  • Gavin Banek: What am I gonna do?

    Michelle: Well... there's this guy. He helps with things that need... helping out.

    Gavin Banek: Like what?

    Michelle: Like things. Like... getting people to do things you want them to do when they don't necessarily want to do them.

  • Michelle: [showing her breasts posing for Jack's photograph] What?

    Jack Burridge: [laughing] You're fucking nuts. Carry on. Keep going! Keep going! Keep going!

  • Michelle: [about Jack's local hero news in the paper] Hey hero! Look what I've got!

    Jack Burridge: [embarrassed] Horrible, horrible.

  • Michelle: [at Jack's photo] Look at you, so cute!

  • Michelle: We're wrecking like trains.

  • Michelle: Are you high?

    FH: No...yeah...but I need to talk to you.

  • Eugene: You are going to play on a computer and behave. You hear me? Now listen, no trash talkin', no cursing. Just play your game.

    Michelle: No trash talkin', no cursing? That *is* my game.

  • Rocky: Michelle... this is a tape of me and my last girlfriend.

    Michelle: Oh, Rocky, I'm flattered, but I really don't think that's any of my business!

    Rocky: Huh? Wait, no, this one ain't that. I don't think.

    [reads label]

    Rocky: No. This one ain't that.

  • Michelle: What are we going to do now?

    Todd: All right, we'll all split up and search this whole area. The canoes have to be around here somewhere.

    Sophie: What happens if we don't find them?

    Todd: Then we'll build a raft, or something.

    [the campers murmur and grumble]

  • [Alfred has been caught scaring Sally in the shower]

    Todd: What do you have to say about that, Alfred?

    Alfred: I only meant to scare her.

    Michelle: You only meant to scare her. Well, you sure as hell did scare her!

  • Michelle: Your tiring your self, you cant stand still for 2 seconds.

  • Michelle: There's road kill all over Texas.

  • [first lines]

    Michelle: [narration] Six Months, that's how long it took for the world as we knew it to come to an end. The bible preached the world would end in fire and war. It ended in plauges and hunger. All brought on by the technology built to protect us. Conventional Weapons weren't enough, we built more powerful weapons. Weapons capable of spreading disease, plagues or hunger, weapons designed to do the un-imaginable... and in the end, it took one man with one weapon.

  • Bennett: [walks up to the hideous-looking troll woman at the gas station - thinking she's hot] Hi!

    Michelle: Hi... what are you doing?

    [they then stare vacantly at each other for several seconds with no dialogue... and the movie cuts to later with Bennett by himself at the gas pump]

  • [first lines]

    [Michelle is tied to a chair in an abandoned house]

    Michelle: Let me go. Let me go! Let me go, you son-of-a-bitch, let me go!

    [Michelle's abductor moves menacingly towards her]

    Michelle: Ah, please, please, just let me go, please. No! No! Please, no.

  • Michelle: Do you know of any placed to eat around here? I was looking for like a really good "B.B.Q." place.

    Peter: Oh, well I don't know of a lot of good "B.B.Q." places around here but there's a great "Barbecue" place that's not so far away.

    Michelle: Are you making fun of me? You're lucky you're funny.

    Peter: Thank you. I like making people "L.O.L."

  • Conor: [CONOR walks back into the main room where MICHELLE is sitting on the couch. There are two whiskies on the table in front of her] I see you've been to New York.

    Michelle: Yeah, have you?

    Conor: No, I nearly went.

    Michelle: You should go, it's a cool place.

    Conor: I should have done a lot of things.

    Michelle: Oh, like what?

    Conor: Oh you know things.

    [MICHELLE smiles. CONOR points to a scar MICHELLE has between her eyebrows]

    Conor: What's that?

    Michelle: What?

    Conor: That.

    Michelle: [CONOR makes a gesture towards her forehead. MICHELLE smiles] Do you want the truth or a lie?

    Conor: Whatever?

    Michelle: I was bitten by a swan.

    Conor: Bitten by a swan, yeah?

    [CONOR leans over and kisses her tenderly]

  • Michelle: It's always been in my head. My Dad said I'd be a good lawyer. Argumentative kid, apparently.

    Conor: Do you like it?

    Michelle: It's good money.

    Conor: That's not what I asked.

    Michelle: Ah you know, you win some, you lose some.

    Conor: I'd say you don't like losing.

    Michelle: No I don't. You ask a lot of questions.

    Conor: I'm interested.

    Michelle: In law?

    Conor: What do you think?

    Michelle: I think there's more to you than meets the eye.

    Conor: Do you?

    Michelle: Maybe. My turn.

    Conor: Ah look I'll save you the bother. Male, early thirties, works in pub, smoker. Seeks similar, no time wasters kinda thing.

    [MICHELLE laughs]

    Conor: I meet a lot of interesting people in my job too. Every day there's people coming in telling me all kinds of stuff. New faces, new stories. I think people find it easier to say things to strangers.

    Michelle: Do you like strangers?

    Conor: Have you got any sweets?

    [MICHELLE laughs]

  • Michelle: I told Mommy and they're mad at me. I think they're hiding Foo Foo.

    Wendy: Michelle. No one's mad at you. Foo's probably just on an adventure. You know how rabbits are...

  • Michelle: [just before jumping out of skyrise window] I think I prefer the view outside, actually.

Browse more character quotes from Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

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