Michaelangelo Quotes in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Michaelangelo: [watching a "Tortoise and the Hare" cartoon on TV] Go! Move it, will ya? Aw, you're letting him blow right by ya! Can you believe this guy? Come on! Don't just...! Ninja-kick the damn rabbit! Do something!

[last lines]

Leonardo: We were awesome!

Michaelangelo: Bodacious!

Raphael: Bitchin'!

Donatello: Uh...

Michaelangelo: Gnarly!

Leonardo: Radical!

Raphael: Totally tubular, dude!

Michaelangelo: Wicked!

Leonardo: Hellacious!

Donatello: Uh, mega...

[Splinter clears his throat, the Turtles clam up]

Splinter: I have always liked... Cowabunga.

Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael, Donatello: COWABUNGA!

Splinter: [laughs] I made a funny!

Splinter: For 15 years now, we have lived here. Before that time, I was a pet of my master Yoshi. When we were forced to come to New York, I found myself for the first time without a home, wandering thew sewers, scavaging for whatever I could find. And then, one day, I came upon a shattered glass jar and four baby turtles.

Michaelangelo: [interrupts] That was us! Hee hee.

Donatello: Shut up! Oh, no...

Splinter: The little ones were crawling into a strange glowing ooze from a broken canister nearby. I gathered them up in an old coffee can and when I awoke the next morning, I received a shock. For they had doubled in size. I, too, was growing. Particularly in intellect. I was amazed by how intelligent they seemed, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next: one of them spoke.

Young Michaelangelo: [in flashback] Pizza. Pizza.

Splinter: More words followed, and I began their training. Teaching them all that I had learned from my master. And soon, I gave them all names: Leonardo, Michaelangelo

Michaelangelo: That's me.

Splinter: Donatello.

[he makes a heroic-sounding hum]

Splinter: and Raphael.

April: I'm not dreaming, am I?

Splinter: No. I'm afraid not.

Delivery Man: [searching for Michaelangelo's address] OK, 122... 122 1/8? 122 1/8. Terrific. Where the heck is 122 1/8?

Michaelangelo: [through the sewer grate] You're standing on it, Dude! Just pass it down here!

[the Delivery Man passes pizza through the grate, and $10 is passed up]

Delivery Man: Gimme that!... Hey, this is a $10! The tab's $13!

Michaelangelo: You're two minutes late, dude!

Delivery Man: Oh, come on, I couldn't find the place!

Michaelangelo: Wise man say: "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."

Delivery Man: [walks away] I gotta get a new route. And I thought I delivered everywhere...

Michaelangelo: [Leonardo slices up pizza] Yes, friends, the new tubo ginsu. Wa-hoo! It dices, it slices, and it makes French fries and three different...

[a pizza slice lands on Splinter's head]

Michaelangelo: WHOOPS.

Splinter: Kids.

Michaelangelo: God, I LOVE *BEING A TURTLE*!

Michaelangelo: Oh man, I could go for a little deep dish action right about now.

Danny: I had some pizza here the other day. There might be some left over.

[Donatello takes a look]

Michaelangelo: Well?

Donatello: Question!

Michaelangelo: Grrr, yeah?

Donatello: Do you like penicillin on your pizza?

Michaelangelo: Doh!

[Donatello and Michelangelo start humming "Taps" and set the pizza aside]

Michaelangelo: [imitating Rocky Balboa] Uh, yo well, uh, maybe I'll fight Apollo, uh, maybe I won't, you know. What do you think? Adrian.

[everyone laughs]

Michaelangelo: Okay, I got another one. Oh, this is totally cool.

Raphael: Oh no, not Cagney.

Michaelangelo: [imitating James Cagney] You dirty rat. You killed my brudda. You dirty rat. Oooh. Woo-hoo.

[everyone laughs]

April O'Neil: That must be Splinter's favorite.

[the turtles glare at her]

April O'Neil: It was a joke.

[they pause, then burst out laughing]

Donatello: We were awesome.

Michaelangelo: Yes, Dudes and Dudettes, major-league butt-kicking is back in town.

Leonardo: Awesome!

Michaelangelo: Righteous!

Donatello: Bossa Nova!

[Leonardo and Michaelangelo look at Donatello]

Michaelangelo: Dude, "Bossa Nova"?

Donatello: Chevy Nova?

[Leonardo and Michaelangelo groan]

Donatello: Excellent!

[Leonardo and Michaelangelo cheer in approval; Raphael walks sullenly behind them]

Casey Jones: [to the Foot soldiers of Raph] You guys mind telling me what you're doing to my little green pal over there, hm?

[sees April]

Casey Jones: Oh, who is the babe?

Leonardo: Who the heck is that?

Michaelangelo: Wayne Gretzky on steroids?

Donatello: Nice night.

Michaelangelo: Mm-hm. Pizza dude's got thirty seconds.

Donatello: Mm-hm. Hey Mikey, did you ever think about what Splinter said tonight? I mean about what it would be like... You know, not having him?

Michaelangelo: Hmm... Time's up, three bucks off!

Raphael: Where's Splinter?

The Shredder: Ah, the rat. So it has a name...

[remembering his order to kill Splinter]

The Shredder: It HAD a name.

Leonardo: [furiously pushes past the other turtles] You LIE!

The Shredder: Do I?

The Shredder: [Leo lunges at Shredder, who trips him up with his spear and pins him to the ground] He dies! Weapons!

[the turtles grasp their weapons]

The Shredder: NOW!

[Mike, Don and Raph chuck their weapons over the side of the building]

The Shredder: Fools. Ha, ha. The three of you may have overpowered me with the loss of but one! Now your fate... will be HIS!

Michaelangelo, Donatello, Raphael: NOOOO!

The Shredder: [confronting the turtles] You fight well... in the old style. But you've caused me enough trouble. Now you face: the Shredder.

Donatello: The Shredder?

Michaelangelo: Uuh... maybe all that hardware's for making coleslaw.

Michaelangelo: [sees that Raph has brought home an unconscious April] Can we keep her?

[a member of the Foot pulls out a nunchuk]

Michaelangelo: Oh, a fellow chucker, eh?

[engages in a contest with the Foot Ninja, and wins]

Michaelangelo: Keep practicing!

Donatello: Good thing these guys aren't lumberjacks.

Michaelangelo: No joke. The only thing safe in the woods... would be the trees!

Leonardo: [of Shredder, who just showed up] Can anyone tell me who or what this is?

Michaelangelo: Don't know, but I bet it never has to look for a can-opener.

April O'Neil: I'd like to invite you all in but I really don't have anything to offer you guys except for some... frozen pizza.

Michaelangelo: [springs up from the manhole like a jack-in-the-box] Let's go for it!

Donatello: You said the magic word.

April O'Neil: You guys eat pizza?

Michaelangelo, Donatello: Doesn't everybody?

April O'Neil: Um, yeah... alright.

Leonardo: [from below] Hey, did she say pizza?

[fighting Foot Soldiers]

Michaelangelo: Hey Donny, looks like this one is suffering from SHELL shock!

Donatello: Too derivative.

Michaelangelo: Well, I guess we can really SHELL it out!

Donatello: Too cliché.

Michaelangelo: Well, it was a SHELL of a good hit!

Donatello: I like it!

[fighting Foot Soldiers]

Leonardo: One of these guys must know where they're holding Splinter, so don't knock them all out.

Michaelangelo: [getting beat] I don't think that will be a problem, Leo.

Raphael: So what do we do now?

Leonardo: What do you mean, what do we do now?

Raphael: Splinter's out there somewhere.

Leonardo: I know Splinter's out there.

Michaelangelo: [guessing what's about to happen] Fight?

Donatello: Fight.

Michaelangelo: Kitchen?

Donatello: Kitchen.

Michaelangelo: Yeah.

[both Michaelangelo and Donatello leave]

Raphael: So what are we gonna do about it?

Leonardo: What CAN we do about it? April's our only link to these guys. We have to wait until she comes up with something.

Raphael: Oh, so that's the plan from the "great leader", huh? Just sit here on our butts!

Leonardo: I never said I was a great leader.

Raphael: Well you sure act like it sometimes.

Leonardo: Yeah? Well, you act like a JERK sometimes, you know that? And this attitude of yours isn't helping anything.

Raphael: Yeah? Well, maybe I'll just take my attitude and LEAVE!

Leonardo: Why don't you?

Raphael: I will.

Leonardo: Good!

Raphael: Great!

Leonardo: Go ahead! We don't need ya!

Michaelangelo: [listening from the kitchen] Pork rind?

Donatello: Pork rind.

Michaelangelo: Hey Donny, Wheel of Fortune, Dude.

[spins around on his shell, knocking down several Foot Soldiers]

Donatello: Hmm, I guess they're not game show fans.

Michaelangelo: And I thought everybody loved Vanna.

April O'Neil: My nearest neighbors are about four miles away. I need to get to a phone and call my boss.

Casey Jones: You mean Charles?

April O'Neil: Yes; how did you know that?

Casey Jones: He left a message on your machine, uh, just before we got out...

April O'Neil: And?

Casey Jones: Well, hey, you just saved yourself an eight-mile round-tripper. Um... You were fired.

April O'Neil: I just saved myself?

Casey Jones: [oblivious to the dark tone] Mm-hm.

Donatello, Michaelangelo: Uh-oh.

April O'Neil: What did you do? Did you take classes in insensitivity?

Casey Jones: I was just trying to break it to you easy.

April O'Neil: Oh, well you FAILED miserably...

Casey Jones: Hey, broadzilla, you wouldn't even be standin' here if it weren't for me, okay?

April O'Neil: Oh, well what do you want? You want a thank you?

Casey Jones: ...No. It's me who should thank you for that priviledge, right?

April O'Neil: Fine!

Casey Jones: Yeah.

April O'Neil: Thank you.

Casey Jones: No, thank YOU!

April O'Neil: You're welcome!

Casey Jones: YOU'RE welcome!

[they go into two separate rooms and slam the doors]

Donatello: Gosh, it's kinda like Moonlighting, isn't it?

[Michaelangelo nods]

April O'Neil: Will I ever see you guys again?

Michaelangelo: Indubitably!

Leonardo: Well, that depends on how fast you restock your pizza.

[Foot Soldiers broke in through windows]

Michaelangelo: Boy, and I thought insurance salesmen were pushy!

[Michaelangelo jumps out of nowhere, startling April]

Michaelangelo: That was close. Whoa, time to switch to decaf, April.

April O'Neil: So, what do you guys like on your pizza?

Michaelangelo: Oh, just the regular stuff: flies, stink bugs... It was a joke.

April O'Neil: [of Raphael] Well... I *was* going to give you guys a tour of the store. Shall we go get him?

Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Donatello: No.

Donatello: Uh... he just needs to blow off some steam.

Michaelangelo: Yeah.

[after easilly defeating dozens of foot soldiers, the turtles are suddenly getting decimated by their leader, Shredder]

Michaelangelo: [Out of breath] Okay... At what point... did we lose... control, here?

April O'Neil: Are you guys sure you know where you're going?

Michaelangelo: 11th and Bleeker?

[Sniffs the air]

Michaelangelo: Nope, this is only 9th St. Ha ha! Get it?

April O'Neil: Yeah.

Michaelangelo: Okay!

Michaelangelo: [on the phone ordering a pizza] Oh, and I want no anchovies. And I mean, NO anchovies. You put anchovies on this thing and you're in big trouble, okay?

Donatello: The perimeter's quiet.

Leonardo: Yeah, a little too quiet.

[Donatello knocks two Foot soldiers out]

Donatello: Well, that was easy!

Leonardo: Yeah, a little too easy.

Donatello: Look! It's Raph!

Michaelangelo: Yeah, a little too Raph.

Splinter: Were you seen?

Leonardo: Of course not, Master Splinter.

Donatello: We practiced Ninja.

Michaelangelo: [off camera] The art of invisibility.

[appears from behind Raph]

Splinter: [holds up the New York Post, with a front page picture of the turtles on stage, with the headline "Ninja Rap is Born!"] Practice harder.

[the turtles groan]

Splinter: Ten flips, now! And remember:

[quoting the song played at the show]

Splinter: "Go Ninja, go Ninja, go!" I made another funny! Ha ha ha ha!

Splinter: Their world can never be ours.

Michaelangelo: Uh... Not even pizza?

Splinter: [after pause] Pizza's okay.

[the turtles sigh with relief]

Michaelangelo: Man, give a guy a heart attack.

Michaelangelo: [seeing Tokka and Rahzar] Hey didn't we see these guys on WrestleMania?

Leonardo: Get it?

Donatello: Got it.

Raphael: Good.

Michaelangelo: I don't get it.

[the Turtles have been rescued by Splinter]

Leonardo: That's right, Shredder, you forgot, we carry insurance.

Michaelangelo: Yeah, Mutual Splinter dude!

Leonardo: Take the ugly one!

Raphael: No, you take the ugly one!

Donatello: I'll take the ugly one.

Michaelangelo: Which one's the ugly one?

Michaelangelo: Guys, guys! I've just thought of something. Two words that'll solve all our housing problems! Time share!

Donatello: [taps on Michaelangelo's head] Hmmm, not quite ripe yet.

[the turtles face Tokka and Rahzar for the first time]

Raphael: Well, you know what they say? The bigger they are...

[runs and jump-kicks Rahzar but rebounds and crashes to the floor]

Michaelangelo: ...The more bones they break.

[cooking up an anti-mutagen to transform Tokka and Rahzar]

Michaelangelo: You think this stuff is gonna work?

Donatello: Well, we won't know for sure until we spray those guys.

Professor Jordan Perry: Well, actually...

Donatello: Actually?

Professor Jordan Perry: Actually... ingestion is the only course.

Michaelangelo: You mean they have to eat it?

Professor Jordan Perry: Affirmative. Yes. Yo. Right on... my man.

Michaelangelo: Hey, Dudes! Cowabunga says it all.

Michaelangelo: I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, Michaelangelo: Man, I love being a turtle!

Raphael: Too bad the Shredder can't say the same thing.

April O'Neil: [picks up phone] Donny?

Donatello: April...

April O'Neil: Where are you guys? Did you find a new place to live yet?

Donatello: Yeah, we'll bring you down. We've only had time to pick up Splinter and get a few essentials.

Michaelangelo: [holding out a bag of potato chips] Yeah, the bare essentials.

Donatello: The reason while we're calling is, have you seen Raphael by any chance?

April O'Neil: Raphael? Why, is he missing?

Leonardo: You know, there is still a little more stuff to help with, Michaelangelo!

Michaelangelo: Hey! I'm helping Donny!

[tries to pry the phone from him]

Michaelangelo: Gimme the phone!

Donatello: NO!

[flips Michaelangelo to the ground]

Donatello: So you haven't seen him at all then, huh?

Leonardo: Well, if she has, tell him thanks for wasting our time, because instead of going to look for the ooze like we should, we gotta go out and look for him instead!

[slams box on Donatello's foot]

Donatello: Owww!

April O'Neil: What was that?

Donatello: Leo says hi!

Michaelangelo: Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone!

Donatello: Oh, all right, all right, here!

Michaelangelo: April, this is Mikey, I'd just like to say: HELLOOOOO, muah, muah, muah, muah, muah...

Donatello: WOULD YOU GIVE ME THAT!

[April laughs as they start arguing again]

Michaelangelo: Ahh, ninja pizza!

Donatello: "Ninja pizza"?

Michaelangelo: Pizza that vanish quickly without trace!

Splinter: Michaelangelo, show the professor where he may rest.

Michaelangelo: Righty-o. This way, dude. It ain't the Hilton.

[opens subway car and they both look in]

Michaelangelo: Um, let's face it, you'd be better off staying at the Hilton.

[smoke bomb was set off]

Donatello: Oh great.

Leonardo: Terrific.

Raphael: Wonderful.

Michaelangelo: Bummer.

Michaelangelo: Hey, guys, check this!

[he uses brushes to imitate 'The Karate Kid']

Michaelangelo: Wax on, wax off. Wax on...

Raphael: Mouth OFF!

Donatello: Hey, everyone's a critic.

Leonardo: I'm Leonardo.

Michaelangelo: I'm Michaelangelo.

Donatello: Donatello.

Raphael: I'm Raphael!

Michaelangelo: All the good ones end in "O"!

April O'Neil: Let me get you guys some napkins.

Michaelangelo: What for?

Michaelangelo: Um, not to criticize science or anything, but wouldn't it be easier just to call it 'the pink one'?

Professor Jordan Perry: [pours a liquid in a pan, and eats a piece of pizza] Pepperoni heaven!

Professor Jordan Perry: [pours two liquids in a pot] Donatello, continue aeration!

Donatello: Continuing aeration.

[begins to stir the mixture the pot]

Raphael: [sniffs the mixture] Man! This stuff is rank!

Keno: Yeah, try carrying it on the subway sometime. I never got a seat so fast in my life.

Leonardo: [sniffs the mixture] Blech! Thanks for doing all the shopping for us, Keno.

Keno: No problem. I hope you didn't mind me picking up a few pies.

Michaelangelo: You're forgiven.

[sniffs the mixture]

Michaelangelo: Whoa!

[drops a slice of pizza in the mixture]

Michaelangelo: [Donatello continues to mix the stuff with the pizza slice]

Donatello: Hey, is this gonna work?

[regarding the donut idea]

Michaelangelo: Is, like, Schwarzenegger hard to spell?

[Donatello prepares to spell but realizes its true]

Michaelangelo: Yeah.

[the turtles walk out into the middle of the construction site]

Donatello: Pretty quiet.

Raphael: [shouts and breaks the eerie silence] Shredder!

Donatello: [grabs Raphael] Thanks, Raph. I may never have the hiccups again!

Michaelangelo: [Michaelangelo beating up a thug behind a deli counter] You want a pickle? I'll give you a pickle!

Michaelangelo: [to a rave audience] You like what you saw? Then give it up for a turtle!

[April stands over a sewer grate and under an umbrella in the pouring rain. The turtles drop down one by one, but Michelangelo stops and faces her wearing a fedora]

Michaelangelo: Well, the lives of two people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world, Ilsa. That's why you're getting on that plane...

[April laughs]

Michaelangelo: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...

[Leonardo grabs him and pulls him down]

Leonardo: Turtle-rific

Raphael: Max-a-mundo!

Donatello: Accapella!

Raphael: Huh?

Donatello: Uhhh... Perestroika?

Michaelangelo: Uhh...

Donatello: Ok, I got it... Frère Jacques. Starts singing: Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques...

Michaelangelo: Don... Give it up!

Leonardo: [the Turtles say their farewells to April before entering the sewers] See ya, April.

April O'Neil: Bye.

[Leo hops into the sewers]

Raphael: Wish us luck.

[Hops in]

Donatello: We'll be back for Splinter.

[Hops in]

Michaelangelo: [Imitating Humphrey Bogart] Well, the lives of two people don't amount to a hill o' beans in this crazy world, Elsa. That's why you're getting on that plane.

[April laughs]

Michaelangelo: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...

Leonardo: [Yanks Mikey into the sewer] Will you come on?

Michaelangelo: YEOW!

Donatello: These nets are very effective and very well constructed.

Michaelangelo: Yeah, remind me to drop a line to Ralph Nader!

Michaelangelo: Please, please. A moment to reflect.

[all the turtles sniff]

Michaelangelo: AHHHH! Okay!

Leonardo: We'll give you the tour later. Right now, we got a few questions.

Donatello: Yeah, a few inquiries.

Michaelangelo: Yeah, a few... Uh, we'll give you the tour later.

Michaelangelo: [bad guy approaches him] Wait! Can we talk?

[bad guy grabs him by the hands and begins spinning him in circles]

Michaelangelo: W-w-woah! Major spin cycle! Wooooah!

Leonardo: [spots Michaelangelo] M... Mikey?

Michaelangelo: Maybe I should have brought...

[bad guy releases him, sending him flying through the air]

Michaelangelo: ... BAGELS!

[he crashes into a wall, then stands up dizzy]

Michaelangelo: Woah. Now I know what a postal package feels like.

Leonardo: Michaelangelo why are you wearing boxer shorts?

Michaelangelo: So that the guy who arrives in my place doesn't arrive bare butt naked.

Michaelangelo: [recovering] My legs hurt. My arms hurt. My spots hurt. Even my bandana hurts.

Michaelangelo: [to Walker] Hey, buddy, don't you know that Westerns are dead?

Walker: Speaking of dead.

[aims pistol at Michaelangelo]

Michaelangelo: Uh what I meant was they're not all dead. Like Clint. You look alot like Clint!

Michaelangelo: What if we make a major u-turn and wind up in Godzilla-Land?

Michaelangelo: [after bursting from a building engulfed in flames] Kurt Russell, eat your heart out!

Michaelangelo: I don't think I'll ever laugh again.

Splinter: Hmmm... Yo, Dude!

Michaelangelo: Huh?

Splinter: [suddenly wearing a Hawaiian hat] Hee hee hee hee hee...

Michaelangelo: Oh... Yo, dude!

[laughs]

Splinter: Just like Elvis in Blue Hawaii. Uh-huh-huh! I saw it on cable.

Michaelangelo: [continues laughing]

Michaelangelo: But, I want to stay here... with you.

Mitsu: You will always be here with me, Michaelangelo.

Donatello: If we don't come back in two-and-a-half days, we're turtle soup.

Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael: Whoa!

Michaelangelo: Bummer.

Michaelangelo: Hey, dudes, check it out! We're in *Shogun*!

Michaelangelo: Man, I love being a turtle.

April O'Neill: I'm going to find an apartment. I have an idea we're going to be here for a long time.

Leonardo: An apartment?

Michaelangelo: Do they have apartments in Japan?

Raphael: Do I look like a real estate agent?

Leonardo: What about condos?

Michaelangelo: [about a horse he is riding backwards] Don't these things ever run out of gas?

Michaelangelo: Uh-oh, turtle tantrum.

Michaelangelo: Do you think they had pizza back then?

Walker: Who's your tailor?

Michaelangelo: We're naked.

[preparing to jump into a burning building]

Michaelangelo: I don't think I'm cut out for this hero stuff.

April O'Neill: You don't mean - you're not seriously suggesting that Donatello is going to make an incredibly arcane time travel machine, are you?

Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael, Donatello: No, of course not!

Michaelangelo: That'd be totally bogus.

Raphael: Really stupid!

April O'Neill: Well, that's a relief.

Donatello: [points over his shoulder] No, that guy's gonna make it.

[Michaelangelo shows a villager how to make pizza]

Michaelangelo: We've got a, uh

[sniffs]

Michaelangelo: Ahhh. Pi-zza. Got that, dude? Pizza!

[takes a bite, makes a face]

Michaelangelo: Frisbee. Also cool.

[throws it]

Michaelangelo: Turtles: It's not just a job. It's an adventure.

Michaelangelo: Miaow, dude.

Michaelangelo: Sorry about the crack about the bad vibes. You've got *great* vibes.

Michaelangelo: Who's trapped inside?

Leo: Lord Norinaga!

Donatello: Lord Norinaga?

[hits the bell with his Bo staff]

Donatello: Name rings a bell.

Michaelangelo: Oh, he who dings the shell must *pay.*

Michaelangelo: [to Kenshin] How did you get in April's pants?