Michael Dunn Quotes in Heaven Help Us (1985)

Rooney: If I don't make you my friend it means I gotta kick your ass everytime I see you. Nobody wants that, do they?

Michael Dunn: Drop dead!

Brother Thadeus: [Dunn, Rooney, Caesar, Williams and Corbet are in Brother Thadeus' office after the melee in the auditorium] Can you gentlemen give me one good reason why you shouldn't be expelled?

Michael Dunn: It's my fault, brother. I'm the one who should be expelled.

Brother Thadeus: You all acted as one, Mr. Dunn. And as one, you shall bear the consequences.

Michael Dunn: Yes, brother, but I started it.

Brother Thadeus: Did you? As I understand it, Brother Constance started it.

Brother Constance: [in disbelief] What?

Brother Thadeus: I'm suspending you for two weeks. Good day, gentlemen.

Brother Constance: [boys leave... Brother Dominic comes in and hands Thadeus a sheet of paper, which he signs... Constance is angry] What do you mean I started it? They've assaulted the faculty, the've disgraced this institution, and they destroyed a statue of St. Basil.

Brother Thadeus: I always hated that statue.

[signs paper and hands it to Constance]

Brother Constance: What's this?

Brother Thadeus: Well, you're transferred out of this institution. I don't want you working with children anymore.

Brother Constance: [angry] You can't do this! I will demand an investigation. I will take this all the way to the bishop if I have to.

Brother Thadeus: Take it whereever you want, brother...

[opens door]

Brother Thadeus: just take it out of my office!

[Constance glares at Timothy and then storms out the door]

Brother Thadeus: It appears we have a vacancy, brother. Think you can fit in?

Brother Timothy: [smiles] I think so, brother.

Social Worker: [the police and social welfare people have arrived to close the store, arrest Danni's father and put her in foster care... a crowd outside has gathered] We'll make arrangements with your mother to have the inventory accounted for.

Michael Dunn: [rushing in] They made this happen, didn't they?

Danni: [crying] Nobody made this happen.

[Dunn embraces her]

Danni: I just don't want you to be sad... 'cause I'm not. Promise?

Michael Dunn: [fighting tears] No.

Social Worker: We have to go.

Michael Dunn: [running up to car Danni has just been loaded in] Well, hey listen, I'm glad I got to dance with you

[car speeds off, leaving a dazed Dunn in the street]

Rooney: Don't worry, Dunn... we'll find her.

Michael Dunn: If Gram sees you smoking she'll have a heart attack.

Boo: If she's hears you talking about not being a priest she have a stroke.

Brother Timothy: [Dunn and Timothy are in the schoolyard... Tim is bouncing a baseball off the steps] There's the pitch.

Michael Dunn: You know, I never figured out how a guy like you became a brother.

Brother Timothy: What's that supposed to mean? There's different types of guys, what's wrong with me?

Michael Dunn: I just can't figure it out, is all.

Brother Timothy: Well, most people can't figure it out. My brother was the one who was supposed to have the vocation. Me, they had me written off as the bum. But here I am, wearing a robe, bouncing a ball off the steps of the rectory.

Michael Dunn: Was your brother a bum?

Brother Timothy: Sort of. Sells life insurance down in Maryland.

Danni: You're not like those other jerks, are you?

Michael Dunn: I just got here.

Brother Timothy: [seeing Dunn not dancing at the school dance] What's your excuse?

Michael Dunn: I don't know. Waiting for inspiration.

Brother Timothy: Inspiration? Who from? The Holy Ghost? Come on, it's a cinch. You walk up to some girl, you look her in the eye, you say 'Excuse me, but do you want to dance?' It works every time.

Michael Dunn: [laughs] Yeah, what if it doesn't?

Brother Timothy: If it doesn't work, then you gotta start thinking about joining a relgious order.

Michael Dunn: [getting up] Maybe I'll see you later.

Brother Timothy: Maybe you better start dancin'!

[Dunn leaves the school dance, and comes into Danni's bar, she's not there so he goes into her house, and Danni sees him]

Danni: What the hell are you doing here?

Michael Dunn: The door was open, I was looking for you. I guess I shouldn't have just come in, huh?

Danni: Damn straight you shouldn't have just come in.

Michael Dunn: I'm sorry I just wanted to talk.

Danni: Get out of here, ok!

Michael Dunn: [while leaving] Sorry, I just wanted to dance with you.

Brother Constance: Are you familiar with the term "miserable"? Because miserable is what I'm going to make your miserable lives, every miserable minute of every miserable day!

Rooney, Caesar, Michael Dunn, Corbet, Williams: Yes, Brother.

Brother Constance: Yes Brother what?

Rooney, Caesar, Michael Dunn, Corbet, Williams: Yes Brother, miserable, Brother.

Michael Dunn: Can't decide?

Caesar: Oh, I've decided all right, Dunn. I've decided I'd rather die than eat this crap!

[Brother William brings the five into the gymnasium, where Brother Constance is standing in front of the exercise horse]

Brother Constance: That's far enough. Thank you, brother.

[Brother William leaves]

Brother Constance: Gentlemen, we will dispense with the traditional accusation denial ritual. It is such a bore, and not likely to convince me that I don't have before me right now at least one, if not all of the vandals. But since I'm a just man with no taste for punishing the innocent, I will afford the guilty the opportunity to speak now and to save the innocent from an impending state of wretchedness. Well?

Rooney: Could you repeat that, brother?

Brother Constance: [walks toward Rooney] Shut up. All right, who did it? Speak now or you will all suffer for it.

Michael Dunn: I did.

Brother Constance: [walks to Michael] Mr. Dunn.

Rooney: He didn't do it. Uh, Williams did it.

Williams: What do you mean "I did it"? Corbet did it.

Corbet: No, it was Caesar's idea to take the head off.

[the five protests and argue about the incident]

Brother Constance: [impatient and angry] All right. All right! That's enough!

[the boys fall silent]

Brother Constance: Have it your own way, gentlemen.