Michael Corben Quotes in If Looks Could Kill (1991)


Michael Corben Quotes:

  • Michael Corben: I'll nail your ass to the wall.

    Augustus Steranko: That sounds very painful.

  • Michael Corben: Thanks. Listen, I travel First Class all over the world and that was, by far, the best Julius Caesar salad I've ever had.

    1st Class Stewardess: Well, it was my pleasure.

    Mrs Grober: [spots Michael; furious] Michael! Michael Corben! I know what you're up to. You are in big trouble, Mister! Excuse me.

    Ilsa Grunt: [shoves the crowd of people departing the plane] Out of the way. Move!

    Michael Corben: Can you help me?

    1st Class Stewardess: Go quickly. I'll take care of her.

  • Michael Corben: I am not afraid to die. I am not afraid to die. Who am I kidding?

  • Michael Corben: Hmm, looks like he stepped out.

  • Michael Corben: I knew I should have taken Spanish.

  • Areola Canastra: Bonjour, Mousier Corben.

    Michael Corben: Uh, Boner. I mean Suior.

  • [when Michael is fighting Zigesfeld]

    Michael Corben: Hey, your dick's on fire!... Made ya look!

    [Zigesfeld's glove rips off, revealing his robotic hand]

    Zigesfeld: Rrrrrrrrr!

    Michael Corben: Shit!

  • Michael Corben: Mrs. Grober, there's no time to explain. But from now on, you are The French Teacher

  • Michael Corben: Remember the gum that goes squirt? Well this is the gum that goes boom...

  • Michael Corben: [while trying to get a guard to step on the exploding gum's trigger] C'mon, step on it! Double your pleasure, double your fun!

  • Michael Corben: What'd I miss?

    Kent: Eh, some crap about our future.

  • [Michael is on the phone with British Intelligence]

    Lt. Col. Larabee: Listen to me carefully, Corben. An operative will be meeting you on the plane.

    Michael Corben: Yeah, right. Gimme a break. I know who this is. If you guys are on a speakerphone, tell your sister she has nice tits.

    Haywood: Oh, really, Corben! We shan't do anything of the kind.

  • Michael Corben: Not my French teacher. Listen, that woman's been on my tail ever since she spotted me at the first class counter in Detroit. You know what I think? I think she thinks she thinks she knows me, but I don't think I know her. But I think she knows my name. I think that sounds logical. What do you think? Can you think of somethin' to get rid of her?

    1st Class Stewardess: Just tell her you can't think right now.

  • Michael Corben: So basically, you want me to blaze down to Aurnberg, hang out for a while, right? And keep an eye on this Steranko guy?

    Vendetta Galante: More or less.

    Michael Corben: Uh-huh. In this car?

    Vendetta Galante: Good luck.

    Richardson: Yes. Godspeed.

    Michael Corben: So, I can drive this baby outta here right now, right? Without you guys?

    Richardson: Um... yes.

  • Michael Corben: I'm real sorry. I don't know what to say, y'know?

    Herb Corben: You don't know what to say? I'll tell you what to say. How 'bout, "Sorry, Mom and Dad, I would've liked to have graduated high school, but I couldn't really fit it into my dating and partying schedule," huh? Or, how 'bout, "Sorry but I was too busy doing jack shit instead of going to my French class!"

    Marge: Herb, take a pill.

  • Richardson: Nasty business. I wonder how it happened.

    Michael Corben: The ticket. It had my name on it.

    Richardson: Of course.

    Michael Corben: I didn't wanna sit there.

    Richardson: Well, what else could you do?

    Michael Corben: Nothin'. I was just mindin' my own business, honest.

    Richardson: You're lucky to be alive. You know, if this was Spain, with their security, they'd have killed you for sure.

  • Michael Corben: Listen, I'm an American citizen and I know my rights.

    Richardson: Oh, now, Corben, don't go asking for special privileges.

    Michael Corben: I wanna speak to the American embassy.

    Richardson: Relax, they already know you're here.

    Michael Corben: What'd they say?

    Richardson: They wished you good luck.

  • [Michael is roughly escorted to dinner]

    Michael Corben: Careful, this is an Abaloney suit!

    Cell Guard: I know that!

  • [one of Steranko's guards tosses Michael a suit]

    Cell Guard: Put that on. You're having dinner with Steranko in ten minutes.

    Michael Corben: Jerk. If he thinks I'm wearin' this army surplus reject, he can forget it. It's not my style.

    Mariska: Michael, number one, this is a very nice Armani suit. And number two, you have no style.

  • Michael Corben: [receives his diploma] Sir, I just wanna tell you this has been the best four years of my life.

    Principal: Don't overwhelm yourself. The best is yet to come.

    [Michael opens his diploma to find that he had an incomplete French credit]

    Michael Corben: [shocked] Oh, no!

  • Kent: Michael, look who's here. Melissa Tyler.

    Michael Corben: Well, if you want her, take her.

    Kent: What, and lose my geek status?

    Michael Corben: Look Kent, you're sticking with me, all right? In the daytime, we'll do the French bait. You know, look at the statues and crap. But in the nighttime when the nerd patrol crashes, it's you and me, pal, on a Parisian babe safari, ok?

    Kent: What about Grober? She must've went nuts when she found out you were coming.

    Michael Corben: Don't worry about Grober, I can handle her.

    Mrs Grober: [Snatches Michael's sunglasses] Don't count on it. I'm gonna be on your ass every minute of this trip. I'm gonna be sitting next to you on the bus during the day and checking your room at night. You'll barely be able to take a leak without being right behind you. In fact, I even took the liberty of booking your seat on the plane right next to mine. I didn't see you in class all year, Mr. Corben. And if you want that credit, it's not coming easy. So, we're going to make up for lost time starting right now.

    [hands Michael a French learning booklet]

    Mrs Grober: Repetez. Je-m'appelle, Michael Corben.

    [Repeat. My name is Michael Corben]

    Mrs Grober: Class, follow me.

    [the French Club follows Mrs. Grober]

    Mrs Grober: [to Michael] Repetez!

    Michael Corben: Repetez. Je-m'appelle, Michael Corben.

Browse more character quotes from If Looks Could Kill (1991)