Mercedes Quotes in The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

Mercedes: You would have to be a mother to truly appreciate the service you have done for my son and me. Monsieur, I will never forget you.

Count of Monte Cristo: Please, madame, It was nothing; and I am sure in within a month you will not even remember my name

[to Fernand Mondego]

Count of Monte Cristo: May I steal your wife?

Fernand: Excuse me?

Count of Monte Cristo: For the waltz?

Mercedes: I don't know what dark plan lies within you. Nor do I know by what design we were asked to live without each other these 16 years. But God has offered us a new beginning...

Edmond: God?

Mercedes: Don't slap His hand away.

Edmond: Can I never escape Him?

Mercedes: No, He is in everything. Even in a kiss.

Fernand: You pleased me some of the time.

Mercedes: You never pleased me.

Mercedes: Is Viscount Torville dead?

Fernand: Well, unless his heart is situated somewhere other than the left side of his chest, I suspect he is.

Mercedes: [choking up, and making the sign of the cross] God grant him peace. He did no more than defend his family's honor.

Fernand: Much good it did him. His wife and I were happy in our passion. You were happy in your ignorance. Now comes the viscount's valiant defense of his honor, and you are pained. She is ruined, and he is dead.

Mercedes: Don't flatter yourself, Fernand. I was neither happy, nor ignorant, having known about the last three women before Madame Tourville.

Fernand: I'm sorry that you are humiliated. The combination of Paris and me is hardly a recipe for fidelity, is it? But since my attempts at discretion have evidently failed, there seems little point in keeping up pretenses. It's actually quite... liberating. Wouldn't you say?

Mercedes: Albert, I found the note you left explaining where you'd gone. But now I must explain something to you. Where you've really come from. Albert, you are the son of Edmond Dantes. The man you know as the Count of Monte Cristo.

[Albert Mondego turns to Fernand Mondego]

Fernand: Well, I'm afraid it is true. You are the walking proof that your mother was as much of a whore in her younger years as she is today.

Mercedes: I want to be free of you... the way you, obviously, are free of me.

Mercedes: I will never forget your kindness.

Fernand: I shall never cease to give it.

Mercedes: What's wrong?

Fernand: I'm bankrupt. All my debts have been called in. Also, I am to be arrested.

Mercedes: For what?

Fernand: Piracy, corruption, and murder.

Mercedes: Did you do all these things?

Fernand: Yes. But there's simply not the time to talk about it. The gendarmes are on their way, apparently, so hurry up and pack something.

Mercedes: I'm not going with you, Fernand.

Fernand: [Fernand turns towards her and angrily breaks a mirror]

[Panting]

Fernand: You are my wife. I have made arrangements for us. We shall be very well taken care of. Now go and find my son.

[Fernand walks briskly away from Mercedes]

Mercedes: He's not your son.

Fernand: [Fernand stops dead in his tracks] I beg your pardon?

Mercedes: Albert Mondego is the son of Edmond Dantes.

[pause]

Mercedes: Why do you think I rushed off so quickly to marry you when Edmond was taken away?

Fernand: [staring blankly in full realization] Premature.

[Fernand steps towards Mercedes and stares piercingly down at her]

Fernand: Well, aren't you a piece of work? So he's the bastard son of a dead traitor?

[Mercedes smirks]

Fernand: He always was disappointing.

Mercedes: This is so boring. No one's getting shot.

Mercedes: [one of her bodyguards gets shot] Oh my God! Did you just get shot? Like, right after I fucking said that?

Mercedes: [after finding out Lynn would be working in the shop] You tryin' to do a little too much around here, OK? You ain't trying to lighten up the place, you's trying to *whiten* up the place! So here's what I'm gonna do, Gina. I'm gonna let you and little miss Blue Ridge here have the shop. Do your thing, go on girl, do your thing because I can't be a part of this, OK. Porsche, are you rollin'?

Porsche: Yeah, I ain't gonna be able to do it either.

Lynn: Gina, I didn't mean to run them out.

Gina Norris: [to Lynn] Don't worry about it, better we get rid of the bad apples now. Besides, them girls got too much attitude - I was ready to snap the shit out of one of them.

Gina Norris: [to the other stylists] Alright, anybody else leavin'? Because this white bitch is staying!

Mercedes: Professor Quigley's here to pick up his severence check.

Dean Higgins: Professor Quigley, hmm? Well you inform Professor Quigley that we don't give out severence checks anymore.

Dean Higgins: But we always give out severance checks.

Dean Higgins: Well, we don't anymore! We just ran out of money!

Capitán Vidal: Tell my son the time that his father died. Tell him...

Mercedes: No. He won't even know your name.

Mercedes: [to Vidal] I'm not some old man! Or a wounded prisoner! Motherfucker... Don't you dare touch the girl. You won't be the first pig I've gutted!

Mercedes: I'm a coward.

Pedro: No, you're not.

Mercedes: Yes, I am. A coward - for living next to that son of a bitch, doing his laundry, making his bed, feeding him... What if the doctor's right and we can't win?

Pedro: At least we'll make things harder for that bastard.

Ofelia: Mercedes, do you believe in fairies?

Mercedes: No. But when I was a little girl, I did. I believed in a lot of things I don't believe anymore.

Ofelia: Last night a fairy visited me.

Mercedes: My mother told me to be wary of Fauns.

Mercedes: Congratulations, baby. Tonight you could've gotten laid, but instead you got fucked.

Dodger: Why don't we play the game with school? We're the wolves, they're the sheep.

Mercedes: I don't think they'd all fit in the chapel.

Regina: And they only just found that girls body today because it was dragged through the woods by a wolf.

Tom: Yeah listen, the guy blew her head off. Then just let the wild life go to town.

Mercedes: Why's it have to be a guy?

Tom: Serial killers are always guy.

Regina: Just the one's that get caught baby.

Mercedes: Serial means more than one jackass.

Tom: You're not taking your SAT book to my lake house this weekend are you?

Eduvigis: You didn't tell me you could drive.

Mercedes: Well, it's the first time I drive!

Eduvigis: [Gasping] No way! You didn't tell me that either!