Max Fischer Quotes in Rushmore (1998)

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Max Fischer Quotes:

  • Max Fischer: I like your nurse's uniform, guy.

    Dr. Peter Flynn: These are O.R. scrubs.

    Max Fischer: O, R they?

  • Max Fischer: My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety's Harvard.

  • Max Fischer: I saved Latin. What did you ever do?

  • Herman Blume: What's the secret, Max?

    Max Fischer: The secret?

    Herman Blume: Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out.

    Max Fischer: The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore.

  • Max Fischer: Maybe I'm spending too much of my time starting up clubs and putting on plays. I should probably be trying harder to score chicks. That's the only thing anybody really cares about. But, its not my forte, unfortunately.

  • Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore.

    Max Fischer: I know. She was mine too.

  • [Max has just petitioned to make Latin a required subject]

    Magnus Buchan: [heavy Scottish brogue] Why dincha just piss off, Fischer? Ya dotty wee skid mark!

    Max Fischer: Is that Latin?

  • Rosemary Cross: Has it ever crossed your mind that you're far too young for me?

    Max Fischer: It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.

  • Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex?

    Max Fischer: That's a kinda cheap way to put it.

    Rosemary Cross: Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.

  • Rosemary Cross: How did I hurt your feelings?

    Max Fischer: Oh, my God! I wrote a hit play!

    [pauses]

    Max Fischer: And I'm in love with you.

  • [Introducing his play "Heaven and Hell"]

    Max Fischer: Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.

  • Dr. Peter Flynn: I didn't know we were going to dinner.

    Max Fischer: Well, that's because you weren't invited.

  • Rosemary Cross: Well, you pulled it off.

    Max Fischer: Yeah, it went okay. At least nobody got hurt.

    Rosemary Cross: Except you.

  • Max Fischer: The truth is, neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationship is going. We can't predict the future.

    Rosemary Cross: We don't have a relationship.

    Max Fischer: But we're friends.

    Rosemary Cross: Yes, and that's all we're *going* to be. Well, yes...

    Max Fischer: That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?

  • Max Fischer: [to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?

  • Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We're putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation.

    Max Fischer: And what does that entail?

    Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.

    Max Fischer: In other words, I'll be expelled.

    Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: That's correct.

    Max Fischer: Can I see some documentation on that, please?

    [Guggenheim hands him his transcript]

    Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying

    Max Fischer: Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it...

    Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We don't offer a post-graduate year.

    Max Fischer: Well, we don't offer it yet.

  • Max Fischer: Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I'm Max Fischer.

    Rosemary Cross: Hi.

    Max Fischer: Hi.

  • Max Fischer: So you were in Vietnam?

    Herman Blume: Yeah.

    Max Fischer: Were you in the shit?

    Herman Blume: Yeah, I was in the shit.

  • Herman Blume: Take it easy, Max.

    Rosemary Cross: You were the one that ordered him a whiskey and soda.

    Max Fischer: So what's wrong with that? I can write a hit play. Why can't I have a little drink to unwind myself?

  • Max Fischer: War does funny things to men.

  • Herman Blume: Why did you ask me to come here?

    Max Fischer: Oh, I was going to drop that tree on you.

    Herman Blume: That big one?

    Max Fischer: Yeah.

    Herman Blume: It would've flattened me like a pancake.

  • Margaret Yang: You're a real jerk to me, you know that?

    Max Fischer: I'm sorry, Margaret.

    Margaret Yang: Well anyway, nice to see you.

  • Ernie: What kind of fish?

    Max Fischer: Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi...

    Herman Blume: Piranhas? Really?

    Max Fischer: Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.

  • Max Fischer: What was your major?

    Rosemary Cross: I didn't have a major, but my thesis was on Latin American economic policy.

    Max Fischer: Oh, that's interesting. Did you hear that they're not going to teach Latin anymore?

    Rosemary Cross: This was more like Central America.

    Max Fischer: Oh, Central American what-not.

  • Max Fischer: [during his play "Heaven and Hell"] Maybe We'll meet again someday...

    [holds up a peace sign]

    Max Fischer: When the fighting stops.

  • Max Fischer: Tell that stupid Mick he just made my list of things to do today.

  • Herman Blume: [on Max's offering a small box] What's this?

    [Herman opens it and looks]

    Max Fischer: That's the Perfect Attendance Award and the Punctuality Award. I got those at Rushmore. I thought you could choose which one you like more, and you could wear one and I could wear the other.

    Herman Blume: [after gravely considering both the proffered olive branch and the choice] I'll take Punctuality.

    Max Fischer: [smiles] Okay.

  • Rosemary Cross: I'll show you the door.

    Max Fischer: I'll just go back out the window.

  • Max Fischer: How the hell did you get so rich? You're a quitter, man!

    Herman Blume: I spent eight million dollars on this.

    Max Fischer: And is that all you're willing to spend?

  • Max Fischer: So tell me Curly, how do you know Miss Cross?

    Dr. Peter Flynn: We went to Harvard together.

    Max Fischer: Oh that's great. I wrote a hit play and directed it, so I'm not sweating it either.

  • Max Fischer: [to Rosemary] We both have dead people in our families.

  • Rosemary Cross: That's none of your business.

    Max Fischer: I know it's not, but I just got hit my a car and I'm feeling a little confused.

  • Max Fischer: Your mind's as warped as your ear, Magnus.

    Magnus Buchan: Don't Get Nasty, Brother.

  • Herman Blume: Come work for me.

    Max Fischer: What do you mean?

    Herman Blume: I mean I-I could use someone like you.

    Max Fischer: Look, I may not be rich, Mr. Blume, my father may only be a doctor, but we manage.

  • Herman Blume: So you've changed your mind and you want the job.

    Max Fischer: No, I've got an idea and I need some money.

  • Max Fischer: I don't give a shit about the barracudas, fuck it! I'm building it anyway.

  • Herman Blume: What does Guggenheim say?

    Max Fischer: Nothing. I felt I should go to you first.

    Herman Blume: Why?

    Max Fischer: Because at this moment I feel our best strategy is to keep a low profile. The more preparation I can do, the stronger our case will be when we go to the administration.

    Herman Blume: How much do you want?

    Max Fischer: $35.000 for the initial plans.

    Herman Blume: I'll give you $2500.

  • Max Fischer: Good. I just wanted to inform you about what is going on.

    [Dr. Guggenheim stares at Max with contempt]

    Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: I never took you for an informer, Max.

  • Bert Fischer: You're like one of those clipper ship captains. You're married to the sea.

    Max Fischer: Yes, that's true.

    [pause]

    Max Fischer: But I've been out to sea for a long time.

  • Max Fischer: What do you call getting a handjob from Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar?

    Magnus Buchan: A fucking lie.

    Max Fischer: You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.

  • Max Fischer: How much are you worth, by the way?

    Herman Blume: I don't know.

    Max Fischer: Over ten million?

    Herman Blume: Yeah, I guess so.

    Max Fischer: Good, good.

    Herman Blume: Why?

    Max Fischer: Cause we're gonna need all of it.

  • Max Fischer: [to Rosemary] I'm sorry, I just came by to thank you for WRECKING MY LIFE!

  • Rosemary Cross: [tending a wound on Max's forehead] Is this fake blood?

    Max Fischer: Yes, it is.

  • Max Fischer: In summation, I have only one question: Is Latin dead?

  • Max Fischer: Thay are going to cancel Latin. They've got to make room for Japanese.

    Rosemary Cross: Well that's a shame because all the Romance languages are based on Latin.

    Max Fischer: Yeah, they are, aren't they.

    Rosemary Cross: Nihilo sanctum estne?

    Max Fischer: What's that? Oh, it's Latin. What does that mean?

    Rosemary Cross: Is nothing sacred?

  • Max Fischer: So this is where it all happens.

    Rosemary Cross: Where what happens?

    Max Fischer: I wouldn't know.

  • Max Fischer: I thought you dumped me for Blume, then I thought...

    Rosemary Cross: I never dumped you, because we were never going out.

    Max Fischer: It would just help me if you'd just talk to me for a minute. Tell me what happened.

    Rosemary Cross: Okay. Um, A. He's married. B. He hates himself. And C., well, he smashed up your bicycle, didn't he?

    Max Fischer: My previous bicycle, yes.

    Rosemary Cross: Well, what sort of person does something like that?

  • Rosemary Cross: I will say that, Edward has more spark and character and imagination in one fingernail than Herman Blume has in his entire body.

    Max Fischer: One dead fingernail.

    Rosemary Cross: Right. One dead fingernail.

  • Max Fischer: You're very pretty.

    Rosemary Cross: Thank you.

  • Magnus Buchan: Sempre fi, soldier. Sempre fi.

    Max Fischer: Sic transit gloria. Maybe we'll meet again someday. When the fighting stops.

  • School Reporter: So, how'd it go with Mrs. Calloway?

    Max Fischer: We shook hands.

    School Reporter: Big deal.

    Max Fischer: And I gave her my phone number.

    School Reporter: Buchan said he'd have already banged her by now.

    Max Fischer: What? Just tell that foreign Scottish guerilla to shut his fat face. That's my best friend's mother he's talking about.

    School Reporter: I always thought that's why you picked Dirk as your chapel partner.

    Max Fischer: What are you, a lawyer?

  • Backgammon Player: Did you hear they're teaching Japanese next year?

    Max Fischer: That's the rumor.

    Backgammon Player: And they're canceling Latin.

    Max Fischer: What? I tried to get Latin canceled for five years! It's a dead language, I always say.

    Backgammon Player: Well, I guess they finally heard you.

Browse more character quotes from Rushmore (1998)

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