Max Conners Quotes in Heartbreakers (2001)

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Max Conners Quotes:

  • Max Conners: How do I look?

    Page Conners: If I were a guy, I'd do you.

  • Max Conners: I'll protect her.

    Dean: From what? From love?

    Max Conners: From pain.

    Dean: Love *is* pain! Life is pain. You can't protect anybody from it, it's always gonna get you. But sometimes, life could also be good. But you got to be open. You got to takes chances. You got to let go!

  • Max Conners: I'm sorry, Page. I'm a terrible mother. I'm a terrible everything.

    Page Conners: [comforting her] You're finally seeing things clearly.

  • Max Conners: I am in terrific shape. Feel my butt!

    Page Conners: Uh, I am not feeling your butt again, Mother. We all know it's wonderful.

  • Page Conners: I'd have to kiss that?

    Max Conners: Well, I'd have to kiss that way more than you.

    Page Conners: Maybe you're into necrophilia.

  • Page Conners: Why can't we pick someone kinda cute?

    Max Conners: Dean was kinda cute.

    Page Conners: You're in serious denial.

    Max Conners: Cute is dangerous. Cute leads to feeling, which leads to screwing, which leads to screwed.

  • Dean: You gold-diggin' whore, you're already working someone else!

    [points a gun at Tensy]

    Dean: Get off of her, asshole. Get off, asshole!

    Max Conners: Don't shoot him, Dean.

    Dean: Why not?

    Max Conners: Because he's already dead.

  • Dean: Shut up, junior slut! Get over there! Ya know, you two got some brass balls in those panties, I'll give ya that. And in the few moments you have left, I wanna see some beggin' and some pleadin'.

    [points gun at Max and Page]

    Page Conners: Uh, Mom...

    Max Conners: Dean... you've got so many tells. You are not the killing type.

    Dean: Don't screw with me. I'm on a fine edge, here. Don't!

    Max Conners: [takes gun from Dean and opens it] See... no bullets.

    Dean: Fine. So I'm not that big on homicide!

  • Max Conners: [catching Dean with another woman before their marriage was consumated] You just lost the best thing you never had.

  • Max Conners: Forget it. You're not gonna kill yourself and stink up my new car.

  • Max Conners: We have a bitch alert!

  • Max Conners: He doesn't look so bad in this light.

    Page Conners: Oh, yeah. His liver spots are positively glowing.

  • Max Conners: Wait by the phone. Timing on this is crucial.

    Page Conners: Duh!

    [walks away from car window]

    Page Conners: ...Always treating me like a child...

    Max Conners: Child.

  • Max Conners: You will respect your mother and do the con.

    Page Conners: Keep dreaming, witch!

    Max Conners: You are not too old to spank!

    Page Conners: Try it!

  • Max Conners: [considering Tensy as their next mark] Hmm...

    Page Conners: Not "hmm"! I am not dating the walking dead!

  • Max Conners: Maybe you'd like a spanking?

    Page Conners: Just try it. I dare you!

  • Max Conners: Have you any idea what that meat is doing to your arteries?

    Page Conners: Haven't you heard? Cigarettes dissolve cholesterol.

  • Max Conners: Mothers are death.

    Page Conners: Can't argue there.

  • Max Conners: I've assumed my husband always filed the tax return.

    Gloria Vogal: Which one?

  • Max Conners: You're not ready to con a guy without falling in love yourself.

    Page Conners: Give me a break, I am in complete control!

    Max Conners: I saw the kiss. Your eyes were closed.

    Page Conners: That was the sun!

    Max Conners: The last time the sun got in my eyes, I wound up with a daughter.

    Page Conners: Yeah, and that's about the worst thing that's ever happened to you, isn't it?

  • Max Conners: Turning down a wedding gift is bad luck.

    Jack Withrowe: Oh, I've never heard that before.

    Max Conners: Sure, everything to do with weddings is bad luck.

  • [last lines]

    Vinny Staggliano: I never realized I could feel this wa again. That I could be so totally in love with someone.

    Barbara: Oh, I feel the same way Stanley...

    Vinny Staggliano: You're beautiful.

    Barbara: Thank you.

    Max Conners: [watching with binoculars and a big grin]

Browse more character quotes from Heartbreakers (2001)

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