Mauricio Quotes in El Mariachi (1992)

[first lines]

Mauricio: Good morning, Azul. Know who this is?

Mauricio: [to his own son] I gave you the best education and you always did whatever you wanted. Now, go screw yourself.

[after introducing his overweight girlfriend to Mauricio]

Hal: Does she take the cake, or what?

Mauricio: She takes the whole bakery, Hal.

[after Mauricio broke Hal's spell]

Hal: Let me ask you something. Who is the all-time love of your life?

Mauricio: [ponders] Wonder Woman.

Hal: Okay... let's say Wonder Woman falls in love with you. And everyone else in the world didn't find her attractive.

Mauricio: It wouldn't matter. Because I know they'd be wrong.

Hal: See! That's what I had with Rosemary! I saw a knockout, I don't care what anybody else saw!

Mauricio: You're right. I guess I really did screw you, huh?

Tony Robbins: Haven't you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?

Mauricio: Have you heard the song "Who Let The Dogs Out"?

Mauricio: Hey Hal, come look at this turd! It looks like Klinger from M.A.S.H.!

Mauricio: Shallow Hal wants a gal.

Hal: There's Rosemary.

Mauricio: Where?

Hal: Right there!

Mauricio: Is she behind the Rhino?

Mauricio: You can't come back with a comeback after eight seconds. You got three seconds. Five, tops. It's called a quip, not a sloooowwwwp.

[Mauricio has just seen Hal dancing with some unattractive women]

Mauricio: What in the name of all that is holy?

Mauricio: Uh Hal, it's 10:00, we gotta go.

Hal: [laughing] What are you talking about?

Mauricio: We gotta go do that thing, you know at the place.

Hal: What thing?

Mauricio: Sorry ladies, I gotta steal your dance partner here.

[Mauricio grabs Hal away from the three unattractive women on the dance floor]

Hal: What are you doing?

Mauricio: I am rescuing you.

Hal: From what?

Mauricio: From what? From a pack of stampeding buffalo, that's what!

[Hal is going to make his move on some unattractive girls]

Hal: I'm going for the one in the middle. You can have your pick of the other two.

Mauricio: So you get the hyena, and I have to choose between the hippo and the giraffe?

Hal: And Vicki?

Mauricio: Who?

Hal: Vicki!

Mauricio: Who's Vicki?

Hal: Vicki. Vicki, with the short brown hair.

Mauricio: Vicki? I thought that was a guy! I was calling her Vic!

Mauricio: You Had Me At "Get Lost".

Rosemary: Is that a Member's Only jacket?

Mauricio: Yes.

Rosemary: So what are you, the last member?

Mauricio: The thing is all the women he's been seeing are ugly.

Tony Robbins: Who says they're ugly?

Mauricio: Bausch & Lomb.

Mauricio: Hey, you got anything better to read? I gotta go fire off a missile.

Mauricio: That's why they call it a quip, not a slooooooow.

Hal: Hey, if you can see something and hear it and smell it, what keeps it from being real?

Mauricio: Third Party Perspective!

Mauricio: She's got CANKLES!

Mauricio: [when Hal tries to point out Rosemary] Is she... behind the rhino?