Maude Quotes in Harold and Maude (1971)

Maude: Harold, *everyone* has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can't let the world judge you too much.

Maude: I should like to change into a sunflower most of all. They're so tall and simple. What flower would you like to be?

Harold: I don't know. One of these, maybe.

Maude: Why do you say that?

Harold: Because they're all alike.

Maude: Oooh, but they're *not*. Look. See, some are smaller, some are fatter, some grow to the left, some to the right, some even have lost some petals. All *kinds* of observable differences. You see, Harold, I feel that much of the world's sorrow comes from people who are *this*,

[she points to a daisy]

Maude: yet allow themselves be treated as *that*.

[she gestures to a field of daisies]

Maude: [cut to a shot of a field of gravestones in a military cemetery]

Maude: A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. They're just backing away from life. *Reach* out. Take a *chance*. Get *hurt* even. But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an L. Give me an I. Give me a V. Give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.

Maude: The earth is my body; my head is in the stars.

[pauses]

Maude: Who said that, Harold?

Harold: I don't know.

Maude: Well, I suppose I did, then.

Harold: You sure have a way with people.

Maude: Well, they're my species!

Harold: Maude.

Maude: Hmm?

Harold: Do you pray?

Maude: Pray? No. I communicate.

Harold: With God?

Maude: With *life*.

Maude: You know, at one time, I used to break into pet shops to liberate the canaries. But I decided that was an idea way before its time. Zoos are full, prisons are overflowing... oh my, how the world still *dearly* loves a *cage.*

[seagulls fly across the sky]

Maude: Dreyfus once wrote from Devil's Island that he would see the most glorious birds. Many years later in Brittany he realized they had only been seagulls... For me they will always be - *glorious* birds.

[last lines]

Maude: Oh, Harold... That's *wonderful.* Go and love some more.

Harold: Maude?

Maude: Yeah?

Harold: [pulls the stamped coin from the arcade out of his pocket] Here.

Maude: A gift!

[reads the engraving]

Maude: "Harold loves Maude."... and Maude loves Harold. This is the nicest gift I've received in years.

[she throws the stamped coin into the water]

Harold: [gasps, bemused]

Maude: So I'll always know where it is.

Maude: Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much *life.* Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully.

Maude: [gesturing to a sick tree growing through a sidewalk] Harold, we have *got* to do something about this life.

Harold: What?

Maude: We'll transplant it. To the forest.

Harold: You can't do that.

Maude: Why not?

Harold: This is public property.

Maude: Well, *exactly*.

Harold: So... you don't use the umbrella anymore?

[Maude does not hear him]

Harold: No more revolts?

Maude: [Maude is crying, and finally looks at Harold] Oh, yes! Every day. But I don't need a *defense* anymore. I embrace! Still fighting for the Big Issues, but now in my small, individual way.

Maude: That was fun! Let's play something together.

Harold: I don't play anything.

Maude: Nothing? Dear me, everybody should be able to make some music. That's the cosmic dance.

Harold: You hop in any car you want and just drive off?

Maude: Well, not any car - I like to keep a variety. I'm always looking for the new experience.

Harold: [smiling] Maybe.

Harold: [more seriously] Nevertheless, I think you're upsetting people. I don't know if that's right.

Maude: Well, if some people get upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, I'm merely acting as a gentle reminder: here today, gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things *now.* With *that* in mind, I'm not against collecting stuff.

Maude: [at her 80th birthday party] I couldn't imagine a lovelier farewell!

Harold: Farewell?

Maude: Oh, yes, dear... My 80th birthday.

Harold: But you're not going anywhere... are you?

Maude: [long pause] I took the tablets an hour ago. I'll be gone by midnight.

Harold: [after a long pause] WHAT?

[immediately cut to an ambulance]

Harold: I like you, Maude.

Maude: I like you, Harold.

Maude: [to a motorcycle officer] *Don't* get officious. You're not yourself when you're officious - That is the curse of a government job.

Maude: [Maude is driving Harold's hearse through a cemetery] Hey, this old thing handles well! Ever drive a hearse Harold?

Harold: Yeah.

Maude: Well! It's a new experience for me!

[the hearse is seen squealing through a curve]

Maude: Good on curves! Shall I take you home Harold?

Harold: Uh, this is my car.

Maude: [looks at Harold] YOUR hearse?

Harold: Y'hearse!

Maude: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!

[the hearse is seen screeching to a stop]

Maude: Then YOU shall take ME home!

Maude: Consistency is not *really* a human trait.

Harold: What were you fighting for?

Maude: Oh, big issues. Liberty. Rights. Justice. Kings died, kingdoms fell. I don't regret the kingdoms - what sense in borders and nations and patriotism? But I miss the kings.

Maude: [Upon entering her house] It's all memorabilia, but incidental and not integral, if you know what I mean.

Maude: Tell me, do you dance?

Harold: Pardon me?

Maude: Do you sing and dance?

Harold: Uh, no.

Maude: Uh, no. I thought not.

[laughs]

Maude: Grab the shovel, Harold.

Harold: [referring to police officer] He's following us.

Maude: Is he? Police always want to play games!

Motorcycle Officer: License, lady?

Maude: I don't have one. I don't believe in them.

Motorcycle Officer: How long you been driving, lady?

Maude: About 45 minutes,

[turning to Harold]

Maude: wouldn't you say, Harold? We were hoping to start sooner but you see it's rather hard to find a truck.

Motorcycle Officer: This your truck?

Maude: Oh no, I just took it.

Maude: [watching funeral party] Who sends dead flowers to a funeral? It's absurd.

Maude: [observing trash sorting operation] I ask you though Harold, is it enough?

[first lines]

The Therapist: And why is it that you're here?

Maude: I saw a sign today that said, "Randy's donuts, tastiest donuts you've ever endured."

The Therapist: And why is it that you're here?

Maude: I want to die.

The Therapist: Recently, how have you been occupying your time?

Maude: I haven't been.

Teacher: What do you mean, "you didn't take anything away from The Diary of Ann Frank?"

Maude: What, like she's not making it all up?

Max: I never got to properly... well, thank you for having sex with me all this time.

Maude: Sir, it was a pleasure.

Max: It meant a lot having sex with you.

Maude: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Maude: Everyone's problems are interesting themselves, just not so much to other people. That's why all therapists want to kill themselves.

The Therapist: I don't seem to be there yet.

Maude: In time you will learn.

Anita: Just tell him what you intend.

Maude: I don't intend anything. I looked at all the brochures, I don't like anything.

Anita: But that's ridiculous darling. You have hobbies. Just tell him your hobbies, for Christ sake.

Maude: Death.

Anita: She's kidding. Darling, what are you interests.

Maude: Suicide.

Anita: Since when?

Maude: Don't know. Just now I guess.

Maude: [sitting on the street drinking] Oh Lord who art in heaven, Lord be thine name. Thy kingdom come, thy weary dumb, um... Where is my house?

Anita: You're very talented, you know. I always knew it. And very determined. So unlike your father and me. And do you know I think that you're the strangest one in our family.

Maude: I'm sorry.

Anita: You don't have to be sorry.

Maude: No, I am mom. I think I made the very ordinary decision of being an ungrateful teenager.

Anita: Well, we've all done it, darling. And I was being a little bit of a C-word, at any rate.

Maude: I was, too.

Anita: Yes you were, too. And so were you.

Maude: I had self respect once, but I put it in the ironing cupboard and it never seemed to turn up again.

Bernie: Love you, sis.

Maude: Love you too, other sis.

Maude: Unpleasant circumstances are often the orb from which the idea may brew.

The Therapist: I think you're thinking of a crock pot.

[last lines]

The Baby Elephant: You've done it.

Maude: I've done it.

The Baby Elephant: Well done.

Maude: Thank you.

The Baby Elephant: You're going to be the best writer.

Maude: I know.

The Baby Elephant: I know. Shall I lead the way.

Maude: Please do...

Karen Crowder: Who's this guy they're sending here? Clayton? I never heard of him.

Maude: Michael Raymond Clayton. Born September 9, 1959 St. Joseph's Hospital, Bronx, New York. Father is NYPD patrolman Raymond Xavier Clayton. Mother, Alice Mary Clayton. Graduates Washingtonville Central High School, Orange County, New York in 1977. Graduates St. Johns University 1980. Fordham Law, '82. Eighty-two through Eighty-six he's ADA with the Queens District Attorney's office. And 1986 he's with the Joint Manhattan Queens Organized Crime Task Force. And then in 1990 he starts with Kenner Boch and Ledeen.

Karen Crowder: So he's a partner?

Maude: No. He's listed as "special counsel." Says he specializes in wills and trusts.

Karen Crowder: He goes from criminal prosecution to wills and trusts? He's been there seventeen years and he's not a partner? This is the guy they send? Who is this guy?

Roland Michell: So what are we gonna do now? We gonna try to beat'em to France, or - or are we just gonna stare at each other?

Maude: That is the question, isn't it?

Roland Michell: Mm-hmmm

Maude: I have another one for you.

Roland Michell: What's that?

Maude: What are you really doing here?

Roland Michell: Well, I uh - I needed to see your face. I just wanted to let you know that whatever happened at Whitby, which unfortunately was not much, is not because anything that you did. Not at all. I just didn't want to jump into something. I mean, I did and I do... want to. Badly. I just didn't want to mess this up. And I just want to see -

[clears throat]

Roland Michell: I want to see if there's an us in you and me. Would-Would you like that?

[Maude leans over and kisses Roland]

Roland Michell: I'll take that as a yes.

Maude: [the morning after they hooked up which Roland put a stop to] Okay, let's not beat the thing dead. It happened. We're both grown-ups...

Roland Michell: Speak for yourself.

Maude: I'd hate to see how you're like after you actually sleep with someone.

[to Roland the morning after their first night together, and first kiss]

Maude: I can't imagine what you're like after you actually sleep with someone!

Maude: [they are standing on rocks in a river looking at a waterfall that Maude recalls in one of Christabell's poems that describes a cave behind the waterfall. Upon sharing that with Roland, he immediately starts taking his clothes off] I know this is an awfully repressed sort of English thing to say, but what the hell are you doing?

Roland Michell: How else are we going to find out if there's a cave?

[Dives into the water]

Maude: [smiling, and speaking to no one] We could ask someone.

Roland Michell: Don't worry about me. I'm kind of a brush and flush kinda guy.

[seeing Maude's repulsed expression]

Roland Michell: Forget I said that.

Maude: I'll try.

Maude: [after Richard has rejected his son Norman and refused to play in the shuffleboard match with him] It certainly clouded up. Well, word'll do it faster than a hickory stick any time.

Maude Young: I've seen that look before. He's a runaway.

Earl Meeker: From what, some woman?

Maude: No, he's running too fast for that.

Maude: Over trump! Never send a baby for the beer!