Matilda Quotes in Elysium (2013)

Matilda: There once was a meerkat who lived in the jungle. He was hungry, but he was small. So small. And the other big animals had all the food, because they could reach the fruits. So he made friends with a hippopotamus to...

Max: [interrupting her] Okay, stop. It doesn't end well for the meerkat.

Matilda: Yes it does, because he can stand on the hippopotamus's back to get all the fruits he wants.

Max: What's in it for the hippo?

Matilda: [precociously] The hippo wants a friend.

[from trailer]

Matilda: We're gonna be working managing our anger through movement.

Chuck: Eagle, heron, peacock, warrior, mountain, tree, rabbit, fish, locust, king pigeon, and of course, downward duck.

Red: Yuck!

Matilda: And this is Terence.

Red: More like terrifying.

[from trailer]

Red: Time to get angry! Fire!

[Matilda gets slingshot]

Leonard: That guy again.

Matilda: Take that, porkers!

[She shot a fireball to kill the pigs]

Red: Well, how about that? She can shoot fireballs out of her butt.

Matilda: Today we are going to be managing our anger through movements.

Matilda: This little piggy popped! This little piggy exploded. And this little piggy cried wee, wee, I want my mama!

Chuck: Matilda we need your help! The pigs are stealing our eggs!

Matilda: What?

Red: Um excuse me boring hippie lady? Looks like the explodey guy's gonna puke.

Matilda: And have you done this before?

Red: Uh yes i have but not usually not for free.

Matilda: Daddy, you're a crook.

Harry Wormwood: What?

Matilda: This is illegal.

Harry Wormwood: [hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda] You make money? Do you have a job?

Matilda: No, but don't people need good cars? Can't you sell good cars, Dad?

Harry Wormwood: Listen, you little wiseacre: I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Harry Wormwood: A book? What do you want a book for?

Matilda: To read.

Harry Wormwood: To read? Why would you want to read when you got the television set sitting right in front of you? There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster.

[after listing prices of cars bought and sold]

Harry Wormwood: What was my profit for the day?

Mikey: Could you repeat the last one?

Matilda: [interrupting] $10,265.

[long pause]

Matilda: Check it if you don't believe me.

Harry Wormwood: [he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda] You're a little cheat, you saw the paper.

Matilda: From all the way over here?

Harry Wormwood: [suspicious] Are you being smart with me? If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're going to be punished.

Matilda: Punished for being smart?

Harry Wormwood: For being a smart aleck! When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson!

Matilda: Person?

Harry Wormwood: Get up, get up...

Narrator: Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. He had meant to say, "When a child is bad." Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. Only when they deserved it, of course.

Matilda: I love it here! I love my school... it isn't fair! Miss Honey, please don't let them...

Harry Wormwood: [interrupting] Get in the car, Melinda!

Matilda: Matilda!

Harry Wormwood: Whatever.

Matilda: I want to stay with Miss Honey.

Zinnia Wormwood: Miss Honey doesn't want you. Why would she want some snotty, disobedient kid?

Jenny: Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her.

Matilda: Adopt me, Miss Honey! You can adopt me.

Harry Wormwood: Look, I don't have time for all these legalities!

Matilda: One second, Dad. I have the adoption papers.

Zinnia Wormwood: What? Where did you get those?

Matilda: From a book in the library. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox.

Matilda: Why don't you run away?

Jenny: I've often thought about it, but... I can't abandon my children. And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all.

Matilda: You're very brave, Miss Honey.

Jenny: Not as brave as you.

Matilda: I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything.

Jenny: Quite the contrary. All grown-ups get scared, just like children.

Matilda: I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of.

Harry Wormwood: Any packages come today?

Matilda: Mm-mm.

Harry Wormwood: [noticing her books] Where'd all this come from?

Matilda: The library.

Harry Wormwood: The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old.

Matilda: Six-and-a-half.

Harry Wormwood: You're four!

Matilda: Six-and-a-half!

Harry Wormwood: If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already.

Matilda: I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen.

Harry Wormwood: Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book.

[He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]

Harry Wormwood: Dearest pie, how old is Matilda?

Zinnia Wormwood: Four.

Matilda: I'm six-and-a-half, mommy!

Zinnia Wormwood: Five, then!

Matilda: I was six in August.

Harry Wormwood: You're a liar.

Matilda: I want to go to school.

Harry Wormwood: School? It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid.

[Matilda leaves]

Zinnia Wormwood: You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl.

Harry Wormwood: Hmph, tell me about it.

Matilda: This is the cottage from your story!

Jenny: Yes.

Matilda: The young woman is you!

Jenny: Yes.

Matilda: But then... No.

Jenny: Yes. Aunt Trunchbull.

Matilda: [to the FBI agents, as they rummage through her parents' garage looking for car parts] You two men are going to be in a lot of trouble very soon.

FBI Agent Bill: [to his partner] It's the female minor.

FBI Agent Bob: Aren't you supposed to be in school, young lady?

Matilda: I really hope you have a search warrant. According to a constitutional law book that I read in the library, if you don't have one, you could lose your job or even go to federal prison.

FBI Agent Bob: It's your father who's going to federal prison. And you know where you'll end up?

FBI Agent Bill: In a federal orphanage.

FBI Agent Bob: If you cooperate, we'll make sure it's a nice orphanage.

FBI Agent Bill: The kind with food... and teeny-weeny cockroaches.

FBI Agent Bob: What do you say?

Matilda: There's another crime in the making, your car is about to run a stop sign.

Agatha Trunchbull: [accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water] You didn't like the chokey, did you? Thought you'd pay me back, didn't you? Well, I'll pay you back, young lady.

Matilda: For what, Miss Trunchbull?

Agatha Trunchbull: For this newt, you piss-worm!

Matilda: I'm telling you, I didn't do it!

Agatha Trunchbull: Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it!

Agatha Trunchbull: Useless, flamin' car! Wormwood! Sell me a lemon? You're heading for the chokey, young lady!

Matilda: Chokey?

Agatha Trunchbull: Teach you a lesson!

Matilda: What lesson?

Agatha Trunchbull: You and your father think you can make a fool out of me!

Matilda: My father?

Agatha Trunchbull: The guy with the stupid haircut!

Matilda: I'm nothing like my father.

Agatha Trunchbull: You're the spitting image. The apple never rots far from the tree!

Jenny: [sees a painting of Ms. Trunchbull] Oh my. My father's portrait used to hang there.

Matilda: Whoever painted The Trunchbull must have had a strong stomach. A really strong stomach.

Harry Wormwood: Are you in this family?

Matilda: Mmmm...

Harry Wormwood: Hello?

[short pause]

Harry Wormwood: Are you in this family?

[switches the lamp off]

Harry Wormwood: Dinner time is family time. What is this trash you're reading?

Matilda: It's not trash, Daddy, it's lovely. It's called "Moby Dick", by Herman Melville.

Harry Wormwood: Moby *what*?

[snatching the book from Matilda and tears the pages out of the cover]

Harry Wormwood: This is Filth! Trash...!

Matilda: It's not mine! It's a library book!

Harry Wormwood: I'm fed up with all this reading! You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! Now sit up and look at the TV.

Matilda: Dad?

Harry Wormwood: What do you want?

Matilda: Yell at me, okay?

Harry Wormwood: SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE!

Matilda: Yell at me again!

Harry Wormwood: [in a rage] Yell at ya?

[storming towards her]

Harry Wormwood: I'll come in there and pound your miserable hide! What do I have to do to gain respect around here? I'm gonna give you a tanning like you never had in your life! My word is my law!

[Matilda uses her powers to slam her bedroom door in Harry's face just as he reaches it]

Harry Wormwood: [Matilda arrives home from school late at night after Bruce Bogtrotter's encounter with the Trunchbull] Young lady, where were you?

Matilda: Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because this boy ate some chocolate cake.

Harry Wormwood: That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. Did you see all those packages outside? They were left out there for the whole world to see because you weren't here to take 'em in!

Matilda: [after Matilda destroys the Wormwoods' TV with her powers] I didn't do it.

Harry Wormwood: Of course you didn't do it, you little twit.

Zinnia Wormwood: [Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids] Mine are driving me crazy. I'll tell ya, six hours a day of school IS NOT enough.

Matilda: [walking out of the room excitedly] I'll say!

Jenny: Matilda, you promised me you wouldn't go back in that house again.

Matilda: I didn't, I was on the garage roof.

[whispering]

Matilda: I did it with my powers.

Harry Wormwood: [appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob] What is this, a hot tub party? Get the hell outta here! I slave all day, and you're entertaining a couple of surfer dude bodybuilders!

Matilda: [off to the side] They're cops, Dad.

Matilda: No more Miss Nice Girl!

Matilda: We'll wait until she's gone, then we'll go get your doll.

Jenny: What?

Matilda: Just kidding.

Matilda: I became...

Hansel: What?

Matilda: Bulimic.

Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?

Matilda: Honestly?

Hansel: Yes.

Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.

Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week.

Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.

Matilda: That was last Friday.

Derek Zoolander: Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?

Hansel: This has been an emotional day for all of us. I think we should get naked.

Matilda: What?

Hansel: Don't ask questions. Just give in to the power of the tea.

Matilda: Derek that was unbelievable!

Derek Zoolander: I know! I turned left!

Matilda: Yeah, that too, but Derek, you saved the prime minister of Malaysia!

Derek Zoolander: Oh, right, cool.

Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.

Derek Zoolander: Ew!

Derek Zoolander: Or are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?

Matilda: A what?

Derek Zoolander: A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals.

[Matilda looks at Derek confused]

Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?

Derek Zoolander: Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career."

Matilda: Do what for a career?

Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.

J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?

Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!

J.P. Prewitt: [pauses] Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln in. The first model/actor! Dallas. 1963. John F. Kennedy.

Matilda: Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.

J.P. Prewitt: You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the Grassy Knoll sure as shit were!

Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't...

Matilda: Done it in a while, yeh.

Hansel: Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?

Derek Zoolander: Look, I think I know what this is about and I'm complimented but not interested.

Matilda: What?

Derek Zoolander: I can't sleep with you OK? My head is killing me...

Matilda: What are you talking about?

Derek Zoolander: OK, if you just want to fool around or...

Matilda: WAIT! I don't want to sleep with you!

Matilda: What time is it?

Derek Zoolander: Almost five.

Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys...

Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."

Derek Zoolander: Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.

Matilda: What?

Derek Zoolander: A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?

Matilda: [to Katinka] By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale!

Matilda: [to Derek] He had to pull his underwear out of his butt to beat you!

Matilda: [to Katinka] It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection from J. C. Penney. On sale!

Derek Zoolander: What? Are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?

Matilda: A what?

Derek Zoolander: A eugoogoolizer... you know one who speaks at funerals.

[Matilda looks at Derek confused]

Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?

Matilda: Nobody expects him be normal; he's a bishop.

Matilda: Were we in hell?

Royce: No, we were at the drive-in.

Jeremy Taylor: Let's go back to my uncle's place and get freaky.

Matilda: I can't.

Jeremy Taylor: I've got a big bunch of weed and fifty dollars. What more could you want?

Matilda: I don't do that anymore.

Jeremy Taylor: Since when?

Matilda: Since I spoke to God, Jeremy.

Jeremy Taylor: And he specifically said do not have sex with Jeremy anymore?

Matilda: Jeremy, I'm serious. I have a purpose, okay? I'm not really sure what it is yet, but I'm not going to ever know if I'm whoring around for drug money.

Jeremy Taylor: You suck.

Matilda: Not anymore I don't.

Matilda: He raped our fridge.

Matilda: Well! That sure takes the berry off the bush.

Frank Hawkins: [when Matilda shows up in his caravan with a bottle and glasses] I don't drink.

Matilda: [pouring herself one] Then watch me.