Master Betty Quotes in Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)

Master Betty: I have been called bad before. Many have said I do things that are not correct to do. I don't believe in talk such as this. I am nice man, with happy feelings. All of the time. First, a joke. What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

[pause]

Master Betty: My ass. Nyah, haha, haha, haha, ENOUGH.

Master Betty: Hmmm. I'll kill him. I'll kill him dead. Like with, with a, rock or something. Like a, like a stone.

Master Tang: I know you seek The Chosen One. And I know what you did to his family.

[begins coughing]

Master Tang: And now, I'm going to beat you up.

Master Betty: Do you need a glass of water, or something? Geez, at least cover your mouth. We're all going to catch it.

Master Tang: [Master Tang walking and singing] Hmm, chicken go cluck-cluck, cow go moo. Piggy go oink-oink, how bout you? Wanna be an animal just like you.

[breaks off and looks around]

Henchman: [in bushes] Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Master Betty: Mmm, I'm just a birdie, too!

Master Tang: [resumes singing] Lemur go pff-pff, Ostrich go baah. Koala go

Master Tang: [makes clicking noises]

Master Tang: [spins to face Betty]

Mayor: Er, Master Betty, what is the Evil Council's plan?

Master Betty: Nyah. Haha. It is EVIL, it is so EVIL. It is a bad, bad plan, which will hurt many... people... who are good. I think it's great that it's so bad.

Master Betty: When you girls are done kissing, I've got some ass kicking for you.

Master Betty: I am a great magician - your clothes are red!

Mayor: That tiny net was sure-fire master!

Master Betty: Yes, a tiny net is a death sentence, it's a net and it's tiny!

Master Betty: Well, I thought you looked familiar. Sorry, I didn't recognize you without crap in your pants!

Master Betty: Shirt ripper.

Master Betty: Orson!

Henchman: Welles.

Master Betty: I spanked you as a baby, and I'll spank you now BITCH.

[the intermission begins]

Master Betty: Go get some snacks, perhaps a carbonated soda!

Ling: I hope they have Icees!

Chosen One: I have chosen the large tub.

Wimp Lo: My nipples look like Milk Duds!

Master Tang: I've got some yellow liquid for your popcorn, and it's non-dairy!

Master Betty: [the Council appears out of the air] That's right! The Evil Council are *aliens*!

Chosen One: [speaker comes out of Council ship and plays French music] They're French.

Master Betty: Ha, ha! Stinky pits and all, baby!

Master Betty: Feel my paralyzer

[paralyzes chosen one's right arm, then his left arm]

Master Betty: Say good night, floppy.

[knocks out chosen one]