Mary Roberts Quotes in Way Out West (1937)

Oliver: Well, fan my brow! I'm from the South!

Mary Roberts: You are?

Stan: Well, shut my mouth! I'm from the South too!

Oliver: The South of what, sir?

Stan: The South of London.

Mickey Finn: [from the staircase] Hey! If you come upstairs, I'll introduce you to Mary Roberts.

Oliver: Right away, sir.

Mary Roberts: [enters from the kitchen] Did you call me, Mr. Finn?

Mickey Finn: [runs down the stairs] Ohhh! Get back into the kitchen where you belong! Go ahead now, don't bother me!

[goes up the stairs to his residence]

Mickey Finn: This way gentlemen, come right this way.

[stumbles on the staircase]

Mickey Finn: [the real Mary knocks at the door] Who's there?

Mary Roberts: Mary.

Stan: Mary who?

Mickey Finn: [nervously] Mary - Merry Christmas. Ohhh...

[opens the door]

Mary Roberts: Excuse me, Mr. Finn, one of these gentlemen dropped this at the foot of the stairs.

Ollie: [takes the deed from her hands, not recognizing her as the real Mary] Oh, oh why thank you, little lady, you don't know what you've done, thanks!

Mickey Finn: [shows Mary out of the room, closing the door] All right, all right, all right.

Ollie: [hands the deed to Lola, unaware that she's pretending to be Mary] There you are: signed, sealed, and now delivered.

Lola Marcel, the Singing Nightingale: Oh, thank you so much.

Ollie: Not at all.

[Mickey Finn utters a sigh of exhausted relief]

Ollie: Come Stanley, we'd better be going.

Stan: Oh say, what about the locket?

Ollie: That's right I...

Stan: We've got something else for you.

Ollie: I almost forgot it.

[puts on his derby and loosens his necktie]

Ollie: And besides that...

[unbuttons his shirt and takes out the locket]

Ollie: your father left you this family heirloom.

Lola Marcel, the Singing Nightingale: Oh yes, I - I remember it well.

Ollie: Help me get it off, Stanley.

[Ollie loosens his collar while Stan tries to take the locket chain off of Ollie's neck by pulling it up around his chin]

Stan: Am I hurting you?

Ollie: No, just a minute.

Stan: Won't be long.

[Stan tries again to take the chain off of Ollie]

Stan: Maybe I'd better try and open it again.

Ollie: I think so.

[Stan loosens Ollie's collar to get to the clasp]

Stan: It slipped.

[Stan unbuttons Ollie's shirt]

Stan: Maybe you'd better take your coat off.

Ollie: [starts to take off his coat] Pardon me just a minute.

[Stan removes Ollie's necktie and collar; Ollie takes his suspenders off and the locket falls down his trousers leg to the floor]

Ollie: [Stan reaches up Ollie's back and finds a thread, Ollie breaks the thread and discovers an unraveled undergarment] We'll find it in just a moment.

[Ollie takes off his shirt, and Stan notices the locket on the floor and picks it up]

Ollie: We got it.

[Stan hands the locket to Lola]

Ollie: I'm gonna go in and change, pardon us.

[Ollie goes into the bedroom to put his clothes back on, and Stan follows]

Ollie: [Mary comes downstairs] Goodbye, Miss... uh... Miss... uh...

Mary Roberts: Roberts, Mary Roberts.

Ollie: Goodbye, Miss Roberts.

Stan: Goodbye.

Ollie: [Stan and Ollie stop walking, Ollie does a double take] Did you hear what she said her name was?

Stan: Sure, Mary Roberts.

Ollie: How can she be Mary Roberts when we've just given the deed to Mary Roberts?

Stan: I don't know.

[Stan crushes out a cigar butt with his shoe]

Ollie: I smell a rat.

Stan: I smell something too.

[Stan discovers his shoe is smoking from the cigar butt, dunks his feet into the janitor's water pail]

Ollie: Come on.

[Stan and Ollie go back to the kitchen; they remove their hats]

Ollie: Pardon me, did you ever have a father by the name of Cy Roberts?

Mary Roberts: Why, yes. He left me here with these people years ago when he went prospecting.

Ollie: Well, who's that woman upstairs?

Mary Roberts: That's Lola Marcel, Mr. Finn's wife. She's my legal guardian now.

Stan: [Stan taps Ollie on the shoulder, and accidentally bangs his head on a hanging frying pan] Can I speak to you for a minute?

Ollie: Pardon us.

Stan: Yeah, we'll be right back.

[Stan and Ollie head for the main hall]

Stan: You know what?

Ollie: What?

Stan: I think we've given that deed to the wrong woman. That's the first mistake we've made since that guy sold us the Brooklyn Bridge.

Ollie: Oh, buying that bridge was no mistake. That's gonna be worth a lot of money to us someday.

Stan: Well, maybe you're right. We'd better go and get the deed.

Ollie: Say, maybe they won't give it back to us.

Stan: What do you mean, they won't give it back to us? We'll get that deed, or I'll eat your hat.

Ollie: That's what I call determination.

[Ollie shakes Stan's hand; they head upstairs]

Ollie: Come on.

[last lines]

Stan, Ollie, Mary Roberts: [singing] We're going to go, we're going to go / We're going to go way down in Dixie / Where the hens are doggone glad to lay / Scrambled eggs in the new-mown hay / We're going to see, we're going to see / We're going to see my home in Dixie / You can tell the world we're going to...

Ollie, Mary Roberts: D - I - X...

Stan: [music stops] I know how to spell it.

Ollie, Mary Roberts: [music resumes] Then we're going,

Stan: [sings separately] All right, we're going,

Ollie, Mary Roberts: You know we're going,

Stan: [sings] You bet we're going

Stan, Ollie, Mary Roberts: To our home in Dixie land / We're going to go way down in Dixie / Where the hens are doggone glad to lay / Scrambled eggs in the new-mown hay / We're going to see, we're going to see...

[song fades out as Ollie falls into the creek]

[last lines]

Johnnie: How many of these little blessed events do you expect to have?

Mary Roberts: Oh, one or two, but no more than...

[the truth machine zaps her]

Mary Roberts: Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten!

Johnnie: Here, here, shut that thing off!