Mary Quotes in Free State of Jones (2016)


Mary Quotes:

  • Mary: Tax collectors are coming around here taking everything. We'll have nothing for the winter.

    Newton Knight: [Knight kneels down and holds up his rifle] Girls, do you know how to shoot one of these?

  • Mary: Let me ask you something.

    [Grabs his hand]

    Mary: Why are you alive?

    John Preston: [Breaks free] I'm alive... I live... to safeguard the continuity of this great society. To serve Libria.

    Mary: It's circular. You exist to continue your existence. What's the point?

    John Preston: What's the point of your existence?

    Mary: To feel. 'Cause you've never done it, you can never know it. But it's as vital as breath. And without it, without love, without anger, without sorrow, breath is just a clock... ticking.

  • Mary: You can't do this! You cannot do this!

    John Preston: Tetragrammaton. There's nothing we can't do.

  • Mary: What... what'll you do?

    John Preston: ...I don't know.

  • John Preston: Then I have no choice but to remand you to the Palace of Justice for processing.

    Mary: Processing. You mean execution, don't you?

    John Preston: Processing.

  • [first lines]

    Jane Hammond: [whispering a bedtime story] Callie and Decca were two sisters. They were on a boat. They're in the water, and Callie said to Decca, "Decca, will you tell me the story about the upside-down tree again please?" And Decca said, "Once upon a time, there was an upside-down tree. And anyone who walked in through the door of its trunk would be immediately turned to good if they were bad." Callie said, "I would really like to see that tree sometime." They went on and on in the water. Can you make water?

    [making hand-shadow motions on the wall]

    Jane Hammond: Yeah.

    Jane Hammond: And then all of a sudden, they hit land... And all the animals joined them, 'cause they wanted to see the upside-down tree, too. They had a bunny rabbit. Can you make a bunny rabbit?

    [continues shadow-puppeting]

    Jane Hammond: Yeah, the bunny rabbits went, and there were... wolves. And there was a cheetah. And...

    Jane Hammond: [suddenly] No, don't eat my nose! I'm trying to tell a story. Are you a monster? Are you a monster eating my nose?

    [boy begins giggling]

    Jane Hammond: I'm so scared of monsters... " I wish I could find the upside-down tree," and they ran and they found the upside-down tree, but outside was a lion.

    Jane Hammond: "Get away from my tree. This is my tree." And Callie said, "Well, if it's your tree, Lion, why don't you go inside it?" Lion said, "All right, I will." And he went inside his tree. And his claws went back in his paws. He started smiling. He started relaxing. He said, "You're my friends, and all my friends are welcome here." And so Callie and Decca went into the upside-down tree, and they all lived happily ever after.

    Mary: Do good people ever turn bad in the upside-down tree?

    Jane Hammond: No. Good people never turn bad. Sweet dreams, baby...

  • Dracula: You think you can teach me about betrayal? Didn't your father ever tell you, Mary? I can't die. He won't have me.

    Mary: Did you ever ask?

    Dracula: For what? Forgiveness?

  • Mary: [about Jesus Christ] He still loves you.

    Dracula: Does he? Just as he still loves you? Then go back to him and see if he'll still have you!

  • Mary: [seeing Dracula outside of her bedroom] Wake up... wake up... it's the dream... you know it's the dream. Wake up!

  • Mary: [confessing to her pastor] I've had these dreams my whole life. Trapped in darkness with this man. I used to think they were just... nightmares.

  • [last lines]

    Mary: I am Mary Van Helsing. I am my father's daughter. And nothing can ever take that away.

  • [Mary escapes from the vampiric Lucy and enters an eerie velvet hallway only to quickly encounter Valerie, also a vampire. Valerie screeches at a frightened Mary, who corners her]

    Valerie Sharp: [demonic] So what makes you the one? What do you have that we don't have?

    Solina: [distorted] Oh, I know.

    [Solina crawls on the wall from the left]

    Solina: I know your secret. Oh, yes.

    Mary: [sobs] No.

    Solina: Yeah, I can still taste it on your daddy's blood.

    Valerie Sharp: Oh, yes. The essence.

    [Solina hisses]

    Valerie Sharp: What he took from Dracula, he passed on to you.

    Solina: Born with his blood, but not like the rest of us.

    Lucy: [appears from the right;sultry] Daddy's little prodigal.

    Valerie Sharp: Sorry about your old man. We sucked him dry.

  • Mary: I'm gonna kill em' all.

  • Mary: They strung her up. Slit her throat. They drank and bottled her blood as it poured outta her. They cooked and ate her major organs that night.

  • Mary: We shouldn't stay here.

    Adam: Yeah... it's time to get the hell out of here!

  • Mary: [on resorting to canabalism] I choose to survive

    Adam: NO! You choose to murder

  • Mary: [Mary picks up a piece of paper from the street] What is this?

    Gielgud: [They silently read the flyer, which says "Do the Rat Thing. Vote for Ratification. Rex Rat"] The Rat King wants to turn everyone Rat.

  • The Snow Fairy: [as Mary watches the ballerina snowflakes dancing in the air] Aren't they beautiful?

    Mary: Oh, yes.

    The Snow Fairy: You can join the dance if you like.

    Mary: But I can't fly.

    The Snow Fairy: How do you know if you've never tried?

  • Mary: You know I once served a medium rare swiss steak to Patrick Stewart.

    Zack Grant: Who's Patrick Stewart?

    Mary: Patrick Stewart, Picard, The greatest starship captain that ever lived.

    Zack Grant: What about Kirk? Captain James T. Kirk?

    Mary: Old news.

    Zack Grant: What? What? You're shunning the guy who went first where no man had ever been before?

    Mary: He was a D-Type. Sub-A.

    Zack Grant: Hey, he kicked Klingon ass, baby.

    Mary: He was always breaking the prime directive, Picard never breaks the prime directive.

    Zack Grant: That's because he's an old bald guy from Liverpool, he couldn't break a date.

    Mary: Oh! For Pete's sake, grow up!

    Zack Grant: Grow up, I don't believe you sometimes...

    Mary: How about you, Yuji? Who do you think was best?

    Zack Grant: Oh yeah right, ask him...

    Yuji: Sulu.

    MaryZack Grant: Sulu?

    Yuji: He should have been Captain.

  • Mary: How can you kill three people you don't even know just because some guy tells you to?

  • Mary: Then...


    Mary: you're telling me your rude behavior and total lack of respect for me is just your natural personality and not in any way related to undue stress?

  • Mary: You're a cyborg! You lied to me!

  • Mary: You want me to take off my pants?

  • Mary: [Mary is looking at the stars outside the Axiom while other passengers pass idly by] Oh! So many stars! Ah.

    [she sees WALL-E and EVE flying around outside]

    Mary: Oh! Hey! That's what's-his-name!

    [backs up, bumps into John]

    John: Hey! What the-?

    Mary: Look! Look, look, look!

    [she shuts off his chair and screen, making him aware of his surroundings]

    John: Huh? What?

    [sees WALL-E and EVE]

    John: Hey... I know that guy! It's uh, uh... WALL-E! That's it! Hey - WALL-E! It's your buddy John!

    Mary: [simultaneously] Hey! Hi, WALL-E!

    [John casually puts his right hand upon Mary's]

    John: [looks down, somewhat surprised; looks up at Mary, smiles] Hi.

    Mary: [smiles] Hi.

  • Mary: I didn't know we had a pool!

  • Mary: [a group of youngsters rolls on the floor of the leaning ship toward where their arms stretch out as a barrier beyond the other fallen passengers] John, get ready to have some kids!


    Mary: [Introducing herself] Mary.

    WALL.E: [Points to EVE] EE-va?

    Mary: Oh, yes, of course. Excuse me.

    [Backs herself out of the way so WALL-E can ride with EVE, the shuttle stops and Mary disembarks with a gasp]

    Mary: I-I didn't know we had a pool!

  • Walter: ...and then, when he thought they were alone, he said, "There's oil under this theater, see! I'm gonna tear it to the ground, see! Sweet, sweet oil, see!"

    Mary: People still talk like that?

    Walter: Maybe that's just how he sounded in my head.

  • Gary: It sounds like you guys aren't getting back together any time soon.

    Kermit the Frog: [sadly] No.

    Mary: This is going to be a *really* short movie.

  • Gary: Mary, will you marry me?

    Mary: [She looks stunned, then looks at the camera and puts her hands out to each side] Mahna-mahna!

  • Walter: Either way, we've got to find Kermit! He'll know what to do.

    Mary: How do we find Kermit? Nobody's seen him in years.

    [Gary, Mary, and Walter pass a man selling Hot Star Maps in front of Pink's Hot Dogs]

    Walter: [gasp] Wait, stop the car! I have an idea.

    [cut to the trio eating some chili dogs]

    Gary: These are delicious! Great idea, Walter.

  • Mary: [singing] Everything's great. Everything's grand. Except Gary's always off with his friend. It's never me and him. It's always me and him, and him. I wonder when it's going to end. But, I guess that's okay, 'cause maybe someday... I know just how it's going to be. He'll ride up on a steed, get down on one knee, and say, "Mary, will you marry me... please?"

  • Mary: So, what do we do now?

    Gary: I don't see a doorbell, and the house looks empty.

    Walter: Gary, throw me over.

    Gary: What?

    Walter: Gary, just throw me over already!

    Gary: Okay. Okay, here we go, OK...

    Walter: One, two, three.

    Walter: [Walter grunts as Gary gets ready to throw him over the fence] That's good.

    Gary: Sorry.

    Walter: No, it's good.

    Mary: Guys? I think that's an electric fence.

    Walter: Mary, it's Kermit the Frog.

    Gary: OK buddy, head down.

    GaryWalter: One, two, three!

    [Gary tosses Walter into the electric fence, and Walter screams in pain as he falls to the ground]

    Mary: It's an electric fence.

    Gary: Yep.

    Gary: Oh, my gosh. Walter? Walter, buddy? Walter, can you hear me?

    Walter: [in a raspy voice] Throw me again.

    Gary: No, I don't... I don't think that's a good idea.

    Walter: What kind of throw was that?

    Kermit the Frog: Excuse me...

    [Angelic choir voices are heard as Walter sees Kermit with a glow of light behind him; the lights and voices are actually coming from a bus that says "Good Shepherd Church Choir: 'O sing, ye righteous!' " on the side]

    Kermit the Frog: You okay? That was quite a tumble.

    [Walter faints]

  • Archy Hamilton: G'day.

    Mary: G'day.

  • Archibald Cunningham: Think of yourself a scabbard, Mistress McGregor, and I the sword. And a fine fit you were, too.

    Mary: I will think on you dead, until my husband makes you so. And then I will think on you no more.

  • Mary: To these men, the truth is but a lie undiscovered.

  • Mary: I love the bones of you, Robert McGregor, but you take too much to heart that canna' be helped.

  • [Argyll refuses Mary's initial pleas for help]

    Mary: Your Grace, Robert finds himself in this position for taking Your Grace's part.

    Duke of Argyll: My part? What cause had he to do that? And in what manner?

    Mary: He refused to bear false witness against you, when the Marquis asked him to say that you were a Jacobite, to slander your name at court.

    Duke of Argyll: Montrose asked this of him?

    Mary: In remission of this debt. But Robert refused.

    Duke of Argyll: I did not know your husband bore me such goodwill.

    Mary: Indeed, Your Grace, I think he favors you no more than any other great man. "As wolves at lambing," that is his word for you all. Robert refused, not for Your Grace, but for his own honor, which he values above his own family, his kin and his clan, and for which I have oft chided him. But were he otherwise, he would not be Robert Roy MacGregor. Robert would not approve of my coming here to ask you for help, nor come himself if he were here.


    Mary: But I have no choice, unless I give him up entire to his enemies. And though I love his honor, it is but a moon-cast shadow to the love I bear him. By the grace of God, I have his child inside me and I will have a father for it.

    Duke of Argyll: [much affected] You do your man no dishonor, Mary. Faith, he is a man much blessed by fortune.

  • Mary: You look bemused.

    Betty: No worse bemused than I deserve, Mrs. MacGregor. For I have a bastard's bastard in me. And no home for him when he comes out.

  • Mary: [to Benji] One of these days I'm going to follow you to see just where you go.

  • Mary: [to Benji] You have more independence than most people, and more charm.

  • Paul: Is Benji here yet?

    Mary: Yes, Benji's here yet.

    Paul: [calling out the kitchen door] Cindy, he's here.

    Mary: Well he won't be here for long if you don't stop that yelling. You know what happens if your father walks in.

    Paul: I don't think Dad understands about us and Benji.

    Mary: I don't think you understand what an understatement you just made.

    Paul: What's understatement mean?

    Mary: It means don't yell down the hall.

    Cindy: [entering the kitchen] Where's Benji?

    Mary: Don't yell in the kitchen, do you want your father in here?

    Cindy: No but he's coming anyway, we've got to hide Benji!

    Mary: Oh phenomenal.

    Cindy: Quick, he's right behind me!

  • HÃ¥kon: You're a girl!

    Mary: You've seen one before haven't you?

  • [HÃ¥kon is rescuing Mary from a native tribe]

    Mary: HÃ¥kon! HÃ¥kon, I knew you were alive!

    HÃ¥kon: This is no time for a reunion.

  • Mary: This is so stupid. I'm the one that should go. Hakon you know the island best and Jens you know everything else.

    HÃ¥kon: It's too dangerous.

    Mary: I sneaked on board your ship while you were standing guard.

    Jens: I believe her.

    HÃ¥kon: Have you ever used a gun before.

    Mary: I think I can handle myself.

  • HÃ¥kon: What are you doing here?

    Mary: I'm going to Calcutta. Same as you.

    HÃ¥kon: Why?

    Mary: To get away from some busy-bodies who want to put me in an orphanage, alright?

    HÃ¥kon: Why don't you just live with your parents?

    Mary: Because I'm an orphan. If you must know. Why else do you think they'd put me in an orphanage?

  • HÃ¥kon: What's Xanadu?

    Mary: My Mother said it was the most beautiful place on Earth. Where everybody was happy. But it's only in a book it doesn't really exist.

    HÃ¥kon: Yes it does.

  • Mary: [after whacking a factory guard on the head with a tire iron] Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!

  • Lazarus: I don't understand. Joseph died and left you a set of tools, a workshop and contacts in the big city!

    Jesus: Lazarus I have new work to do.

    Mary: Is that what you mean by the kingdom?

    Reuben: Yes! The kingdom of God! I mean, last time you came you were just fixing the door.

    Jesus: Well is the door still opening smoothly?

    [all laugh]

  • Jill: Are you Tom's girlfriend?

    Mary: I'm his boss.

    Tom Piper: But... I think she'd rather be my girlfriend.

    Mary: Right, when cats play fiddles.

    [a cat playing "Here come the bride" to a newly wed plate and spoon with his fiddle]

    Tom Piper: Ha ha ha ha ha ha, what do you know, he's playing our song.

  • Barnaby Crookedman: Oh, come come my dear. I offering far more than the place is worth. Even you father Could have seen that.

    Mary: Mr. Barnaby, the factory is not for sale, poppa build this factory. Without it there wouldn't be any toyland.

    Barnaby Crookedman: Hmm, how true. Which makes the thought of the old factory closing down, dovelly destressing, doesn't it.

    Mary: Why would we close down?

    Barnaby Crookedman: No toy orders from Santa Claus. It's all over toyland, that Tom Piper never returned from the North Pole. I even heard the goblins had him for dinner. Ha ha

    Tom Piper: [justed entered the room] Oh really, and how did I taste?

    Barnaby Crookedman: Stay out of this Piper. And since, Santa's order is the mainstay of your business... PIPER?

    Tom Piper: Hey, how you doing

  • Mary: [an army of goblins arrive at the town gate] Tom, it's the goblins.

    Tom Piper: That's impossible, who lead them here?

    Barnaby Crookedman: [to the Goblins and tipping his hat] Welcome to Toyland.

  • Mary: He's left you, Princess. He told you a pack of lies. Forget about him.

  • Mary: Do you have a nickel?

    Frankie Valli: Yeah.

    Mary: Call your mother, you're going to be home late.

  • Mary: [upon first meeting] So that's your real name? Vally?

    Frankie Valli: No. Castelluccio. Francis Castelluccio. Kind of long for a marquee. That's why I changed it. Vally. V-A-L-L-Y.

    Mary: No.

    Frankie Valli: How come?

    Mary: Because "Y" is a bullshit letter. It doesn't know what it is. Is it a vowel? Is it a consonant?

    Frankie Valli: Never thought about it.

    Mary: Plus which, you're Italian. You gotta end in a vowel. Delgad-O. Castellucci-O. Pizz-A. Valli with an "I." It says "This is who I am."

  • Frankie Valli: I'm gonna be as big as Sinatra.

    Mary: Only if you stand on a chair.

    Frankie Valli: Hey, why you gotta say that kind of stuff?

  • Mary: And that's him with Pete Olsen. Mike and Pete were...


    Philomena: That's alright, Mary. I know Anthony was a gay homosexual. And we've met Marcia, who I believe was his beard. Is that right, Martin?

    Martin Sixsmith: Yes, that's, that's about right.

  • Mary: Stop torturing her!

  • Mary: He wasn't too happy the last couple years of his life, working for Reagan. He was pretty messed up about it.

    Martin Sixsmith: The Republicans withdrew funding for AIDS research because they blamed the epidemic on the gay lifestyle.

    Philomena: Right, because some of them wouldn't wear condoms 'cause they said it spoils the feeling.

  • [first lines]

    Mr. George Wharton Robinson: Our boys' curriculum is very wide. They perform a short play at the end of every term. Theater's an abiding interest of my wife... Ah, Mary, tea if you please.

    Mary: [arriving late] Yes, sir.

    Mr. George Wharton Robinson: Through the open door... Nelly, where were you? Mr. Benham has been here since 3:00.

    Nelly: I'm so sorry. Mr. Lambourne has been organizing the boys best he can.

    Mary: I lost all sense of time...

  • [George M. Cohan comes into apartment and smells something cooking]

    George M. Cohan: Mmmmm... ham or bacon?

    Mary: Bacon.

    George M. Cohan: Good. Ham makes me self-conscious.

  • Mary: George, I didn't know you could yodel.

    George M. Cohan: Learned it on the farm. Nothing but pig callin' with frost on it.

  • Mary: [George has been wearing a wig to look like an old man]

    [Mary screams]

    George M. Cohan: [He throws the wig on the floor and stomps on it] Got it!

  • Mary: [pulls up in her Kia Sedona mini-van] "It's a Kia; it's what God would drive."

  • Mary: I've got doughnuts! I've got jelly and sprinkles, but not cronuts because they're a bastard pastry.

  • Mary: [after getting into an argument with Jeremy] I know why you took a medical leave.

  • Tim: Mum, this is Mary.

    Mum: Mary! Good Lord, you're pretty.

    Mary: Oh, no. It's just... I've got a lot of mascara and lipstick on.

    Mum: Let's have a look.

    Mary: [presents her face]

    Mum: Oh, yes. Good. It's very bad for a girl to be too pretty. It stops her developing a sense of humor. Or a personality.

  • Mary: I'm going to go into the bedroom and put on my new pajamas, and in a minute you can come in and take them off.

  • Mary: Actually, I look like Kate Moss.

    Tim: Really?

    Mary: No, I sort of look like a squirrel.

    Tim: Do you like Kate Moss?

    Mary: I absolutely love her! In fact, I almost wore one of her dresses here tonight. You?

    Tim: No, no. Her clothes look terrible on me.

  • Mary: I'm not taking my panties off for Scotland!

  • Tim: I thought this phone was old, and suddenly it's my most valuable possession.

    Mary: You really like me? Even my frock?

    Tim: I love your frock.

    Mary: And, um, my hair. It's not too brown?

    Tim: I love brown.

    Mary: My fringe is new.

    Tim: Your fringe is perfect. Fringe is the best bit.

  • Mum: And what are your faults? I mean, little weaknesses.

    Mary: Well, I'm very insecure.

    Mum: Sweet.

  • Tim: So, what do you do?

    Mary: I'm a reader at a publisher.

    Tim: No! You read for a living?

    Mary: Yes. That's it, I read.

    Tim: Oh, that's so great. It's like someone asking, "What do you do for a living?" "Well, I breathe. I'm a breather. I get paid for breathing." How did you get that job?

    Mary: Okay, smart-ass, what do you do?

    Tim: I am a lawyer. Sort of... Sort of.

    Mary: That's sexy.

    Tim: Is it?

    Mary: I mean, I think so. In a suit, in a court, saving people's lives. Kinda sexy.

    Tim: I guess it is. Although it's not as sexy as reading. Sitting there in an office in a little chair reading. Ooh!

    Mary: Okay, stop. Just wait right there mister, because you know a lot of books get submitted to my publisher. So it's an immense responsibility.

    Tim: I bet it is. But when you're doing normal reading,

    [they both laugh]

    Tim: is it ruined because it's your job? You know, like prostitutes? I always worry that when they stop being prostitutes that they can't enjoy sex anymore.

    Mary: You always worry about that?

    Tim: No, I sometimes worry about that.

    Mary: Oh, okay, good. Because someone who always worried about that would be a bit of a worry.

    Tim: When you read a newspaper do you think, "Forget this, it's work"?

    Mary: Have you interviewed a lot of prostitutes?

    Tim: When you read a menu, do you think, "No, I'm not reading this, unless you pay me hard cash"?

    Mary: How many prostitutes will you need to talk to before this issue is solved?

  • [Mary is trying on one dress after another, and can't decide which one to wear to a party]

    Mary: How about the blue one?

    Tim: The first one that you tried on, that was boring and lumpy, but that wasn't actually boring and lumpy, that one?

    Mary: Yeah, which do you prefer?

    Tim: I don't know. I'm actually starting to go mad.

    Mary: I think I like the blue one.

  • [Tim and Mary are in bed]

    Mary: So not such a bad day after all?

    Tim: No. It was pretty good, really. Very good day, actually, as it turns out.

    Mary: Well, that's a relief. Because it had been a very bad day, I thought I might have had to have had sex with you to make up for it.

    [she turns the light out]

    Mary: Goodnight.

    Tim: [he is lying blatantly and Mary knows it] It was a very, very bad day. It went very badly. I got fired from my job. And then I killed a man.

    [she turns the light back on]

    Mary: That is a very bad day.

    Tim: It's terrible.

    Mary: Yeah, the worst day ever. I'm so sorry.

    [they start to make love]

  • [Mary wants another baby]

    Mary: I just thought that maybe it was time for the insurance baby.

    Tim: What?

    Mary: In case one of them is really smart. We don't want the other one to feel stupid their whole life. And if we had a third one then we could have *two* happy dummies. What do you think?

    [Tim realises that once another baby is born, he will never be able to go back to a time before that]

    Tim: [voiceover] It was the toughest decision of my life. Saying "yes" to the future meant saying "goodbye" to my dad - forever.

  • Mary: I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.

  • Mary: What if you meet the love of your life, but you already married somebody else, are you supposed to let them pass you by?

  • Mary: He MySpaced me.

    Nathan: Ouch!

    Mary: Oh.

    Joshua: Oh girl I don't know about that... My trampy little sister says MySpace is the new booty call.

  • [after telling Mary that he's an architect]

    Pat Healy: Really, it's only a side thing for my true passion.

    Mary: And what's that?

    Pat Healy: I work with retards.

    Mary: Isn't that a little politically incorrect?

    Pat Healy: Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with.

  • Mary: Who needs him? I've got a vibrator!

  • Ted: Do you think maybe you wanna maybe, I don't know, go out to dinner, you know, catch up on old times?

    Mary: Didn't we just do that?

    Ted: Oh, uh...

    Mary: I'm fucking with you, Ted!

  • [to her girlfriends]

    Mary: I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game, and eat sausages, and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That's my ad, print it up.

    Brenda: "Fatty who likes golf and beer." Gee, Mary, where are you gonna find a gem like that?

  • Mary: Did you mean what you said up there?

    Ted: Well ya I just want you to be happy Mary.

    Mary: But I'd be happiest with you.

    Ted: What about Bret Fahvera...?

    Mary: What did I tell you the first time we met? I'm a Niners fan!

  • Mary: Is that... is that hair gel?

  • [while Mary's suitors are quarreling, Brett Favre comes into the room, giving Warren a piggyback ride]

    Brett Favre: Hi, Mary!

    Mary: [astonished] Brett?

    Pat Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?

    Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb-ass.

    Ted: Yeah, I called him, Mary. I told him to pick up Warren and get down here. See, your friend Tucker was lying about a couple of other things.

    [Norm, Dom and Pat ease over to the window, apparently afraid of Brett Favre]

    Ted: Brett never said those bad things about Warren. He loves Warren. And from what he told me on the phone just now, he loves you, too. He's the guy you should be with.

  • Pat Healy: My real passion is my hobby.

    Mary: Really, what's that?

    Pat Healy: I work with retards.

    Mary: Isn't that a little, uhm, politically incorrect?

    Pat Healy: Well, heh, to hell with that... no one's going to tell me who I can and can't work with, right?

    Mary: No, I mean...

    Pat Healy: We got this one kid, Mongo... He's got a forehead like a drive-in movie theatre, but he's a good ship. So we don't bust his chops too much. So, one day Mongo gets out of his cage...

    Mary: They keep him in a cage?

    Pat Healy: Well, it's just an enclosure...

    Mary: No, but they keep him confined?

    Pat Healy: Right, yeah.

    Mary: That's bullshit!

    Pat Healy: Well, that's what I said! So, I went out and I got him, uh, I got him a leash.

    Mary: A leash?

    Pat Healy: Yeah, one of those ones you can hook on the clothesline, and he can run back and forth and, uh, there's plenty of room for him to dig and play. That kid is really, uh, he's really blossomed.

  • Mary: You've been to Nepal?

    Pat Healy: Not in months, I don't know why I bought the damn place.

  • Mary: Hey, you want to go upstairs and watch SportsCenter?

    Ted: No, I think I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead.

    Mary: You're not that far ahead, Ted.

  • Ted: I say they should put more meats on a stick, you know? They got a lot of sweets on sticks-popsicles, fudgesicles, lollipops - but hardly any meat.

    Mary: I agree there should be more.

    Ted: You know what I'd like to see? Meat in a cone. You could put corned beef hash in a cone, or chopped liver.

  • Mary: [about Pat] I know he's a little different, but that's what I like about him. He dresses like a complete dork, he chews with his mouth open, he hardly ever says the right thing, and probably farts, too.

    Tucker: Oh, that's what you're looking for, is it? A farter?

    Mary: No, I'm looking for a guy.

  • Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?

    Mary: You have your coat on.

    Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?

  • Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.

    Mary: That's my name.

    Clark: No shit.

  • Clark: Whew, it's warm in here.

    Mary: Well you have your coat on.

    Clark: Ah yes I do, why is that?

    Mary: Because it's cold out.

    Clark: Yes it is, it's a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out, what did I say, nipple? Huh, there is a nip in the air.

  • Mary: These are cut really high in the hip. Look, I'm wearing something similar. See, you can't see the line.

    Clark: Can't see the line, can you Russ?

    Rusty Griswold: Nope.

  • Steve: Why you only eating the brown ones?

    Mary: Because someone once said they have less artificial colouring because chocolate's already brown. And it kind of stayed with me.

    Steve: You kind of stayed with me.

  • Steve: Do you ever think about that night at the park?

    Mary: What?

    Steve: I barely know you. I don't know your dad's first name, I don't know if you ever wore braces, or contacts, or glasses and I have no idea how you came to be a wedding planner, Mary. But I do know the curves of your face. And I know every fleck of gold in your eyes. I know that the night at the park was the best time I've ever had. Pl-please say something.

    Mary: I'm a magnet for unavailable men, and I'm sick of it. It's simple, I love Fran, I respect her, and she loves you. So besides your tux measurements, that's all I need to know. Please go away.

  • Mary: I can treat that jackass like any other faceless groom! And that's just what I'm gonna do! Why? Because he's nothing... because I love a challenge! And because I am a goddamn professional!

  • Mary: Y'know, "those who can't do, teach"? Well those who can't wed, plan.

  • Mary: [to Eddie after he rescues her from the runaway dumpster] You saved... my shoe. I mean, my life.

  • Steve: [while taking dance lessons] If you're thinking what I'm thinking...

    Mary: What I'm thinking involves a machete and a pair of pliers!

  • Mary: You smell like sweet red plums and grilled chesse sandwiches.

  • Steve: Why did Steve go to the movies with you? Well, first of all, Steve likes the movies. Steve had the night off. Steve said, 'Hey, a movie sounds good,' plus he got an invitation.

    Mary: Why is Steve referring to himself in the third person?

    Steve: What are you talking about?

  • Mary: [after picking up the statue, looks to the ground] You castrated him!

  • Mary: Oh my God, you castrated him!

  • Steve: [taking off Mary's neck brace] Woah, you've got a big neck.

    Mary: I have a big neck?

    Steve: No, don't get me wrong it's a fine neck, it's just that i haven't had a patient over the age of 6 in the past 5 years.

  • Salvatore: But Massimo said you announced your engagement.

    Mary: I never said that.

    Burt: See, I told you Miss Mo was full of crap.

    Salvatore: Not Miss Mo. Massimo. Massimo.

  • Mary: Where's Fran?

    Steve: She's in Tahiti, on our honeymoon.

  • [about Massimo]

    Mary: For an entire summer he followed me around asking me if I had a vagina!

    Penny: [pause] I think that's adorable!

  • Smyth: You girls from out of town?

    Mary: Yeah, we're staying over there at my cousin's place.

    Jenn: We're looking for beavers.

    Smyth: Well, hell, ain't we all?

  • Mary: Why would God make us so different if he wanted us to be the same?

  • Lillian: I keep trying to remind myself that when Jesus closes a door he opens a window.

    Mary: Yeah, so we have something to jump out of.

  • Hilary Faye: Mary, turn away from Satan. Jesus, he loves you.

    Mary: You don't know the first thing about love.

    Hilary Faye: [throws a Bible at Mary] I am FILLED with Christ's love! You are just jealous of my success in the Lord.

    Mary: [Mary holds up the Bible] This is not a weapon! You idiot.

  • Mary: So everything that doesn't fit into some stupid idea of what you think God wants you just try to hide or fix or get rid of? It's just all too much to live up to. No one fits in one hundred percent of the time. Not even you.

    Pastor Skip: I know that, Mary.

    Dean: I know in my heart that Jesus still loves me.

    Mary: Why would God make us all so different if he wanted us to be the same?

  • Patrick: Mary, you want to go out sometime?

    Mary: What? Are you going to take me out on your "scooter"?

    Patrick: Come on, I'm like, totally adorable, besides, it would drive Hilary Faye crazy.

    Mary: I can't. I'm... not dating right now.

    Patrick: What about tomorrow night? Will you be dating then?

  • Mary: I'm having a girl.

    Cassandra: [looking at Mary's ultrasound] Are you sure you're not having a seamonkey?

  • Mary: Please let it be cancer, please let it be cancer, please let it be cancer...

  • Mary: Dean! What are you doing here?

    Dean: I'm going to my Prom.

    Mary: Mercy House let you guys take the van?

    Dean: Well no not really, we sort of led a rebellion and swiped it. You're pregnant?

    Mary: I wanted to tell you...

    Dean: Our first time?

    [Mary nods]

    Dean: That's so awesome.

  • Patrick: [about her corsage] I bought both red and yellow, because I didn't know... which...

    Mary: But Patrick -

    [gestures to her pregnant belly]

    Patrick: Mary? Honestly? It doesn't matter to me.

  • Cassandra: Doesn't it bother you to have people smoking around you? It's so bad for the baby.

    Mary: I'm not pregnant.

    Cassandra: So what are you gonna do? It's too late for the big "A". You look like a smuggler. I know a place where you could sell it!

    Mary: I'm not going to sell my...

    [vulnerable pause]

    Cassandra: It's Dean's, isn't it?

  • Mary: [after giving birth] Okay, I'm pretty sure this isn't what Jesus had in mind when he said, "Help Dean." Look, don't be too harsh. I'm not the first person to ever get the message screwed up. Looking at her, it's like life is too amazing to be this random and meaningless consequence of the universe. There had to be a God... or something out there.

  • Mary: [about the Virgin Mary] I know this is wrong, but do you ever wonder if she just made the whole thing up? I mean, it's a pretty good one. It's not like anyone can ever use virgin birth as an excuse again.


    Mary: I don't really think she made it up, but I can understand why a girl would.

  • Mary: What? Did they send you over so you could strap me onto the back of your scooter?

    Patrick: "Scooter"? Mary, this is a Vespa.

  • Mary: Why do you think Dean's parents sent him away so fast?

    Lillian: They probably didn't think they could handle it by themselves.

    Mary: What do you mean?

    Lillian: Well, having a child is like owning a car. I can change the oil and fill the gas tank and I can take it to a car wash, but if the carburetor broke, I wouldn't know what to do.

    Mary: So, what? You'd just send me away?

    Lillian: Oh, Mary, please don't tell me you're a lesbian!

    Mary: Mom...

    Lillian: Do I need to worry about you? No, I don't have to worry about you. Do I?

    Mary: [voice-over] My mom just compared me to a car, so me having a baby is definitely something not to tell her right now.

  • Pastor Skip: I think the Christian thing to do would be to let them stay.

    Hilary Faye: The Christian thing to do? I have been doing the CHRISTIAN THING my whole life! I did not have sex with a gay and try to blame it on Jesus!

    Mary: Hilary Faye...

    Hilary Faye: Oh, shut up, you fornicator!

  • [Mary is about to confess that Dean is gay]

    Mary: I need to tell you guys something.

    [Van suddenly haults]

    Hilary Faye: Eew.

    Veronica: Eew.

    Roland: WHAT? Wasn't like it was some kind of secret. The guy was like a one-man gay pride parade.

  • Mary: How was your summer, Roland?

    Roland: What?

    Mary: Your summer. How was it?

    Roland: Oh, it was great. I went roller-skating, water-skiing, learnt to kickbox. The usual.

    Hilary Faye: Roland, why do you always have to make everyone feel so awkward about your differently-abled-ness?

  • Mary: Does it ever bother you that he can't walk?

    Cassandra: He can't walk?

  • Cassandra: If you're interested, I know some people who would pay a lot of money to take naked pictures of you in a "family way".

    Mary: [wiping away her tears and smiling tentatively] Yeah? How much money?

  • Cassandra: So, Patrick asked you out and you turned him down? The boy is a tomcat, even if he is a big JC freak. And - double plus bonus - I'm pretty sure he's not a 'mo.

    Mary: He's Pastor Skip's son, and I'm about to pop a baby out.

    Cassandra: I should tell Patrick to act gay around you, maybe then he'll get a little action.

  • Mary: My mom just compared me to a car... so me... having a baby... definitely falls into the category of things she couldn't handle.

  • Mary: Mercy House is a place that deals with all kinds of problems, like drug addiction and alcoholism to de-gayification and unwed mothers.

  • [last lines]

    Mary: [voice over] I mean, rely, when you think about it. What would Jesus do? I don't know. But in the meantime we'll be trying to figure it out... together.

  • Mary: [narrating] Cassandra Edelstine was the first Jewish to ever attend Christian Eagle High School amid rumors that she was a stripper. Everyone wanted to get her saved. Especially Hilary Faye.

  • Mary: [Looking up at a huge cross, arms outstretched, sobbing] Shit, fuck, Goddamn.

  • Patrick: Come here. Sorry

    [as he walks in front of people]

    Mary: What are you doing, Patrick?

    Patrick: I just wanna see what's in here.

    Mary: But...

    Patrick: No, no, come on.

    Mary: No! We're not allowed...

    Patrick: Just for a second.

    Mary: I don't think we should be in here.

    Patrick: Yes, yes we should definitely be in here.

    Mary: No.

  • [first lines]

    Mary: [voice over] I've been born again my whole life... accepting Jesus.

  • Joel: What about foreplay?

    Mary: No! Foreplay is for sissies! Real men go in, unload and pull out!

  • Megan: I'm a homosexual!


    Megan: I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! Oh my god... they were right. I'm a homo.

    Mary: Congratulations, Megan. You have just taken your first step in your true direction!

    [group therapy applauds then embraces her]

    Megan: I'm a homosex...


    Mary: Okay. Go on now. Don't worry, Megan. It's gonna be okay.

    Megan: [drooling] No.

    Mary: Here, put these on.

    Megan: [sobbing] Oh my god... they were right. I'm a homo. Oh, my god!

  • Mary: Ok, then, who's left to report out their root? Andre?

    Andre: Shit, Ms. Mary, I ain't the only one who ain't got no root.

    Mary: Andre, we don't use profanity or double negatives here at True Directions. Ok, who's next? Megan!

    Megan: Well, I've really been thinking but I just can't think of anything.

    Graham: I think our little Prom Queen is too afraid to disclose.

    Megan: Oh, really? What's your root, Graham?

    Graham: We're working on your issue here, not mine. You're deflecting.

    Mary: Actually, I think it might be a great idea for Megan to be reminded of your root, Graham.

    Graham: My mother got married in pants.

    [group applauds]

    Mary: All right, let's see, uh, Dolph!

    Dolph: Too many locker room showers with the varsity team.

    Mary: Hilary?

    Hilary: Um, all girl boarding school.

    Mary: Sinead.

    Sinead: I was born in France.

    Mary: Clayton.

    Clayton Dunn: My mom let me play in her pumps.

    Jan: I like balls.

    Mary: Why, thank you for that Jan.

    [group applauds]

    Mary: Joel?

    Joel: Traumatic... bris. So... yeah.

  • Mary: [to Graham, after she caught her making out with Megan] It's your choice: you can run off with Megan and turn into a raging bull-dyke, or you can do the simulation and graduate and lead a normal life.

  • Mary: Get out of bed! You hormonal hussy! I can't believe you did this. You were supposed to be the role model! Now, Get - Up - Right - Now!

  • Bill: You're supposed to wear the blue dress when I wear this.

    Mary: I don't want to dress like twins anymore.

    Bill: We're not twins. We're a trio.

  • Peter Mitchell: [Mary is upset about leaving New York for England] Close your eyes. Can you see us?

    Mary: [she has her eyes closed] No.

    Peter Mitchell: Well, you're not looking hard enough. Look harder. Way in the back. Can you see us now?

    Mary: Yeah.

    Peter Mitchell: Ok what are we doing?

    Mary: Michael's drawing, Jack's looking in the mirror, and you're watching basketball on TV yelling at Jack for not cleaning up the kitchen!

    Peter Mitchell: Well, that sounds about right to me!

  • Peter Mitchell: [gets shocked by television] Ohhh shit!

    Mary: You said the "S" word!

    Peter Mitchell: No I didn't.

    [gets shocked again]

    Peter Mitchell: Ohhh shit!

  • Mary: What a crock.

    Sylvia: Mary! Where did you hear that?

    Peter Mitchell: [On the phone] What a crock!

  • Mary: Do you have a penis?

  • Sylvia: [brings in breakfast] Here's my specialty. Liver moose and poached eggs.

    Edward Hargreave: [looks at the tray and stammers] What an attractive combination, but we do have a cook for these sort of things.

    Sylvia: I like doing it.

    Mary: Try it Edward. You'll like it.

    Edward Hargreave: [sees Mary holding her tea cup in the palm of her hand] Whoever taught you to hold you teacup like that?

  • Mary: The word "relax" and this three-day clusterfuck don't really go together.

  • Mary: Um, black people haven't been campin' since the underground railroad, and you ain't Harriet Tubman.

  • Mary: Ignorant men yield blissful women.

  • Mary: Girl, my ass and feet are in love with you right now.

  • Mary: So what are you gonna do with your life now?

    Rebecca: Shoot up some heroin and become a sex slave.

  • Mary: You can't go around with a big sign saying don't fall in love with me I'm married.

    Tom: Well, most people wear a ring.

    Mary: Well he didn't.

  • Mary: On a scale of one to ten, how happy would you say you are, Janet?

    Janet: One.

    Mary: One. I think there's room for improvement there, don't you?

  • Katie: I went to a college in Croydon.

    Mary: [in an intimidating manner] Which College in Croydon?

    Katie: [responding awkwardly] ... The Croydon College.

    Tom: The aptly named!

  • Mary: I'm very much a glass-half-full kind of girl. But it's tricky, because... I meet these older men who want somebody younger, and that's great, because I fit the bill. But... when they find out that... you know, I'm not as young as they thought, they don't want to know. My looks work against me.

  • Mary: But he wasn't a bad person. He loved me.

    Tom: Sounds to me that he was a duplicitous shit.

  • Gerri: Life's not always kind, is it?

    Mary: No, it isn't Gerri.

  • Mary: You know, I don't, I don't know about this.

    Judy: Oh, shut up, Mary. When was the last time someone fucked you so hard you couldn't walk?

  • Judy: For your information, Alison here is acting all bitchy because I want to set up some paid play dates with a few boys from Moore.

    Mary: Play dates?

    Judy: Yes.

    Mary: You mean for shagging?

    Dominica: Mm-hmm. I think it's so cool.

    Mary: I think it sounds awful. And completely illegal.

    Alison: Yes, it is, Judy.

    Judy: Stop being such a fucking square, Mary.

    Alison: Mary is not a square. She's old-fashioned.

    Judy: I'm sorry, but marrying an agent who is gonna help our little Ginger here with her career and give her a life of arm candy doesn't maker her old-fashioned, it makes her a fucking moron.

  • Mary: You're so lucky to not have a pre-nup.

    Caroline Sexton: We didn't have anything, there was nothing to nup.

  • Mary: Do you know the story of Sisyphus?

    Leo: Who?

    Mary: Sisyphus. It's a myth about this guy who had to roll or push this incredibly huge rock up this steep mountain. Every time he would get to the top of this mountain the rock would roll down again. he would watch this and walk back down the mountain and do it all over again. Forever.

    Leo: Drag.

    Mary: It's a metaphor for life, Leo. It's famous. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

    Leo: Bullshit. He's miserable.

    Mary: He doesn't have to be. He accepts his fate.

    Leo: You're telling me if you name is Syphilis and you spend your life lugging a fucking rock up a hill you wouldn't be miserable?

  • Mary: Can I have a falafel with hot sauce, a side order of Baba Ghanoush and a seltzer, please?

  • Derrick: And he looked in my eyes and he said "I don't understand you." Isn't that amazing, that he saw how complex I am?

    Mary: Maybe he just didn't understand you.

    Derrick: What do you mean?

    Mary: You said he didn't understand English very well. Maybe he just... didn't understand you.

  • Mary: You don't think I'm smart enough to work in your fucking library?

  • Mary: Do you realize how broke I am? What do you want me to do? I don't have a job. I'm a loser. Shoot me.

  • Derrick: Karl and I connected that night. From the essence, from the ancient center of our beings.

    Mary: The two of you were on Ecstacy. It dries out your spinal fluid.

  • Mary: I may have made a mistake but that is no reason to patronize me. It is dismaying that your expectations are based on the performance of a lesser primate, and also revelatory of a managerial style which is sadly lacking. Is it any wonder then that I've chosen not to learn the intricacies of an antiquated and idiotic system


    Mary: i think not!

    Judy Lindendorf: Re-code it!

    Mary: Fuck you!

    Judy Lindendorf: Re-code it!

    Mary: If you had really loved my mother, you wouldn't treat me like this.

  • Derrick: Have you seen Karl?

    Mary: Ugh! He came already, he's not coming back.

  • Mary: Whatever it is, I'm probably allergic to it.

    Mustafa: I guarantee that you are not allergic to Turkish Delight.

    Mary: Are you from Turkey?

    Mustafa: Me? No. I am from Lebanon.

    Mary: So where's the Lebanese delight?

    Mustafa: You want Lebanese delight?

    Mary: Sure, bring it out.

  • The It Twins: What's up buttercup?

    Mary: The rent, and I'm not paying.

  • Mary: I would like a nice, powerful, mind-altering substance. Preferably one that will make my unborn children grow gills.

  • Mary: He-he- hello!

  • Mary: [Trying to sell some clothes] Fifty? but it's Gaultier, it's a collector's item!

    Consignment shop owner: honey, it's got two buttons missing

    Mary: [blank stare]

    Consignment shop owner: alright, i'll give you $50, but i won't take this

    [condescending laugh]

    Consignment shop owner: that's vintage.

  • Mary: Get a last name and we'll talk!

  • Christopher Tracy: I must have that disease, what's the name of it?

    Mary: It's called Stupid.

  • Mary: Remove this peasant from my party! Take his friend, too. I'm having trouble breathing.

    Christopher Tracy: Maybe if you took off your chastity belt, you could breathe a little mo' betta!

  • Tricky: Tell me Mary, is it true that you're engaged?

    Mary: Yes.

    Tricky: Tsk, tsk, what a pity. Sometimes life can be so shitty. Here's a girl who's smart and pretty...

    Mary: And rich.

    Tricky: I don't care about that! Honey, I really don't.

  • Mr. Sharon: You were with that boy.

    Mary: He's not a boy. He's a man.

    Mr. Sharon: He's not a man. He's a gigolo. Do you know what a gigolo is? It's a fancy word for whore.

    Mary: There are many words for whore, and I'm sure you're acquainted with all of them.

  • Christopher Tracy: I love you.

    Mary: [angrily] No, you don't.

    Christopher Tracy: Then I hate you.

    Mary: [more sincerely] No, you don't.

    Christopher Tracy: Then I love you.

    Mary: Define love.

  • Christopher Tracy: [writing something on a napkin] It's obvious that little Miss Mary has never been off the city block.

    [holds up napkin, which has "Wrecka Stow" written on it]

    Mary: What is that? Some new language?

    Christopher Tracy: Read it. Do you know what it is?

    Mary: It's nothing, you ninny. And you know it, but you won't confess it because you're such a coward.

    Christopher Tracy: It is something, something you don't know, and you won't confess that because *you're* a coward!

    Mary: This is silly, and you're a child!

    Christopher Tracy: [taunting Mary] I go to dinner without my father's permission. Now, read it aloud so we can all hear how knowledgeable you are!

    Mary: Wrecka stow.

    Christopher Tracy: [laughs at Mary's pronounciation] Do you know what it is?

    Mary: Wrecka stow, wrecka stow, it's nothing!

    Christopher Tracy: [laughing] It is something. Come on, say it again louder.

    Mary: Wrecka stow.

    Christopher Tracy: Louder!

    Mary: Wrecka stow! I give up. What is it?

    Christopher Tracy: If you wanted to buy a Sam Cook a'blum, where would you go?

    Mary: [rolls her eyes] The wrecka stow.

  • Mary: If you don't get out of my house, I'll have my father's guards throw you out!

    Christopher Tracy: Why? 'Cause you ain't bad enough to do it yo'self?

  • Christopher Tracy: Why is your father such a punk?

    Mary: I beg your pardon?

    Christopher Tracy: Why does he shit on so many people?

    Mary: You are a peasant.

    Christopher Tracy: What makes me a peasant? How much money I got, or what's in my heart?

  • Mary: You know, I could breathe a lot easier if the air weren't so utterly polluted by your presence.

  • Christopher Tracy: It's no fun to depend on other people for rides.

    Mary: Especially not when you're used to taking them for rides the way you do.

  • Christopher Tracy: What do you want from me, Mary?

    Mary: To know what you want from me.

    Christopher Tracy: I want to take you on a trip to the moon.

  • Mary: [practicing her retort] "Maybe if you took off your jock strap, you could breathe a little easier!" I should've said that. I should've said, "Chastity belt? You're sadly mistaken, sir. I wear a cestus. Perhaps you've heard of it? It's an embroidered girdle originally worn by Venus, and it inspires love. Perhaps you've heard of love? I doubt it." He's just a peasant. He doesn't even know who Venus is.

  • Mary: Tom, where's your helmet?

    Tom: It's chained to my bike.

    Mary: You are using it, aren't you, Tom?

    Tom: Yes, Mom.

    Mary: Do you know the number of people I've seen that'd still be alive if they'd worn a helmet?

    Tom: Did you see those paramedics?

    Mary: Yeah. The old lady downstairs... Crrrrrk!

    Tom: Maybe if she would have worn a helmet...

    Mary: Tom!

  • Mary: That's funny. The words are the same, but it's the wrong tune.

    Clarence Day: Oh, it can't be the wrong tune. We sing it exactly that way in church.

    Mary: We don't sing it that way in the Methodist Church. You see, we're Methodist.

    Clarence Day: Oh, that's too bad. Oh, I don't mean it's too bad that you're a Methodist. Anybody's got a right to be anything they want, but what I mean is, we're... *Episcopalians*.

  • Mary: All this over a book? I have cousins who shot each other and they got over it.

  • Mary: You live here?

    Joel Meyerwitz: It's just temporary, until I move.

  • Mary: But you're not a doctor...

    Rebecca: No... I'm not a doctor. But neither you are.

    Mary: I never said I was.

  • Mary: Things don't get better, they get worse.

  • Paul: Mary, I just killed a man.

    Mary: He was a man. Now he's just a bag of garbage.

  • Mary: At the store, can you buy a new frying pan? I'm a little squeamish about using the one we use to kill people.

  • Mary: Why should we give up any of that money? We had to kill two people to get it!

    Raoul Mendoza: You killed two people for less than a thousand dollars?

    Mary: ...One of them shortchanged us.

  • Paul: A hundred-and-seventy-five-dollar-a-month rent increase! How are we going to pay that?

    Mary: Don't worry. We can live on your insta-cash card for a month or so.

    Paul: Don't you remember? It was canceled for non-payment.

  • Mary: Life is complicated. It's a funny world. People can't communicate. And you couldn't keep your erection.

  • Mary: [Johan appears with a rifle] Johan, why do you have to do that?

    Johan: Do what?

    Mary: Appear.

  • Mary: Well, the only other thing at the moment is a new musical that the RSC are doing.

    Dexter: Er, what's it about?

    Mary: The Elephant Man.

    Dexter: A musical of the Elephant Man? What's it called?

    Mary: "Elephant", I think - with an exclamation mark presumably.

    Dexter: Pity the poor bastard who has to play the elephant.

    Mary: Remember dearest, everyone thought Jesus Christ Superstar was a stupid idea.

    Dexter: Jesus Christ Superstar WAS a stupid idea.

    Mary: True.

  • Wilbur: Where are you parents?

    Mary: My mum's asleep. And my dad... doesn't exist.

  • Mary: Want to see my driver's license?

  • Blair: [photographer arriving on set] Morning, ladies.

    [hurrying them up]

    Blair: Ten minutes.

    Sahara: [model, in front of mirror, being prepped, waving] Morning.

    Blair: [to all personnel] Let's go!

    Sahara: [to make-up artist] I don't know, Mary, I'm sort of giving up on the whole human race.

    Mary: Why, honey, what's the matter?

    Sahara: Everybody is so superficial.

    Mary: Uh.

    Sahara: Yeah, I am sick of it. I am sick of all this superficial bullshit.

    Mary: Mm.

    Sahara: I'm a very spiritual person.

    Mary: [brightening up] Are you really?

    Sahara: [sighs world-weary] Oh, very spiritual. Have you seen The Little Mermaid?

  • Mary: No one can beat the Siamese when it comes to dignity, cats, or twins.

  • Scott: You guys are shit-faced.

    Ryan: [drunk] How dare... you.

    Mary: That is silly. I am sober as a fucking judge.

  • Mary: Scott! We have a contract.

    Ryan: Don't make me put a Breathalyzer on that phone.

  • Leslie: I can't say I love being called Les.

    Mary: I know what you're saying there. I can't stand it when people call me Mar. It's, like, what am I? Am I a horse? Am I some kind of horse? Like a pony?

  • Mary: God damn it, Scott! No one wants to see it work out between you and Leslie more than Ryan and I. You are screwing it up!

    Scott: What am I screwing up?

    Ryan: You asked her to move in after two dates.

    Mary: Two!

    Ryan: Come on, man! Couldn't scare her away any faster if you told her if you were a Nazi sympathizer who's into fondling puppy balls!

    Mary: Or a chronic masturbater!

  • [Mary grabs Ryan's groin]

    Scott: Mary, come on!

    Mary: Come on, what? Want me to act like it's no big deal that my man's at half-mast? It is a big deal!

    Scott: We're just having some guy time, all right? He'll just keep it in his pants.

    Ryan: [high-pitch voice] Uh-huh.

    Scott: I promise.

    Ryan: And, um, if it's any consolation as you can see, I am completely flaccid now.

    Scott: We all are, Ryan. We all are.

  • Mary: [referring to Bar Patron] You have to get rid of him. He is trying to get into my pants!

    Scott: So? He's not going to. It's not like you're tempted to sleep with him or anything.

    Mary: I'm tempted to fuck his brains out. I'd fuck him, I fuck that guy, I'd fuck the guy doing air-guitaring back there. I can fuck everybody I can see right now 'cause I just want the chance to be with somebody else. This is the reason I cannot be trusted without Ryan around me at all times. Just once I want to be with another guy without Ryan in the room. Can you understand that? I'm sick of fucking the same person over and over and over and over again!

  • Drew: [discussing what could happen in Paul were in the psych ward permanently] I definitely don't want any bloody kids coming here and stealing cars and such.

    Graham: Well that's exactly what might happen. Or worse.

    Mary: What could be worse?

    Graham: What if the place were bought by an American?

    [everyone gives a horrified gasp]

    Drew: It's our duty as a community to gather round one of our number who has hit a dark patch on life's long and winding road.

  • Mary: You taste sour.

    Sebastian Cole: You taste sweet.

    Mary: I am sweet.

    Sebastian Cole: Well, I'm sour.

    Mary: I don't mind.

  • Roy Fleming: [as Mr. Spaceman, operating the Rocket Ride] We are now passing over the Hawaiian Islands. Our flight plan will carry us to the recovery area 100 miles southeast of the Bahamas. We are starting our retro-rocket countdown: five, four, three, two, one, firing retro rockets!

    [presses button making rocket sound]

    Roy Fleming: We will be touching down in twenty minutes.

    Mary: [whispering] I have to go to the bathroom.

    Roy Fleming: We have just touched down!

  • Mary: It may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's the only damn one we've got.

  • Mary: Lindsey Fortune and Buffy Love. Ugh, I smell a couple of ski bunnies.

  • Mary: 'The pain from his wound was enormous. And the dust from the plains had kicked up to sting his face and obscure all vision. But Buffalo Thunder rode the like the wind, after that wagon train and soon the pounding of his horse's hoofs became the beating of Vanessa's heart. Willing him closer and closer. And all her denials were but the dust in his eyes.'

    [encouraging Ray to go after Tina]

    Ray Clouds on Fire: What is this, the Indian chapter of the romance book club?

  • [a sleepy Cameron is less than enthusiastic to find Mary in bed with him]

    Mary: It's all right, mate. You've woken up with a fat bird. I'll get me coat.

  • Mayor Wilker: [talking about the plan to stop the train] Why don't you take McKay here with you?

    Flagg: He's one of 'em!

    Mary: No he isn't... not any more... are you, Mr. McKay?

    McKay: No, ma'am... not after they shot Grundy...

  • Mary: I can't finish the novel, I don't know whether he's good or bad.

  • Norman Bates: Mary, I'm becoming confused again, aren't I?

    Mary: Of course not.

    Norman Bates: [holding the knife] Don't lie to me! Not you!

    Mary: Yes, Norman... you are becoming confused again.

  • Sheriff John Hunt: Are you sure neither one of you heard anything between four to five this afternoon?

    Norman Bates: No, I was...

    Mary: [cutting Norman off] He was with me all afternoon. We were walking in the fields behind the house around that time.

    Sheriff John Hunt: Okay. Nice to see you again, Norman.

    [the sheriff and his deputy walk out. Mary closes the front door and watches them walk away]

    Norman Bates: [to Mary; bewildered] Why did you do THAT?

    Mary: Do what?

    Norman Bates: Lie to the sheriff. You weren't with me all afternoon!

    Mary: I had to do something! He was going to arrest you!

    [Norman suddenly holds his head in pain, and slumps down into a nearby armchair]

    Mary: Norman, what's wrong?

    Norman Bates: It's starting again.

  • Mary: [to Norman] Look out behind you!

  • Mary: You really wanna know what Norman's like?

    Warren Toomey: Yeah.

    Mary: Better than you'll ever be, fat boy.

  • Norman Bates: He said it was you and your mother. Is that true, Mary?

    [the phone rings]

    Norman Bates: I wonder who that could be.

    Mary: I don't know.

    Norman Bates: Don't you?

  • [Mary fishes out a blood-soaked towel from the toilet that overflows with blood]

    Mary: Jesus! How'd that get in there?

    Norman Bates: After I killed that kid in the cellar, I used that towel to clean up the mess, and then I flushed it down there.

    Mary: Norman, you coudn't have killed that kid. You were locked in the attic.

    Norman Bates: It wasn't locked! You said so yourself.

    Mary: Norman, stop talking nonsense! I'm telling you, you did not kill anyone.

    Norman Bates: Then how do you explain all this blood?

    [Mary does not reply]

    Norman Bates: [shouts] WELL?

    Mary: I can't. I mean... I don't know.

  • Mary: You could stop stuffing bloody towels in toilets and peering through peep-holes in the wall.

    Lila Loomis: What are you talking about?

    Mary: The things you're doing to Norman.

  • Mary: [to Lila] I think there's someone else in the house.

  • Norman Bates: Where did you get that gun?

    Mary: Uh... my mother gave it to me.

  • Mary: Do you know what it's like trying to sleep in a one-room apartment when a couple's making love five feet from you?

    Norman Bates: Noisy?

  • Mary: Can I use your phone again?

    Norman Bates: Sure. Who you're gonna call?

    Mary: Uh, I just remembered of a girl friend I have in town, well, she's sort of a girl friend, but maybe she'll let me spend the night at her place.

    Norman Bates: I thought you were going to stay here. You're more than welcome to stay, there's a free room upstairs.

    Mary: I don't think that's a good idea.

    Norman Bates: Why?

    Mary: Look, I don't wanna hurt your feelings or anything, but Myrna talked about you on the Diner today. Mrs Spool told her to shut up but she didn't. She said you've been locked up.

    Norman Bates: [upset] Did she tell you why?

    [Mary nods no]

    Norman Bates: Well I'll tell you. When I was little, I had a fight with my mother, so I put some poison in her tea, you know. But I'm all right now.

    Mary: You sure?

    Norman Bates: Sure! Otherwise they wouldn't give a job on a diner would they?

    Mary: I don't know, it takes a nut to work there.

  • Norman Bates: Are you alright?

    Mary: Of course, I'm alright? Will you please leave me alone.

    Norman Bates: Look, I don't know what happened but I own a motel not too far from here, and you'd be welcome to spend the night in one of the empty rooms if you'd like.

  • Mary: [to Norman] Norman, it couldn't be your mother. It had to be someone else.

  • Mary: Well, what do you think?

    Dr. Raymond: About what?

    Mary: About what Norman's doing. Has he told you his plans for the place?

  • Norman Bates: Have you had dinner yet?

    Mary: No.

    Norman Bates: Well let's have it together.

  • Mary: [to Norman] Is something wrong, Norman?

  • Norman Bates: Just don't let them take me back to the institution, all right?

    Mary: [cradling Norman] Don't worry, Norman. I won't.

    Norman Bates: You smell good.

    Mary: I do?

    Norman Bates: Yeah.

    Mary: What do I smell like?

    Norman Bates: You smell like... like the toasted cheese sandwiches.

    Mary: What?

    Norman Bates: That my mother used to bring me when I was in bed with a temperature. She used to do lots of nice things for me before she went... before she became...

    Mary: Shh. Just remember the good things she did for you. Only the good things.

    Norman Bates: I can't. They're not there anymore.

    Mary: Of course they're there!

    Norman Bates: No, the doctors took them all away. Along with everything else.


    Norman Bates: Except... except those sandwiches.

  • Mary: Everything Dr. Raymond said was true. My mother and I were trying to drive you crazy again. I stopped, only she won't.

    Norman Bates: Well, why did you stop?

    Mary: It wasn't right for us to be doing what we were doing to you.

    Norman Bates: Is that the only reason?

    Mary: What do you mean?

    Norman Bates: [smiles] You know what I mean.

  • Mary: Don't let the coat fool you, Molly. A mink can cover a lot of things.

  • Kenny Veech: Hiya, beautiful.

    Mary: Hiya, handsome.

  • Kenny Veech: What are you doin' home tonight?

    Mary: Lew had to drive to Mayfield. What are you doin' home tonight?

    Kenny Veech: Lew had to drive to Mayfield.

  • Kenny Veech: This is a private party!

    Lew Lentz: I just thought I could do something for you, sonny.

    Kenny Veech: Yeah! You can give me a cigarette.

    Lew Lentz: [after he does] Anything else?

    Kenny Veech: Now you can light it!

    Lew Lentz: [he pauses and lights his cigarette] Now you've got all you want. You better go! I don't want you hanging around here! The next time won't be so sociable!

    Kenny Veech: If you said that with a smile, it'd sound better.

    [to Mary]

    Kenny Veech: Let's go!

    Mary: Go where?

    Kenny Veech: I'll take you to your house and swing you on the hammock.

  • Mary: I guess it would be only fair if you were to kiss Bill.

    Linda Rollins: If I kissed Bill there wouldn't be anything fair about it.

  • Mary: Mommy?

    Sophie Patrizzi: Yes, sweetie?

    Mary: How come Uncle Danny and Uncle Stephen live together?

    Sophie Patrizzi: Well, because they love each other, like Mommy and Daddy love each other.

    Mary: Which one's the mommy and which one's the daddy?

    Sophie Patrizzi: I'll have to get back to you on that one, honey.

  • Mary: You've got a lovely tan!

    Mrs. Carter: Yes. The sun did that!

  • Mary: Oh that cheap liquor. Why do I do it?

    Brenda: Because you're just crazy about bicarbonate of soda.

  • [Mary reads to Dr. Mierzwiak out of "Bartlett's Familiar Quotations"; the lines are from Alexander Pope's poem "Eloisa to Abelard"]

    Mary: How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

  • Mary: Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias.

  • Mary: Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.

    [they click glasses]

    Mary: Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. Found it in my Bartlett's.

  • Mary: I wanted to understand as much as I could about the procedure as possible... I think it's important for my job to understand the inner workings of the work that we do, well not that I do, but the work that is done by people where I also work, the work of my colleagues.

  • [Mary is stoned, and Joel has just gone off the map]

    Mary: He could wake up all half-baked and, gooey and, and half-baked... mmm, that sounds sooo good. I'm hungry.

  • Mary: That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist.

  • Mary: Flesh of my flesh... Heart of my heart... My son, let me die with you.

  • Mary: My Son... when, where, how... will You choose to be delivered of this?

  • Mary: Why is this night different from every other night?

  • George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.

    Mary: I'll take it. Then what?

    George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see... and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair... am I talking too much?

  • [first lines]

    Mr. Emil Gower: I owe everything to George Bailey. Help him, dear Father.

    Giuseppe Martini: Joseph, Jesus and Mary. Help my friend, Mr. Bailey.

    Ma Bailey: Help my son, George, tonight.

    Bert: He never thinks about himself, God, that's why he's in trouble.

    Ernie Bishop: George is a good guy. Give him a break, God.

    Mary: I love him, dear Lord. Watch over him tonight.

    Janie Bailey: Please, God, something's the matter with Daddy.

    Zuzu Bailey: Please bring Daddy back.

  • George Bailey: [on Mary being caught naked in the bushes after her robe slips off] This is a very interesting situation!

    Mary: Please give me my robe.

    George Bailey: A man doesn't get in a situation like this every day.

    Mary: I'd like to have my robe.

    George Bailey: Not in Bedford Falls anyway.

    Mary: [after the bushes' thorns starting hurting her] Ouch! Oh!

    George Bailey: Gezundheit.

    Mary: George Bailey!

    George Bailey: Inspires a little thought!

    Mary: Give me my robe.

    George Bailey: I've read about things like this.

    Mary: Shame on you! I'm going to tell your mother on you.

    George Bailey: Well, my mother is way up on the corner.

    Mary: I'll call the police!

    George Bailey: Well, they're all the way downtown. They'd be on my side.

    Mary: Then I'll scream!

    George Bailey: Maybe I can sell tickets.

    [a car pulls up, and George is told that his father has suffered a stroke]

  • George Bailey: How old are you anyway?

    Mary: 18.

    George Bailey: 18! Why it was only last year you were 17.

  • Mary: [embracing George] Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for.

    George Bailey: [softly] You're wonderful... wonderful.

  • George Bailey: Mary Hatch, why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me?

    Mary: To keep from being an old maid!

    George Bailey: You could have married Sam Wainright, or anybody else in town...

    Mary: I didn't want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you.

    George Bailey: You didn't even have a honeymoon. I promised you...


    George Bailey: Your what?

    Mary: My baby!

    George Bailey: [stuttering] Your, your, your, ba- Mary, you on the nest?

    Mary: George Baily Lassos Stork!

    George Bailey: [still stuttering] Lassos a stork?

    [Mary nods]

    George Bailey: What're'ya... You mean you're... What is it, a boy or a girl?

    Mary: [nods enthusiasticly] Mmmm-hmmm!

  • Mrs. Hatch: Who is down there with you, Mary?

    Mary: It's George Bailey, mother.

    Mrs. Hatch: George Bailey? What does he want?

    Mary: I don't know!

    [to George]

    Mary: What do you want?

    George Bailey: Me? Nothing! I just came in to get warm.

    Mary: [pause] He's making violent love to me, mother!

  • Mary: Bread... that this house may never know hunger.

    [Mary hands a loaf of bread to Mrs. Martini]

    Mary: Salt... that life may always have flavor.

    [Mary hands a box of salt to Mrs. Martini]

    George Bailey: And wine... that joy and prosperity may reign forever. Enter the Martini Castle.

    [George hands Mr. Martini a bottle of wine]

  • Mary: You look at me as if you didn't know me.

    George Bailey: Well, I don't.

    Mary: You pass me on the street almost every day.

    George Bailey: Me? Naw, that was a little girl named Mary Hatch, that wasn't you.

  • George Bailey: Now, you listen to me! I don't want any plastics, and I don't want any ground floors, and I don't want to get married - ever - to anyone! You understand that? I want to do what I want to do. And you're... and you're...

    [runs out of words, sees her crying]

    George Bailey: Oh, Mary, Mary...

    Mary: George... George... George...

    George Bailey: [kisses her intensely] Mary... Would you?... Would you?...

  • Mary: I feel like a bootlegger's wife!

  • George Bailey: OK then, I'll throw a rock at the old Granville house.

    Mary: Oh no, don't. I love that old house.

    George Bailey: No, you see you make a wish and then try to break some glass and you've got to be a pretty good shot nowadays too.

    Mary: Oh no George don't. It's full of romance that old place. I'd like to live in it.

    George Bailey: In that place?

    Mary: Uh huh.

    George Bailey: I wouldn't live in it as a ghost.

  • Mary: [Mrs Hatch eavesdrops on George and Mary's conversation] He's making violent love to me, Mother!

    Mrs. Hatch: You tell him to go right home this instant!

  • Mary: Have a hectic day?

    George Bailey: Oh yeah, another big red-letter day for the Baileys!

  • [last lines]

    Mary: The spell was broken. My uncle learned to laugh, and I learned to cry. The secret garden is always open now. Open, and awake, and alive. If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.

  • Colin: Are you making this magic?

    Mary: No, you are.

    Colin: Just like in the story.

    [indicates his chest]

    Colin: It's like the whole universe is in here.

    Mary: I'm certain it is.

    Colin: That means I could marry you.

    Mary: What? But we're cousins!

    Colin: I don't care. I want us always to be together.

    Mary: We are together.

  • [first lines]

    Mary: My name is Mary Lennox. I was born in India. It was hot, and strange, and lonely in India. I didn't like it. Nobody by my servant, my ayah, looked after me. My parents didn't want me. My mother cared only to go to parties. And my father was busy with his military duties. I was never allowed to go to the parties. I watched them from my mother's bedroom window. I was angry, but I never cried. I didn't know how to cry.

  • Dickon: The animals tell me all their secrets.

    Mary: [pointing to the Robin] He wouldn't tell you my secret, would he?

    Dickon: About what, Miss Mary?

    Mary: A garden. I've stolen a garden. But it may already be dead, I don't know.

    Dickon: I'll know.

    Mary: Promise you won't tell anyone?

    Dickon: Promise.

    Mary: No one?

    Dickon: Not a soul.

  • Mrs. Medlock: Here's your breakfast.

    Mary: But I'm still in my nightgown.

    Mrs. Medlock: You can dress after you've eaten. Your clothes are on the chair.

    Mary: Who's going to dress me?

    Mrs. Medlock: Can't you dress yourself?

    Mary: Of course not. My ayah dressed me.

    Mrs. Medlock: What did they do with you in India? Carry you around in a basket?

    Mary: How dare you speak to me with such disrespect!

  • Martha: Now, what would you like to wear? Black, black, or black?

    Mary: Are you blind? They're all black. And I will not be laughed at, servant.

    Martha: What do they wear in India? When I heard you'd be coming from there, I thought you'd be a native.

    Mary: [furious] A what? You thought I'd be a what?

    Martha: There's no need to do that. I've nothing against natives.

  • Colin: See, that's a picture of my mother.

    Mary: Why do you keep it covered up?

    Colin: My father doesn't like to see it. I don't look like her at all. But you, you look like her. She smiles too much.

    Mary: Smiles too much? How can a person smile too much?

    Colin: Sometimes I hate her. She died when I was born.

    Mary: But I thought she died falling off the swing in her garden.

    Colin: Her garden? What garden?

    Mary: Oh, just a garden.

  • Colin: Hair is dead.

    Mary: If it's dead, why does it keep growing all the time, even after you're dead? Well, maybe not your hair. You'll probably be bald.

    Colin: Don't be daft. I'll die before I'm ever old enough to go bald.

    Mary: I hate the way you talk about dying.

    Colin: Everyone thinks I'm going to die.

    Mary: If everyone thought that about me, I still wouldn't do it.

  • Mary: Can I have a bit of earth?

    Lord Craven: A bit of earth?

    Mary: To plant seeds in. To make things grow.

  • Mary: It's a secret garden.

    Dickon: Secrets are safe with me.

  • Mary: Oh, stop it! I hate you! Everybody hates you! You're so selfish. You the most selfish boy there ever was!

    Colin: I'm not as selfish as you are! Just because I'm always ill!

    Mary: No on ill could scream like that!

    Colin: I'm going to die!

    Mary: What would you know about dying?

    Colin: My mother died!

    Mary: Both my parents died!

  • Mary: You are strange.

    Martha: Hey, I know that!

  • Mary: [voiceover, while exploring her aunt's room] It looked just like my mother's room. This must have been my aunt's. The dressing tables looked the same. They even had twin ivory elephants.

  • Martha: I don't know when exactly your uncle will call for you.

    Mary: My uncle? Mrs. Medlock said he wouldn't want to see me.

    Martha: Ah but he does.

  • Mary: [voiceover] My parents always thought about themselves. They never thought about me. And if only I could have known that in a few moments I would lose them forever.

  • Mary: Please don't send me away, I won't do any harm.

    Lord Craven: Harm? What harm can a child do?

  • Mary: Are you my servant?

    Martha: I'm Mrs. Medlock's servant, and she's Lord Craven's, but I will be doing some upstairs housekeeping and waiting on you a bit.

    Mary: Waiting on me makes you my servant, then.

  • Ben Weatherstaff: [pointing to a robin] Look at him. Cheeky little blighter. I can't think why, but he's decided to make friends with you.

    Mary: With me? I never had any friends before.

    Ben Weatherstaff: That I believe.

  • Martha: I've got a present for you. Me mother sent it over.

    [She hands Mary a skipping rope]

    Mary: What's it for?

    Martha: You've got tigers and elephants in India, but have you not got skipping ropes?

  • Mary: [pointing to a swing] Look, there's a picture of my mother and my aunt sitting here.

    Dickon: They say that's how she died.

    Mary: My aunt? How?

    Dickon: Falling off it.

  • Colin: I'm master of this house while my father is away.

    Mary: Your father? He's my uncle. Nobody told me he had a son.

    Colin: Come here. What's your name?

    Mary: Mary Lennox.

    Colin: I'm Colin Craven.

    Mary: Our mothers were sisters. Twins.

    Colin: Twins? Nobody told me she had a twin. Fluff the pillows for me, Cousin Mary.

    Mary: What?

    Colin: The covers on this bed are all twisted.

    Mary: Well, I don't know what to do about it. I'll call Mrs. Medlock.

    Colin: No! She'll be mad if she finds you in here.

  • Dickon: Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

    DickonMary: With silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row.

    Mary: On the boat coming here, the other children used to sing that at me, but I wasn't as contrary as they were.

  • Colin: How old are you?

    Mary: Ten.

    Mary: Hey that means we're the same age.

  • Colin: What do you say in India when you want people to go?

    Mary: You say, I have spoken, all depart.

  • Ben Weatherstaff: But aren't your legs all crooked?

    Colin: Who says my legs are crooked?

    Mary: Nobody says that.

  • Mary: I hate the way you talk about dying.

    Colin: Everyone thinks I'll die.

    Mary: If everyone thought that about me, I wouldn't do it.

  • Colin: I'm going to die.

    Mary: From what?

    Colin: [Shrugs] Everything. I've spent my whole life in this bed.

  • Mary: [after seeing Colin and Mr. Craven hugging] Nobody wants me!

  • Mary: You don't know anything about anything; none of you. Nothing!

  • Mary: You, you. You daughter of a pig!

  • Mary: [voiceover, as her uncle leaves for the spring] That was the night the rain stopped, the night spring came to Misselthwaite. My poor uncle fled from it, as if he were escaping the spring.

  • Mary: We would, we would, uh, start doin' it, and he reached over... and he touched my baby. And I asked him, and I said "Carl, what are you doing"? And he told me to shut, to shut my fat ass up, and it was good for her.

    Mrs. Weiss: And what did you do then?

    Mary: I shut my fat ass up. And I don't want you to sit there and judge me, Miss Weiss.

    Mrs. Weiss: [Angrily] You shut up and you let him abuse your daughter.

    Mary: I didi not want him to abuse my daughter. I did not want him to hurt her.

    Mrs. Weiss: [Overlapping with Mary's voice] But you ALLOWED him to hurt her!

    Mary: I did not want him to do nothin' to her. I wanted him to make love to me. That was my man. That was my fuckin' man. That was my man, and he wanted my daughter. And that's why I hated her. Because my man who was supposed to be loving me, who was supposed to be making love to me was fucking my baby. And she made him leave. She made him go away.

    Mrs. Weiss: So whose fault was that?

    Mary: It's this bitch's fault, because she let my man have her. And she didn't say nothin', she didn't scream, she didn't do nothin'. So, those things that she told you I did to her? Who... who... who else was going to love me? Hmmm? Since you got your degree, and you know every fuckin' thing, who was gonna love me? Who... who... was gonna make me feel good? Who was gonna touch me, and make me feel good late at night? And she made him go away. So... when you sit there, and you writin' them fuckin' notes on your pad about who you think I am, and why I did it and all of that... because I didn't have a man.

  • Mary: Precious! PRECIOUS! PRECIOUS! Get down here, bitch! You brought that white bitch up in my house? You wrong to bring that bitch up in here!

    Clareece 'Precious' Jones: I ain't bring her in here.

    Mary: Well, why the fuck did she ring my buzzer? I can't here you, Precious. Since you got so much mothafuckin' mouth and you gon' bring a bitch up in my house... why did that bitch ring my goddamn buzzer?

    Clareece 'Precious' Jones: I ain't tell her to come here!

    Mary: See, I think right now you think you becomin' a grown woman. 'Cause that shit you pulled in the kitchen... I shoulda fucked you up. But I let you walk away. And I let you get yourself together. But, bitch, I'mma let you know, don't you ever pull that shit again. That'll be your last mothafuckin' day stayin here. I promise you that. You gon' send a white bitch to my mothafuckin' buzzer? Talkin' 'bout some higher education? You're a dummy, bitch! You will never know shit! Don't nobody want you, don't nobody need you! You done fucked around and fucked my mothafuckin' man? And had two mothafuckin' children? And one of 'ems a goddamn animal, runnin' 'round lookin' crazy as a mothafucka? Bitch, you know what? See, I think you... I think you tryin' me. I think you tryin' to fuck with me. You fuckin' with my money... and you gon' stand up there and look at me like you a mothafuckin' woman? I'mma show you what real women do, bitch. See, you don't know what real mothafuckin' women do. Real mothafuckin' women sacrafice! I shoulda aborter your mothafuckin' ass! 'Cause you ain't shit! I knew it when the doctor put you in my goddamn hand you wasn't a goddamn thing! You wear that smirk on your face, bitch? Get outta...!

    [throws an object at Precious]

    Mary: Now smile about that! Smile about that, you fat bi...

    [Precious kicks the object back at Mary]

    Mary: I'mma kill you, bitch!

    [Mary chases Precious up the stairs]

    Mary: Fuck!

  • Mrs. Weiss: Let's talk about the abuse in your household. You know what I'm talking about.

    Mary: [Tearfully] You sit there and you judge me, and you write them notes on your notepad, because you think you know who I am!

  • [remembering a previous visit from the social worker]

    Clareece 'Precious' Jones: Social worker here.

    Mary: Why din't you tell me that bitch was comin' so fuckin' early? My fucking wi...

    [motions to Precious]

    Mary: Come get my wig!

  • Mary: He looks just like his father.

  • Mary: [fighting with her daughter] YOU RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE! You done took my man; you had those fucking babies and you got me put off the welfare for runnin' your goddamned stupid-ass mouth!

    Clareece 'Precious' Jones: l ain't stupid and l didn't take your man...


    Clareece 'Precious' Jones: YOUR HUSBAND RAPED ME!

    Mary: Didn't no-fucking-body rape you!

    [Precious grabs her]

    Mary: Bitch, don't you put your fucking hands on me!

  • Mary: [to Precious] Oh, so you're going to stand up there and look down at me like you're a woman? You don't know what real women do! Real women sacrifice!

    [Throws glass at Precious, which shatters at her feet]

    Mary: Now, laugh at that, fat bitch.

  • Mary: [screaming at Precious to come from upstairs] Precious! Precious! PRECIOUS, GET DOWN HERE, BITCH! You brought that white bitch up in my house! You- why would you bring that bitch up in here?

    Clareece 'Precious' Jones: I didn't bring her here!

    Mary: Well, why the fuck did she ring my buzzer?


    Mary: l can't hear you, Precious! Since you got so much motherfuckin' mouth, and you gonna bring a bitch up in my house, why would that bitch ring my goddamn buzzer?

    Clareece 'Precious' Jones: [on the verge of tears] I didn't tell her to come here!

    Mary: See, l think right now, you feeling like you're becoming a grown woman 'cause of that shit you pulled in the kitchen. l should've fucked you up, but l let you walk away, and l let you come get yourself together.


    Mary: But, bitch, l'm gonna let you know if you ever pull that shit on me again, that will be your last motherfucking day standing, l promise you that. You gonna send a white bitch to my motherfucking buzzer? Talking about some higher education?


    Mary: You're a dummy, bitch, you will never know shit. Don't nobody want you. Don't nobody need you! You done fucked around and fucked my motherfucking man and had two motherfucking children, and one of them is a goddamn animal, running around, looking crazy as a motherfucker. Bitch, you know what?


    Mary: See, I think you- l think you're trying me. l think you're really trying to fuck with me. You're fucking with my money. And you're gonna stand up there and look down at me like you're a motherfucking woman. l'm gonna show you what real women do, bitch.


    Mary: See, you don't know what real motherfucking women do. Real motherfucking women sacrifice!


    Mary: l should've aborted your motherfucking ass 'cause you ain't shit! l knew it the day the doctors put you in my goddamn hand you wasn't a goddamn thing, and you have that smirk on your face, bitch? Get it off your fucking face! Now smile about that! Smile about that, you fat bitch. l'm gonna kill you, bitch!

  • Mary: I'm not really myself except in the midst of elegant crowds, at the heart of rich districts, or amid the sumptuous ornamentation of palace hotels, an army of servants, and plush carpet underfoot.

  • [Last lines]

    Alex: I'm sorry.

    Mary: I know.

  • Mary: Is the worm turning, Mr. Randall?

    Will Randall: The worm has turned and it is now packing an Uzi, Mary.

    Mary: It's about fucking time, sir.

  • Paula: To think I was going to be the one to change her life.

    Jerry: Me too.

    Mary: Don't you know? You were the first.

    Paula: The first what?

    Mary: To need her.

  • Peter: Now, this is a special kind of - - sleeping pill. I had a devil of a time getting 'em. But, I wanted you to have them on hand and to make sure you knew how to use 'em. - - What happens with the radiation is that you get - you get ill - and you start feeling sick and then you are sick and you go on being sick. You can't keep anything down. You may feel better for awhile; but, but it always comes back. You get weaker.

    Mary: And this cures it.

    Peter: Darling, you know nothing cures it. This ends it.

  • Peter: You remember when we first met? It was on the beach. I thought you were everything I'd always wanted.

    Mary: I thought you were so underfed.

  • Mary: It's all over now, isn't it?

    Peter: Yes, it's all over.

  • Julian Osborne: We're all doomed, you know. The whole, silly, drunken, pathetic lot of us. Doomed by the air we're about to breathe. We haven't got a chance!

    Mary: Stop it! I won't have it, Julian. I won't! There is hope. There has to be hope. There's always hope. We just can't go on like this. We can't. We - we...

  • [last lines]

    Mary: God... God, forgive us. Peter, I think I'll have that cup of tea now.

  • Mary: Now, it's all over, isn't it?

    Peter: It's all over.

  • Peter: [Last lines] Darling.

    Mary: God, God forgive us. Peter, I think I'll have that cup of tea, now.

  • Mary: [as she is bent over wearing a bathing suit, Peter snaps a towel on Mary's behind] Peter, how could you!

    Peter: Oh, I don't know, really, I just held the towel like this and...

    Mary: Very funny.

    Peter: You're starting to get your figure back, arent' ya... You know, after Jennifer and all. Little here. A little there.

  • Mary: Was he married, do you know?

    Peter: Two kids.

    Mary: And there gone.

    Peter: Yes, they were in America.

  • Mary: We would have to get someone for him, wouldn't we? What about Moira?

    Peter: Well, why not, if she's sober this weekend.

    Mary: Julian said she's given it up.

    Peter: Oh, no, darling, you didn't listen. Julian said she'd given up gin - for brandy. She says she can drink more brandy.

  • Mary: You never wrestle with me any more.

    Peter: Now, what does that mean?

    Mary: I mean exactly what I say, you never wrestle with me any more.

  • Mary: (Speaking of a new computer, a gift) From Mr. Stephens... That was him on the phone just now. He was calling to see how you were.

    Nicole: Who's Mr. Stephens?

    Sam: Uh, he's a lawyer. He's our lawyer.

    Nicole: You and Mom have a lawyer?

    Sam: Well, yes. He's your lawyer, too.

    Nicole: My lawyer. Why do I need a lawyer?

    Mary: Well maybe we shouldn't be talking about this just now, with you barely home. Aren't you hungry, honey? You want me to fix you something?

    Nicole: No. What's this lawyer business?

  • Joseph: How do we explain God to his own son? I can't. Can you?

    Mary: [to Jesus who has just walked in] You're a child that needs a meal and a nap.

  • Jesus: Tell me about the angel.

    Mary: Of course. I knew you'd ask that. But listen well, because I'm only going to tell this story once. I was a good girl, strictly raised and betrothed to Joseph. When one morning my room filled with light. It was white light like the sun, but with no heat or pain. It was pure like the air itself was glowing. I saw a figure, larger than a man, but like a man inside the light. And it spoke to me. It said, "Hail, Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee." I had found favor with the Lord, and I was blessed among women. It said that from my womb would come a son. You. Named Jesus.

  • Mary: He's made you a child to grow in wisdom as well as in all other things. Keep your power inside you until your father in heaven shows you the time to use it. He did not give you to a scribe, a rabbi, or a king. He gave you to Joseph bar Jacob, the carpenter, and me, his betrothed, to raise you until that time.

  • Gabriel: I guess I'm more worried about the human factor. You guys kill each other a lot.

    Mary: In fairness it's usually in your name. Plus, we've gotten much more efficient at it.

    Gabriel: I like this world. I like my life here with you and Noelle.

    Mary: It's not real. I'm not really your wife. You're not really my husband. On some level it's all pretend. How many versions were there?

    Gabriel: Ninety. This is the last one.

    Mary: Wow.

    Gabriel: I've destroyed billions of people with a thought, and you like to think that it's painless?

    Mary: Stop. You don't have to explain or apologize. Everything that is is because of you. And if that's all there is, that's enough.

  • Freddy Gale: Now you pity me. You pity me. You know, this is funny...

    Mary: Whatever you are doing Freddy, stop it.

    Freddy Gale: "Whatever you are doing Freddy, stop it". I hope you die. I hope you FUCKING die.

  • Mary: [Sidney Falco is at her desk] Have you seen this? Otis Elwell's column today?

    Mary: [Falco feigns disinterest; Mary reads the piece from Elwell's gossip column aloud] "The dreamy marijuana smoke of a lad who had the high-brow jazz quintet, is giving an inelegant odor to that elegant East Side club where he works. That's no way for a card-holding Party member to act. Moscow won't like it, you naughty boy."

  • Mary: You're an amusing boy, but you haven't got a drop of respect for anything in human life.

  • Mary: If it's true, J.J.'s gonna hit the ceiling.

    Sidney Falco: Can it be news to you that J.J.'s ceiling needs a new plaster job every six weeks?

  • Mary: You got a good face, but you can't sing for shit.

  • Caroline: Are you in love?

    Mary: Well, I... I do love him, I suppose. Not quite like when we first met. I trust him, really. He's my closest friend. But, what do you mean by in-love?

    Caroline: I mean that you'd do absolutely anything for the other person, and you'd let them do absolutely anything to you. Anything...

    Mary: Anything?

  • Mary: Wouldn't you like to go outside, and commune with nature?

    "Killer" Tom Black Bull: You can commune by yourself.

  • Bill: Ya know after that session we had yesterday, I went home and told mother that the trouble with her pot roast gravy was that she hadn't added three heaping teaspoonfuls of olive oil.


    Mary: What did she say?

    Bill: She didn't say anything; she just threw me out of the kitchen.

    Mary: Why, no wonder.

  • Mary: Are you looking for owls, Charlie?

    Charlie: I'm... No, I'm trying not to stare at your breasts.

  • Charlie: Uh, who's the... who's the quote from?

    Mary: Milton. My father always dredges it up when we fight about the kind of men that I date.

  • Mary: I had fun but I have to write my paper now.

  • Elizabeth: Are you frightened?

    Mary: Yes. A husband has been chosen for me. The law says I must remain pure for a year. How is he to believe this?

    Elizabeth: Stay with us, then. We will pray for guidance.

    Mary: Elizabeth, why is it me God has asked? I am nothing.

    Elizabeth: Oh, child.

  • Anna: An angel told you this? That you will bear the son of God? Mary...

    Mary: Elizabeth had a baby, even in her old age.

    Joaquim: Elizabeth has a husband!

    Anna: Women have been put to death for this. They could stone you in the streets.

    Mary: Father, I have broken no vow.

    Joaquim: You have broken every vow, Mary! Was it one of those soldiers? Was it?

    Mary: I have told the truth. Whether you believe it is your choice, not mine.

  • Joseph: If I claim this child as mine, it will be lying. I would have broken a law laid down by God.

    Mary: I would never ask you to lie.

    Joseph: If I say this child is not mine, they will ask what I'm going to do. If I accuse you...

    Mary: There is a will for this child greater than my fear of what they may do.

  • Joseph: "And you shall call his name Jesus, for it is he who will save his people from their sins." I know. Mary, God showed me. An angel came to me in my dream.

    Mary: You believe me?

    Joseph: I believe you. The child will need a father. I will declare him as my own.

    Mary: People will not look at you the same. They will not look at us the same.

    Joseph: You are my wife. I am your husband. That is all anyone need know.

  • Mary: You've never really told me of your dream.

    Joseph: My dream?

    [pause, he is teasing her and also contemplating his response]

    Joseph: No.

    Mary: Please, tell me.

    Joseph: An angel came to me. He told me the child within you had been conceived by the Holy Spirit and that I should not be afraid.

    Mary: Are you afraid?

    Joseph: Yes.


    Joseph: Are you?

    Mary: Yes. Do you ever wonder when we'll know?

    Joseph: Know what?

    Mary: When he is more than just a child. Will it be something he says? A look in his eyes?

    Joseph: I wonder if I will even be able to teach him anything.

  • Mary: I have broken no vow.

  • Mary: A husband has been chosen for me, how is he to believe this?

  • Mary: You believe me?

    Joseph: Yes, the angel came to me in my dream.

  • Mary: How do we raise such a child?

    Joseph: I wonder if I will even be able to teach Him anything.

  • Mary: [about the child, Jesus] He is for all mankind.

  • Mary: [places hand over stomach for a moment and then runs over to Elizabeth] He's moving!

    Elizabeth: [smiles] Mine too.

  • Mary: My child. You will have a good and decent man to raise you. A man who will give of himself before anyone else.

  • Mary: No... I miss my daddy!

    Sharon: Oh, honey, I miss your daddy too.

    Mary: I want to go to heaven so I can see him again.

  • Mary: Dad, it says here that Genoa used to be like the richest city in the world.

    Joe: Really?

    Mary: Well, yeah, they invented the bank and like all the money came to them.

  • Barbara: Did you know Christopher Columbus was from here?

    Mary: I thought he was from Spain.

    Barbara: No, he was born here, but he sailed from Spain, so that's why South America is Spanish and not Italian.

  • Barbara: Mary, you've never been to Italy before, have you?

    Mary: No.

    Barbara: Do you like pasta?

    Mary: Yeah.

    Barbara: Do you like ice-cream? Then you'll be fine.

  • Mary: Don't forget to write us.

    Ray: But we don't got stamps.

  • Michael: Maybe it was an iguana.

    Elliott: It was *no* iguana.

    Michael: Maybe, um - You know how they say there are alligators in the sewers?

    Gertie: Alligators in the sewers.

    Mary: All we're trying to say is, maybe you just probably imagined it. It happened...

    Elliott: I couldn't have imagined it!

    Michael: Maybe it was a pervert or a deformed kid or something.

    Gertie: A deformed kid.

    Michael: [mockingly] Maybe an elf or a leprechaun.

    Elliott: It was nothing like that, penis-breath!

    Mary: [laughs in shock] *Elliot*! Sit down.

  • [Mary hits E.T. with the refrigerator door]

    Gertie: Here he is.

    Mary: [absently] Here's who?

    Gertie: The man from the moon. But I think you've killed him already.

  • Tyler: [to Elliot] Douche bag.

    Mary: [hits him on the head] No 'douche bag' talk in my house!

  • [after E.T. learns how to talk]

    Mary: Gertie, I have to go pick up Elliot. Will you be a good girl and stay...

    Gertie: Mama, he can talk!

    Mary: [thinking she meant Elliot] Of course he can talk. I'll be right back in ten minutes. Stay there.

  • Mary: A pizza? Who said you guys could order a pizza?

  • Mary: If you ever see it again, whatever it is, don't touch it, just call me and we'll have somebody come and take it away.

    Gertie: Like the dogcatcher?

    Elliott: But they'll give it a lobotomy or do experiments on it or something.

  • Mary: It's your turn to do the dishes, fellas.

    Michael: I set and cleared.

    Elliott: [in a stern tone] I set and cleared.

    Michael: [quickly] I did breakfast.

    Gertie: [solemnly] I did breakfast.

    Michael: [noticing how upset Mary is] What's the matter, mom?

    Mary: [leaves in tears, to herself, about her husband] He HATES Mexico!

    Michael: [to Elliot, furiously] Damn it, why don't you - grow up and think how other people feel for a change!

    [Elliot goes angry and does the dishes]

  • Elliott: [upon encountering E.T., running excitedly into the house] Mom, Mom! There's something out there!

    Mary: What?

    Elliott: It's in the toolshed. It threw the ball at me.

    [Michael and his friends mock him loudly]

    Elliott: QUIET!

    [Michael's friends go silent]

    Elliott: [in hushed tone] Nobody go out there!

    Michael: [the boys all spring up excitedly] Ha! Ha! Ha!

    [they grab knives]

    Mary: Stop, now! You guys stay right here!

    Michael: You stay here, Mom, we'll check it out!

    Mary: And put those knives back!

    [Elliot grabs her hand and pulls her outside as well]

    Mary: Okay, Elliot! Let me get a flashlight.

  • Mrs. Agatha Mogan: Who is that child?

    Mary: She's the adopted daughter of Captain January, the lighthouse keeper. Isn't she a pretty little thing?

    Mrs. Agatha Mogan: Does she go to school?

    Mary: Well, no. You see, the former truant officer wasn't very strict.

    Mrs. Agatha Mogan: That's why she's the former truant officer. You schoolteachers will find me strict enough.

  • Capt. Nazro: In two days, January will be out of a job, and that's just what old Hatchet-Face has been waiting for.

    Mary: Of course it is.

    Capt. Nazro: Do you think I'm doing the right thing in sending for these folks?

    Paul Roberts: You never did anything righter in your life.

    Capt. Nazro: I hate to think of what January will do when he finds out.

    Mary: Well, if someone doesn't come to take Star, Miss Morgan is going to have her way.

    Capt. Nazro: But I don't even know anything about these Masons except what I read in Star's mother's album. They may not even be relatives.

    Mary: Whoever they are, they're better for Star than an institution.

    Paul Roberts: Certainly any instituion Miss Morgan would pick out.

  • [Golf buddies Larry and George, in a pub, are arguing over the beautiful Mary, whom they both desire, and who likes both of them. Mary sits crowded between them, yet they act as though she isn't there. All three look depressed, their chins slumped into their hands]

    Larry Potter: I wish you were dead, old man.

    George Parratt: It'd be just as good if you were.

    Larry Potter: George! I've got it!

    George Parratt: What?

    Larry Potter: We'll play for her!

    George Parratt: Tomorrow morning. Eighteen holes!

    Larry Potter: Match play!

    George Parratt: The loser to vanish from the scene.

    Larry Potter: Forever.

    George Parratt: Put it there, then.

    [They shake hands]

    Mary: Of course! Why didn't we think of it sooner!

  • Mary: What is it Philip that you don't ever like to meet anyone?

    Philip: Well, a chap my age has the right to a few peculiarities.

  • Mary: Father, for all the deceits I may have hoisted upon you, yours to me remain the gravest, but I will forgive you because the Bible tells me to do so, and now you shall do the same for me. Whenever you stand praying, forgive. If you have anything against anyone, forgive, because your father who sits in Heaven forgives your transgressions, and if you cannot forgive, neither will the Almighty. If you are truly sworn to the Bible, now is the time to start acting like it.

  • Mary: [to Rosy] You have no reason to be afraid.

  • Jimmy: How do you know when someone really loves you?

    Mary: That girl really had an effect on you, didn't she?

    Jimmy: Tell me.

    Mary: When you're willing to sacrifice everything for someone. There's no great love without it.

  • Mary: [to a little girl] Hi. What's you're name?

    [the little girl does not reply but continues to stare blankly at Mary]

    Mary: [sternly] I asked you a question.

    [no reply]

    Mary: You do know what happens to little girls who don't answer when they're spoken to? They go to hell.

    The Daughter: There's no such thing as hell. That's a myth. My mommy told me so.

    Mary: Oh, but you're wrong, sweetie. We each make our own hell. And trust me, they are very... very... real.

  • [last lines]

    Detective Ginslegh: You wanted me to arrest you didn't you? Stand up you piece of shit

    [last lines]

    Mary: [telepathically] Do It!

  • Mary: It's all very simple! Bunny men from Neptune have invaded Mars!

  • Mary: Of course, some girls might be a little crazier about whips than others.

    Ranger Girard: You know about my whip?

  • Mary: I don't tell you everything.

  • Mary: I wish you would crash the car.

  • Igor: Hump?

    Mary: No thanks.

  • Mary: See? Now we're both naked as jaybirds and you've got the gun.

  • Mary: What's wrong with the choice I've made?

  • Mary: Hating is easy. That's what I found out. It has its own ways. It just grows. The man whose clothes you are in, I hated him for years. I'd stand beside him at mass and pray, Lord let me be free of him.

  • James: Lambchop, do you remember that wonderful, romantic honeymoon we never had?

    Mary: I remember it as though it were tomorrow.

  • Mary: We only take out of life what we put into it.

  • [first lines]

    Mary: Oh, I see a move. Look - eight on the nine, and then your King comes up, and that plays a Queen.

    Gabbo: Will you leave these cards alone? You think you can show me something?

  • Mary: Oh, no kidding, I missed you so much, I started talkin' to your picture.

    Jack: That's nothing. I wrote poetry to you.

    Mary: You did? Let's see it!

    Jack: I tore it up.

    Mary: Oh, why?

    Jack: For no rhyme or reason.

  • Jack: Aren't those magnolias beautiful? You know, you're like a magnolia: white, cool and nice.

    Mary: Oh, thanks.

    Jack: Some women are like red roses.

    Mary: Yeah, well, you look out for those red roses, they have thorns you know.

  • Jack: Just for that I'm gonna give you a little kiss.

    Mary: Why a little one?

  • Jerry Burke: Say, waiter, bring me the bad news, please.

    Mary: Oh, are we going already?

  • Christopher: Your father would kill me if saw us in bed together.

    Mary: That may be the sexiest thing I've ever heard.

  • Mary: I don't want anymore to do with it. Not with jealousy, competition, the sound of bugles when we're all meant to line up for battle. When the bugle blows, I want to go home quietly. Lock the door, take off the telephone. I'll wash my hair, watch the saturday night movie and go to bed with a plate of cornflakes. I can do that most efficiently. I can vanish.

  • John: The great thing is, if men can cook at all, women think it's wonderful.

    Mary: Well, it is.

    John: No, it's not. It's really a legend. Like sex and black men.

  • Mary: Picnic my eye! I'm doing the same things I do every day!

    John 'Johnny' Sims: Don't crab, dear. Everything's goin' to be roses... when my ship comes in.

    Mary: Your ship? A worm must be towing it down from the North Pole!

  • Mary: Will you put the folding bed in its garage?

  • Mary: You'd try the patience of a Saint!

    John 'Johnny' Sims: You're no soothing syrup yourself!

  • Mary: [Talking on the phone] Hello. Hello? What? Oh, ha-ha, no, No, not tonight. I'm going to that Freelinghouser ball. Yeah. No, I can't, I-I stood her up once before, I can't do that. What? I know it's insane but, it might be fun. Ha-ha. My costume's beginning to fall off already, I think everyone else's will too!

  • Mary: Listen, I tell you what. We'll go up to my sister Sylvia's. There's some fun going on up there! Do you like mad parties?

    Lord Rexford: Well, yes, I-I think I do. Thank you very much.

    Mary: Good! What's your name?

    Lord Rexford: Rexford.

    Mary: Rexford... well, you run along home and get on a nice little dinner dress and pick me up in an hour. How's that?

    Lord Rexford: Right!

    Mary: Right! No, wrong! I'll pick you up. That'll be good and step on it!

  • Mary: Were you really the beetle?

    Lord Rexford: I was the beetle.

  • Mary: How did you know I wanted a highball?

    Lord Rexford: Just instinct.

    Mary: Sweet.

    Lord Rexford: And you too.

  • Lord Rexford: May I?

    Mary: If you want to, old beetle.


  • Lord Rexford: Mary, this is it!

    Mary: What?

    Lord Rexford: Us!

    Mary: Us? You mean, me, Lady Rexford?

    Lord Rexford: Yes, dear!

    Mary: Oh, darling, after all those things I told you about me? Think now, think hard.

    Lord Rexford: I have thought. It's all forgotten! Oh, isn't it?

    Mary: Yes, if you say so. Buried and forgotten. Only you in the world. Oh, are you sure you can forgive it all?

    Lord Rexford: Forgiven!

    Mary: Forgiven? Alright! From now on, a ring in the nose and a beating every Saturday night, please. Ha-ha.

  • Mary: Aunt Hetty, you're very naughty.

    Aunt Hetty: Of course, I am. Why not?

    Mary: Why not. I was once.

    Aunt Hetty: Hmmm. I'm sure you were.

  • Aunt Hetty: My dear gal, come with me to Cannes!

    Mary: What?

    Aunt Hetty: Come and stay with me at Cannes!

    Mary: Oh, that sounds divine!

    Aunt Hetty: You need sunshine and laughter and a coat of tan.

    Mary: Get the behind me Satan.

    Aunt Hetty: You need music!

  • Mary: And do I know Tommy? The old slouch, where is he?

    Erskine: He's in bed with his miseries.

    Aunt Hetty: With who?

    Mary: No names, please - even among cads.

  • Mary: Come on you, chaperone me. I'll get him out! He looked my way once in New York.

    Erskine: Lucky you.

    Aunt Hetty: Now, what does that mean in American, look my way?

    Mary: That means making a pass, darling. Making a pass!

  • Tommie Trent: See that the lady has nothing that she wants, Erskine. I'll return in a jiffy.

    Erskine: You'll never be missed.

    Mary: Ha-ha. He's a scream.

    Erskine: See these gray hairs? Try living with him for a week.

    Mary: Might be stimulating.

    Erskine: Look at me. I-I'm stimulated.

    Mary: Oh! Is that what you call it?

  • Tommie Trent: Oh. Oh. Oh my, oh my, oh my. What an age. What a world.

    Mary: What's wrong with it? I find it a very pleasant world.

    Tommie Trent: It's all part of the coming of the great catastrophe.

    Mary: What is?

    Tommie Trent: When girls like you turn out to be prudes!

  • Tommie Trent: A leopard cannot change its spots. No more can you, duckie.

    Mary: Can't a woman forget her past, whatever its been, when she marries and settles down?

  • Mary: Ha-ha-ha. You're mad! Just beautifully batty! You're always reaching out for something, somewhere, some how.

  • Tommie Trent: We could be happy, too, Mary. Two people like us.

    Mary: I am happy.

    Tommie Trent: No, I mean two kindred spirits, like you and me.

    Mary: How?

    Tommie Trent: They could, eh, they could sleep all day. They could get up just when the evening was gonna get gay and they could dance and take long walks into the moonlight. Then, back and change and out on horses and riding into the dawn. Just when everybody else was waking up to face the day, they could be flitting in and out of warm shower baths and pulling down the blinds on trouble and bores and telephones. Then, they'd be up in the evening and drink steaming hot coffee and pull up the shades and let that ol' moon in again. It would be paradise, wouldn't it? They'd be children of the night.

    Mary: [Smiling] Satan!

  • Tommie Trent: Forget all that solid routine that they call living. Spread your wings and flutter with me sometimes.

    Mary: Ha-ha. I forgot how to flutter.

    Tommie Trent: I can teach you! Wouldn't it be fun! Wouldn't it be marvelous! Think of the thrill of knowing that just around the corner there was fun and laughter.

  • House Detective: Do you speak French, Madam?

    Mary: I do, but I'm not in the mood. What is it?

  • Mary: Well, you might have been killed, I suppose you know that.

    Tommie Trent: Would you really care? Really?

    Mary: Of course. What do you think I'm made of?

    Tommie Trent: Rainbows.

  • Mary: [Looking at her daughter's drawing] What is that? How can you have a horse without a tail? Ha-ha. You silly willy!

  • Lord Rexford: Oh, no, Sweetheart, I'm sorry, too. I-I didn't mean to blow up. I made myself, promise myself, that I wouldn't.

    Mary: Did you? I don't mind. You should blow up. I want you to blow up.

  • Lord Rexford: Well, go on - darling.

    Mary: Don't say darling like that, darling.

  • Mary: And now I'll tell you the truth, judge. Ha-ha. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me.

    Lord Rexford: I suppose it is amusing. It makes me a little ill.

  • Mary: Slap me in the face, shout, knock me down, but, don't keep this up. I was wrong, I know it. But, I'm in tact if that means anything to you.

    Lord Rexford: You make it sound quite remarkable.

  • Mary: So, men must work and women must - what?

  • Mary: I had to do something. I couldn't keep following you around the house, on my knees, waiting for you to come out of this coma.

  • Tommie Trent: Have a drink?

    Mary: Love to!

    Tommie Trent: Name it!

    Mary: Eh, French 75.

    Tommie Trent: Same here. French 75, boom!

    Mary: Boom yourself! And everyone else.

    Tommie Trent: That a girl.

  • Mary: No man's gonna let me or not let me do anything ever again.

  • Mary: Come on honey, you've been in the lake long enough, you know the radiation isn't good for you!

Browse more character quotes from Free State of Jones (2016)