Martin Quotes in Free Fire (2016)

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Martin Quotes:

  • Vernon: Check out the merch.

    Justine: That's not what he ordered.

    Vernon: Fuck me...

    Chris: He ordered M-16's. Different weapon.

    Vernon: I'm not driving a fucking pizza delivery service!

    Martin: Keep your shit together.

    Vernon: You want the weapons? Or you don't want the weapons?

  • Martin: [after Allen's Prius gets covered with cocaine] It looks like Scarface sneezed on your car!

  • Fosse: At the crime scene, LOL

    Martin: Good tweet, good tweet.

  • Martin: Look at these two jamokes, would ya? One shot Jeter and the other shot an office.

    [Fosse guffaws]

    Fosse: Have some decorum, we're at a funeral. Shhh.

    Fosse: You wanna dance Brolio? Huh? I will rock your body with big nasty hooks, you'll be pissin' blood outta your ass.

    Allen Gamble: That's horrible.

    Terry Hoitz: Why don't you step back, man. You touch him, I swear to god I'm gonna beat the shit out of you with Allen's head.

    Allen Gamble: He's not gonna do that, that's hyperbole, but that's a weird example.

  • Terry Hoitz: [At Beaman's office where Beaman committed suicide, investigating the crime scene] Half empty bottle of Gin, chair knocked over. And look at this, it's a clear sign of a struggle. Make sure you get this, all right?

    Captain Gene Mauch: [to Gamble & Hoitz] Detectives, all your work's done here. You can go.

    Allen Gamble: What about Ershwon targeting the lottery?

    Captain Gene Mauch: [shows pictures of Ershwon and a blond woman] You know why Ershwon was calling down to the lottery offices all those times. It's because he was hooking up with the Powerball girl, the one on TV with all the number balls. Yeah, she filed a restraining order on him last week. It was right there in front of you guys the whole time.

    Allen Gamble: [shocked] It can't be.

    Captain Gene Mauch: You guys are getting transfered.

    Allen Gamble: What?

    Captain Gene Mauch: [to Terry] Traffic. Yeah, that's right.

    [to Allen]

    Captain Gene Mauch: You, you're gonna walk a beat downtown.

    Allen Gamble: I...

    Captain Gene Mauch: You're gonna walk a beat downtown! It's done!

    [Gamble and Hoitz complains, but Mauch cuts them off]

    Captain Gene Mauch: No. No, no. It's done. Save yourselves some gas.

    Terry Hoitz: [yells] Captain!

    Allen Gamble: Is there an appeal process we can...

    Martin: Had to do what you had to do, Captain.

    Fosse: Ouch!

    Martin: [laughs] Wow! That hurt.

  • Damian: It's metastasized. Liver and lungs. This morning the oncologist was talking about hospice care.

    Martin: I'm sorry.

    Damian: Don't be. What you and Judith went through, losing a child, that's a tragedy. An old man dying... I'm supposed to say, "That's life."

  • Cindy: Hey! Why isnt anybody going in?

    Martin: They're afraid to go in.

    Cindy: Why?

    Martin: Indians aren't allowed in some of the stores here.

    Cindy: What do you mean "not allowed"? I don't see a sign.

    Kit: Indians don't need a sign, they know damn well where they're not wanted.

    Cindy: Then why are you going in?

    Kit: 'Cause I like ice cream.

  • Barbara: How come you never tried to lay me?

    Martin: That's a stupid question.

    Barbara: Don't cover up. Are you afraid of me?

    Martin: No, I'm not afraid of you.

    Barbara: Then what? Wasn't I good enough for you? I heard all Indian boys want to go to bed with white girls.

    Martin: Don't believe *everything* you hear.

    Barbara: I *know* you want to. I can tell. How come you never tried?

    Martin: 'Cause you've always been an anybody's.

    Barbara: What's an anybody's?

    Martin: An anybody's is someone who puts out so she can get dates to be accepted. I want you to experience the fact that I don't love you because you'll give me some sex. I love you for yourself and for what you are. You see, you're a very soft and beautiful person. And I love you very much.

  • Martin: What the fuck do we know? We are only chefs

  • Martin: I'm not asking you to stop thinking about her. I'm just saying every guy needs a little... huh?

    Wes Wilson: I'm taking care of myself.

    Martin: Sure you do. All right, I'm gonna go have a smoke and leave you with some people.

    Wes Wilson: I thought you quit.

    Martin: Ah, good health is only gonna keep me in bad marriage.

  • Boone: I couldn't help but overhear you guys talking. I understand you're an agent?

    Martin: That's right.

    Boone: I got this idea for a book. It's a cookbook with recipes for couples in trouble.

    Martin: Who else knows about this?

    Boone: Nobody. Well, a few, but they're not around anymore.

    Martin: Let's keep it that way. Martin Rivera. Nice to meet ya.

  • Trece: What's your father's do?

    Carla: He is a doctor.

    Budu: Doctor? The truth. Tell the truth!

    Carla: He works at Clinica Caracas.

    Trece: His name?

    Carla: Sergio.

    Niga Sibilino: Sergio what?

    Budu: ...and yours?

    Carla: Gutiérrez. Carla Gutiérrez.

    Trece: It's true, it's true, OK, OK. Where do you live?

    Carla: La Castellana.

    Budu: Tell the truth!

    Carla: In La Castellana, near the Country Club.

    Budu: And you, fag?

    Martin: Valle Arriba.

    Budu: You live with your old man, or with your mom?

    Carla: Father.

    Trece: You have brothers?

    Carla: Two.

    Trece: Older?

    Carla: One Older, one younger.

    Trece: What does the older do?

    Carla: He's got a textile shop.

    Trece: Money!

    Carla: But cheap textibles...

  • [in a driving airplane]

    Martin: We're gonna crash!

    Bennie: But we haven't even taken off yet!

  • Bennie: This is Vuk. He's into electricity.

    Martin: Electricity? But there's nothing wrong with that.

    [Vuk is electrocuted and falls to the ground]

    Bennie: Yup. There is now.

  • Peter: [explaining his plan] Okay. Bennie, this is you.

    [takes a thick bottle]

    Bennie: [looks at Peter angrily]

    Peter: [takes a thin bottle] Then eh... this is you. Okay. During visiting hours you sign in, and then the guards take you to Koen. And Koen is located here, in the middle of the square. In the meantime, we place a crane worker in one of the alleys next to the prison. And when we place the crane so that it, at its maximum height, makes a 45 degree angle, together with that pole, we shoot a grappling hook with a bungee chord and a heavy cable. And that we attach to this pole. So the only thing you'll need to to is grab hold of Koen and cut the chord...

    [demonstrates with the bottles]

    Peter: And at an open area nearby we have placed some mattresses, where you'll land. And the car's there too, so we can drive straight back to the Netherlands.

    Martin: [laughs at the hilariously stupid idea]

    Bennie: Fine. We'll do it.

  • Martin: Bennie, what we don't understand is that this guy's only had some parking tickets and for that he's in the best secured prison of Belgium.

    Bennie: Life ain't fair.

  • Martin: [about Koen] Bennie, he murdered five women! And raped them!

    Bennie: [about the rapes] Jees man, they didn't feel a thing. They were dead already.

  • Martin: [Chasing after Valentina in the Imaginarium] Come here, you bitch!

  • Martin: [after Ester pepper-sprays him] Spicy eyes!

  • Martin: [walks up to bullies, picks up wooden board] I've been taking your crap all my life!

    [beats the bullies in one swipe]

    DolphJimbo JonesKearney: Uggghh!

    Martin: Whoo! This feels good! No wonder you do it.

  • Martin: I hope you die!

    Ethan: That'll be the day.

  • Ethan: Our turnin' back don't mean nothin', not in the long run. She's alive, she's safe... for a while. They'll keep her to raise her as one of their own till, until she's of an age to...

    Martin: Don't you think there's a chance we still might find her?

    Ethan: Injun will chase a thing till he thinks he's chased it enough. Then he quits. Same way when he runs. Seems like he never learns there's such a thing as a critter that'll just keep comin' on. So we'll find 'em in the end, I promise you. We'll find 'em. Just as sure as the turnin' of the earth.

  • Laurie Jorgensen: [Martin is preparing to join a raid against the Indians and rescue Debbie] You're not goin', not this time.

    Martin: Are you crazy?

    Laurie Jorgensen: It's too late. She's a woman grown now.

    Martin: But I gotta go, Laurie, I gotta fetch her home.

    Laurie Jorgensen: Fetch what home? The leavings a Comanche buck sold time and again to the highest bidder, with savage brats of her own?

    Martin: Laurie, shut your mouth.

    Laurie Jorgensen: Do you know what Ethan will do if he has a chance? He'll put a bullet in her brain.

    [pause]

    Laurie Jorgensen: I tell you, Martha would want him to.

    Martin: Only if I'm dead.

  • Martin: [speaking to Debbie for the first time in five years] Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, don't you remember? I'm Martin, I'm Martin, your brother, remember? Debbie, remember back.

    Martin: [pause] Do you remember how I used to let you ride my horse? And tell you stories? Oh, don't you remember me, Debbie?

    Debbie Edwards: I remember, from always. At first I prayed to you: "Come and get me, take me home." You didn't come.

    Martin: But I've come now, Debbie.

    Debbie Edwards: These are my people. Go. Go, Martin, please!

  • Martin: You know, Laurie, I was just thinking that maybe it's about time you and me started going steady, huh?

    Laurie Jorgensen: Why, Martin Pawley, you and me been going steady since we was three years old!

    Martin: We have?

    Laurie Jorgensen: 'Bout time you found out about it.

  • Ethan: A fella could mistake you for a half-breed.

    Martin: Not quite, I'm eighth Cherokee, the rest is Welsh and English. Least that's what they tell me.

  • Laurie Jorgensen: Ethan rode on an hour ago. Now Martin I don't know what you can do about finding Debbie that he can't. He'll find her now, Martin. Honest he will.

    Martin: That's what I'm afraid Of Laurie, him finding her. Oh I've seen his eyes at the very word "Comanche". I've seen him take his knife and - - Never mind. He's a man that can go crazy wild and I intend to be there to stop him in case he does.

  • Ethan: We did all right.

    Martin: We? Why you just staked me out there like a piece of bait. You built up the fire. You fixed it so I could get my brains blowed out! What if you'd missed?

    Ethan: It never occurred to me.

  • Brad: There's only one way you can stop me from looking for Lucy, mister, and that's kill me!

    Martin: That's the way I feel, Uncle Ethan

    [Edwards glares at him]

    Martin: Ethan... Sir.

    Ethan: Alright, but I'm giving the orders here. I'm giving the orders and you'll follow 'em, or we're splitting up right here and now!

    Martin: Well, sure, Ethan. Just one reason were here, ain't it, is to find Debbie and Lucy?

    Ethan: If they're still alive.

  • Martin: Well, why don't you say it? We're beat, and you know it.

    Ethan: Nope. Our turnin' back don't mean nothin'. Not in the long run. If she's alive, she's safe. For a while, they'll keep her to raise as one of their own until... she's of an age to...

    Martin: Do you think maybe there's a chance we still might find her?

    Ethan: An Indian will chase a thing till he thinks he's chased it enough. Then he quits. Same way when he runs. Seems like he never learns there's such a thing as a critter who'll just keep coming on. So we'll find 'em in the end I promise you. We'll find 'em. Just as sure as the... turnin' of the earth.

  • Ethan: [tucking Martin in] Comfortable?

    Martin: Ethan, are you all right?

    Ethan: Well, I'm just saying goodnight to you.

    Martin: Well, goodnight!

  • Teresa: Oh! Auntie Shrew!

    Cynthia: Oh, Auntie!

    Martin: Oh, no!

  • Martin: I'm not afraid of the dark!

    Auntie Shrew: Martin!

    Martin: I'm not afraid of the farmer!

    Auntie Shrew: I can't hear!

    Martin: I'm not afraid of Dragon. I'm not even afraid of... of the Great Owl!

    Auntie Shrew: Oh, hush up!

    Martin: Ah, you hush up!

    Auntie Shrew: Precocious monster!

    Martin: Bossy bullfrog!

    Auntie Shrew: Spoiled brat!

    Martin: Loudmouth!

  • Martin: Well, I guess we better untie him.

    Teresa: Martin, I don't think...

    Martin: Hey! Mom helped a crow in the field the day before yesterday.

    Cynthia: He's trying to talk.

    Teresa: He looks like a loony.

    Martin: He even took her to see the Great Owl.

    Teresa: So?

    Martin: So this could be the same crow.

    Jeremy: That's me! I'm the crow. Untie me quick. I can't stand it!

    Teresa: What are you doing here?

    Jeremy: Good question, but don't ask. The legs. The legs! The leeegs!

    [Falls down]

    Cynthia: Aw, the poor turkey fall down.

    Jeremy: I'm not a turkey! Your mother...

    Teresa: Where's our mother?

    Martin: You black buzzard! Tell us where she is...

    Jeremy: Stop tickling me!

    Teresa: I'll tie you back up...

    Jeremy: She went to see the rats!

    Teresa: You took our mother to the rats?

    Martin: I'm gonna go look.

    Jeremy: No! Wait! the rats, good, Stay. They're coming here to move your house where it's safe! Understand? The Owl says they're good and smart! Get it?

    Martin: You're right. He's a loony.

  • Martin: I realize you must have gone through hell.

    Justin Jones: Gone? Bitch, we're still here!

  • [last lines]

    Martin: How do you feel?

    Steven Beck: [punches her] Better. A lot better.

  • Martin: Generic alteration?

    Dr. Glen Thompson: Genetic.

    Martin: Whatever.

  • Martin: [sharing a joint with Chris] She don't mind you smoking a bit of the old herb every now and again?

    Chris: No, she don't care about that. She doesn't like me drinking and she doesn't like me doing her up the

  • Hawkwood: I didn't see the damn thing!

    Martin: I did sir

    [helps Hawkwood]

    Martin: .

    Hawkwood: Bless you Martin, your reward is in heaven.

    Martin: I'd rather get paid sooner sir if you don't mind.

  • Martin: All we have to do is burn the meat... and our clothes. Take off your clothes. Come on.

  • Martin: From now on, we'll eat like this. And whoever can't, best stay the stupid asshole he always was.

  • Martin: Let's see if this angel bleeds!

  • Martin: Don't you guys know about faxes?

    Lewis: Yeah, don't you know about E-mail?

    Bullwinkle: Sure. A fax is a little red critter that hunts geese and chickens. Half of them are males, and the other half are "E-males".

    Martin: No, it's a way of transmitting computer-generated information across great distances in the blink of an eye!

    Bullwinkle: Well I was close.

  • Jess: And, uh, remember moss also grows on the North side of trees.

    Martin: No, West.

    Ellie: I always thought it was East.

    JessRoy: North!

    Martin: You guys are just trying to confuse me.

    [Jess says some scientific mumbo-jumbo]

    Martin: Saying something that sounds impressive doesn't make it righter.

    Jess: Righter?

    [Smirks and pulls out his scout book]

    Martin: You actually pack a scout book?

    Jess: Hey, you recognize it. All right. See here.

    [Points to a part in the book on moss, and Martin looks furious]

  • Jess: [head to the ground, listening] Shhh!

    Martin: What, so now he's a tracker?

  • Martin: [Trying to find his bearings] Mushroooms! What side do mushrooms grow on?

  • Martin: [speaking as the computer] Dr. Merrinoe, you have been informed of the situation. My robot is already in space and your son is completely in his hands. You are, of coyurse, aware that the robot is a skilled anatomist familiar with every fiber of the human nervous system and capable of inflicting pain for days, if necessary, without bestowing death.

  • Martin: Here you go, little man.

    [Hands Percy a bottle of beer]

    Percy: Are you sure? Is this beer?

    Martin: No, of course not, I would never hand you beer. That's *cerveza*.

    Percy: I'm 10, I can't have beer.

    Martin: You're not 10! You're kitchen staff, kitchen staff doesn't have an age.

    Percy: Dad?

    Carl Casper: You can have a sip.

    [Percy takes a sip from the bottle and makes a disgusted face]

    Carl Casper: Huh? Like piss, right?

    Percy: Worse!

    Carl Casper: You remember that when your friends offer you a beer.

  • [last lines]

    Martin: Hey! That was a lot of talking and you not punching him. So, what did the asshole say?

    Carl Casper: I think that asshole might be our new partner!

  • Percy: What are you doing?

    Martin: Dude, I'm putting a little cornstarch on my huevos, man. It's a little too humid down here.

    Percy: Dad, wake up. Martin's putting cornstarch on his balls.

    Carl Casper: Want some? It's like baby powder. It's nice, right?

    Percy: Nice.

  • Martin: Whose Bacon is this?

    Martin: Huh?

    Martin: I gotta watch this too?

    Martin: When I found out you better grab your ankles! Cuz here comes Papi Chulo

  • [last lines]

    Ramsey Michel: I just thought you and me bury-the-hatchet would be a good story. Reservations out the door. More importantly, you know, you just cook your ass off. In the meantime, you just tweet me where ever you are, and I'll come running. 'Cause this shit's good. All right? Delicious. Delicioso. Mucho goodo...

    [walks away]

    Martin: Hey hemet, that was a lot of talkin' and you not punching him. So what did the asshole say, huh?

    Carl Casper: That asshole might be our new partner.

  • Martin: Fuck Twitter. Come on, get out of here.

  • Jonah: Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?

    Martin: Oh, another beard joke?

    Jonah: How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?

    Martin: It was really awkward.

    Jonah: See ya... Scorcese on coke.

  • Martin: Whatever. I'm glad I'm not a Jew.

    Ben Stone: So are we...

    Ben Stone: You weren't chosen for a reason.

  • Jason: You stay here.

    Martin: Why?

    Jason: Cause your face looks like a vagina.

    Martin: Dick!

    Jonah: How's it going Crockett, been hanging with Tubbs lately?

    Martin: Come on man, I'm getting it from all angles here, I really don't like it anymore.

    Jonah: I know, me either. Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?

    Martin: Yeah, it was really awkward.

    Jonah: All right, see you later Scorcese on coke.

    Jay: [Makes a roar like Chewbacca from Star Wars]

    Martin: What the fuck was that?

    Jay: You know, Chewbacca.

    Martin: Oh, another beard joke, fucking hilarious!

  • Jonah: We got pinkeye.

    Ben Stone: Were you giving butterfly kisses or something?

    Jason: Ha ha ha, very funny That's not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities.

    Jay: Um, I farted on Jason's pillow as a practical joke. He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine, and then eventually pinkeyed my pillow. I'm not proud any of this, but I think we're all forgiven each other. Um, but we can't go anywhere.

    Pete: You can get pinkeye from farting in a pillow?

    Jonah: Totally!

    Pete: That's awesome!

    Jonah: Jesus, Martin got it bad. What, did someone take a dump on your eye?

    Martin: No. No pinkeye for me. I'm just really... high.

  • Martin: Do you ever get so bored, you just stare at your balls?

    Jonah: I bet you do, late John Lennon.

  • Martin: Fuck me in the beard.

  • Martin: Thanks for the free money, Bitch.

  • Martin: You guys aren't suppose to make fun at me thats not part of the rules.

    Jason: Martin why didn't you just listen when I was explaining the rules? You just looked at me with that blank stare of yours - it was like talking to a wax statue.

  • Martin: Did you know, and this is pretty amazing, but I once saw Ringo Starr.

    William: Where was that?

    Martin: Kensington High Street. At least I think it was Ringo, um, it could have been that guy from Fiddler on the Roof. You know, Toppy.

    William: Topol.

    William: Yes... yes that's right, Topol.

    William: Mmmhmmm. Actually, Ringo Starr doesn't- doesn't at all look like, uh, Topol.

    Martin: Yes, but, he was- he was quite a long way away from me.

    William: So it actually could've been neither of them.

    Martin: Yes, I suppose, so.

    William: It's not really a classic, anecdote, is it?

    Martin: Not a classic, no.

  • Martin: I built this company with my two own hands. Just me, that computer and an eight million dollar loan from my father.

    James King: You really did it all on your own.

  • Martin: I smell something weird down here. Smells like ya'll been hitting the Devil's lettuce.

  • Martin: Miranda, we are ready to play parcheesi!

  • Eddie Cantrow: Hey, Martin!

    Martin: Hello, asshole.

    Eddie Cantrow: Great to see you too!

  • Martin: And I'm wondering: how did it all slip away?

    Karen: Well, it didn't slip away, Martin. You did, when you went off to fuck Nicky at my birthday party.

    Martin: Yeah, that was a good party.

  • Martin: [to Harry] I'm really glad you rejected me ten years ago when I auditioned for the part of Eddie Solomon, the pedophile clown in "Birthday Boy". If I'd have gotten that part, I might have been typecast.

  • Chili Palmer: Martin, look at me.

    Martin: I'm looking at you.

    Chili Palmer: No, I want you to look at me the way I'm looking at you. Put it in your eyes, 'You're mine, asshole,' without saying it.

    Martin: Like this?

    [heavy lidded eyes]

    Chili Palmer: What you're telling me, you're tired? You wanna go to bed?

    Martin: Wait. How about this?

    [squints]

    Chili Palmer: Now you're squinting like you need glasses.

    Martin: Well, what are you getting...

    Chili Palmer: Look at me. What I'm thinking is, 'You're mine. I fuckin' own you.' But what I'm not doing is feeling anything about it one way or the other. You understand? You're not a person to me, you're a name in my collection book, a guy owes me money, that's all.

    [Martin does the look once again]

    Chili Palmer: Whoah.

    Karen Flores: He's... he's good.

    Chili Palmer: You nailed it.

    Martin: [guttural] That's what I think of you, asshole. Nothing.

    Chili Palmer: That's why you're Martin Weir.

  • Martin: You know it might help you to take another look at "Cyclone", the way a visual fabric is maintained while the metaphor plays on different levels.

    Chili Palmer: Ahhh...

  • Martin: Nick, I've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate. I even talked to the U.N. ambassador. It's no use, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm.

  • Nick Rivers: Martin, I've been practicing. How this?

    Nick Rivers: Ist Ihr Tochter achtzehn, bitte?

    Martin: What does that mean?

    Nick Rivers: Is your daughter eighteen?

  • Martin: Caesar has got to show some human intelligence at that board meeeting or...

    Dan: Caesar's probably smarter than half of those board members.

    Martin: Dan...

    Dan: I know what you're going to say, if he's so smart, why is he in the cage?

    Martin: You're in the cage.

  • Martin: Look, they still throw their shit.

    Dan: But now they can keep score.

  • Martin: He's still acting. Its all just part of his act. See the costume? He's an actor.

    Mr. Henry Nobley: You're just jealous, aren't you? Because my aunt would rather bring in a complete novice than move some Kiwi actor up to the big house.

    Jane Hayes: You're not British either?

    Martin: It's part of the Commonwealth.

    Mr. Henry Nobley: Couldn't you get a job in the Hobbit?

    Martin: That's it Shakespeare!

  • Martin: It's just like I always say; if you want to find something weird you have to go downtown

  • Dr. Catheter: [sarcastically while looking at Gizmo] Cute, isn't it?

    Martin: We're not sure if that is genetic. No.

    Lewis: No, we're not.

  • Martin: [throwing Renfield back into his cell] You'll stay in here 'til you rot!

    [locks door]

    Martin: [Renfield starts sobbing and Martin comes in a second later] Well, you're free to go!

    Renfield: Why? How?

    Martin: Good behavior.

    Renfield: But I've only been here for a moment.

    Martin: For that moment, you were very good.

  • Junior: Hey, Martin! Let's go see the bearded lady.

    Martin: No, I've seen too many of them in prison.

  • Mitch: Hey, homeless guys!

    [Three homeless guys leaning outside Travis Cole's building look up listlessly at him]

    Mitch: I'll tell ya what. I'll give you a dollar each if you'll go into this building here and run around yellin' and screamin'.

    Homeless Guy: Uh, that's very nice, but I think what you probably need are, like, some psycho, out-of-control homeless guys?

    Martin: Yeah, we're more the broken, spiritless, I've-lost-the-will-to-live type homeless guys.

    Mitch: How about for two dollars?

  • Homeless Guy: And then when you jumped on that security guard's back and you were yelling in his ear, "The CIA put a chip in my brain!" I was laughing so hard, I almost shit my pants.

    Martin: [grinning] Almost!

    [They do a high-five]

  • Martin: [talking on his cell phone] Hello, 9-1-1? We've been attacked by what look like German zombies from the Second World War! And we set our cabin on fire by accident!

    [Jerks phone away from ear]

    Martin: *The bitch hung up on me!*

  • [last lines]

    Martin: Oh fuck.

  • Martin: Where have you been?

    Roy: Where the fuck did you get a machine gun from?

    Vegard: Well... I've been busy.

  • Martin: [when Vegard considers amputating his crotch] No, no, no, no!

  • Martin: Has anyone ever told you you're a bit of an idiot?

    Chris: I'm a politician, that's all they ever tell me.

  • Martin: I underestimated how much they hate me.

  • Martin: You know how I feel when I wake up in the morning? Humiliated. How do I feel at lunch time? Humiliated. My life flows in a steady stream of humiliation. I'm not sad, not angry, just humiliated.

  • Martin: We belong together, we're a team I mean we're the worst team the world has ever know and if I were picking none of you would have made it to the subs bench but still.

  • Martin: I wasn't aware this was a competition.

  • Martin: [about Jess] Genuinely, I don't know how you've survived her.

    Chris: Ear plugs.

  • Jess: Are we in a gang?

    Martin: This is not a gang.

  • [first lines]

    Martin: Anyway, to cut a long story short, I decided to kill myself. That's the trouble with suicides, I've learned you can't cut the long story short, because it's the long story that people are interested in. Especially if you're me, which regrettably I was, and still am to this day. So, forgive me if you already knew this, but I'm Martin Sharp, the man who had everything. One wife, two children, three dogs, at least four People's Choice Awards, and five mornings a week on the most successful breakfast show in Britain. They were even offering my Mondays off. So far, so good. I had reached middle-age, unscathed, with money in the bank.

    Martin: Until I met Suzy Jenkins at a launch for a new men's moisturizer. All I can say in my defense, Your Honor, is she looked 25 to me.

  • Martin: What is wrong with a man wanting his wife and his wife's best friend to lick his dick at the same time?

  • Martin: C'mon. C'mon. This is not something you can try on and see if it fits, okay? I can't put black shoe polish on my face and join a gospel choir, 'cause, I don't know, I don't feel so white no more.

  • [Detective Hayden and his partner talk to Michael about what they've heard about him]

    Detective Hayden: We heard a lot about you today from your classmates.

    Michael: Really? Well, I hope good stuff.

    Detective Hayden: Well, no. To be perfectly frank, Michael, you were described as, uh... What was that word they used Sergeant?

    Martin: Frightening.

    Detective Hayden: Frightening, and strange and weird. Freak came up a couple times.

  • Martin: My wife struggled to move on, but luckily Keith was there to comfort her...

  • [first lines]

    [Martin and Erica are jogging along the river]

    Martin: Jesus Christ! Look at this - my sneaker's ruined!

    Erica: They're only thirty-five dollars.

    [Erica takes Martin's shoe and cleans it off for him]

    Martin: Fucking city's turning into one big pile of DOG SHIT!

    [shouting at passing traffic]

    Martin: Come on out and take a crap on me - everybody else is. Fuck.

    [Martin lights a cigarette]

    Erica: ...been jogging for 2 1/2 miles - you're giving yourself lung cancer.

    Martin: I'll tell you something Erica - the longer I'm married to you the more you sound like my mother.

    Erica: Clean your own sneaker.

    [throws shoe at Martin]

    Martin: I think you wanted me to step in it.

    Erica: [laughing] You're going crazy Martin.

    Martin: I am?

    Erica: [laughing] Yes.

    [Martin tosses his shoe over his shoulder into the river. Erica jogs away, and Martin jogs after]

  • Martín: The Internet brings me closer to the world, but further from life.

  • Martín: [chat room] I have a method, absolutely involuntary, a kind of Buddhist gene that makes my happy days not so happy and my sad days not so sad.

    Mariana: A spiritual thermostat.

    Martín: 8D.

    Mariana: And if it fails?

    Martín: I down a Rivotril.

  • Martín: Is there anything more discouraging in the 21st century than an empty inbox?

  • Martin: [talking on his cell phone] Anthony. Martin here. We got a code blue.

  • Martin: Your story touches me in ways. But if I find out that you're lying, there will be repercussions.

    Royce: Cops?

    Martin: Not the cops, and their height requirements. I'll come after you myself. You'll wish I called the cops.

  • Martin: In my head I'm 6'4, 190 pounds.

    Royce: So in your head you're tall and skinny?

    Martin: 190 pounds of muscle!

  • [upon seeing Martin, the midget mall security guard]

    Treena: That's so cute!

    Martin: Something funny?

    Treena: [talking in a little kid's voice] Hi! Who are you supposed to be? You're like the little chief of police of Munchkin Land or something!

    Martin: [sarcastically] A 'Wizard of Oz' joke. That's very original. I never hear those.

  • Graham Sloan: I need something, Martin.

    Martin: You need some fucking 'ludes.

    Graham Sloan: No, I need something more than this!

    Martin: Graham, what else is there? You already have everything.

    Graham Sloan: I need someone to tell me what is good. Okay? And I need someone to tell me what is bad.

  • Hando: [from behind Martin] Haaa!

    [Martin spins around startled]

    Hando: Nice place you got here.

    Martin: Who the hell are you?

    Sonny Jim: We came to wreck everything, and ruin your life. God sent us.

  • Martin: I believe in the number pi.

    Arthur Seldom: I'm sorry, I didn't understand you. Uh, what was it you said you believed in?

    Martin: In the number pi, in the golden section, the Fibonacci series. The essence of nature is mathematical. There is a hidden meaning beneath reality. Things are organized following a model, a scheme, a logical series. Even the tiny snowflake includes a numerical basis in its structure, therefore, if we manage to discover the secret meaning of numbers, we will know the secret meaning of reality.

  • Arthur Seldom: Miss Scarlet is now an electron, okay? And you're looking at her through a keyhole or a particle accelerator - as you wish - and every time you look at her, Miss Scarlet will have changed her appearance or her position because the very fact that you observe her alters her atomic state. How about that?

    Martin: Don't try to confuse me with tricks.

  • Martin: There's a friend of ours we'd like to have buried.

    Priest: Dead I trust.

    [laughs]

  • [last lines]

    Martin: Stephen, straw, load up the cart. We have to be off, to Donum, to perform our new play.

    Martin: Let's go...

  • Mickey: You're reliable, and that counts for everything in life... You know who you remind me of?

    Martin: I don't remind you of anybody because I'm not like anybody else... My ma always said I'm like one in a million... A million. That's what my ma always told me I was.

    Mickey: Aye, you're full of shit.

    Martin: Who do I remind you of?

    Mickey: Wee Aggie.

    Martin: Who's Aggie?

    Mickey: I wouldn't trust him with my wife, but I trust him with my life.

  • Martin: Anyway, look, I've got to get back... Like, Lara's not exactly buying my excuses anymore.

    Fergus: Yeah, I was married to a nice girl once. She hung in there until I... until I tried the alien abduction excuse.

  • Martin: Hell is other people...

  • Martin: She's lucky to have a mother like you.

    Lucia Harper: Everyone has a mother like me. You probably had one, too.

  • Martin: You have your family, I have my Nagel.

  • Lucia Harper: You don't know how a family can surround you at times.

    Martin: Do you never get away from your family?

    Lucia Harper: No.

  • Martin: It's number nine.

    Sergeant Roche: Are you sure?

    Martin: No I'm not sure. I see 10,000 people a week. You seem to pity them. Maybe it was you who did it.

  • [subtitled version]

    Rebecca: Mom talks about you all the time.

    Martin: She does?

    Rebecca: Sometimes even nice things.

  • Michael Ward: What if she's right - he didn't do it, and they give him the chair?

    Martin: Suppose they do? What difference does it make? There's too many people in the world anyway.

    Michael Ward: What's the use of talking to you? You think everything's a joke.

    Martin: My son, it is. If it weren't, life wouldn't be worth living.

  • Michael Ward: [Referrig to Meng] Did you ever want to kill a man?

    Martin: [Patronizingly] My son, there's murder in every intelligent man's heart.

    Michael Ward: He's no man. He's a worm - the kind you ought to jump on with heavy boots.

    Martin: You'll have to do an awful lot of jumping. The earth is covered with them.

    Michael Ward: [Angrily] It'd be a real pleasure to cut his throat!

    Martin: [Noticing his dinner knife] Hey, you're not kidding. Put down that knife!

  • Martin: [Referring to Joe Briggs' attorney] I wouldn't let him defend me if it was for stealing an apple.

  • Martin: [Noticing how Meng is eyeing up the legs of a pretty girl] Who's that citizen?

    Michael Ward: He's my next door neighbor.

    Martin: He looks as though his mind could stand a little laundering.

  • Martin: Why the fuck do you think you own this city?

    Phil: Cause this city is late-night television, and I'm Johnny Fucking Carson!

  • Martin: Make one move, it better fucking be orgasmic.

  • [first lines]

    Donna Diggs: How long you been asleep? Three hours? Four hours?

    Martin: About two and a half hours.

    Donna Diggs: It's getting better.

    Martin: As long as I keep having that dream, I still feel like shit.

  • Martin: Apparently she's got a mouth like a hurricane and a twat like an earthquake.

  • Dixie: Hi, Martin.

    Martin: Not tonight, Dixie! Definitely not tonight!

  • Martin: You got everything money can buy, except what it can't. Its Pride. Pride is what got your ass out here, and losing is what brought ya back. But people like you, they need to be tested. They need a challenge.

    Mason 'The Line' Dixon: But you know that ain't never gunna happen, there ain't anybody out there Martin.

    Martin: Theres always somebody out there. Always. And when that time comes and you find something standing if front of you, something that ain't running and ain't backin up and is hittin on you and your too damn tired to breathe. You find that situation on you, that good, Cuz thats baptizim under fire! Oh you get thru that and you find the only kind of respect that matters in this world, Self respect.

  • Martin: The only kind of respect that matters is self-respect

  • Martin: People gotta talk themselves into law and order before they do anything about it. Maybe because down deep they don't care. They just don't care.

  • Martin: You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If you're honest you're poor your whole life and in the end you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star.

  • Martin: You sneaked off inexplicably, need I remind you how I worried?

    Laura: No. You reminded me enough the night I came back.

    Martin: You're not suggesting I enjoyed that?

    Laura: God, no. That would make you a monster.

  • Martin: I can't live without you. And I won't let you live without me.

  • Martin: We all forget things. That's what reminding is for.

  • Martin: Does it give you that much pleasure to humiliate me?

  • Martin: Is rewriting censorship, Bill? Because I'm totally ****** if it is!

  • Martin: And these things pass.

    Camille: What things?

    Martin: These... passing things.

  • Board President: So, we've covered abortion, church and state, predestination, drug abuse, prostitution - ah, yes, homosexuality. How do you approach the homosexuality problem, Camille?

    Camille: Well, um, I'm not really sure I'd consider it a problem.

    Martin: I like what you said over at Tom's, Camille said that it's important to love the sinner but hate the sin, so that you're allowed to feel the desire but not act on that desire.

    Camille: Well, in hetero - in retro-spect, sorry - I've come to think that there's a lot of room for multiciplicity in God's creation.

    Reverend DeBoer: You are aware that that is contrary to doctrine in this matter.

    Camille: God... God cannot be so cruel as to decree that people like... like that can never, ever be contented. I mean, one's devotions are not entirely chosen.

  • Martin: I've seen things you wouldn't believe. Things a boy shouldn't see. I was like any other kid; I didn't believe in the boogeyman. Then the world woke up to a nightmare.

  • Martin: Months passed in a blur of days and nights. We traveled east and west, but always north. Away from death.

    Martin: We avoided the cities. Mister said they were the worst, hit the hardest in the beginning. As people flocked together for safety, the plague marched through their locked gates and they became death traps.

    Martin: When Washington fell, it was over for America as we knew her. As government blew away, our great leaders ran for it. And hope was abandoned

    Martin: We were on our own now. Me and Mister. Traveling through a ruined land.

    Martin: Pockets of civilization survived. Towns locked down behind fences and guns holding the night away.

    Martin: Cults spread like wildfire across the southern states. Waitin' for the messiah, but... he never came. Death came in its stead. And it came with teeth.

  • Martin: In desperate times, false gods abound. People put their faith in the loudest preacher and hope they're right. But sometimes they're wrong. Dead wrong.

  • Martin: We were all orphans. Just lookin' for something to hold on to.

  • Martin: I gave God a chance to kill me. He didn't do it, so he's pleased with me.

  • Martin: Teaching's a waste of time, I'm writing a novel.

    Theresa: Isn't everybody.

    Martin: Getting divorced too.

    Theresa: Isn't everybody.

  • Martin: You're insane!

    James: No, I'm not.

  • Doctor: You've been blind all your life.

    Martin: I know.

    Doctor: What were you doing driving a car?

    Martin: I forgot.

  • Andy: Why would your mother lie to you?

    Martin: To punish me, for being blind.

    Andy: Does it really matter if she lied to you about some garden?

    Martin: Yes... it was my world.

  • [Martin reads from the referral letter he has written for Celia]

    Martin: "Celia was in my employment for three and a half years. She proved herself to be an efficient housekeeper and a lively and provocative conversationalist. I heartily recommend her services."

    Celia: You didn't mention my breasts.

    Martin: Celia has exceptional breasts. Would you like me to add that?

  • [confronts Martin after leaving restaurant]

    Andy: You may be blind, but you still have to pay for what you ate.

    Martin: I ate nothing. My meal never arrived.

  • [to a departing Martin]

    Andy: You killed Ugly.

    [Martin lifts cat out of garbage bin]

    Andy: I think you broke his neck.

    Martin: He's not dead.

    Andy: Oh shit! Sorry Ugly!

  • Martin: [to Andy] You must never lie to me.

  • Andy: Is she your sweetheart, Martin?

    Martin: Hell no! Sweetheart? Celia has no heart.

  • Martin: Why don't you tell me where we are?

    Celia: It's a surprise. You'll love it. You'll wish you'd brought your camera with you. Then you could have taken a photograph and shown it to your little friend - the one who describes things to you.

    Martin: You leave Andy out of this!

  • Martin: Talent knows where to stop.

  • Martin: You're too educated to know what's good.

  • You: What's your favorite number?

    Martin: Ninety.

    You: Mine's zero.

  • David: Virility means more than health.

    Martin: If Hemingway could, we can. Let's go!

  • Martin: You're hunting for themes. Your own daughter's mental illness. What a great bloody idea!

  • Martin: You're empty but capable. And now you're trying to fill your void with Karin's extinction. But how will God fit into that? It must make him more inscrutable than ever!

  • Martin: All's well and good.

    Leon: If you have wild blood.

    Martin: I bet my legs on it.

    Joshua: My legs, too.

    Leon: My soul.

    Vanessa: And all of my heart.

  • Martin: Aren't you ashamed now? Aren't you? Spiders now, is it? Flies ain't good enough!

    Renfield: Flies? Flies? Poor puny things! Who wants to eat flies?

    Martin: You do, you loony!

    Renfield: Not when I can get nice fat spiders!

    Martin: All right, have it your own way.

  • Maid: He's crazy!

    Martin: They're all crazy. They're all crazy except you and me. Sometimes I have my doubts about you.

    Maid: Yes.

  • Martin: [Referring to Renfield] I've heard to wolves howling at night he thinks that are talking to him. He's CRAZY!

  • Bridget: Hey handsome - couldn't help but notice you were standing here all by yourself, you know? Figured you could use a little company, huh? What do you say? Is there a chemistry between the two of us or am I crazy?

    Martin: Somewhere, ten little dogs are crying.

  • Martin: I tried to explain it to my lab assistant. You see, the formula was very simple: dogs. Dogs and numbers. A few letters thrown in to vary the mix, but mostly, dogs and numbers. I tried to explain to her how important the dogs were. She was a moron! She wasn't even a science student, she was a philosophy student trying to make some extra money. I didn't know, but she worked on the cheap.

  • Molly: [outside Wrigley Field] Do they play baseball here?

    Satan: Yes.

    Sam: Can I go on the field today?

    Satan: I'm sorry, no.

    Lana: What year was it built?

    Satan: Uh, 19

    [mumble mumble]

    Satan: .

    Bud: Is there a bathroom here?

    Satan: Around the corner to the left - watch your butt.

    Martin: Is there a game today?

    Satan: There are 14 games today, all 28 major league teams will be in action, none of it will be taking place in this building.

    Mamie: Do you have an emery board?

    Satan: Yes.

    [he pulls an emery board out of his shirt pocket]

    Chuck: Do you prefer couches to armchairs?

    Satan: Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm lounging with a book, I might.

    Mr. Zodsworth: [while still aboard the bus] Didn't you once have a lizard?

    Satan: Yes, and his name was 'Bubbles.'

    Bridget: Yeah, do the Cubs need a new ballgirl?

    Satan: I don't care.

  • Martin: [Pointing at Bailey] This is a gun in my hand.

    Stuart Bailey: Yeah, I've seen one before.

  • Martin: You ask for trouble, you'll get it. I hired out for that job.

    Stuart Bailey: Who hired you?

    Martin: You know what would happen to me if I told you?

    Stuart Bailey: The guy's tough, huh?

    Martin: You can say that again.

    Stuart Bailey: Who's ever behind you is about as dangerous as a badminton's bird. Giving me that 200 bucks... that's right out of Aunt Sadie's hope chest.

  • Terrence: Why don't you join us?

    Martin: I'm a human being.

    Terrence: You don't think I have a heart?

    Martin: Well, eh, let's just say that's not the organ which springs to mind when I think of you.

  • Rebecca: [to Bret] You came back.

    Martin: So did you.

    [Rebecca pecks his forehead as he clings to her]

  • Sophie: Did we wake you?

    Martin: What?

    [looks at the darkened closet]

  • [repeated line]

    Martin: Rebecca?

  • Martin: [to his liquor bottle] Darling, you're going to be the death of me. But what a lovely way to go, huh?

    [tosses the bottle behind him; Jason catches it and stabs Martin with it]

  • Martin: Shitheads couldn't even stick him back in right. Why'd they have to go and dig up Jason?

    [looks at the camera]

    Martin: Some folks sure got a strange idea of entertainment.

  • Martin: [to his Whiskey bottle] Kathleen, you've led me astray.

    [kisses the bottle]

  • Tommy: Jason's not in his grave! Hawes is. Dig it up! You gotta dig it up! You gotta dig it up!

    Martin: Dig him up? Does he think I'm a fart-head?

  • Martin: You know what Hans Christian Andersen did? Every time he had masturbated he wrote a little X in his diary

    Jens: If I had written down an X every time I had masturbated, there wouldn't be any pencils left in the whole wide world

  • [Mike and Chris lunge at Martin, thinking he's the killer]

    Chris: What the hell are you doing here?

    Martin: [Angrily shows them a bunch of condoms] I'm just trying to get laid. Can someone tell me what the fuck's going on here?

  • Martin: [after Diego sneaks up behind him and surprises him] You goddamn Argentinians! Always sneaking up and attacking me, I feel like the Falkland Islands!

  • [Referring to some hippies on the beach]

    Martin: It seems that living near the water brings out the best and worst in us.

  • Martin: If you've got a fireplace, burn some wood in it. It'll be a lot better than running loose on the streets.

  • Martin: How does snow sound? What does it say to you?

    Lara: It says, "Crunch, crunch, brr, brr."

    Martin: What are "crunch" and "brr"? What kind of words are they?

    Lara: To tell the truth, snow doesn't say much. It's even said that snow swallows every sound. When snow is on the ground, everything is much quieter.

    Martin: Honest? Snow makes the world quiet? That's beautiful.

  • Price: You'll understand my suspicion, but I have to verify the amount.

    Martin: Where are you going?

    Price: The restroom. It's a nice place to count.

  • Sophie: Abstinence is turning you sour; give it up.

    Martin: I have.

    Sophie: Really? Do I know her?

    Martin: No, I met her in odd circumstances a few weeks ago.

    Sophie: Really? You must be pleased.

    Martin: You're quite wrong, I don't like her at all. She's totally uninteresting. I'm trying to get rid of her.

    Sophie: Why? Is she ugly?

    Martin: Not particularly.

    Sophie: Is she stupid then?

    Martin: No. Not at all. She never says anything stupid. It's complicated. She bores me. I have no contact with her. Or rather only physical contact.

    Sophie: Why complain? That's not so bad.

    Martin: You can't imagine how basic she is, she has no conversation. When she speaks, she sounds silent. Her only means of expression is sexual.

  • Michelle 'Mike' de la Becque: This is very pretty.

    Martin: There's an exceptional view of the city.

    Michelle 'Mike' de la Becque: I've seen Paris before.

    Martin: Not this Paris, mademoiselle.

    [Walking towards the door]

    Martin: The bedroom suite is this way.

    Michelle 'Mike' de la Becque: Wait. Martin, you've known me for a long time.

    Martin: When you were very little, you wanted to marry me so that you could always have chocolate pudding.

    Michelle 'Mike' de la Becque: At my first ball, it was you who fastened my dress when it came undone.

    Martin: Such memories belong to another lifetime, mademoiselle. One which has come to an end. And which, unfortunately, some of us have outlived.

    Michelle 'Mike' de la Becque: But why have our lifetimes come to an end, our private little worlds?

  • Julie: What type of black family holds a reunion in the middle of the winter? Do they ski?

    Martin: I doubt it.

    Julie: Are they going to barbecue?

    Martin: Probably.

  • Martin: [to Pauline while she waits for Pollicut] Cold, ain't it? I reckon I'd head for a better climate if I was you... more like Haiti. Oh, I meant no offence, Pauline, no offence...

  • Pollicut: [about Silence] Well, Martin, will he come out of it? Alive?

    Martin: I doubt it. When he left, he was leaking his blood all over the sidewalk.

    Pollicut: Let's hope that he lost it all. Where is he?

    Martin: He's at the girl's house.

  • Cary: He's too stoned!

    Martin: Oh, drugs are so bad!

  • Charles: Joe, pass me that thing off the curtain. Ok, this is going to hurt a lot.

    Martin: OWWWWWWWWW! OUCH! AWWWWWW!

    Charles: Jesus Martin! I haven't done it yet!

  • Martin: Guys, I have never had a teacher aim a gun at me!

  • Martin: Am I the only one here who doesn't know what we're talking about?

    Cary: Probably, Smartin.

    Martin: I don't like it when you call me that.

    Cary: I'm sorry, Smartin, let's go cry about it.

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Characters on Free Fire (2016)