Marjoribanks Quotes in Carry on Cruising (1962)

Captain: I'm going to be blunt, and make some very cutting remarks.

Marjoribanks: To be sure, sir, that's a contradiction in terms, but then English is a very curious language!

Captain: If you interrupt me once more, Mr....?

Marjoribanks: Marjoribanks, sir.

Captain: You interrupt me once more, mate, and you'll hear some really curious language!

Captain: Paperwork: not my favourite occupation.

Marjoribanks: Nor mine.

Captain: It's going to be from now on.

Marjoribanks: Charming.

Captain: Health Report, Dock Report, Crew Report, Food Report, Log Report, Sports Report, Diesel Oil and Fuel Report.

Marjoribanks: [singing:] And a partridge in a pear tree!

Marjoribanks: Gentlemen, have I your agreement for a policy of unremitting quasi-teutonic organisational protectionism?

Marjoribanks: I always find the first few days make me feel quite drowsy.

Captain: Shut your port-hole.

Marjoribanks: Begging your pardon, sir, one must have fresh...

Captain: ...and your cake-hole.

Haines: [Haines, having come to sick bay for a sea-sickness cure, refuses to have an injection in his arm] I can't bear to see the needle going in, you see.

Doctor: Well, in that case there's only one other place for it to go. Drop 'em!

Haines: I'm not holding them, whatever they are!

Marjoribanks: I gather the Doctor means your trousers.

Haines: Oh. What!

Doctor: [With a very bad Spanish accent] Ole, señor!

Marjoribanks: Oh, hello Binn.

Doctor: No, señor. I am the famous Torero from Madrid.

Marjoribanks: You look exactly like our medical officer, Dr Binn.

Doctor: No, Señor. This afternoon I fight 15 bulls.

Marjoribanks: That's an awful lot of bull.

Doctor: Well, my father he breeds the famous fighting bulls, you know. Every year, 50,000 bulls he sends off by ship to South America.

Marjoribanks: 50,000 bulls?

Doctor: Si, si. Also every year, 20,000 more he ships off to France.

Marjoribanks: That's 70,000 bulls.

Doctor: Si, si. One of the biggest bullshippers in the business.