Maria Kelly Quotes in Bewitched (2005)

Maria Kelly: When my first husband left me I was so angry I wanted to cut his brake cables... but instead we ended up having sex on the elliptical machine.

Maria Kelly: Look, you have three choices. You can either quit... give up... or get mad.

Isabel Bigelow: What would Samantha do?

[Looks at picture of Elizabeth Montgomery &sets things off in the studio lot]

Maria Kelly: She chose mad, right?

Aunt Clara: Well what's your idea Little Miss Doubtful?

Nina: Well, I have a taser.

Maria Kelly: Nina.

Nina: I think we should taser him and throw him into the shark tank at Seaworld.

[from trailer]

Maria Kelly: I love that show! Is that the one with the genie?

Maria Kelly: Oh, and when you go out with a guy be sure he has a brother or a friend who is single before you call me!

Nina: We have to make him quit. If we get naked pictures of him and pictures of farm animals, I could photoshop them.

Maria Kelly: That's an excellent idea!

Isabel Bigelow: I'm gonna be an actress in a television series.

Maria Kelly: She's going to play Samantha on Bewitched!

Nigel Bigelow: Bewitched?

[appalled]

Nigel Bigelow: That's an *insult* to our way of life!

Maria Kelly: [laughs] Your dad is a hoot!