Marcus Burnett Quotes in Bad Boys (1995)

Marcus Burnett: Hey man where-where-where's your cup holder?

Mike Lowrey: I don't have one.

Marcus Burnett: What the f- w'you mean you don't have one? Eighty thousand dollars for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder?

Mike Lowrey: It's $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. It's a limited edition.

Marcus Burnett: You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin' the fuck along.

[Mike, Marcus, and Julie start arguing, nobody paying attention to his gun; Julie just walks out]

Store Clerk: Hey, freeze bitch!

Mike Lowrey: [as he points the gun her way, in a flash Mike and Marcus stop arguing and point their guns at his head] YOU freeze, bitch!

Store Clerk: Oh shit, I'm fucked.

Mike Lowrey: Now back up, put the gun down, and get me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.

Marcus Burnett: And some Skittles.

Mike Lowrey: Hello?

Marcus Burnett: We're your new neighbors.

Mike Lowrey: Don't be alarmed, we're negros.

Marcus Burnett: Naw man, naw. There's too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. You got to sound like them.

[In high pitched voice]

Marcus Burnett: We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar...?

Captain Howard: Until then, until then, you are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him.

Marcus Burnett: But I-...

Captain Howard: You're him, I don't wanna hear it, you're him. And you, you're you, you be you, but not in front of her. You're him, you're you.

Marcus Burnett: He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him DOWN!

Marcus Burnett: You see what happens when you go off without me? You get into shit.

Mike Lowrey: Oh please, like shit don't happen when you're there.

Marcus Burnett: That - that ain't the point...

Julie Mott: I don't eat flesh.

Marcus Burnett: Say what?

Julie Mott: That's flesh that you're shoveling into your mouth. You know, that was, like, a living, breathing creature. You know, it probably had a name.

Marcus Burnett: It's just bologna. My bologna has a first name.

Marcus Burnett: Look, now I ain't no Wesley Snipes! I just hang out with stupid ass friends, that drive stupid ass cars, that attract a lot of mother fuckin' attention!

Mike Lowrey: You know what, I need to jump over this car and smack you in your peasy ass head that's what I need to do.

Marcus Burnett: Well, you know what you're arguin' over a mother fuckin' french fry.

Mike Lowrey: It's not about the french fry, it's about your lack of respect for other people's property!

White Carjacker: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Black Carjacker: Shut the fuck up!

Marcus Burnett: [to Black Carjacker] Hold the fuck on!

[to Mike]

Marcus Burnett: You want some bad enough, come get some!

Marcus Burnett: [suddenly throws coke in the Black Carjacker's face and kicks him in the crotch, while Mike punches the White Carjacker in the face]

Marcus Burnett: [Pointing gun at the Black Carjacker, who is on the ground] You like that shit? Wesley Snipes, Passenger 57! Now gimme a mother fuckin' handy wipe!

Mike Lowrey: [Pointing gun at the White Carjacker, who is on the ground] Now let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.

Marcus Burnett: [while pursuing Fouchet, who is up ahead in a roadster] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will be used against you in a court of law.

Mike Lowrey: Yo man, what the fuck are you doing?

Marcus Burnett: Getting it out the way.

Mike Lowrey: Please, man. Married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy.

Marcus Burnett: Yo, man, we ain't the Cosbys.

Marcus Burnett: You better do something quick, 'cause we're running out of road.

Mike Lowrey: Who picked this dumb-ass road? On the goddamn road in Miami, *you* run out of it!

Marcus Burnett: You better come up with an idea fast!

Mike Lowrey: Why I gotta come up with all the ideas?

Marcus Burnett: Damn, why am I tripping on shit I know is there?

Marcus Burnett: [driving the "ice-cream truck"] What am I smellin'?

Mike Lowrey: Just drive!

Marcus Burnett: What am I smellin'?

Julie Mott: [Sees barrels of ether hanging in the back of the van. Reads the label] Ether. Extremely... flammable... ether. Oh shit!

Mike Lowrey: God-damn...

Marcus Burnett: Oh, you-you-you-you da man. Oh you're the fuckin' man tonight! You go and pick an ice-cream truck that's a damn bomb!

Marcus Burnett: [to Fletch] If you don't sit your lanky ass down right now, bottom-line, I will knock you the fuck out.

Mike Lowrey: Hey, hey, what's this having-a-picnic shit in my car?

Marcus Burnett: Look man, I ain't getting my sex at home, OK? Don't deny me this.

Mike Lowrey: What are you talking about, man? You sleep with a beautiful woman everyday.

Marcus Burnett: I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.

Marcus Burnett: Man, that Budweiser. It felt like I had a million of 'em.

[Then sees one of Fouchets' men come in]

Marcus Burnett: Wassup, motherfucker?

Marcus Burnett: [after the Fouchet thug tries to shoot the gun nothing happens and Marcus slams him into a urinal] Next time, learn to work the safety with your punk-ass.

Marcus Burnett: You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet.

Marcus Burnett: This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up.

Marcus Burnett: Oh, man, that was cold.

Detective Sanchez: Yeah, so was your mama's bed.

Marcus Burnett: You made me think you were gonna shoot me for a minute.

Mike Lowrey: I was.

[pause]

Marcus Burnett: [to Sanchez and Ruiz] Where were y'all last night?

Mike Lowrey: Yeah, why don't you just tell your cousins to bring the shit back?

Detective Sanchez: Yeah we tried to, but you know what? We came up with a problem... your mama snorted it up!

Mike Lowrey: [Holding Jojo at gunpoint] Hey Jojo, I got 16 bullets in this gun and I swear I'll fill up your brain with some hot shit if you don't give me any answers.

Jojo: What? You're pulling a gun on me? I should turn you guys into Hard Copy.

Marcus Burnett: Mike, no. He's a smokin' ass motherfucker.

Mike Lowrey: [Takes out his other gun and points it at Marcus] You want some of this? I'll bust your ass too.

Marcus Burnett: So sad. You're on your own, Jojo. Remember this, you splatter his ass, he's no good to us.

Mike Lowrey: What the hell are you doin'?

Marcus Burnett: Keepin' my shit quick.

Mike Lowrey: Oh, I see. You aren't gettin any at home, so you got a lot of extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.

Marcus Burnett: Do you see the fuckin' emotion I'm goin' through right now? That means this shit is serious. That means me and this motherfucker's not vibin' right now. That's what that shit means.

Mike Lowrey: You know what man? I'm so sick of this bullshit. What, I'm supposed to APOLOGIZE for my family leaving me money? All I EVER wanted to be was a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I'm the first guy through the door and I'm always the last one to leave the crime scene. So you know what? Fuck you, and fuck them, and fuck EVERYBODY that's got a problem with Mike Lowrey.

Marcus Burnett: I love you, man.

Mike Lowrey: Fuck you Marcus.

Marcus Burnett: I do. You're cool. You're my boy.

Mike Lowrey: Shut up, shut up Marcus. Slow-ass driver. Drivin' like a bitch. Slow-ass.

Marcus Burnett: Why I gotta be all that? I'll take you and me off this fuckin' cliff if you keep fuckin' with me. Then it'll be what, two bitches in the sea. Huh, is that it? Is that what you want?

Mike Lowrey: Shut up, Marcus.

Marcus Burnett: My wife knows I ain't no bitch. I'm a bad boy.

Store Clerk: [pointing gun at Mike] I blow you!

[points gun at Marcus]

Store Clerk: And I blow you!

Marcus Burnett: Blow me? What the fuck? Naw, naw.

Marcus Burnett: You forgot your boarding pass.

Marcus Burnett: Mike. Go downstairs and have a Coke and smile.

Theresa Burnett: And you don't even have your wedding ring on.

[Slams bedroom door shut]

Marcus Burnett: Damn. Um. Naw Naw I went undercover. And it uh required the taking off of the ring that's all for a second. But I got the ring, look I just put my hand in my pocket cos that's where it was and its right back on baby.

[sighs]

Marcus Burnett: Damn. Can I get a pillow?

Marcus Burnett: [trying to imitate Mike] Hello, this is Mike Low-rey...

Captain Howard: He doesn't talk that way. Try to talk like him, like him! Try to talk sexy. Sexy, you don't talk sexy enough!

Marcus Burnett: Cap, Cap! I've been there.

Theresa Burnett: Oh oh. Don't kiss me, Mike. I don't know where your lips were last night. Move.

Quincy Burnett: Uncle Mike, did you have a date last night?

Mike Lowrey: Whooo. Did I. Let me tell you, this girl was...

Theresa Burnett: Hey hey. Don't you go telling my boys none of your sleazy sex stories.

Mike Lowrey: Aw, no. I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.

Marcus Burnett: Hey.

Theresa Burnett: Well, I don't want him hearing either. Gives him ideas.

Marcus Burnett: Why are you doing this to me, man? I'm with my babies. Okay? Thank you.

Marcus Burnett: [to Mike] I'm not understanding, I - I really don't.

Store Clerk: [pointing gun at Marcus] Shut up!

Marcus Burnett: I mean, do you just attract violence?

Marcus Burnett: What are our chances?

Mike Lowrey: Remember Club Hell?

Marcus Burnett: Yeah.

Mike Lowrey: Worse.

Marcus Burnett: You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet.

Marcus Burnett: This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up.

Marcus Burnett: Do you see the fuckin' emotion I'm goin' through right now? That means this shit is serious. That means me and this motherfucker's not vibin' right now. That's what that shit means.

Marcus Burnett: You forgot your boarding pass.

Marcus Burnett: Mike, go down and you can have a Coke and a smile.

Marcus Burnett: Damn, why am I tripping on shit I know is there?

Marcus Burnett: [to Fletch] If you don't sit your lanky ass down right now, bottom-line, I will knock you the fuck out!

Marcus Burnett: He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him down!

Marcus Burnett: Keepin' my shit quick.

Marcus Burnett: We're your new neighbors.

Marcus Burnett: Naw man, naw. There's too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. You got to sound like them.

[In high pitched voice]

Marcus Burnett: We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar?

Marcus Burnett: Hey, man, where-where-where's your cup holder?

Marcus Burnett: You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we're the balls just draggin' the fuck along.

Mike Lowery: [while standing next to each other in front of Captain Howard's door at night, pointing a flashlight at Marcus' eyes] What are you on? Look at your pupils.

Marcus Burnett: Look at my pupils? How the hell am I gonna look at my pupils?

[tries to cross his eyes]

Marcus Burnett: [while being videotaped by a connection to all the televisions in the store, all the customers in the electronic store can see them] My ass stills hurts from what you did to it the other night.

Mike Lowery: Hey, it got rough. We got caught up in the moment, shit got crazy. You know how I get.

Marcus Burnett: When you popped me from behind I think you damaged some nerves.

Marcus Burnett: [while Reggie stands at the front door of the house] Have my daughter back by 10:01. If she's not back by 10:01 I'm in the car, locked, loaded and hunting your motherfucking ass down.

Mike Lowery: And I'ma be with him.

[pulls gun]

Mike Lowery: You know what it gonna be if I'm there, gonna be Chitty Chitty Bang Bang nigga.

Marcus Burnett: [while Reggie stands at the front door of the house] You a virgin?

Reggie: Yes, sir.

Marcus Burnett: Good. Keep it that way. Ain't gonna be no fucking tonight.

Mike Lowery: You ever made love to a man?

Reggie: No.

Mike Lowery: You want to?

Marcus Burnett: [on seeing a rat for the first time, in the attic] Oh, shit. These ain't normal rats.

Mike Lowery: What my partner means is that these are a special breed called, umm...

Marcus Burnett: Big motherfuckers.

[to his sister, a Miami DEA agent]

Marcus Burnett: That was reckless, that was stupid, and that was dangerous.

[pauses]

Marcus Burnett: I'm telling Mommy.

[Repeated Line]

Marcus Burnett: Woosah...

Mike Lowery: [pretending to be drunk] Nigga, who is it at the door?

Marcus Burnett: [while Reggie stands at the front door of the house] It's Reggie!

Mike Lowery: Who the fuck is Reggie?

Marcus Burnett: Came to take Megan out.

Mike Lowery: [to Reggie] What you want, nigga?

Reggie: I'm here... to take his daughter out.

Mike Lowery: Motherfucker, I heard the boy say your name Reggie? You wanna be takin' Megan out?

Reggie: Yes, sire?

Mike Lowery: How old is you?

Reggie: Fifteen.

Mike Lowery: Shit, nigga. You at least thirty.

Klan Leader: WHITE POWER!

Klansman: WHITE POWER!

[Two of the guys in hoods whip them off, revealing Mike and Marcus, pointing guns at the Klan]

Mike Lowery: Blue power, motherfuckers! Miami PD!

Marcus Burnett: Aw, damn! It's the niggras!

Marcus Burnett: [slams the front doors open] Who the FUCK are you?

Reggie: I'm Reggie, Mr. Burnett

Marcus Burnett: How old are you?

Reggie: I'm fifteen, Mr. Burnett

Marcus Burnett: Motherfucker, you look thirty.

Marcus Burnett: [over the radio] Mike! There's a papa rat humping the shit out of this mama rat. No, he's straight pile-driving her!

Mike Lowery: Now how is that information gonna help me do my job?

Marcus Burnett: They fuck just like us!

[staring into the captain's fishbowl after ingesting X]

Marcus Burnett: This is a nice fish. Big fuckin' eyes, but a nice fuckin' fish.

Marcus Burnett: Mike, the man has a gun to my head!

Mike Lowery: [pointing his gun at Casper] I bet he'll put it down if I put a hollow point in his eye, now won't he?

Casper: Your partner's a cocky nigger!

Mike Lowery: Oh damn, now was that necessary, sir? Why can't he just be a cop? He got to be a nigga too?

[after Marcus vomits in the morgue]

Mike Lowery: Come here!

Marcus Burnett: I'm... I'm back in the game.

Mike Lowery: [searching a corpse's cavity] Think I got something... feels like a bag.

[pulls it out]

Mike Lowery: Shit, naw, it's his kidney.

[Marcus runs back to the sink and retches again]

Marcus Burnett: [during car chase against the Haitians] You see that?

Mike Lowery: They throwin' cars! How'd I not see that?

Marcus Burnett: Hey, Mike, I'm just trying to be helpful.

Mike Lowery: Hey, you'd know what would be fuckin' helpful, Marcus? Just shut the fuck up and let me drive, let's try that!

[Mike's way of saying I'm sorry, standing at the front door]

Mike Lowery: It's a donut. It's a medical thing. I got it from a maternity store. You know, a lot of pregnant women use it. They can put one cheek here and take the pressure off the other. For you, dawg.

Marcus Burnett: Thoughtful.

[while driving across Tapia's estate in a stolen Humvee, being shot at by the Cuban Army]

Mike Lowery: Man, Plan B does not have that big-ass gun in it!

Marcus Burnett: You call this Plan B? What does Plan B stand for? Bullshit!

Mike Lowery: Look, do you want to drive?

Marcus Burnett: Yeah, pull over by those motherfuckers with the MACHINE GUN!

Marcus Burnett: [while ingested with ecstasy, Marcus is wearing Captain Howard's robe walking downstairs talking on the phone, In Howard's home] I love it when you call me bunny lobe.

Mike Lowery: SHIT!

Marcus Burnett: Yeah girl, you should see this sexy shit I got on.

Capt. Howard: Who the hell are you talking to?

Marcus Burnett: Vargas and Rub... Reyes. They said they down for whatever.

Marcus Burnett: [about Mike, after the shooting at the KKK rally] Motherfucker shot me in the ass, man.

Mike Lowery: Who shot you in the ass?

Marcus Burnett: Who? That "who" would be you.

Mike Lowery: Me? I shot you? I mean, I was shooting. I did at lot of shooting. But I'm not saying I shot you in the ass... but I'm not saying I didn't shoot you...

[looks]

Mike Lowery: But damn! Somebody shot you in the ass!

Marcus Burnett: Tell me about it.

Marcus Burnett: [referring to the loose swimming pool ladder] Get my screwdriver! Damn bolts.

Theresa: Don't mind him. He's just upset because he was injured.

Syd: Is he okay?

Theresa: His wound is fine. It's, um... *other things* that were affected.

Syd: Oh... oh!

Marcus Burnett: [looks up at her] Theresa!

Theresa: What?

Marcus Burnett: [to Syd] It's just nerve damage.

[to Theresa]

Marcus Burnett: You not gonna spoil this... I'll talk to you about it.

Mike Lowery: [while driving] All right, everybody start shooting at somebody! Shoot! Shoot!

[everyone does, then]

Marcus Burnett: Shit, I'm out!

Mike Lowery: [checks his pistol] I got two rounds left.

Marcus Burnett: [checks his pistol] One in the chamber.

Syd: [checks her pistol] I'm out.

Mike Lowery: All these guns in here, and don't none of y'all got no bullets?

Tito Vargas: I got one, in my hip!

Syd: Oh God, he's hit!

Marcus Burnett: Shit just got real.

Marcus Burnett: I think we just broke the record for the number of gun fights in one week.

[to Mike]

Marcus Burnett: You're like a pitbull with that pink thing hanging out.

Mike Lowery: oh I get it, I'm not good enough for your sister

Marcus Burnett: [while being videotaped by a connection to all the televisions in the store, all the customers in the electronic store can see them] Mike, I can't even get an erection. I tried taking Viagra. Popped one, popped two. I've been eating them like Skittles.

Marcus Burnett: [driving with Mike down a hill, through cocaine-processing shacks, in a stolen Humvee] Is this still plan B?

Mike Lowery: Naw, this is definitely plan C!

Capt. Howard: You guys are like a couple of blood sucking ticks, draining the life's blood out of this department... Woosaa!

Marcus Burnett: Damn the woosaa captain, did you just call me a tick?

Capt. Howard: [motioning to Mike] I was referring to him.

[after Mike and Marcus's latest massive gunfight/car chase,in Captain Howard's office ]

Capt. Howard: [trying to stay calm] So, you got the drugs.

[they shake their heads]

Capt. Howard: No drugs. Oh, okay. What about the money?

[they shake theirs heads]

Capt. Howard: No money. Well then, who's this x-man?

Marcus Burnett: Captain, I was at a family barbecue...

Mike Lowery: We don't know, but we are going to find out.

Capt. Howard: [points to the TV news] Well then, all that... was for nothing?

Mike Lowery: Oh, we didn't do *all* of that.

[while fleeing Tapia and the Cuban Army in a stolen Humvee, armed with almost-empty guns]

Mike Lowery: Hey, Marcus, you know how when we usually get in these situations, you know I'm always trying to make you feel better, like we're gonna be all right, like we're gonna make it?

Marcus Burnett: Yeah, yeah...

Mike Lowery: [while driving] I could say it, but... it'd be a bunch of bullshit today.

Mike Lowery: [while disrupting the KKK rally] You got three seconds to put your gun down, sir.

Marcus Burnett: He has emotional anger issue problems!

Mike Lowery: One...

Marcus Burnett: He goes to bed early for this shit! Just to wake up to pop one in a motherfucker!

Mike Lowery: Two...

Marcus Burnett: Mike, no...!

[a Klansman behind Mike grabs a shotgun]

Marcus Burnett: GUN!

[Mike spins and shoots the Klansmen, then shoots Casper between the eyes as Marcus ducks. Far away, the TNT team hears the gunfire]

TNT Leader: Rock and roll, let's go!

Klan Leader: Kill them cops!

[gunfight begins]

Mike Lowery: [while approaching the Haitian house] Look, I'm down with your spiritual enlightenment and all that, but I need to know right now some crackhead come rollin' up behind me with a nine you gonna cook that fool.

Marcus Burnett: Of course, shoot him in the leg.

Mike Lowery: Forget that leg shit, man.

Marcus Burnett: Everybody deserves a little dignity.

Mike Lowery: What about my dignity? Your crackhead gonna be missin' a kneecap, I'm gonna be in a body bag.

Capt. Howard: CHRIST! Fuck!

Marcus Burnett: [soothingly] Captain! Remember your pressure points...

Mike Lowery: [singing, having interrupted the KKK rally] Bad boys, bad boys what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do when we come for you?

[Marcus starts ad-libbing the first verse]

Mike Lowery: Dude, you gotta learn the words.

Marcus Burnett: We usually only do the chorus.

[after Mike's flashback about his therapy]

Marcus Burnett: Mike, you go to therapy to get your issues worked out, not bang your therapist.

Mike Lowery: Now you just talking nasty.

[to Syd]

Megan Burnett: I bet you meet a lot of cute guys. Just like "Sex and the City".

Marcus Burnett: Theresa, cancel the damn cable!

Marcus Burnett: To the DEA you're nothing but a honeypot.

Syd: What did you say?

Marcus Burnett: It's no wonder you got the job because you look good in a bathing suit.

Mike Lowery: [while in Howard's office] We got a tip that the Zopehounders were gonna do a hit on cash or drugs from this big time X-man.

Marcus Burnett: That's what they call an ecstasy dealer on the streets.

Capt. Howard: Marcus, I know what they call them. That's why I'm Captain.

[Marcus interrogates a dead gang member, in the Haitian house]

Marcus Burnett: Hey look, man, can you tell me who was driving the black Suburban? Huh? Oh he don't know nothin'. His brains is under the end table.

[turns around to see another dead gang member]

Marcus Burnett: He can't tell us shit, Mike. He's all fucked up.

Mike Lowery: What's your point?

Marcus Burnett: My point is that dead suspects can't say shit.

Mike Lowery: [after the shooting at the KKK rally] Hey, isn't it low tide?

Marcus Burnett: Yes, I think it is.

Mike Lowery: Don't you have some relatives that you need to go pick up?

Detective Mateo Reyes: You went too far on that one.

Mike Lowery: [while disrupting the KKK rally] Just 'cause you got that gun to my partner's head, you're thinking I ain't gonna splatter your shit all over this swamp, huh?

Marcus Burnett: That's what I'm thinking!

Mike Lowery: See, what you don't understand is my partner came here tonight prepared to die.

Marcus Burnett: He... Hell, no!

Mike Lowery: [after a car nearly kills Mike and Marcus during the MacArthur causeway chase] Woooooooo!

Marcus Burnett: That motherfucker flipped!

Mike Lowery: That one puckered up my butthole.

Marcus Burnett: Almost fuckin' crushed my head.

Marcus Burnett: [after Mike has killed yet another lead, this time throwing him under a train] We lost the coffin and you barbequed our lead, Mike. This has got to be the worst, most emotional cop week of my life.

Detective Marco Vargas: Listen, we're thinking about ordering a little bit of lunch.

Detective Mateo Reyes: Should we put you down for a bucket of extra crispy, and a couple of grape sodas?

Marcus Burnett: [mimics] 'A couple of grape sodas.'

Marcus Burnett: [during a gun fight] Sir, we just want to talk.

Mike Lowery: [while standing inside the Haitian house] You want to talk? All right, go ahead, go ahead.

Marcus Burnett: We're not immigration!

[more gunfire]

Mike Lowery: They can't hear you, 'cause they're still shooting at you!

Marcus Burnett: Look, Mike. Calm down!

Mike Lowery: [before the shooting at the KKK rally] Calm down? I'm calm! I'm calm... Whoaa! Whoa! I am way too unstable for that bullshit! Stop all the goddamn movement! Everybody stop moving!

Marcus Burnett: [during car chase against the Haitians] Police! Pull over! Stop the car!

Mike Lowery: Not your badge, man! He has a gun, shoot him!

[as Marcus starts to examine a dead body, the top of its head falls off and hits the ground. Marcus retches, stumbles to a sink, and spits up]

Mike Lowery: That's that bullshit, that I be talking about.

Marcus Burnett: Mike, the motherfuckin' head fell off!

[after Mike lifts the sheet covering the dead bimbo in the morgue]

Marcus Burnett: Mike!

Mike Lowery: What?

Marcus Burnett: Show some dignity!

Mike Lowery: I ain't doin' nothin'.

Marcus Burnett: Cover her titties up!

Mike Lowery: What-what-what am I gonna do with these, these big-ass dead titties?

Marcus Burnett: But you're *lookin'* at them.

Mike Lowery: [pointing to Marcus] There is something seriously wrong with your brain, man.

Marcus Burnett: Just cover up her titties.

[Mike walks into the room, wearing a new purple suit]

Marcus Burnett: Are you a model or a cop?

Mike Lowery: Hey, man, I like lookin' good, that's all.

Marcus Burnett: For who?

Mike Lowery: Hey man, don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Marcus Burnett: [as Mike walks away] Hate the tailor.

[Mike accidentally shot Marcus in the ass, after the shooting at the KKK rally]

Detective Mateo Reyes: Yo Mike, why don't you just give it a little kiss? You know, make it feel better?

Detective Marco Vargas: Hey, just pretend we're not even here.

Marcus Burnett: Say, isn't Ricky Martin having a concert? Get the fuck on!

Detective Mateo Reyes: You always gotta go racial, man.

Detective Marco Vargas: It's sad, man.

Mike Lowery: Vargas, abort, abort! We're not gonna make it to the tunnel! Go to Plan B! We're going to Plan B!

Marcus Burnett: What Plan B?

Mike Lowery: [pause] You don't pay attention to SHIT! That's your problem...!

[they start arguing in the middle of the gunfight]

Syd: Are you fucking shitting me? LET'S GO!

Mike Lowery: [to Marcus] Follow me, FOLLOW ME!

Detective Mateo Reyes: [in the escape tunnel] Plan B? What the hell is Plan B?

Mike Lowery: Remember when I went to New York? And I said, "Syd". I ran into Syd. I mean, Syd ran into me. In New York on the street. And I said, "wassup?" and we was hungry. So then she had fish. It was grouper. Then I had some chicken. I was supposed to come home, but I didn't.

Syd: We went out on a date. Five, actually. Now we're seeing each other.

Mike Lowery: Wait. Hold up. Out of respect for you, Marcus, nothin' happened.

Marcus Burnett: Hey Mike. Why are you trippin' man?

Mike Lowery: We wanted to make sure that you was cool with it.

Marcus Burnett: Doesn't matter what I think, you know? Hey, I had to find out like this, right? Don't matter. Let me ask you a question. Were you all gonna have babies? A little bunch of mini-Mikes? Huh, a bunch of little lyin' violent motherfuckers?

Mike Lowery: Marcus, nothing happened!

Marcus Burnett: I just want to say, momma's going to be thrilled.

Mike Lowery: You know what? You need to go 'woo-saw' something for a second.

Marcus Burnett: Woo-saw.