Manfred Quotes in The Watch (2012)

Bob: You know what, pal? If being overly aggressive and a little bit snippy was a crime, I'd be making a citizen's arrest right now.

Manfred: Why don't you just shut your cocksucker there, dickweed?

Jamarcus: Nice to meet you.

Manfred: Fuck you, curly!

Manfred: Neighborhood watch, what a fucking joke!

Manfred: Uh, Diego, retract the claws, please.

Diego: Oh... right... sorry.

[lets go]

Sid: You know, if I didn't know you better Diego, I'd think you were afraid of the water.

Sid: [Diego grabs Sid's neck and chokes him]

Sid: OK, Good thing I know you better.

[last lines]

Sid: Manny, who do you like better, me or Diego?

Manfred: Diego. It's not even close.

Diego: Heh, told you.

Ellie: Manny, you can't choose between your kids.

Manfred: He's not my kid. He's not even my dog. If I had a dog, and that dog had a kid, and the dog's kid had a pet, that would be Sid.

Sid: Can I have a dog, Manny?

Manfred: No.

Sid: Ellie, can I have a dog?

Ellie: Of course, you can, sweetie.

Manfred: Ellie, we have to be consistent with them.

Manfred: So, you think she's the girl for me?

Sid: Oh, yeah, she's tons of fun, and you're no fun at all. She "completes" you.

Sid: If your species will continue, clap your hands.

[clap clap]

Manfred: Sid? I'm-I'm gonna fall on you again and this time, I will kill you.

Sid: Okay. Someone doesn't like the classics.

Manfred: Come on. Don't listen to him. Fast Tony would sell his own mother for a grape.

Fast Tony: Are you making an offer? I mean... No, I would not!

Manfred: Mammoths can't go extinct; we're the biggest animals on Earth.

Diatryma Mom: Uh, what about the dinosaurs?

Manfred: The dinosaurs got cocky. They made enemies.

Manfred: Okay. Thanks to Sid, we're now traveling together, and, like it or not, we're gonna be one big, happy family. I'll be the daddy, Ellie will be the mommy, and Diego will be the uncle who eats the kids who get on my nerves. Now let's move it before the ground falls out from under our feet!

Manfred: And so, in the end, the little burro reached his mommy, and they lived happily ever after.

[Children cheer]

Diego: Good job.

Beaver Boy: Question. Why does the burro go home? Why doesn't he stay with the rabbits?

Manfred: Because... because he wanted to be with his family.

Diego's Bird Girl: I think he should go with the girl burro. That's a better love story.

Manfred: Okay. Well, when you tell your burro story, that's what he'll do.

Elk Boy: Burro is a demeaning name. Technically it's called a wild ass.

Manfred: Fine. The wild ass boy went home to his wild ass mother.

[Children laugh]

Manfred: See, that's why I called it a burro!

Manfred: See this ground? It's covered in ice! A thousand years ago it was covered in ice, and a thousand years from now, it will "still" be ice!

Manfred: Hey. Who said you kids could torture the sloth?

Diego: Manny, don't squash their creativity.

Sid: Hey, Manny, Diego, my bad mammal-jammals. Want to give the sloth a hand?

Ellie: What about me is attractive?

Manfred: Your... butt?

Ellie: What about it?

Manfred: It's... big?

Ellie: [flattered] You're just saying that.

Manfred: No, I mean it. It's huge. Biggest darned butt I've ever seen.

Ellie: That is really sweet.

Manfred: I knew it! I knew I couldn't be the only one!

Ellie: Me too! Everybody falls out of the tree sometimes. They just won't admit it!

Manfred: [looking for Ellie] Have you seen a mammoth?

Shovelmouth Male: No, sorry.

Manfred: Have you seen a mammoth?

Freaky Female: No, no I haven't.

Diego: Possum, about eleven foot tall?

Aardvark Mom: Uh-uh.

Freaky Male: [seeing Sid about to jump off a waterfall] Look! Some idiot's going down the Eviscerator!

Manfred: [to Diego] Please tell me it's not our idiot.

Sid: Well, shave me down and call me a mole rat. You found another mammoth.

Ellie: Where? Wait a minute. I thought mammoths were extinct.

[pause]

Ellie: What are you looking at me for?

Manfred: I don't know. Maybe because you're a mammoth?

Ellie: Me? Don't be ridiculous! I'm not a mammoth, I'm a possum.

Manfred: Right, good one. I'm a newt.

[Points at Diego]

Manfred: This is my friend, the badger,

[Points at Sid]

Manfred: ... and my other friend, the platypus.

Sid: Why do I gotta be the platypus? Make him the platypus.

Sid: [Manfred doesn't want to shoot Crash from a tree] You're never gonna impress Ellie like that.

Manfred: I don't want to impress her.

Sid: Then why are you trying so hard to convince her she's a mammoth?

Manfred: Because that's what she is! I don't care if she thinks she's a possum. You can't be two things.

Sid: Au contraire, "Manfred". Tell her that's a bullfrog, a chickenhawk, or the turtledove.

Manfred: Hey, buddy, have you seen a mammoth?

Glyptodon: I sure have, big as life.

Manfred: Where?

Glyptodon: I'm looking at him.

Manfred: Not me!

[leaves]

Glyptodon: [to his friend, another glyptodont] Poor guy, doesn't know he's a mammoth.

Manfred: I don't think her tree goes all the way to the top branch.

Sid: Hey, Manny. I've heard you're going extinct!

[eats some blueberries and licks his claws]

Diego: Hey. If you ever master hygiene, try working on sensitiviy.

Manfred: [to Sid] I'm not going extinct!

Aardvark Dad: [to his children] Kids, look. The "last" mammoth.

Aardvark Kids: [suprised] Woah!

Aardvark Dad: Now you probably won't see another one of "those" again! See?

Aardvark Dad: [questioning Manny] Say buddy, not to cast aspersions on your survival instincts or nothin' but haven't mammoths pretty much gone extinct?

Manfred: What are you talking about?

Aardvark Dad: I'm talking about "you" being the last of your kind.

Manfred: [in disgust] Uh, your breath smells like ants.

Sid: I'm gonna be the first one to jump off the Eviscerator, and then you guys are gonna have to start showing me some respect.

Manfred: You jump off this, the only respect you're gonna get is respect for the dead.

Diego: Come on, Manny. He's not that stupid.

[Sid prepares to jump]

Diego: But I've been wrong before.

Manfred: You are so stubborn and hard-headed!

Ellie: Well, I guess that proves it - I am a mammoth!

Ellie: I thought fat guys were supposed to be jolly.

Manfred: I'm not fat. It's this fur. It makes me look big. It's poofy.

Ellie: Oh, okay.

[to Crash and Eddie]

Ellie: He's fat.

Manfred: We gotta listen to him, he was right about the flood!

Fast Tony: I am?

[confident]

Fast Tony: I mean, yes, I am!

Elk Dad: [to Manfred] Wait a minute, "you're" the one who said there wasn't going to "be" a flood. Why should we listen to you?

Manfred: Because we saw what's up there. The dam's gonna break, the entire valley's gonna flood!

Ellie: [annoyed with Manny suggesting they save their species] OK. We followed you during the day, now you're coming with us at night.

Manfred: But we can't see at night.

Ellie: Then enjoy the flood.

Eddie: I can't even look at him!

Crash: [turns and looks at Manny] Pervert!

[passing a Stonehenge-like structure]

Manfred: Modern architecture. It'll never last.

Manfred: Diego, spit that out. You don't know where it's been.

Diego: "Us"? You two are a bit of an odd couple.

Manfred: There is no "us"!

Diego: I see. Couldn't have one of your own, so you decided to adopt.

Dodo: This is our private stockpile for the Ice Age. Sub arctic temperatures will force us underground for a billion, billion years.

Manfred: So you got three melons?

Manfred: Okay, you. Check for poop.

Sid: Hey, why am I the poop-checker?

Manfred: Because returning the runt was your idea, because you're small and insignificant, and because I'll pummel you if you don't.

Sid: ...Why else?

Manfred: NOW, Sid!

Sid: My feet are sweating.

Diego: Do we need a news flash every time your body does something?

Manfred: He's doing it for attention, just ignore him.

Carl: [to Sid] Look, we're gonna break your neck so you don't feel a thing. How's that?

Manfred: Wait a minute. I thought rhinos were vegetarians.

Sid: An excellent point!

Manfred: Shut up.

Carl: Who says we're gonna eat him after we kill them?

Frank: Yeah, come on, move it.

Manfred: You know, I don't like animals that kill for pleasure.

Carl: Save it for a mammal that cares.

Sid: I'm a mammal that cares!

Sid: From now on, you'll have to refer to me as "Sid, Lord of the Flame."

Manfred: Hey, Lord of the Flame, your tail's on fire.

Manfred: [watching the dodos] Hey, look at that. Dinner and a show.

[on Sid's clumsy attempts to scale a cliff]

Manfred: You're an embarrassment to nature. Ya know that?

Manfred: Hey, buddy, want a lift?

Diego: No, thanks. I'm saving what little dignity I've got left.

Sid: You're hanging out with us now, pal. Dignity has nothing to do with it.

Manfred: [to Scrat] Hey, buddy. Have you seen any humans go by here?

[Scrats mimes charade game]

Sid: Ooh, ooh, ooh! I love this game, I love this game! Let's see. First word...

[Scrat mimes packing down snow]

Sid: Stomp. No, Stamp.

Manfred: Let me try. Um... pack.

[Scrats nods]

Sid: Good one, Manny.

[Scrat acts like a sabertooth]

Sid: Second word, long teeth... and claws. Pack of wolves? Pack of...

Manfred: Pack of bears?

Sid: No.

Manfred: Pack of fleas?

Sid: [Scrat points at Diego] Pack of whiskers? Pack of noses?

Manfred: Pachyderm!

Sid: Pack of lies? Pack of troubles?

[Diego swats Scrat and sends him flying]

Sid: Pack a wallop? Pack of birds! Pack of flying fish!

Manfred: If you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful.

Manfred: Here's your little bundle of joy. We're returning it to the humans.

Sid: Awww, the big bad tigey-wigey gets left behind. Poor Tigey-Wigey.

Manfred: Sid, Tigey-Wigey's gonna lead the way.

Sid: Uh, Manny, can I-can I-can I talk to you for a second?

Manfred: [passing] No. The sooner we get to Glacier Pass, the sooner I get rid of Mr. Stinky Droolface. And the baby, too.

Diego: You won't always have Jumbo around to protect you. And when that day comes, I suggest you watch your back... 'cause I'll be chewing on it.

Manfred: Hey, über-tracker. Up front where I can see you.

Sid: ...Help me.

[Sid is drawing a sloth with chalk]

Diego: What are you doing?

Sid: I'm putting sloths on the map.

Manfred: Why don't you make him more realistic and draw him lying down?

Diego: And make him rounder.

[Manfred draws a pot-belly on Sid's drawing]

Diego: Perfect.

Sid: Ha, ha. I forgot how to laugh.

Sid: Can I hang out with you?

Manfred: Sure. Climb on my back and relax the whole way.

Sid: Really?

Manfred: No.

Sid: [Dragging a stick] Phew. I'm wiped out.

Manfred: That's your shelter?

Sid: Hey, you're a big guy, you got a lot of wood. I'm a little guy.

Manfred: You got half a stick.

Sid: Yes, but with this little stick and my highly-evolved brain...

[accidentally pokes himself in the eye with stick]

Sid: Ow... I shall create -

[snaps it in half]

Sid: fire.

Manfred: Fascinating.

Sid: We'll see if brains triumph over brawn tonight, now won't we?

[Later, Sid is trying to light a fire in the rain, while Manfred is dry under his shelter]

Manfred: Hey, I think I saw a spark.

Sid: [catching up to Manfred and Diego, he sits down on the top of a geyser] Hey, thanks for waiting.

Diego, Manfred: Three, two, one...

[the geyser erupts, and sends Sid shooting up into the sky]

Manfred: Sure is faithful.

[Sid lands with his head in the geyser]

Manfred: Yeah, well, I'm still trying to get rid of the last thing I saved.

Manfred: [to Sid] Let's get something straight, okay? There's no "we". There never *was* a "we". In fact, without "me", there wouldn't even be a "you"!

Dodo: If you weren't smart enough to plan ahead, then doom on you.

Other Dodos: [chanting] Doom on you. Doom on you. Doom on you. Doom on...

Manfred: Get away from me.

Diego: Why did you do that? You could've died trying to save me.

Manfred: That's what you do in a herd: you look out for each other.

Diego: Well... thanks.

[Diego makes a huge jump]

Sid: I wish I could jump like that.

Manfred: [kicking Sid] Wish granted.

Start: Hey! Do the world a favor. Move your issues off the road!

Manfred: If my trunk was that small, I wouldn't call attention to myself, pal.

[Sid and the baby are fighting]

Manfred: Don't make me reach back there.

Sid: He started it.

Manfred: I don't care who started it. I'll finish it.

Manfred: Sid, the tiger found a shortcut.

[Sid looks up at the mountain they will have to climb]

Sid: No thanks, I choose life.

Diego: [glaring at him where he stands so Sid almost runs into him when turning] Then I suggest you take the shortcut.

Sid: Are you threatening me?

Diego: [in a shout that echoes] *MOVE*, SLOTH!

Manfred: Oh, isn't there someone else you can annoy? Friends? Family? Poisonous reptiles?

Diego: At the bottom of Half Peak... there's an ambush, waiting for you.

Sid: What?

Manfred: What do you mean ambush?

[Beat]

Manfred: You set us up.

Diego: It was my job. I was supposed to get the baby, but then...

Manfred: You brought us home - for dinner!

Sid: That's it. You're out of the herd!

Manfred: Look at you. You're gonna grow up to be a great predator. I don't think so. What do you have, just a little patch of fur. No claws... no fangs... You're little folds of skin wrapped in... mush. What's so threatening about you?

Sid: Isn't this great? Two bachelors knocking about in the wild?

Manfred: No. You just want a bodyguard so you don't become somebody's side-dish.

Sid: You're a very shrewd mammal. Okay, you lead the way, Mr. Big, uh... I didn't catch the name...

Manfred: Manfred.

Sid: Manfred? Yuck, man, how about Manny the Moody Mammoth? Manny the melancholy? Manny the... yipe!

Manfred: [after turning abruptly so he scrambled up a sapling] Stop, following me.

Manfred: Okay, listen, if either of you two can make it across that sinkhole in front of you, the sloth is yours.

Sid: That's right, you losers! You take one step and you're dead.

[Sid throws a rock, which bounces across the "sinkhole" without leaving so much as a crack]

Sid: You were bluffing, huh?

Manfred: Yeah. Yeah, that was a bluff.

Manfred: Hey, he's wearing one of those baby-thingies.

Sid: So?

Manfred: So, if he poops, where does it go?

Sid: ...Humans are disgusting.

Sid: [holding on to Manfred's leg] Don't let them impale me. I wanna live!

Manfred: Get off me!

Manfred: Don't you have some poor, defenseless animal to disembowel?

[Rumbling is heard]

Manfred: [to Diego] Tell me that was your stomach.

Diego: Shh.

Sid: I'm sure it's just thunder. From, under... ground?

Sid: This is gonna be the best migration ever! I'm gonna show you all my favorite watering holes. And I turn brown when the fungus in my fur dries out!

Manfred: It sounds very attractive.

Manfred: [to the baby] Hey, hey, does this look like a petting zoo to you?

[Manny is watching Sid clumsily struggle to climb up a cliff in an attempt to return the baby to his tribe]

Manfred: You're an embarrassment to nature. You know that?

Sid: [calling over his shoulder] A piece of cake! I'm fine, I'm fine...

[to himself; moaning]

Sid: I'm gonna die...

Sid: [as he prepares to get on a rock to sleep on] Fine, I'll tuck myself in.

[reclines on the rock; making moans and groans of relaxation]

Sid: [yawning] All right... Good Night...

[He flops on the rock, then turns over... ]

Sid: [as he's turning over and over] Oooh... ah.

[Manny becomes slightly irritated as he watches Sid quirk around on the rock]

Sid: [groaning] Errr-um... Ahhhhh...

[Scene shows Sid lying on the rock on his back and his head lolling off the rock]

Sid: [talking in his sleep] Nah!

[snaps his fingers]

Sid: Nah! Nah!

[shuffles his body counter-clock wise towards the rocks front,making fizzing noises with his teeth and tongue]

Sid: [flops on his side] Argh...

[suddenly jerks his arm and head up and down]

Sid: [loudly] Hur-agh! Ahh...

Manfred: [shouts angrily; startling Sid] WILL YOU STOP IT!

Sid: [sheepishly] All right, All right... I was trying to relax.

[He finds a comfortable spot on the rock and begins to suck his thumb]