Major Marquis Warren Quotes in The Hateful Eight (2015)

[Major Warren shoots Daisy in the foot after she tells Chris Mannix to shoot him]

Daisy Domergue: [screaming] OH, JESUS CHRIST!

Major Marquis Warren: OHHH, you believe in Jesus now, huh, bitch? GOOD, 'CAUSE YOU 'BOUT TO MEET HIM!

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: [about bounty hunting] No one said this job was supposed to be easy.

Major Marquis Warren: Nobody said it's supposed to be that hard, neither!

Major Marquis Warren: Move a little strange, you're gonna get a bullet. Not a warning, not a question...

[pause]

Major Marquis Warren: A bullet!

Major Marquis Warren: When the handbill says "dead or alive", the rest of us just shoot you in the back from up on top a perch somewhere and bring you in dead over a saddle.

[pause]

Major Marquis Warren: But when John Ruth the Hangman catches you...

[Warren winks]

Major Marquis Warren: You hang!

[first lines]

Major Marquis Warren: [looks up coolly as a stagecoach pulled by horses approaches] Got room for one more?

Major Marquis Warren: The only time black folks are safe, is when white folks is disarmed. And this letter, had the desired effect of disarming white folks.

Oswaldo Mobray: [about paying Mannix bounties] We could give him Marco. Bob's real name is Marco the Mexican. He's worth $12,000.

Major Marquis Warren: [points his gun towards Bob's body] Wait. That's Marco the Mexican?

Oswaldo Mobray: [nods] Precisely, yeah.

Major Marquis Warren: [chuckles] Shit, after I blowed his face off; "Marco" ain't worth a "peso"!

[bursts out laughing]

Major Marquis Warren: [about Daisy as she's laying on the floor] No, don't shoot her!

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Why the hell not?

Major Marquis Warren: [stutters] John Ruth...

[long pause]

Major Marquis Warren: Now, John Ruth was one mighty, mighty bastard. But the last thang that bastard did before he died was save your life. We gonna die, white boy. We ain't got no say in that. There is one thang left we have to say here; and that's how we kill this bitch. I say shootin's too good for her. John Ruth could'a shot her any where, any time along the way, but John Ruth was "The Hangman," and when "The Hangman" catches you, you don't die by no bullet.

[pause]

Major Marquis Warren: When "The Hangman" catches you...

[slight pause]

Major Marquis Warren: ... you hang!

Sheriff Chris Mannix: [grinning wide] You only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang!

[Mannix and Warren look over at Daisy and laugh gleefully as she glances up at both of them with an agonizing expression on her face; she knows they're about to hang her]

Daisy Domergue: [after Warren hits her in the face for spitting a huge wad on his "Lincoln letter"] Is this the way niggers treat their ladies?

Major Marquis Warren: [angrily makes a snowball] You are *NOT* a GODDAMNED *LADY!*

[he throws the snowball at her]

[last lines]

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Hey. Can I see that Lincoln letter?

[Warren reaches in his pocket and takes out a bloodied piece of paper; he hands it over to Mannix]

Sheriff Chris Mannix: "Dear Marquis, I hope this letter finds you in good health and stead. I'm doing fine, although I wish there were more hours in the day. It's just so much to do. Time is changing slowly but surely and it's men like you will make a difference. Your military success is a credit not only to you but to your race as well. I'm very proud every time I hear news of you. We still have a long way to go but hand in hand, I know we'll get there. I just want to let you know you're in my thoughts. Hopefully our paths will cross in the future. Until then I remain your friend. 'Ole Mary Todd is calling, so I guess it must be time for bed. Respectfully, Abraham Lincoln..."

[long pause]

Sheriff Chris Mannix: "'Ole Mary Todd..."

[smiles weakly]

Sheriff Chris Mannix: That's a nice touch.

Major Marquis Warren: [chuckles] Thanks.

[Mannix takes the letter and crumples it up; he tosses it on the floor nearby]

Major Marquis Warren: Come out of there you bushwhacking sack shooter by the time I count to 3, or I will shoot this bitch in the face.

Major Marquis Warren: [to the men about Daisy] What charms this bitch got to make a man brave a blizzard and kill in cold blood? I'm sure I dunno.

Major Marquis Warren: [to Oswaldo, Bob and Joe Gage] So John Ruth's trying to hang your woman, so you kill him. Okay, maybe. But OB wasn't hangin' nobody...

Sheriff Chris Mannix: [nods] He damn sure wasn't!

Major Marquis Warren: But he's sure enough laying over there dead now, ain't he?

Sheriff Chris Mannix: He damn sure is, you sons-of-bitches!

Major Marquis Warren: Just like any one of us who would have drank that coffee...

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Like me, Goddamn it!

Major Marquis Warren: [narrating]

[from trailer]

Major Marquis Warren: Now, what would make a man brave a blizzard and kill in cold blood? I'm sure I don't know! You'd be surprised what a man would do...

[pauses and laughs]

Major Marquis Warren: Starting to see pictures, ain't ya?

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: [to Warren] What's Wellenbeck?

Sheriff Chris Mannix: You ain't never heard of Wellenbeck Prisoner of War camp, West Virginia?

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: No, Reb. I ain't never heard of it!

[to Warren]

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: You bust out?

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Oh, Major Marquis did more than just bust out. Major Marquis had a bright idea. So bright you have to wonder why ain't nobody never thought about it before!

[to Warren]

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Tell John Ruth your bright idea...

Major Marquis Warren: [smirks] Well, the whole damn place was just made out of kindling.

[pause]

Major Marquis Warren: So I burnt it down!

[Warren, John Ruth and Daisy all burst out in laughter; Mannix frowns in anger]

Sheriff Chris Mannix: There was a rookie regiment there spending the overnight in the camp! 47 men, BURNT TO A CRISP! Southern youth, farmer's sons, cream of the crop...

Major Marquis Warren: And I say let 'em burn!

[Mannix looks at Warren with shock and disgust]

Major Marquis Warren: I'm supposed to apologize for killin' Johnny Reb? You joined the war to keep niggers in chains. I joined the war to kill white Southern crackers. And that means killing 'em in any way I can! Shoot 'em, stab 'em, drown 'em, burn 'em, throw a big 'ol rock on their heads! Whatever it took to keep white Southern crackers in the ground, that's what I joined the war to do and that's what I did!

[Warren and Mannix both glare at each other with hate]

Major Marquis Warren: [to Bob about Sweet Dave traveling to the Northside with Minnie] I can't imagine Sweet Dave liftin' his fat ass outta his chair long enough to fetch well water unless Minnie was laying a frying pan upside his head; no less taking trips to the Northside!

[laughs]

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: [to Warren in the stagecoach] So what happened to your horse?

Major Marquis Warren: He was pretty old. I done had him for a bit. When the weather took a turn for the worse, it got too much for him.

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: That's too bad.

Major Marquis Warren: Yes, it is. Me and 'ol Lash rode alotta miles together. You might say he was my best friend, if I considered stupid animals friends, which I don't.

[pause]

Major Marquis Warren: Never the less, I'm gonna miss him.

Major Marquis Warren: [after Mannix saves his life] Chris Mannix, I may have misjudged you!

Major Marquis Warren: [to Ruth] Bringing desperate men in alive is a good way to get yourself dead.

Major Marquis Warren: [says coolly as he sits at the table and loads his gun] Let's slow it down. Let's slow it waaaay down...

Major Marquis Warren: That's the thing about war Mannix, people die.

Major Marquis Warren: [to Oswaldo aka Pete Hilcox] You keep talkin,' Pete. You're gonna talk yourself to death.

Major Marquis Warren: Lot of hats, Senior Bob.

Bob: Huh?

Major Marquis Warren: Considering Minnie's "no hats indoors policy", which if I remember correctly was one of them bar "iron rules". The kind of rule she'd want kept up in her absence. You seem to have a laissez-faire attitude when it comes to the hats.

Bob: I'm guilty, I have a laissez-faire attitude about the hats. How about we forget about the hats today, considering there's a blizzard going on? And make tomorrow no hat day!

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: [while reading Warren's "Lincoln Letter"] "Ole Mary Todd's calling, so I guess it must be time for bed."

[pause]

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: Ole Mary Todd...

[to Warren]

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: That gets me.

Major Marquis Warren: [smiles warmly] That gets me, too.

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: [turn to Daisy] You know what this is, tramp? It's a letter from Lincoln. It's a letter from Lincoln to him.

[points at the Major]

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: They shared a correspondence during the war. They was pen pals. This is just one of the letters.

[Daisy studies the letter and suddenly spits a huge wad on it; Marquis leans over and punches her violently in the face. Daisy falls out of the moving stagecoach with John Ruth shackled with her; they both tumble out in the snow]

Major Marquis Warren: [to John Ruth about Daisy and Mannix] You think I'm in cahoots with that fella or her?

John 'The Hangman' Ruth: That's my problem, boy, I don't know!

Major Marquis Warren: [after Daisy stops moving from being hung] That was a nice dance.

Sheriff Chris Mannix: It sure was pretty!

Major Marquis Warren: [to Daisy] Gimme that fucking gun! Don't test me, bitch!

Major Marquis Warren: You keep talking, Pete, and you're gonna talk yourself to death.

Major Marquis Warren: That blanket was just a heart breakin' liar's promise.

Major Marquis Warren: [as he and Chris Mannix are hanging hanging Daisy]

[laughs]

Major Marquis Warren: Hang on, Daisy!

Major Marquis Warren: [to Mannix after he passed out] WAKE UP, WHITE BOY!

Major Marquis Warren: But you expect me to believe that Minnie Mink left her Haberdashery, the single most precious thing in the world to her, in the hands of a goddamn Mexican? Well, that what I meant when I said that that sure don't sound like Minnie.

Sheriff Chris Mannix: [as Warren approaches General Smithers] Warren, goddamn it, you leave that old man alone.

Major Marquis Warren: Stand down, you son of a bitch. I shared a battlefield with this man.

Major Marquis Warren: [to Smithers] Or would you deny me that too?

General Sandy Smithers: I suppose you were there.

Major Marquis Warren: May I join you?

General Sandy Smithers: Yes, you may.

Major Marquis Warren: My theory is you're working with the man who poisoned the coffee. And both'a y'all murdered Minnie, Sweet Dave, and whoever else picked this bad-luck day to visit Minnie's Haberdashery this morning. And at some point, y'all intended to bushwhack John Ruth and free Daisy. But you didn't count on the blizzard, and you didn't count on the two of us.

[indicating Chris Mannix and himself]

Major Marquis Warren: That's as far as I got. How am I doin'?

Bob: [laughs] You're a real imaginative nigger, ain't you? So, do you intend to murder me based on a far-fetched nigger theory, or can you prove it, cabrón?

Major Marquis Warren: [laughs] It ain't so far-fetched, Senor Bob, and it's a little more than a theory.

Major Marquis Warren: [in slow motion] You gon' make a deal with this diabolical bitch?

Major Marquis Warren: Circumstances caused us to take the long way around. My horse couldn't make it.

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Well remind me, why we wouldn't just kill y'all, and cash in?

Daisy Domergue: Oh, you can kill us all. But you'll never spend a cent of that bounty money. And you'll never leave this mountain alive. 'Cause when that snow melts, the rest of Jody's gang - ALL FIFTEEN OF 'EM - that were waiting in Redrock, are comin' here. Now, let's say you shoot us all. If you really want all that Domergue Gang bounty money, you still gotta get all our corpses into Redrock... and that ain't gonna be so easy. 'Cause I doubt you can drive a four-horse team. Yet that wagon out there is too heavy for a two-horse team; so that means you gonna have to lead a STRING OF HORSES into Redrock. And with that deep snow after a blizzard, you ain't gonna be able to get away with any more than say... one body per horse. So that's YOU, leadin' a string of four horses, into Redrock. And with all them horses, in that snow, and you all by your lonesome... you're gonna be a mite poky. And you're gonna run smack dab into The Domergue Gang. And when those FIFTEEN KILLERS come across YOU in possession of all our dead bodies, they ain't just gonna kill you and that nigger, they're gonna go back Redrock and kill EVERY SON OF A BITCH IN THAT TOWN. You reeally the Sheriff of Redrock? You wanna save the Town? Then SHOOT than nigger dead!

[Warren shoots her, aiming for her head but blowing her toes off instead]

Daisy Domergue: Jesus Christ!

Major Marquis Warren: Ohohoo! You believe in Jesus now, huh bitch? Well good. 'Cause you 'bout to meet him!

Major Marquis Warren: General Sanford Smithers? Battle of Baton Rouge?

General Sandy Smithers: [to Mannix] Inform the nigger in the cavalry officer's uniform that I had a division of Confederates under my command... in Baton Rouge!

Sheriff Chris Mannix: [stands up] MAJOR NIGGER! General Smithers wishes me to inform you...

Major Marquis Warren: [raises hand] I heard him, hillbilly! Inform this old cracker that I was in Baton Rouge also... on the other side.

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Oh, that's interesting.

[to Smithers]

Sheriff Chris Mannix: General Smithers, he said he was also in Baton Rouge on the other side...

General Sandy Smithers: Captain Mannix! Tell the nigger that I don't acknowledge niggers in northern uniform!

Major Marquis Warren: [to Smithers] You captured a whole colored command that day... but not one colored trooper made it to camp, did they?

General Sandy Smithers: We didn't have the time or the food...

[pause]

General Sandy Smithers: Nor the inclination to care for nothern horses and LEAST OF ALL, NORTHERN NIGGERS!

[pause]

General Sandy Smithers: SO WE SHOT 'EM WHERE THEY STOOD!

[Warren suddenly drops his coffee cup and goes for the gun in his holster]

Major Marquis Warren: [as Daisy is being hung] Hold on, Daisy! I wanna watch!

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Now throw out your pistol!

[Jody throws out pistol]

Major Marquis Warren: I bet he got another one.

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Now throw out your other pistol!

Jody: I ain't got another pistol!

Major Marquis Warren: Well, you better shit another pistol out your ass! 'Cause if you don't throw one out here in the next two seconds, we gon' kill this bitch!

[Jody throws out another pistol]

Major Marquis Warren: Beggin' for his life, your boy told me his whole Life Story. And YOU, was in that story General. And when I knew me I had the son, of the Bloody Nigger Killer of Baton Rouge, I knew me I was gonna have some fun! It was COLD the day I killed your boy. And I don't mean snowy mountain in Wyoming cold... Colder than that. And on that cold day, with your boy at the business end of my gun barrel... I made him STRIP. Right down to his bare ass. Then I told him to start walkin'. I walked his naked ass for two hours... 'fore the cold collapsed him. Then he commits to beggin' again. But this time, he wasn't beggin' to go home. He knew he'd never see his home again. And he wasn't beggin' for his life neither, 'cause he knew that was long gone. All he wanted, was a BLANKET. Now don't judge your boy too harshly, General. You ain't never been cold as your boy was that day. You'd be surprised; what a man that cold, would-do-for-a-blanket. You wanna know what your boy did? I pulled my BIG, BLACK, PECKER outta my pants. And I made him crawl in the snow on all fours over to it. Then I grabbed a handful of that black hair at the back of his head... And I stuck my Big Black Johnson right down his goddamn throat! And it was fulla' blood... so it was warm. Oh, you bet your sweet ass it was warm. And Charles Chester Smithers sucked on that warm black dingus for as loong as he could. Hahahaahaha! Startin' to see pictures, ain't ya?

Major Marquis Warren: [to Joe Gage, Bob and Oswaldo] It's the stew that's got me thinking.

[to Bob]

Major Marquis Warren: Now how long did you say Minnie's been gone, a week?

Bob: Si.

Major Marquis Warren: You see, my mama used to make stew and it always tasted the same, no matter to me. There was another fella on the plantation, Uncle Charley, he made stew, too. And like my mama, I ate his stew from the time I was a whipper 'till I was a full-grown man. And no matter to me, it always tasted like Uncle Charley's stew.

[pause]

Major Marquis Warren: Now I ain't had Minnie's stew in like six months, so I ain't no expert...

[Warren points towards the pot of stew]

Major Marquis Warren: But that damn sure is Minnie's stew. So if Minnie is on the northside just visiting her mama for a week, how'd she make the stew this morning? And this...

[Warren touches Sweet Dave's chair]

Major Marquis Warren: This is Sweet Dave's chair. When I sat in it earlier, I couldn't believe it. Nobody sits in Sweet Dave's chair. This may be Minnie's place, but this is damn sure Sweet Dave's chair. And if he went to the northside, I'm pretty goddamned sure this chair'd be going with him.

[Warren starts taking the blankets and skins off of the top of the chair, revealing a huge blood stain soaked underneath]

Sheriff Chris Mannix: [to Warren] What's in the chair?

Major Marquis Warren: Just what I thought. Sweet Dave's goddamn blood!

Bob: Are you actually accusing me of murder?

Major Marquis Warren: [chuckles] The way I see it, Senior Bob, is whoever is working with her...

[referring to Daisy]

Major Marquis Warren: ... ain't who they say they is, and if it's you, then Minnie and her man ain't at her mama's. They laying out back there dead somewhere.

[to Oswaldo]

Major Marquis Warren: Or if it's you, little British man, the real Oswaldo Mobray's laying in a ditch somewhere and you're just an English fella passin' off his papers.

Sheriff Chris Mannix: Or we go by my theory which is the ugliest guy did it...

[turns to Joe Gage and points his gun at him]

Sheriff Chris Mannix: ... which makes it you, Joe Gage!

Major Marquis Warren: [interrogating Bob about Minnie's whereabouts] How long did you say you was working with Minnie?

Bob: Four months...

Major Marquis Warren: Hmm. See, if you would have been here two and a half years ago, you'd know about that sign that used to hang up over the bar. Minnie ever mention that to you?

Bob: No.

Major Marquis Warren: You wanna know what that sign said, Senior Bob? "No Dogs or Mexicans Allowed." Minnie hung that sign up the day she opened this haberdashery, and it hung over that bar every day until she took it down a little over two years ago. Know why she took it down? She started letting in dogs. Now Minnie like just about everybody, but she sure don't like Mexicans. So when you tell me Minnie went to the northside to visit her mama, well, I find that highly unlikely. But okay, maybe...

[pause]

Major Marquis Warren: But when you tell me Minnie Mink took the haberdashery, the most precious thing to her in the whole world, and left it in the hands of a goddamn Mexican? Well, that's what I meant in the barn when I said that sure don't sound like Minnie. Now I am calling you a liar, Senor Bob...

[pause]

Major Marquis Warren: And if you're lying, which you are, then you killed Minnie...

[Warren suddenly shoots Bob in the chest]

Major Marquis Warren: And Sweet Dave!

[Warren shoots Bob again. Bob falls to the floor dead. Warren walks over to Bob's body with his two guns and shoots his head off]

Major Marquis Warren: Two measly bullets and there goes Senor Bob!

Major Marquis Warren: [to Bob] My theory is you are working with the man that poisoned the coffee, and both of ya'll murdered Minnie, Sweet Dave and who ever else picked this bad luck day to visit Minnie's harberdashery this morning.

[pause]

Major Marquis Warren: And at some point, ya'll intended to bushwack John Ruth and free Daisy.

[Warren stands by Mannix]

Major Marquis Warren: But you didn't count on the blizzard... and you didn't count on the two of us.

Major Marquis Warren: [Warren is shown trying to get his gun; General Smithers retrieves his gun quicker, pointing it at Warren] Whoo...!

[Warren puts his gun back on his hip while chuckling nervously and coolly at the camera]