Maj. Amos Dundee Quotes in Major Dundee (1965)

Maj. Amos Dundee: Name?

Rev. Dahlstrom: Dahlstrom. Any man who has a just cause should travel with the word of God.

Maj. Amos Dundee: With all due respect, God has nothing to do with it. I intend to smite the wicked, not save the Heathen.

Rev. Dahlstrom: Seventeen years ago I married John and Mary Rostes. Those who destroyeth my flock, shall so be destroyed.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [smiles] Reverend.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Mr. Potts.

Samuel Potts: Major?

Maj. Amos Dundee: I'm a long way from Gettysburg. Any suggestions?

Samuel Potts: Yeah. Let's, uh, go have a look... slow and easy.

[Major Dundee and his staff find Lieutenant Bannon tortured over a slow fire]

Maj. Amos Dundee: I hope he was dead when they did that to him.

Sgt. Gomez: If he was dead, they wouldn't have bothered.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Sam...

Samuel Potts: Yeah?

Maj. Amos Dundee: Don't get yourself killed... That would inconvenience me.

Maj. Amos Dundee: You thieves, renegades, deserters, you gentlemen of the South. I want some volunteers. I want volunteers to fight the Apache Sierra Charriba. I need horse soldiers - men who can ride, men who can shoot. In return, I promise you nothing... saddle sores, short rations, maybe a bullet in your belly... and free air to breathe, fair share of tobacco, quarter pay... and my good will and best offices for pardons and paroles when I get back.

Maj. Amos Dundee: What are you trying to say, Frank? Come on, speak up. Spit it out.

Capt. Frank Waller: I'm not trying to say the massacre was your fault. I am trying to say that you should recognize your transfer to this post was a disciplinary action, pure and simple... and if you try to fight your own war again - like you did at Gettysburg - they'll break you.

Maj. Amos Dundee: I want everyone under my command to be drunker than a fiddler's bitch by nightfall.

Sgt. Gomez: Benjamin Priam, sir.

Maj. Amos Dundee: What do you do, Mr. Priam?

Benjamin Priam: [mumbles unintelligibly]

Maj. Amos Dundee: What did you say?

Benjamin Priam: [mumbles]

Maj. Amos Dundee: Speak up! I can't hear you!

Benjamin Priam: [screaming] I'm a horse thief!

Maj. Amos Dundee: [smirks] Are you a *good* horse thief?

Benjamin Priam: Yes, sir. The best there *is*, sir!

Wiley: If you're lookin' for hard-ridin', Injun-fightin' whiskey drinkin' mulepackers, then by *God* you've got one!

Maj. Amos Dundee: What in the hell am I supposed to do with you?

Sgt. Gomez: He's the biggest drunk, but the best mule packer in the Territory, sir.

Maj. Amos Dundee: What's your name?

Wiley: Wiley.

Maj. Amos Dundee: All right, Wiley. Make your mark.

Wiley: Whiskey?

Maj. Amos Dundee: All you can drink...

[Wiley signs the contract]

Maj. Amos Dundee: ...when you've earned it. Sergeant, take him to a cell and dry him out.

[Sergeant Gomez escorts Wiley out of the room]

Wiley: Well! I ain't never seen anything like this before!

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: [trying to restrain his men] I said will shall serve under this command and we will serve! But only until the Apache is destroyed. And then, Amos - and then, I'm going to kill you!

Maj. Amos Dundee: Are you, Ben?

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Yes. Yes, Amos.

Maj. Amos Dundee: If I ever do get out of here, the war won't last forever.

Teresa Santiago: It will for you, Major.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: I came here to rescue you. We've spent all night looking for you.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Why?

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: So I can kill you myself.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [shrugs] Makes sense.

Maj. Amos Dundee: This is the secret of my success; I drink!

[holds up whiskey bottle]

Maj. Amos Dundee: But, I don't drink enough.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Lieutenant Graham?

Lt. Graham: Yes, sir.

Maj. Amos Dundee: I gave you a specific order, and you failed to carry it out.

Lt. Graham: No, sir, you gave me a command. I gave the orders from then on.

Maj. Amos Dundee: You sure did, Lieutenant. Have a cigar.

Tim Ryan: [observing the body of Sierra Charriba] He looks so small, now.

Maj. Amos Dundee: He was big enough, son.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Well, Major, I'll see you in Texas!

Maj. Amos Dundee: You're damn right you will!

Maj. Amos Dundee: I have only three commands. When I signal you to come, you come. When I signal you to charge, you charge. And when I signal you to run - you follow me and run like *hell*!

Maj. Amos Dundee: [to Ryan; repeated] Whistle me a tune, boy.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [Aguilar is operating on Dundee's wound] If you're thinking about cutting off that leg, Doctor - don't.

[pulls out revolver]

Dr. Aguilar: I am only concerned about the loss of blood... though much of it is alcohol.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [after a battle, Dundee comes across Wiley, bleeding from a head wound] Wiley, are you hit?

Wiley: No, sir. My damned mule kicked me.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Now Major, or across the river in Texas?

Maj. Amos Dundee: Here's just fine, Ben.

Samuel Potts: [surveying the French army from a high rock] You boys want a fight? I've got one for you! Come up here and look!

Sgt. Gomez: [as the survivor's command emerges from the river] All present and accounted for, sir.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Lieutenant Graham.

Lt. Graham: Yes, sir?

Maj. Amos Dundee: Column of twos.

Lt. Graham: Column of twos!

Maj. Amos Dundee: [to Ryan] Play us a tune, son.

Maj. Amos Dundee: For God's sakes, Ben - leave me be!

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Why not, Amos? You aren't worth killing anyhow.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: I've already been three men, Amos. That's enough for one lifetime.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Irish immigrant...

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Cashiered Army officer.

Maj. Amos Dundee: ...and Confederate renegade. And I don't like any of them.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Well, now isn't that a coincidence?

Capt. Frank Waller: [referring to Dundee's planned expedition] I feel it's my responsibility to report to General Carleton what I believe to be an irresponsible and reckless action.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Do your worst.

Capt. Frank Waller: You could be shot for this, Amos.

Maj. Amos Dundee: My executioners will have to stand *in line*.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Captain, give my regards to General Carleton.

Capt. Frank Waller: I hope that you're to have that pleasure yourself within the next week, Major. If not - good luck.

Maj. Amos Dundee: You surveyed this whole area with Grant in '47, didn't you?

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Yes, the tequila was excellent.

Teresa Santiago: [on Tyreen] He seems a very fanciful man.

Maj. Amos Dundee: He is corrupt. But I will save him.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [after the Apache ambush] How did they know?

Samuel Potts: They're Apache.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [on Riago] And just what in hell is he?

Riago: I am tame Apache. A camp dog. Christian Indian. Charriba, is Apache.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Sam, you take this "camp dog" and go find me Charriba.

Samuel Potts: That's what you pay us for, Amos.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: I'll need five men, mounted. We'll attack their flank after you break their charge.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Bully!

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Bully...

Maj. Amos Dundee: Lieutenant Brannin didn't trust Riago, right Ryan?

Tim Ryan: Yes, sir.

Maj. Amos Dundee: I'm afraid I go along with that, Sam.

Samuel Potts: Well, you go along with Lieutenant Brannin. But you'll have to go along without me.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [to Tyreen] You were a rock once, now you're crumbling like old chalk.

Lt. Graham: You'd let Charriba escape?

Maj. Amos Dundee: Let's say I'm giving him... equal opportunity.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [Tyreen and his men are caught after trying to escape] Evening, Ben.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Good evening, Amos.

Maj. Amos Dundee: You should've tried it *before* I took command.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Command of what? The burial detail?

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: How many men do you need?

Maj. Amos Dundee: Twenty. Good ones.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Until the Apache is taken or destroyed - only that?

Maj. Amos Dundee: Agreed.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: If it's... too rich for you... hang us now, and be done with it.

Maj. Amos Dundee: I might just hang you and that Injun from the same tree, Ben.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: You'll play hell getting it done, Amos!

Capt. Frank Waller: Are you pursuing the Apache, Major, or a promotion?

Maj. Amos Dundee: Whatever my reasons are, Frank, you'd better get down on your knees and pray to God I don't decide to take you with me.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [referring to Potts's Apache scouts] You expect me to believe these Apache would turn on their own families, track down their own people?

Samuel Potts: Well, why not? Everybody else seems to be doin' it.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [Dundee and his men have brought back Tyreen and the escaped Confederates to the fort] Well, Captain, I brought back your wandering boys. Now you tell me how they got loose.

Capt. Frank Waller: They clubbed two guards and went over the wall. It should be pointed out, Major, that at the time of their escape, 134 men of this command were a half day's march from here, either digging graves or rotting in the sun, waiting to be buried.

Maj. Amos Dundee: I want every prisoner that can walk on this parade ground in ten minutes - including those in irons.

Aesop: Sir. I'd like to volunteer, sir. Me and my six coloreds.

Maj. Amos Dundee: I haven't asked for volunteers from the command yet.

Aesop: We're the ones doing the asking, sir.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Why?

Aesop: To fight, sir. We've been standing guard and cleaning stables for nearly two years now.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Tomorrow, you ask the officer of the day to see me... you and your six coloreds.

Aesop: [salutes Dundee] Thank you, sir.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [having found Riago crucified to a tree] Go cut him down, Sam.

Samuel Potts: You cut him down, Major. I think he's earned it.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Captain Tyreen, is the prospect of your serving under your country's flag once again more appealing than continuing to drag its chains in this prison?

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: It is *not* my country, Major Dundee. I damn its flag, and I damn you. And I would rather *hang* than serve!

[the Confederate prisoners begin whistling "Dixie" and rattling their chains, creating a loud racket]

Sgt. Gomez: [to Dundee] Corporal Veitch just died, sir.

Maj. Amos Dundee: [shouts] Then hang you shall!

[noise dies down]

Maj. Amos Dundee: You're going to stand trial for a charge of murder, Ben. You and your four good friends. That guard you clubbed just died.

Maj. Amos Dundee: Why don't you get two of your best men to help Sergeant Gomez take those children back to Fort Benlin?

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: [chuckles slightly] We'll still outnumber you, Amos!

Maj. Amos Dundee: You surely will, Ben. Now go do as you're told.

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: Yes, sir.

[brief pause]

Capt. Benjamin Tyreen: But only until the Apache is taken or destroyed.