Mailman Quotes in Next Friday (2000)

Mailman: [knocks on door] .

Mailman: Delivery, got a delivery.

[rings doorbell twice]

Craig Jones: Who is it?

Mailman: Got a delivery. Come on smart blood. Come on I got a delivery, its kind of hot out here buddy.

[Craig opens the door]

Mailman: Come on sparky.

Craig Jones: What's up!

Mailman: Nice house. I didn't expect you to answer it, but this is a fine place here. What are you, one of those uh, entertainer guys, huh. What do you play sports? What team do you play for?

Craig Jones: I play for the Cucamonga Cracker Killers. You want tickets...

Mailman: [waves his hand] Hey don't want any trouble with you. You don't have to send your posse out here to do a 187 in my ass. Just uh, got a little mail for you to sign.

[puts both hands up]

Mailman: Partner!

Craig Jones: What's this?

Mailman: Uh, that's what they call a delinquent property tax notice. I hope the crack killers pay well. Otherwise it's back to the ghetto you go. Uh, take it easy.

[starts singing a tune and walks away]

Loc Dog: Never forget, man. Either they don't know... or don't show or just don't care... about bein' a menace to South Central while they drink their juice in the hood. That's what it's all about, Tray. That's what it's all about.

Mailman: What the fuck is he talkin' about?

Ashtray: It hurt me to wake up and see my beautiful black people suffer, victimized by the oppressive, harsh realities of the hood. I guess, even though we were free, we were still slaves... in the mind.

Mailman: Message.

Ashtray: You know, it's kinda tough - growin' up in the hood without a - without a positive male role model to look up to.

Mailman: Message.

Loc Dog: Having a gun doesn't give you any power. You wanna know where the real power is?

Doo Rag: In the bullets!

Loc Dog: No! In The books! See, Doo Rag, your mind - it is like a gun, and you wanna load it up with little... bitty... bullets... of knowledge.

Mailman: [as a baby in a crib] Message!

[repeated line]

Mailman: Message!

Mailman: Messsssssaaaaage!

Mailman: What's a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?

Mailman: I heard you mentioned to the gentleman that you thought I was a hottie.

Larry Valentine: Oh, yeah, you know, sorry if I came off a little weird.

Mailman: No, no, no, there's nothing to worry about, sir. I don't bite. Listen, just so you know, if you're ever home alone in the afternoons, I make drop-offs and I always deliver.

Larry Valentine: You know, I am pretty loyal to Chuck.

Mailman: Right, I understand, I'm just saying if you ever wanna explore other feelings, there's no extra postage, and it's always first class.

Larry Valentine: Alright, Anything else you feel you need to say there?

Mailman: I handle with care.

Larry Valentine: Ok Ron, thank you very much, I appreciate it.

Mailman: I'd be happy to come in through the back door.

Larry Valentine: I'm sure you would.

[Shuts door in Ron's face]

Mailman: I'm used to holding large packages.

Mailman: All those kids yours?

Frank Gilbreth: Oh, these aren't so many. You ought to see the ones we left behind.

Mailman: How you ever feed 'em?

Frank Gilbreth: Oh, they come cheaper by the dozen.

[first lines]

Elwood P. Dowd: Is this 348?

Mailman: Yes, it is.

Elwood P. Dowd: I gotta special delivery here.

Mailman: Oh, that sounds interesting.

Elwood P. Dowd: It's for Dowd.

Mailman: Dowd. Dowd's my name. Elwood P. Let me give you one of my cards.

Elwood P. Dowd: That won't be necessary sir. Just, eh, sign right here. Beautiful day.

Mailman: Oh, every day's a beautiful day.

Mailman: Mr. Faber, is there such a place a hell?

Arlen Faber: Yes, there is. I think it was Sartre that said it best really when he said, and I quote, hell - is other people.

[slams the door]

Mailman: [about Arlen] Be careful with him. Maybe he wrote Me and God, but he did *not* read it.

Marlon Browne: [the mailman has dropped off a letter in the mailbox, while a dog bites at his leg] Would you do me a favor and open it, please? I'm too nervous.

Mailman: I'd love to.

[he opens the letter and reads it]

Mailman: Marlon Browne? Congratulations.

Marlon Browne: I did it! I got into Ramsey! It's from Ramsey?

Mailman: No, it's from Ed McMahon. You may have already won ten million dollars.