Mahalik Quotes in Scary Movie 3 (2003)

Mahalik: I heard Jamal from 90th street watched that tape last week and this mornin' he woke up dead!

CJ: How the hell do you wake up dead?

Mahalik: Cause' you're alive when you go to sleep.

CJ: So you're telling me you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?

Mahalik: You can't go to bed dead! That shit would've been redundant.

CJ: No it would'nt cause' you can go to bed and not be dead, and you can die and not be in the bed.

Mahalik: But you are in the bed. That's how you wake up dead in the first place fool!

CJ: Damn! that's some quantum shit right there man! You should be teaching classes!

Alien #1: Wait please, we mean you no harm. We travel to your planet to find an evil little girl. We must destroy her before seven days.

George: You mean... You watched the video tape?

Alien #1: Our satellite caught up what we thought was Pootie Tang, that was a week ago. And now our entire race will die, unless the girl is destroyed.

Tom: Aw, you see, they are peaceful.

Mahalik: If they so peaceful, man, why were they choking us a few minutes ago?

Alien #1: Oh... that's how we say hello.

George: Well how do you guys say goodbye?

[an alien kicks George in the groin]

George: [in pain] I had to ask.

George: You guys ever wonder what it would be like to stop livin' up here

[puts hand up in the air]

George: and start livin' down here?

[puts hand down low]

Mahalik: Or what if we stop livin' over here

[puts his hand out to the side]

Mahalik: and start livin' over there?

[puts his hand to the other side]

CJ: Shit, my aunt Shaneequa used to live over there! But that bitch got evicted though.

Mahalik: For what?

CJ: Mice.

Mahalik: I thought she had rats?

CJ: No, rats are outside, mice are inside.

Mahalik: But what if a mouse goes outside does it become a rat, and if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?

CJ: I ain't seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm sayin'.

Mahalik: That's because it's a rat, fool!

CJ: Damn! You mighta just made fact. That's some real shit right there! A-Ha!

George: Guys, I really don't see what this has anything to do with anything...

Mahalik: [to the Aliens] So, if they're friendly, then how come they choke us a few minutes ago?

Alien #1: Oh, that's how we say hello.

George: Then how do you say good-bye?

[the Alien kicks him in the crotch]

George: Oooh... I had to ask...

Alien #1: If you think that's unusual, then you should see how we pee.

[he starts peeing out of his finger]

President Harris: Oooooh, we are not so much different after all...

[the President starts peeing out of his finger also]

Mahalik: [George is wearing a white hoodie that makes him resemble a KKK member] George, the hood! Lose the hood!

George: I know, we're in the hood now!

Brenda Meeks: He's a dead man.

George: [as crowd boos] You guys feelin' me? In the hood?

[does what looks like a Heil Hitler salute]

Mahalik: I found their weakness. They're powerless without their heads!

Mahalik: Yo George, you need something? I'll do anything for you... ANYTHING...

George: Why is there an open casket?

Cindy: George it's a wake.

George: She's alive, Sue your teacher is alive!

Cindy: No George she's dead!

George: No Brenda! Don't die on me!

[starts doing CPR and mouth to mouth ressatession]

George: [people starts attacking george]

Mahalik: Hey get away from him broad!

[starts punches while complete caous ensues]

George: [takes two wires] clear!

Mahalik: Yo DJ, spin that shit!

Tom Ryan: Ever since the divorce it's like my life has no purpose. Half the time, I walk around feeling like a zombie!

C. J.: Yo, don't joke about zombies. That shit there - that's real.

Mahalik: Yo, you know Nashawn, down on 120th Street?

C. J.: Yeah.

Mahalik: She told me that she heard a zombie going through her trash the other day. The next morning, she turned up missing.

Tom Ryan: Uh...

C. J.: [C.J. interrupts] What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you "turn up missing"?

Mahalik: 'Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there!

Tom Ryan: Guys, I'm trying to ask...

C. J.: [C.J. interrupts again] So you telling me that you can appear and disappear at the same time.

Mahalik: No, man. You can't appear and disappear at the same time. The bitch ain't David Copperfield!

Tom Ryan: Uh, guys...

C. J.: [C.J. interrupts yet again] Mmm. No, no. But you can't be gone from one place and show up somewhere else entirely. So when you turn up, you're never missing. And when you're missing, you never turn up.

Mahalik: Unless... you a zombie.

C. J.: Damn! Hey, that's some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that.

Mahalik: I'm gonna put that on MySpace.

C. J.: You do that!

C. J.: [Mahalik reaches over C.J. for a bag of nuts] Hey, what you doing?

Mahalik: Relax man. I'm just trying to grab some nuts.

Mahalik: [reaches over Mahalik for his bag of peanuts] C.J., what are you doin'?

C. J.: I just wanna eat some peanuts.

Mahalik: Huh?

C. J.: [holds up a bag of peanuts] See? Peanuts.

C. J.: Zombies!

Mahalik: Grandma? The zombies have got my grandma!

[Mahalik grabs his grandma and starts shaking her]

Mahalik: Die, Grandma! Die! Die! I loved you! I loved you!

C. J.: We caught a lot of fish.

Mahalik: Yeah. Black cod.

Mahalik: Hey. You cold?

C. J.: L-Little bit.