Mackay Quotes in Doing Time (1979)

Mackay: Fletcher!

Fletcher: Sir.

Mackay: If you want to sing, I suggest you form a Slade Prison Glee Club.

Fletcher: Glee?

Mackay: Are you wearing make-up again, Whittaker?

Mackay: What's on the menu today Godber?

Godber: Creme Dubarry, followed by curry sir.

Mackay: Curried what?

Godber: Meat sir.

Mackay: What meat?

Godber: I dunno. It just says 'tinned meat'. On the tin like.

Mackay: We find it best to put them all together in G wing or as we call it, married quarters.

Mackay: As you can see, Mr Beal, these men are gainfully employed in the manufacture of prison uniforms.

Armstrong: I'm going to open my own boutique when I get out.

Mackay: That'll do, Armstrong.

Mackay: I was in the village today. There were some interesting reports. Sightings you might say.

Fletcher: UFOs?

Mackay: Indeed. Unidentified *Fleeing* Objects.

Mackay: You're an unlikely choice as trainer, Fletcher.

Fletcher: Well, it was the lads what decided it.

Mackay: Yet you've always struck me as a man who despises physical activity.

Fletcher: Oh, not in others sir.

Mackay: I'm going to book you for that.

Cooper: You what?

Mackay: What's your name, Cooper?

Cooper: [pause] Cooper.

Mackay: My day will come.

Mackay: Don't be cheeky, Ives.

Mackay: I won't buy it, Fletcher.

Fletcher: That's just as well 'cause it ain't for sale.

Mackay: There are only two rules in this prison, Rudge. Are you listening to me? One, you do not write on the walls. Two, you obey all the rules.

Fletcher: Who are all these people, sir? I mean, me and the lads was given to understand that there would be a fair smattering of celebrities.

Mackay: See that red-haired man? Tells the weather on Anglia TV. And there's a pair of script writers for someone quite famous, and Mr Bainbridge himself has just finished a season at the Al Hambra Swansea.

Fletcher: I'll tell the lads. They'll be right chuffed.

Bunny Warren: Who are they, Fletch?

Fletcher: A weather man, eight small parts and a widow twanky, now go and get changed.

Governor: [discussing who may be on the celebrity football team] Didn't you mention that comedian chap? Wh-What's his name? Jimmy Tarbrush?

Mackay: Buck, sir.

Governor: Yes. Buck Tarbrush.

Mackay: Well, unhappily he's indisposed sir.

Governor: Oh, dear.

[he and Mackay leave]

Fletcher: Buck Tarbrush. We should be lucky to get Basil Brush.

Mackay: [During the football game Godber jumps up to head the ball, instead he misses, falls backwards and bangs his head on the goalpost causing him to fall over]

[MacKay holds up one finger]

Mackay: How many fingers am I holding up?

Godber: You can't fool me sir, five.