Lyle Rogers Quotes in Ishtar (1987)

Chuck Clarke: Stupid-ass camel! He'd rather sit there and die!

Lyle Rogers: You know, I kind of admire that.

Chuck Clarke: Me too.

Chuck Clarke: I feel so small when I look at the stars. How big is Venus?

Lyle Rogers: How big is Mars?

Chuck Clarke: I feel so small when I look at the sky. How big is HEAVEEEEN?

Lyle Rogers: How big am I?

Army Man: Applaud!

[Army table goes nuts]

Chuck Clarke: Take one sip at a time. That water has to last you about another 48 minutes.

Lyle Rogers: Why, what happens then?

Chuck Clarke: We run out of water.

Chuck Clarke: Is this the oasis?

Lyle Rogers: Does this look like an oasis to you?

Chuck Clarke: Yeah, look at the birds. Are those vultures?

Lyle Rogers: Yeah.

Chuck Clarke: You mean they're here on spec?

Lyle Rogers: What a smuck I was...

Chuck Clarke: Schmuck! It's not smuck. Schmuck!

Lyle Rogers: Smuck!

Chuck Clarke: [loud] Schmuck!

Lyle Rogers: Sssssssssmuck!

Chuck Clarke: Say "ssshhhh"

Lyle Rogers: Ssshhhhhh.

Chuck Clarke: Now say "muck".

Lyle Rogers: [soft] Muck.

Chuck Clarke: Now say "ssshhh" and "muck" together real fast.

Lyle Rogers: Smuck!

Chuck Clarke: ...Closer.

Lyle Rogers: You really know the lingo.

Lyle Rogers: Hot fudge love, cherry-ripple kisses. Lip-smacking, back-slappin', perfectly delicious.

Chuck Clarke: You mean you bought a camel?

Lyle Rogers: No, I didn't really buy it. They SOLD it to me!

Lyle Rogers: Oh no. I think that something went wrong and now I own a blind camel. A blind camel!

Lyle Rogers: You didn't have to leave with me, now I've spoiled the night for you.

Chuck Clarke: You gotta give yourself a break! You've never been out with anyone but your wife.

Lyle Rogers: Yeah, but you gotta have the looks, Chuck. I mean, you walk into a place like that and girls just want ya, ya know, ya got that kinda face. Kinda mean lookin' but with character. And the way you walk, you can only do that with a small body! Didya ever hear of a big sports car? I mean, if I'd look like you -...

Chuck Clarke: Oh, you so idealize me!

Lyle Rogers: [to Chuck] It takes a lot of nerve to have nothing at your age, don't you understand that? Most guys'd be ashamed, but you've got the guts to just say 'to hell with it'. You say that you'd rather have nothing than settle for less, understand?

Lyle Rogers: Chuck, this isn't really a good time to get depressed.

Chuck Clarke: You're right, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Lyle Rogers: Look at the upside: we're not livin' lives of quiet desperation.

Lyle Rogers, Chuck Clarke: [singing] Telling the truth can be dangerous business; / Honest and popular don't go hand in hand. / If you admit that you play the accordion, / No one will hire you in a rock 'n' roll band. / But we can sing out hearts out. / And if we're lucky, then no neighbors complain. / Because life is the way we audition for God; / Let us pray that we all get the job.

Chuck Clarke: (singing) Because of yourself, you don't know what I am.

Lyle Rogers: What?

Lyle Rogers: [singing/composing new song] She said come look there's a... she said come look there's a wardrobe of love in my eyes...

Lyle Rogers: Take your time, look around and see if there's something your size...

Lyle Rogers: Are these breasts?

[thinking he's dealing with a male robber in his hotel room]

Lyle Rogers: But we're not singers, we're songwriters.

Marty Freed: So? The Beach Boys weren't songwriters.

Chuck Clarke: [Chuck and Lyle are songwriting at the bar after closing time] Can't we just have half an hour?

Bartender: Half an hour? Half an hour like the last half hour?

Chuck Clarke: [to Lyle] Hey, how about, how about "Give me half an hour like the last half hour"

Lyle Rogers: [Playing furiously] Give me half an hour!

Chuck Clarke: Like the last half-hour!

Lyle Rogers: Give me half an hour!

Chuck Clarke: Like the last half-hour!

Chuck Clarke: Hello...

Lyle Rogers: Hello...

Chuck Clarke: Baby...

Lyle Rogers: Baby...

Chuck Clarke: Love you...

Lyle Rogers: Love you...

Chuck Clarke: Baby...

Lyle Rogers: Baby...

Chuck Clarke: [Dancing frenetically] Darlin'! Oh my little darlin'! Where... are-are you?

Lyle Rogers: [Rigid at his microphone] Hoopa-hoopa-hoopa.

Lyle Rogers: He's pointing a gun at us!

Chuck Clarke: Will you stop being paranoid?

Lyle Rogers: A lot of people don't have someone to go out on a ledge for them.

Chuck Clarke: What do you say we get this show on the road?

Lyle Rogers: Honduras?

Chuck Clarke: Morocco, it's safer.

Lyle Rogers: [stranded in the desert] Oh God! We're going to miss our show!

Lyle Rogers: Nothing ever happened to us. And now we're going to die out in the desert shootin' at helicopters.