Luigi Quotes in The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

Luigi: We shall call him... Zatarra.

Edmond: Sounds fearsome.

Luigi: It means, "driftwood."

Luigi: So, mi amici, I would ask who you are, but in view of your shredded clothes and the fact that the Chateau d'If is two miles away... what's the point? As for me, I am Luigi Vampa, a smuggler and a thief. My men and I have come to this island to bury alive one of our number who attempted to keep some stolen gold for himself instead of sharing it with his comrades. Interestingly enough, there are some of his more loyal friends who are insisting that I grant him mercy. Which, of course, I cannot do, or I would quickly lose control of the whole crew. That is why you are such a fortunate find.

Edmond: Why is that?

Luigi: You provide me with a way to show a little mercy to Jacopo - that maggot you see tied up over there - while at the same time not appearing weak. And as a bonus, the lads will get to see a little sport as well.

Edmond: How do I accomplish all this?

Luigi: We watch you and Jacopo fight to the death. If Jacopo wins, we welcome him back to the crew. If you win, I have given Jacopo the chance to live, even if he did not take advantage of it, and you can take his place on the boat.

Edmond: What if I win and I don't want to be a smuggler?

Luigi: Then we slit your throat, and we're a bit shorthanded.

[pause]

Edmond: [smiles after consideration] I find that smuggling is the life for me, and would be delighted to kill your friend the maggot!

Luigi: Oh, and by the way, Jacopo is the best knife fighter I have ever seen.

Edmond: [unmoved, sarcastically] Perhaps you should get out more...

Luigi: [laughs, shouts to his crew] Release Jacopo, and give him back his knife. And we'll let the games begin...

Edmond: We are kings or pawns, a man once said.

Luigi: Who told you this?

Edmond: Napolean Bonaparte.

Luigi: Bonaparte?

[laughs]

Luigi: Oh, Zatarra, the stories you tell.

Luigi: Oh, and by the way, Jacopo is the best knife fighter I have ever seen.

Edmond: Perhaps you should get out more.

Albert Mondego: Who are you, and why are you doing this?

Luigi: We are bad men, and for the money!

Luigi: [laughs] Release Jacopo, and give him back his knife. And we'll let the games begin.

[Luigi says something in Italian]

Commander Krill: What'd he say?

Submariner: He said he can't fix it.

Commander Krill: [annoyed] *I'll* fix it! Go, now!

[to Luigi]

Commander Krill: Why can't you speak English?

Luigi: [long stream of Italian, then... ] Fuck you!

Luigi: [Cruz and McQueen are about to have a race] On your mark, get set, and go!

Cruz Ramirez: [spins out of control; McQueen stops] Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!

[sinks into the sand]

Cruz Ramirez: The beach ate me.

Sterling: [with Luigi, Guido, and McQueen; yelling to Cruz] Hey, Cruz!

Cruz Ramirez: Oh, hey, Mr. Sterling!

Sterling: I'd like to introduce you to Lightning McQueen.

Lightning McQueen: [to Cruz] I hear you're the maestro.

Cruz Ramirez: [ignoring Lightning] Mr. Sterling, did you say Lightning McQueen was here? Because I don't see him anywhere.

Luigi: Uh, but he is right here.

[gestures to McQueen]

Luigi: Do you not see him?

Cruz Ramirez: Nope, still don't see him.

Luigi: But he is right in front of you! It is Lightning McQueen!

Mater: [voice-over reading his letter] "By the time you read this, I'll be safely on an airplane flying home. I'm so sorry for what I did..."

Lightning McQueen: [reading Mater's letter in the hotel lobby] "... I don't want to be the cause of you losing any more races. I want you to go prove to the world what I already know: that you are the greatest race car in the whole wide world. Your best friend, Mater."

Lightning McQueen: [looks up] I didn't really want him to leave.

Luigi: Wait, there's more here...

Luigi: [moves to next page] "P.S. Please tell the hotel I didn't mean to order that movie. I thought it was just a preview and I didn't realize I was paying for it."

[shifts the page]

Luigi: "P.P.S. That's funny right there."

[Shifts the pages around]

Luigi: "P.P..." There's a few more pages of P.S.'s here.

Lightning McQueen: Well, at least I know if he's at home, he'll be safe.

Mater: What's a rendezvous?

Luigi: It's like a date.

Mater: A date?

Lightning McQueen: Mater, what's going on?

Mater: Well, what's going on is I've got me a date tomorrow.

Luigi: [Guido speaks Italian] Guido don't believe you.

Mater: Well, believe it. My new girlfriend just said so. Hey, there she is. Hey! Hey lady! See ya tomorrow!

Luigi: [Guido speaks Italian] Guido still don't believe you.

Luigi: [at the Tokyo party, Lightning, Mater, Luigi, Guido, Sarge, and Fillmore descend a spiral ramp] Guido, look! Ferraris AND tires! Let's go!

Lightning McQueen: Oh ho ho! Look at this! Okay, now Mater, remember - best behavior.

Mater: You got it, buddy. Hey! What's that?

[drives off]

Lightning McQueen: No, Mater!

Lewis Hamilton: [offscreen] Hey, McQueen! Over here!

Lightning McQueen: [Lightning joins them] Lewis!

Lewis Hamilton: Hey, man.

Lightning McQueen: Jeff!

Jeff Gorvette: Hey, Lightning! Can you believe this party?

Mater: [drives over to a small isolated room with glass walls on all sides, with a zen garden and zen master inside; he taps on the glass with his hook] Hey! you done good, you got all the leaves!

Jeff Gorvette: Check out that tow truck!

Lewis Hamilton: Man, I wonder who that guy's with.

Lightning McQueen: Uh, heh heh. Will you guys excuse me for one little second?

[heads towards Mater]

Luigi: [reading from Evelyn's locket] My dearest daughter, never marry for money, fame, power or security. Always follow your heart. Your ever loving father...

Blue Bandit: It says all that on that little locket?

Luigi: Si.

[repeated line]

Luigi: Kaboom.

Mario: How we gonna get in there? I got two words for you: Im-possible.

Luigi: Nothing's impossible, Mario. Improbable, Unlikely, but never impossible.

Mario: I hope you're right.

Sergeant Simon: Name.

Mario: Mario.

Sergeant Simon: Last name.

Mario: Mario.

Sergeant Simon: And you?

Luigi: Luigi.

Sergeant Simon: Luigi Luigi?

Luigi: No, Luigi Mario.

Sergeant Simon: Okay how many Marios are there between the two of you?

Luigi: Three: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.

Luigi: Wow, you mean there were dinosaurs here in Brooklyn?

Mario: Relax, Luigi. There used to be Dodgers here too.

[the Marios try to escape in a police car]

Mario: Where's the starter on this thing?

Luigi: I got a feeling about this, Marioroni...

[figures out the strange controls to start the car]

Mario: How do you know how to do that?

Luigi: Cuz I been sitting on my butt all day playing video games, that's what.

Luigi: Do you eat?

Princess Daisy: Yes.

Luigi: Dinner?

Princess Daisy: Yes.

Luigi: Tonight?

Luigi: It is an honor to meet you sir, and a pleasure, and I just wanna thank you for all your help.

Mario: Come on, Luigi. You'll be talking to the mildew in the shower next.

[Lena has become fossilized into a wall]

Luigi: Wow, she sure makes an impression.

[last lines]

Princess Daisy: [enters with combat fatigues and a big gun] Luigi! Mario!

Luigi: Daisy!

Princess Daisy: You guys gotta come with me! I need your help!

Luigi: Why, what's wrong?

Princess Daisy: [cradles her gun and smiles] You're not gonna believe *this*.

Mario: I believe it.

Luigi: You do?

Mario: [chuckles] I believe.

Luigi: [trying to make conversation with Daisy after first meeting her] A-are you ok?

Princess Daisy: I got a few problems...

Luigi: Well, you know, we got a van.

Princess Daisy: [a little confused] It's... nice.

Luigi: No no, I'm asking you if you want a ride. Oh, but, uh... it's broken, though.

Princess Daisy: ...well...

[turns to leave]

Luigi: Your name's Daisy, isn't it? I-I overheard your name's Daisy. I've never heard that name around here. It's really nice, too. N-no, I *have* heard it cuz it's, like, the flower and everything... n-not that I hang around the flower shops or anything like that.

Mario, Luigi: Glug glug glug glug glug!

Daisy: [after first date] If you just want to end this right now, I would understand.

Luigi: You know, I was going to ask you the same thing, if you want to end this right now, and you feel bad about that, but you want to talk to somebody about it, you can call me.

Luigi: Remember, trust the fungus.

Sergeant Simon: Nobody touches President Koopa.

Luigi: [rubbing his eyes in pain] But he said he was...

King Koopa: -One evil, egg sucking son of a snake. Did I lie?

Cop: [sees the Marios' tool belts] Aha! Plumbers!

Luigi: No, he is! I'm just apprenticing!

Cop: Get in the car!

Luigi: But I didn't do nothin'!

Cop: Get in the car now!

Mario: Are you tellin' us that you can arrest a guy for being a plumber? Get outta here!

Cop: Get in there, plumber! Now!

Cop: [shoves the Marios and Toad into the squad car]

Mario: Hey! What is this?

Luigi: All right. What'd we do?

Mario: I'm gettin' arrested for bein' a plumber!

Luigi: Write his number down!

Mario: [drives towards a fork] Which way?

Luigi: Take the parkway!

Mario: Right!

[drives into a tunnel instead]

Luigi: [smiles] Perfect, perfect.

Mario: You said the parkway!

Luigi: I know, but I wanted the tunnel, so I said parkway cuz I knew you'd go the opposite way I suggested! Ha!

Mario: [looks at a newspaper] Are you spendin' money on this stuff? Look at this!

Luigi: Yeah, but that's got the article about the missing Brooklyn girls in it.

Mario: Yeah? It's also got one on the scientist who turns brains into cheese.

Luigi: Well, you don't know. It could happen.

Mario: [laughs] How could that possibly happen?

Luigi: Anything's possible, Mario. You just gotta believe!

Luigi: Let's go!

Brooklyn Girls: Who are you?

Luigi: Luigi Mario. What, you got a problem with that?

Luigi: By the bar, that big lady with the red spikes took the rock.

Iggy: Was she corpulent? Very corpulent?

Luigi: No no, she was just really round.

Spike: Ah-ha!

[snapping fingers]

Spike: Big Bertha! The bouncer at the Boom-Boom Bar!

Mario: If you 2 don't start talkin' we're gonna leave ya to these guys... for lunch.

Luigi: Now, where's Daisy?

Spike: No, no, no, no. Where's the rock, Scalywag?

Luigi: Where's Daisy, Butt-Breath?

Iggy: Where's the rock, Overweaning-Rogue?

Luigi: Not till ya give us Daisy, Biscuit-Head!

Spike: WHERE IS THE ROCK?

Mario: SHUT UP!

Luigi: [sees another Bob-Omb hanging on the fungus] Look! Look! Look, another one!

[a few Goombas enter the scene]

Luigi: Wait, wait, wait, wait, Mario. I think it wants me to take it.

Mario: Stop fiddlin' with the fungus, and let's get outta here!

[Entering the Boom Boom Bar]

Luigi: Isn't this a little bit feminine?

Iggy: Yes, I know. It was my ex wife's.

Mario: But you wear this stuff?

Spike: Yes. On occasion, we have a... date.

Mario: Who do you date, a canary?

Luigi: [driving] I've heard sea turtles travel thousands of miles on their own.

Mario: Not in New York traffic, they don't.

Luigi: Hey, Mario! Right now on "Miraculous World", this guy just found out he was in another dimension.

Mario: The only thing miraculous *I* know is that we're still eating while we're going broke.

Luigi: We aint going broke, Mario, we're already there!

Luigi: I think it's trying to communicate with us...

Mario: Luigi, it's a mushroom!

Luigi: [after learning that Daisy was abandoned as an infant] You mean you don't know who your mother and father neither?

Princess Daisy: No. What do you mean, "neither"?

Luigi: Cuz, you see, Mario here brought me up. He's been like my mother my whole life.

Mario: Hey!

Luigi: [laughing] Ok, ok, my father, all right? And my uncle, cousin, and everybody.

Mario: Treat your tools like a friend. Keep 'em by you. Lever let 'em down, and they're always at your side.

Luigi: Hey, Mario, how is it that for every situation that could possibly come up, you always got a saying about tools?

Mario: I got 'em from Papa.

Both: He got 'em from Grandpapa!

[Luigi has managed to get a dinner date with Daisy, thanks to Mario's help]

Mario: What would you do without your big brother, huh?

Luigi: I'd like to take a chance and find out.

Mario: Oh come on!

Luigi: I was just about to ask her that.

Mario: You weren't about to ask her nothing! You were gonna let her go!

Luigi: Now she's gonna think I'm a complete idiot.

Mario: Come on, you'll impress her with your manners.

Luigi: Well why'd you tell her that I suck my thumb, huh?

Princess Daisy: [Scapelli has flooded the fossil site] Thank God you're here... I mean...

Luigi: What do you mean?

Princess Daisy: I mean, you're a plumber, right?

Luigi: Oh, yeah! I don't know exactly what to do.

[Mario and Luigi are chasing after Spike and Iggy as they drag Daisy through the entrance to Dinohatten]

Luigi: I'm gonna kill 'em!

Mario: No, you're not gonna kill 'em, not if I get there first. I'm gonna break every bone in their body, and *then* I'm gonna kill 'em. I'm *really* gonna kill 'em!

Luigi: Wow, they were dinosaurs in Brooklyn?

Mario: Relax, Luigi, there used to be Dodgers, here, too.

Old Lady: Are you boys new in town?

Mario: Listen, lady, we're looking for someone. And we're from Brooklyn.

Old Lady: You know, boys, this is a really rough neighborhood. You really shouldn't be wandering around without a weapon.

Mario: Yea.

Old Lady: You got one?

Luigi: ...No.

Old Lady: ...All right...

[brandishes a cattle-prod-like weapon]

Old Lady: [shouts] Get 'em up, suckers!

[Koopa has had Toad de-evolved into a Goomba]

Luigi: That's Toad?

King Koopa: Why yes. Loyal, lethal... and stupid.

Luigi: What the Hell?

Luigi: Blockhead Mario.

Lightning McQueen: I'm a very famous race car!

Luigi: You are famous race car? A real race car?

Lightning McQueen: Yes, I'm a real race car, what do you think? Look at me.

Luigi: I have followed racing my entire life, my whole life!

Lightning McQueen: Then you know who I am. I am Lightning McQueen.

Luigi: Lightning McQueen!

Lightning McQueen: Yes! Yes!

Luigi: I must scream it to the world, my excitement from the top of someplace very high. Do you know many Ferraris?

Lightning McQueen: No, no, no, they race on the European circuit; I'm in the Piston cup.

[Luigi and Guido frown at McQueen]

Lightning McQueen: What?

Luigi: Luigi follow only the Ferraris.

Luigi: On your marks, get set... uno for the money, due for the show, tre to get ready, and quattro to... I can't believe it... go!

Michael Schumacher Ferrari: Ciao. Hi. Lightning McQueen told me this was the best place in the world to get tires. How about setting me and my friends up with three or four sets each?

Luigi: Aah! Guido! There is a real Michael Schumacher Ferrari in my store! A real Ferrari! Punch me, Guido! Punch me in the face! This is the most glorious day of my life!

[Luigi faints and tips over]

Michael Schumacher Ferrari: Wow.

[in Italian]

Michael Schumacher Ferrari: Spero che il tuo amico si riprenda. Mi dicono che siete fantastici.

[I hope that your friend recovers. I was told that you are fantastic]

Guido: [Guido faints and tips over]

[McQueen is going to surprise Sally with his new look]

Mater: Here she comes!

Lightning McQueen: Okay, places, everybody! Hurry! Act natural.

[McQueen hides and everybody else gets in a perfectly straight line as Sally approaches]

Mater, Ramone, Flo, Luigi, Sarge, Fillmore: Hi, Sally!

Sally: All right, what's going on?

Lightning McQueen: All right, Luigi, give me the best set of black walls you've got.

Luigi: No, no, no! You don't know what you want! Luigi know what you want. Black-wall tires, they blend into the pavement, but these white-wall tires, they say look at me, here I am, love me.

Lightning McQueen: All right, you're the expert. Oh, and don't forget the spare.

Luigi: Perfecto. Guido!

Guido: Pit Stop!

Luigi: He ha ha, what did Luigi tell you, eh?

Lightning McQueen: Wow, you were right, better then a Ferrari, huh?

Luigi: Eh, no.

Luigi: My friend Guido, he always dream of giving a real race car a pit stop.

Guido: Peet stop?

Lightning McQueen: Hey, it's only one lap, guys. Uno lappo. Don't need any help. I work solo mio.

Luigi: Fine. Race your own way.

[leaves; Guido stays]

Lightning McQueen: No pit stoppo. Comprende?

Guido: Okay.

[leaves]

Sheriff: All rise! The honorable Doc Hudson presiding!

[Ramone lifts himself up ten feet in the air]

Luigi: Show-off.

Luigi: You broke-a the road. You a very bad car!

Luigi: Oh, oh, oh, oh, I like your style. You drive the hard bargain, eh? OK, we make you a new deal. You buy one tire, I give you three for free!

Luigi: This is it, my last offer: you buy one tire, I give you seven snow tires for free!

Guido: [at the final Piston Cup race, Guido cheers Lightning on] Vai! Vai, vai!

[Go! Go, go!]

Wide Chick Pitty: Hey, shrimpie, where did McQueen find you, huh? Those round things are called tires, and they go under the car!

[the entire pit crew laughs]

Guido: [shaking his forklift] Con chi credi di parlare? Ma, con chi stai parlando?

[Who do you think you're talking about? But, who are you talking about?]

Luigi: No! No, no! You'll have your chance, Guido, you will have your chance!

Detective Lou Petrocelli: My partner knows I'm from the neighborhood. Can we get down to business? We need your help.

Luigi: What do you want me to do? Arrest myself?

Luigi: I'm asking you, this guy, how many people did he kill? Three? Four? Five? And with no disrespect, Detective, in Harlem last night, your people, the coloreds, how many of each other did they kill? Seven? Eight?

Detective Lou Petrocelli: There's a homicidal maniac wandering around the neighborhood. You don't want to do anything about it?

Luigi: You have been busting my balls ever since you got promoted. Now, why is that? Wasn't I good to you when you were a kid? Didn't I take you to Yankee Stadium? Didn't you met Mickey Mantle? He signed a baseball to Louie from Mickey Mantle.

Detective Curt Atwater: Who the f*ck, the Mick. Willie Mays was the man.

Luigi: Get outta here. Mick was the guy. He was the guy.