Lucky Quotes in Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)

Lucky: What? You're looking for a job or something?

John Smith: You are the job.

[John kills everybody in the room]

John Smith: [looking at the cards at the table] Pair of threes.

O2: Hello

Lucky: Not now, O. Imma call you back.

Meat: [Chops arm, people gasps, man groans] See this right here?

O2: The fuck is that noise?

Lucky: Nothing. Meet me in the spot in 15 minutes.

Meat: This a dumb nigga. And this what happens to dumb nigga who don't pay their taxes. Every liquor store, grocery store, and every motherfucking restaurant around here owes me!

Lucky: We took em G style.

Meat: Straight up G-style.

Lucky: What? I came through the spot, boom, I kicked in the motherfucking door. I told motherfuckers,"Get the fuck on the floor right now, nigga. It's a jack move!" I was running through that motherfucker, smacking up bitch-ass niggas with no problem. You know, I'm taking care of my shit. I'm over there, just snatching shit. Snatching whatever I want, 'cause that's what I do. I ought to take your shit, nigga. Now I bring this shit back to you, man, so we can break bread.

Meat: To me?

Lucky: To you.

Lucky: The fuck happened to you? Where little man at?

O2: If your punk ass would have showed up like I asked you to, none of this shit would've happened! What the fuck are you thinking?

Lucky: Get off me!

Lucky: Oh my God!

[while the alley cats are chasing Stuart in the roadster]

Lucky: I hope he runs out of gas!

Red: I hope you do!

Lucky: Why don't you run to the back?

Red: I can't help it! I have a nervous stomach!

Smokey: And I have an empty stomach! Now, get that mouse!

Smokey: How you doing? You must be Stuart.

Stuart Little: Actually... I must be going.

[Gets back into his little car]

Lucky: What's your hurry, Murray?

Red: Yeah, where ya going, Murray - - Urm Stuart. What's his name?

Lucky: Look, it's mouse on a stick! I love mouse on a stick!

Smokey: [pushes the branch Stuart's on down] Here you go, boys! Dinner's served!

Monty, the Mouth: Alright, Smokey! Way to go!

Stuart Little: Oh dear!

Lucky: Look, it's mouse on a stick! I love mouse on a stick!

Monty, the Mouth: A little further! Keep him comin'! Keep him comin'! Alright I can almost reach him! Keep him coming! I got him, he's mine!

[Snowbell snaps the branch]

Monty, the Mouth: What the? Hey, the branch is the gonna!

Snowbell: Well, what have we got here?

Monty, the Mouth: Snow, don't come out here, the branch is breaking!

Snowbell: Stuart, are you alright?

Stuart Little: Yeah, yeah I'm okay.

Snowbell: Just hang on, I'll take it from here!

Monty, the Mouth: Huh? Take what?

[Snowbell pushes the branch Monty's on with Red and Lucky on further]

Monty, the Mouth: Hey, c'mon Snow! You wouldn't do this to me? I'm not your old buddy?

Snowbell: Don't worry, buddy! I'm sure you'll land

[he pushes the branch further]

Monty, the Mouth: No, no Snow! What're you doing?

Snowbell: On your feet!

[the branch snaps sending Red, Lucky and Monty into the water]

Lucky, Monty, the Mouth, Red: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!

[all three cats splash in the water]

Lucky: Mother, Dad! Patch pushed me in the fireplace.

Patch: Lucky pushed me first.

Lucky: Did not!

Patch: Did too!

Lucky: Did not!

Patch: Did too!

Lucky: Did not!

[Lucky sticks his tongue out at Patch]

Perdita: Please, children, don't quarrel.

Lucky: I'm tired, and I'm hungry. And my tail's froze. And my nose is froze. And my ears are froze. And my toes are froze.

Lucky: We gave them the slip!

[slips]

Lucky: Didn't we, Dad?

Lucky: Not everyone can be born with such great looks.

[Lucky is looking out of a car window]

Lucky: Oh, I'm so dizzy. All I see is line, line, line line.

Dr. John Dolittle: So look somewhere else.

Lucky: Okay. Tree, tree, tree tree.

Lucky: A little girl once called me "Please mommy, not him."

Lucky: ...Just like his dad wanted, John Dolittle grew up to be a normal and regular guy - you know, miserable.

Dr. John Dolittle: [John emerges from his apartment to get his newspaper; he notices a stray puppy in the hallway] Hey, get out of here!

[the puppy wimpers and takes a squirt right there in the hallway. John yells inside]

Dr. John Dolittle: Hey, there's a vicious animal in the hallway!

Lucky: What's he doing with that?

Dr. John Dolittle: You don't want to know.

Lucky: Just don't let him stick that thing up my... HELLO!

Dr. John Dolittle: [when Lucky comes to see him at the Hammerstein Retreat] What are you doing here?

Lucky: You're unbelievable. I cross three parkways at night, no less, to come to rescue you, and all I get is "What are you doing here?"

Dr. John Dolittle: This isn't a prison, it's a clinic.

Lucky: Look, the tiger's in bad shape.

Dr. John Dolittle: The tiger? Hey, listen, forget the tiger! Let me tell you something. I had a perfect life until you came along and started talkin' to me. Now I'm sittin' in a robe and slippers discussin' "Mister Ed" with these guys. You've ruined my life enough. I don't wanna talk to you anymore. Just get outta here, please? Go! This is crazy!

Lucky: Oh, I get it: now it's crazy to wanna save a tiger's life.

Dr. John Dolittle: Look, tigers die everyday. It's called nature.

Lucky: Well, let me tell you a little something about nature. I'm a dog, and I act like a dog. I don't try to be anybody else. We are who we are, and you are a doctor who can talk to animals. That's who you are.

Dr. John Dolittle: [defensive] That is not who I am!

Lucky: Stop lying to yourself!

Dr. John Dolittle: [his anger rising by the second] Didn't I tell you to get outta here? Get outta here! Go! Get outta here!

Lucky: [preparing to leave] Fine.

Dr. John Dolittle: Quit comin' around and talkin' to me!

Lucky: [looking over his shoulder] With pleasure!

Dr. John Dolittle: YOU BETTER NOT COME BACK! AAAGH!

Lucky: Bonehead.

[goes on his way]

Dr. John Dolittle: [shouting to no animal in particular] THAT MEANS ALL OF Y'ALL! LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP TALKIN' TO ME!

Lucky: Ruined his life. That's a laugh.

Dr. John Dolittle: AAAGH! AAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAGH!

[after he finishes shouting, he goes back inside where the two other guys are standing there confused]

Dr. John Dolittle: AAAAGH!

Tiger: [atop an observatory] ... And now, on the day I end it all, I'd like to leave Margaret the bearded lady my rhinestone collar and my wet-dry shaver. I'd like to leave Jack the midget nothing. It's too late for you, Jack. You're a short...

[John's Range-Rover pulls up at the main entrance, far below. With John are Lucky and both of the Rats]

Tiger: ... Hey, get out of there! You're in my landing space!

Rat #2: [from the Range-Rover] See if you land on your feet, Road-Kill.

Lucky: [following John up to confront the tiger] ... Coming right up - one order of man, side of dog.

Tiger: Good-bye, cruel world. Oh no, I just remembered. I wanted to leave the whip to the baboon. One of the few animals which enjoy that kind of thing.

Dr. John Dolittle: [attempts to talk the tiger out of jumping from the observatory] Hey, whoa. Take it easy now... Remember that song "Eye of the Tiger," from ROCKY 3? When Rocky was fighting Mr. T, couldn't beat him - then Apollo Creed played "Eye of the Tiger" for him. Rocky beat the snot out of Mr. T because of "Eye of the Tiger." Because that song moved Rocky inside...

[He sings the song, way out of tune, to demonstrate]

Dr. John Dolittle: ... Not Eye of the Moose, not Eye of the Bull, Eye of the TIGER.

Tiger: That's it. I'm jumping.

Dr. John Dolittle: Listen, I'm a doctor. Maybe I can help you. If I can't, then you can eat me AND Lucky.

Lucky: Or just him.

Tiger: All right. I just hope you're a better doctor than you are a singer.

Lucky: Good job, Doc. Although, seeing a tiger jump 5 stories would have been really cool.

Tiger: I heard that.

Tiger: [Jake the Tiger is about to be taken, by John and Lucky, to the hospital for an operation] ... Wait a minute. The dog gets to ride up front?

Lucky: Stop looking at me like I'm a side dish.

Tiger: Don't flatter yourself.

Dr. John Dolittle: [Lucky walks in on an intimate moment between John and Lisa] ... Oh, Mrs. Dolittle...!

Lucky: Yeah, baby!

Dr. John Dolittle: [to Lisa] Excuse me just one second, OK?

[to Lucky]

Dr. John Dolittle: Let's go.

Lucky: What a gyp.

Dr. John Dolittle: You mind if I have a little privacy, please?

Lucky: But it's fine when people watch us dogs do it, huh?

[John shuts the door on him; he continues]

Lucky: ... Fine to turn on the garden hose. Hey, you want a tip on a good position...?

Pig: [Various animals are pouring into John's apartment] ... Good evening, Doctor.

Dr. John Dolittle: ...No. You're gonna have to take your fat ass back out.

Penguin: Oh, my God. What a zoo.

Pig: Hmm, obviously not a kosher establishment.

Rooster: Where are the chicks? Ooh! I'm cool.

Pig: [belches] ... Very well-appointed sty.

Dr. John Dolittle: What's going on? What is all this?

Owl: I don't know. You know, tell a friend. Ha ha.

Lucky: Looks like they need to talk to a doctor, Doc.

Sheep: Our butts hurt.

Dr. John Dolittle: Okay. Let's do this. And watch your droppings.

Rodney: Tonight, this is the house of love! East Coast! West Coast! Let's unite! Is Brooklyn in the house...?

Dr. John Dolittle: ...You're suffering from obsessive-compulsive behavior...

Compulsive Dog: [bouncing like a pogo stick] Throw the ball!

Dr. John Dolittle: When you want the ball, think about something else...

Compulsive Dog: Don't say anything more! Throw the ball!

Dr. John Dolittle: You need to relax your mind...

Compulsive Dog: You're the person. You throw the ball. I'm the dog. I get it. Simple as that. I swear, I'll pee on your carpet. Please, please, please, throw the ball. Shut up and throw the ball. Am I alone here? Am I all by myself? Am I in ANOTHER UNIVERSE?

Lucky: THROW THE DAMN BALL!

[John resignedly does so]

Compulsive Dog: He threw the ball! Oh, he threw the ball! I'll get it! I'll get it! I love you! I love you! You threw the ball...!

Rodney: [to John] ... You can't save 'em all, Hasselhoff.

Lucky: [having tracked John all the way to the Hammersmith Retreat] ... I crossed three freeways to get here - at NIGHT, no less - and all you can say is "What are you doing here?"

Baby Gator: [just hatched, looks at Rodney] Mama?

Rodney: Mama, I'm not ya mama.

Baby Gator: [to Lucky] Mama?

Lucky: Oh, no, don't look at me... Well, there was this one time I got drunk in the Everglades...

Dr. John Dolittle: How come I can hear you talking?

Lucky: I dunno. Maybe you're just weird or something.

Dr. John Dolittle: Shut up. You're a dog. DOGS CANNOT TALK.

Lucky: What the hell do you think barking is, an involuntary spasm?

Lucky: Hi, I'm Lucky! It works on two levels, I love it!

Dr. Fish: I have to interpret *why* the dog is whining. He can't tell me.

Lucky: What's to tell? There's a thermometer! It's in my butt!

Dr. John Dolittle: [Trying to keep the Tiger from jumping off a tower] There's been plenty of great tigers.

Tiger: Oh yeah? Name one

Lucky: How about Tony?

Dr. John Dolittle: Tony the cereal tiger?

Lucky: Well I didn't hear you come up with anything.

[first lines]

Lucky: [narrating] You know, they say the great thing about being a kid is, it's so easy to pretend. You can have a conversation with your dog or a baseball or a banana. Well, what if wasn't pretend? What if you could have a conversation. I mean, not with a baseball or a banana - that's ridiculous, but - but with your dog?

[last lines]

Lucky: I want my own room, with a TV. Basic cable will be fine.

Rat #1: I hate stories with happy endings.

Owl: Yoo-hoo.

Rat #1: What did you say?

Rat #2: I didn't say nothing.

Rat #1: Then who?

Owl: [squawks and takes flight]

Rat #1: Ahhh! Run! Run for your lives! Oh my God! Let's go, buddy.

Rat #2: I don't want to die. I'm too young to die! Hang a left! No, hang a right! Look out for the traffic! Oh, legs, do your thing. Get out of my way!

Rat #1: This circle of life really stinks!

5-Year-Old John Dolittle: She was my best friend.

Archer Dolittle: You'll make some real friends now.

Lucky: [narrating] From that day on, John Dolittle never spoke to animals again.

Archer Dolittle: Someday, you're gonna thank me for this.

Lucky: [narrating] And after a while, all he could remember was that deep down inside, there was something missing.

Lucky: [taking a swig of beer] Forgive me father, I know not what I do.

Arnold Rothstein: Mr. Luciano, you're walking down the street. Suddenly you realize you're being followed. It's a hit. Walking towards you is a second gunman. You have time to fire at only one of them. Which one do...

Lucky: [cutting him off] I don't accept the question. To live, I gotta kill 'em both.

Bugsy: [to "No-Nose Tony" and the other Faranzano mobsters who've been jumping Rothstein's bootleg-shipments] ... Try this again and I will kill your mothers, fuck your sisters, and turn your brothers into eunuchs!

Lucky: I think you've made your point, Benny. Let's go.

Meyer Lansky: [Then, after Bugsy guns down No-Nose] ... You wanna start a war?

Bugsy: I don't mind.

Meyer Lansky: Well, I do. Sometimes you're so stupid I can't stand it.

Don Salvatore Faranzano: [as Lucky and Company are preparing to execute him] ... Why are you doing this? 'Cause I tortured you? 'Cause I set you all up?

Lucky: No, it's what you did 15 years ago.

Don Salvatore Faranzano: You want revenge after *fifteen years*?

Lucky: I've been busy.

Don Salvatore Faranzano: At least tell me what I did 15 years ago.

Lucky: ...You destroyed my father!

Don Salvatore Faranzano: I don't even *remember* your father!

Lucky: Exactly.

Lucky: [to his father] What are you sayin, Pop? That because I'm a greasy immigrant, all I can do is clean fish? That ain't enough! I got a right to find work that uses my brain!

Lucky: I don't have a wife, because emotion is dangerous.

Arnold Rothstein: Aren't you human?

Lucky: Would it help?

Arnold Rothstein: I have ships and distilleries in Scotland. I need distribution in New York.

Lucky: Masseria? Faranzano?

Arnold Rothstein: Either of them would kill me.

Lucky: And I wouldn't because...?

Arnold Rothstein: You have Jewish partners.

Lucky: Maybe I kill them too.

Arnold Rothstein: You can't afford to; you're in the squeeze. Either Masseria or Faranzano realize you exist, they squash you like an ant...

Lucky: [the penny drops for him] ... Unless I get a powerful friend, right?

Arnold Rothstein: [indicates himself] Exactly.

Frank Costello: [as the Big Four consider Faranzano's offer] ... Fifteen percent off the top from Faranzano's operation, huh? You know how much money that is? Well, I don't either. But it's a hell of a lot.

Meyer Lansky: But as soon as we sold to Faranzano, he'd knock you off because you're Sicilian; one day, you might wanna be boss. If he iced you now, there'd be a stink all right. But if you're working for Faranzano, who's gonna come after him except the three of us? And then we'd all be history.

Lucky: That's why we're in partnership with these Jews, Frankie.

Lucky: [after being set up by Don Faranzano and surviving] ... When Tommy Reina went with Faranzano, Don Masseria made Tommy pay a price: me.

[to Lansky]

Lucky: ... Meyer, from now on, you and me gotta agree. So if I start getting a swelled head, just shoot me. It'd be a lot less painful.

Tommy Reina: ...Charlie, you know who hit Rothstein. And I know you're Joe's number-two man. But if you're gonna take down Rothstein's killer... get a price from Faranzano first.

Lucky: Tommy, I always thought your loyalty was to Joe.

[Don Joe Masseria, that is]

Tommy Reina: I love Joe, but this is business and Faranzano's gonna win. You rub out the guy who smoked Rothstein, and you can write your own ticket.

Lucky: [to Don Faranzano] ... I don't bend over. It's too hard to stand straight again.

Arnold Rothstein: ...When war comes, the winner will be the one who gets his enemy to trust him.

Lucky: How do I do that?

Arnold Rothstein: You save his life.

Frank Costello: ...In 24 hours, Faranzano comes after us for killing No-Nose Tommy. We can't fight him; we ain't got the guns for it.

Meyer Lansky: Masseria does.

Frank Costello: So we're goin' with Masseria?

Lucky: He ain't so bad.

Frank Costello: He's a fat, stupid fuck! Other than that, I guess he's swell.

Lucky: Right now, this fat stupid fuck can save our lives. Remember, it's only temporary.

Lucky: [to the fledgeling Mafia Commission, at a meeting hosted by a young Al Capone] ... You all know how I got this scar. Maybe Joe Profaci, here...

Joe Profaci: Wait a minute. What're you saying?

Lucky: Don't worry, Joe. Maybe you knew it was gonna happen to me, maybe you didn't. But by the old way of doin' things... If I became boss now, I'd have to hit you in case you knew. And all of you shrug, except some of you are friends of Joe's. And one day I might do something that upsets you, so then you'll hit me. And then YOU'LL become boss. My friends, they'll hate you for that. Then somebody else becomes boss, and so on, and on... You know what I call that? Stupid. Very stupid... We're all bosses here.

Joe Profaci: What then, Charlie? We're gonna vote on everything?

Lucky: That's right. Everybody here... is equal.

Meyer Lansky: Corporations have a board of directors, a Commission. So will we.

Lucky: Now, I have friends. They're not from Palermo, they're not from Sicily... They're not even Italians. They're Jewish. But they're still my friends. And I trust 'em.

Al Capone: You say there's gonna be no boss, but you're startin' to talk like one.

Lucky: I've learned. Every organization needs somebody standin' out front. Call it a figurehead, a leader, a headman, a kingpin, a president, whatever. It doesn't much matter to me who does it.

Joe Profaci: I say we make Charlie Luciano head of our National Commission. Who agrees?

[Everybody at the table raises his hand... with the exception of Capone, who sits at the head of the table opposite Lucky]

Lucky: You want it, Al? It's yours.

Al Capone: No, I want you to do it. It's just that Julius Caesar never took no vote.

Lucky: That's why Julius Caesar ended up dead in the street.

[Capone raises his hand at last]

Lucky: ... Any other business?

Don Salvatore Faranzano: [supposedly, Lucky offers his services to Faranzano as a mole against Don Masseria] I hope you can appreciate some facts, Charlie. Conditions have changed. Some people have gotten too powerful... I want you to take care of Don Masseria personally, do it yourself. That's not all, though. Lansky and Siegel. I know you've always gotten along, but Jews, they're different. You cross 'em once, fight with 'em once, and they're gone. I know this. I've heard they're a different race... Jews. You and I take Communion. They don't even believe in sin. They'll betray you, just like they betrayed Jesus H. Christ Himself. You join my family, they die. No one will even know you approved.

Lucky: Looks like I don't have a choice, do I? Either I agree to kill my friends, or you kill me.

Don Salvatore Faranzano: That's right.

Don Giuseppe 'Joe the Boss' Masseria: ...Charlie, you're a swell guy. But from now on, if you look the wrong way... if you even fart in the wrong direction, then you end up like Rothstein.

Lucky: Joe, you're always complaining I don't eat. If I don't eat, how am I gonna fart?

Lucky: [talking business] ... We have a problem.

Mad Dog Coll: Name him. He's dead!

Lucky: Our problem is *you*.

Lucky: [after Don Faranzano's alleged execution by Lucky] ... Tell me something, Joe. What do you love?

Don Giuseppe 'Joe the Boss' Masseria: ...I love food. I love pussy, you know, young pussy. But most of all, I love to destroy people.

Lucky: Anybody?

Don Giuseppe 'Joe the Boss' Masseria: The bigger the better. But... yes, anybody. Makes me feel... good.

Lucky: The law of the street was take or be taken.

Justice: They still gonna fuck you up.

Chicago: Get your ass in the truck.

Iesha: Shut up, Chicago.

Lucky: Well, frankly my dear, I don't give a fuck.

Lucky: [to Justice] Why are you mad all the time?

Lucky: [to Justice, after his cousin is shot] This never would have happened if I hadn't been fucking with you.

Lucky: What do you write about?

Justice: I write what's in my heart.

Lucky: What's that?

[Lightly strokes Justice's braids]

Lucky: Garth Brooks is just slamming.

[first lines]

Lucky: [rolls dice into his hand] Ah! Lucky day!

Juanita Hernandez: It is indeed a lucky day for the house of Hernandez.