Lucius Quotes in The Incredibles (2004)


Lucius Quotes:

  • Lucius: Honey?

    Honey: What?

    Lucius: Where's my super suit?

    Honey: What?

    Lucius: Where - is - my - super - suit?

    Honey: I, uh, put it away.

    [helicopter explodes outside]

    Lucius: *Where*?

    Honey: *Why* do you *need* to know?

    Lucius: I need it!

    [Lucius rummages through another room in his condo]

    Honey: Uh-uh! Don't you think about running off doing no derring-do. We've been planning this dinner for two months!

    Lucius: The public is in danger!

    Honey: My evening's in danger!

    Lucius: You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!

    Honey: 'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!

  • Dash: [answers door] Hey, Lucius!

    Lucius: Hey, Speedo, Helen, Vi, Jack-Jack.

    Bob: Hey, hey! ICE of you to drop by.

    Lucius: Ha!


    Lucius: Never heard that one before.

  • [as the cops burst into the jewelry store where Bob and Lucius are, Lucius reaches for a water cooler to replenish his freezing powers]

    Cop: Freeze!

    Lucius: I'm thirsty.

    Cop: I said freeze!

    Lucius: I'm just getting a drink.

    [takes the cup to his lips and drinks]

    Cop: Okay, you had your drink. Now, I want you to...

    Lucius: I know, I know. Freeze.

    [freezes the cop]

  • Lucius: Superladies? They're always trying to tell you their secret identity... think it'll strengthen the relationship or something like that. I say, "Girl, I don't wanna know about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that. I mean, you tell me you're, uh... S-Super, Mega, Ultra Lightning Babe, that's alright with me. I'm good... I'm good.

  • Lucius: [Bob and Lucius are sitting in a parked car, reminiscing] So now I'm in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I'm an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover and what does Baron von Ruthless do?

    Bob: [laughing] He starts monologuing.

    Lucius: He starts monologuing! He starts like, this prepared speech about how *feeble* I am compared to him, how *inevitable* my defeat is, how *the world* *will soon* *be his*, yadda yadda yadda.

    Bob: Yammering.

    Lucius: Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter and he won't shut up!

  • [Bob and Lucius are rescuing people from a burning building]

    Bob: Can't you put this out?

    Lucius: I can't lay down a layer thick enough. It's evaporating too fast!

    Bob: What's that mean?

    Lucius: It means it's hot! And I'm dehydrated, Bob!

    Bob: You're out of ice? You can't run out of ice! I thought you could use the water in the air!

    Lucius: There *is no* water in the air! What's your excuse, running out of muscle?

    Bob: I can't just go smashing through walls! The building's getting weaker by the second, it's going to come down on top of us!

    Lucius: I wanted to go bowling!

  • Bob: Want to catch a robber?

    Lucius: No. To tell you the truth, I'd rather go bowling. Look, what if we actually did what our wives think we're doing... just to shake things up?

  • Lucius: We look like bad guys. Incompetent bad guys!

  • Lucius: It was fun the first time, but if we keep doing this, we're gonna get...

    Bob: [listening to radio] A fire! We're close! Yeah, baby!

    Lucius: ...caught.

    [the car peels out of the alley]

    Bob: Fire! Yeah!

  • Lucius: What are we doing here, Bob?

    Bob: We're protecting people.

    Lucius: Nobody asked us.

    Bob: You need an invitation?

    Lucius: I'd like one, yes. We keep sneaking around, and... You remember Gazer Beam?

    Bob: Yeah, there was something about him in the paper.

    Lucius: He had trouble adjusting to civilian life too.

    Bob: When was the last time you saw him?

    Lucius: I don't see anyone from the old days, Bob, just you, and we're pushing our luck as it is.

  • Lucius: [finding a note] "Do not seek me. Do not follow or wander. Persecute no one on my behalf. I have seen two things which, which cannot reconcile. A man dead, without question. And that same man alive again. I pursue him, the Nazarene, to ferret the truth. Clavius Aquila Valerius." It's his seal, Sir. Must be a plague.

    Pilate: My right hand turned against me. How could he follow that Hebrew?

    Lucius: Perhaps... it's true.

    Pilate: Well, if it is... I'll kill him again.

  • [after seeing Taylor shave off his beard]

    Lucius: Why did you do that? Scrape off your hair?

    George Taylor: In my world, when I left it, only kids your age wore beards.

  • Lucius: You can't trust the older generation.

  • Lucius: [after Jesus dies] He is truly the Christ!

  • Lucius: Pilate offered that mob a choice.

    Barabbas: [incredulous] And they chose me?

    Lucius: Your followers yelled the loudest! Go; look at Him who is dying for you!

  • Lucius: [to Jesus, who is trying to visit John the Baptist in prison] For some reason, I favored Your mother once before. I will give You a moment with the prisoner John. But remember this... break Caesar's law, and you shall find in me the most merciless of men.

  • Herod: Lucius, order every first born male child put to the sword.

    Lucius: I am a Roman soldier. I do not murder children.

  • Herod Antipas: Tell me, Lucius. What manner of man is Pontius Pilate? How should I treat him? What is his weakness?

    Lucius: Same as any man. Vanity.

  • Lucius: [Arriving at Jesus' home in Nazareth on horseback with another Roman soldier and greeting the Holy Family] Do not fear. We're simply checking the census against the tax rolls.

    [Reading from a scroll]

    Lucius: Now, you are... Joseph. And you live here with your wife Mary.

    Joseph: That is so.

    Lucius: [Pointing to Jesus] Who's this boy?

    Virgin Mary: My son, Jesus.

    Lucius: [Looking at the scroll again] I have no record of His birth. When was He born?

    Virgin Mary: Twelve years ago.

    Lucius: Where?

    Virgin Mary: In Bethlehem.

    [Jesus walks away]

    Lucius: [Realizing Jesus must have survived the killing of the young boys in Bethlehem which he commanded on Herod's orders 12 years before, and after a long, tense pause] Bethlehem.

    [Mary nods "yes"]

    Lucius: [to the other Roman soldier, who then rides away] Count those in the next house.

    [to Mary]

    Lucius: See that the boy is registered before the year is out.

    [Lucius himself rides away, after which Joseph and Mary look at each other with relief]

  • Lucius: [Jesus is trying to visit John the Baptist in prison] The prisoner John is not allowed visitors. If you wish to send him a message, leave it with the guard.

    Jesus: I would see John.

    Lucius: Why?

    Jesus: I come to free John.

    Lucius: [sarcastically] And just how do you propose to break him free from his cell?

    Jesus: I come to free him within his cell.

    Lucius: Freedom? Behind stone walls?

    Jesus: You are free to come and go as you please, and yet you are still a prisoner because you place no faith in anything but your sword.

  • John the Baptist: [to Lucius, who is visiting him in his prison cell] You treated me well. I should like to ask just one more kindness.

    Lucius: Ask.

    John the Baptist: Before I leave this world, I would send a message to Jesus.

    Lucius: What is the message?

    John the Baptist: Ask of Him, in these words, "Was it Your coming that was foretold, or are we to expect another?"

    Lucius: You doubt Him?

    John the Baptist: No. I do not doubt Him. But I would like to hear it from His own lips.

    [Lucius then unshackles John, who looks at him with appreciation]

  • Pontius Pilate: [Lucius is reporting to Pontius Pilate and Herod Antipas on Jesus' Sermon on the Mount] What did the man say?

    Lucius: [dryly] He spoke of... peace, love, and the brotherhood of man.

    Herod Antipas: Humph! Is that all?

    Lucius: That is all.

    [Lucius leaves]

    Herod Antipas: [noticing Pilate looks puzzled] What is the matter?

    Pontius Pilate: The look on Lucius' face.

    Herod Antipas: He had a long journey. He looked tired.

    Pontius Pilate: He looked more than tired to my eyes.

  • Pontius Pilate: [In Jerusalem, Pilate and Lucius are concerned Barabbas may be planning an uprising] How many followers has he?

    Lucius: Who? God, Jesus, or Barabbas?

    Pontius Pilate: Barabbas.

    Lucius: How many dissatisfied Jews are there in Jerusalem?

    Pontius Pilate: Have you considered the possibility of the followers of Jesus and Barabbas joining forces?

    Lucius: I have.

    Pontius Pilate: Where would it happen?

    Lucius: Since we are here... here!

  • Darrin Hill: Booty is in the eye of the beholder

    Lucius: No, booty gonna be in my hand.

    Lucius: Check it out now, you see, now your Louisiana booty, it gets its renowned buoyancy from its heavy seafood diet, while your Alabama booty, it's characterized by its density. You're talking about a quarter-bouncing ping. And as for your Mississippi booty, it's been an ongoing debate, but consensus say that the Indian genetic contribution gives us its beautiful tone. And as for your Georgia booty, it's been known for ages that the Georgia sun bakes and seals all the booty juices into a slow roast.

    Darrin Hill: I see I'm dealing with a connoisseur.

    Lucius: Oh yeah, for sure. A booty connoisseur.

  • Lucius: I have the key to your heart.

    Dorian Gray: [aggressively] Don't touch that ever!

  • Lucius: [Last lines of the film] Go some of you, bear Saturninus hence, and give him burial in his father's grave. My father and Lavinia shall forthwith be closed in our household's monument. As for that ravenous tiger, Tamora, no funeral rite nor man in mourning weeds, no mournful bell shall ring her burial! But throw her forth to beasts and birds of prey! Her life was beast-like and devoid of pity. And being dead, let birds on her take pity!

  • Lucius: [Sentencing Aaron's punishment] Set him breast-deep in earth and famish him. There let him stand and rave, and cry for food! If anyone relieves or pities him for the offence, he dies! This is our doom.

  • Lucius: Mister, you sure do leave your calling card.

Browse more character quotes from The Incredibles (2004)