Lt. Mauser Quotes in Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)

Lt. Mauser: Any day now, Mahoney, and your little ass is mine.

Mahoney: You wanted to see me, sir?

Lt. Mauser: Mahoney, didn't your mother teach you how to knock?

Mahoney: It depends. Sir? I hope this isn't going to be too personal? I heard what you said about my little butt and I don't know how to break this to you, sir, but I'm straight.

Lt. Mauser: That is all. Thanks for your time.

Officer Hooks: What about me, sir? Don't I get a car?

Lt. Mauser: [imitating Hooks] "Oh, what about me sir? Don't I get a car?" No, you don't get a car. You get a nice little chair and a nice little desk and a nice little office for your nice little voice!

Officer Hooks: Asshole!

Lt. Mauser: That's two!

Lt. Mauser: Hey, wait a minute! My hands are stuck with my head! What the fuck?

Lt. Mauser: Mahoney, what kind of clown do you think I am?

Mahoney: A juggling clown?

Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?

Sergeant Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.

Lt. Mauser: Let me see your piece. There's no round in the chamber.

Officer Hooks: I was afraid it might go off.

Lt. Mauser: Oh, heavens to be, it might go off. That's one for Hooks.

Chief Hurst: Mauser, you're the most incredible ass-kisser I have ever seen.

Lt. Mauser: Thank you very much, sir. I do my best.

Chief Hurst: It's official, Captain Lassard. This is now the worst precinct in the entire city! Burglary up 25%, armed robbery up 30%, vandalism up 44%.

Lt. Mauser: Actually, Chief, if you'd look, burglary is actually up 48%.

Chief Hurst: Thank you. Who are you?

Lt. Mauser: Mauser, sir. M as in man A-U, S as in Sam.

Capt. Peter 'Pete' Lassard: Oh, shut up and sit down, Mauser. He asked for your name, not your biography.

Lt. Mauser: E-R, sir.

Sergeant Proctor: Hightower!

Officer Moses Hightower: Yo!

Lt. Mauser: Yo?

Officer Moses Hightower: Yo, sir!

Lt. Mauser: Yo, sir... You must be from the south! That's "Yes, sir." You got foot patrol.