Louie Quotes in Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)


Louie Quotes:

  • Sonny Valerio: What the fuck is his name?

    Louie: Ghost Dog.

    Sonny Valerio: What?

    Louie: Ghost Dog.

    Sonny Valerio: Ghost Dog?

    Old Consigliere: He said Ghost Dog!

    Louie: Yeah. He calls himself Ghost Dog. I don't know, a lot of these Black guys today, these gangster-type guys, they make up names like that.

    Ray Vargo: Is that true?

    Sonny Valerio: Sure. He means like the rappers, you know, All the rappers, they got names like that: Snoop Doggy Dogg, Ice Cube, Q-Tip, Method Man. My favorite was always Flavor Flav from Public Enemy. You got the funky fresh fly flavor.

    [rhymes hip-hop verse]

    Ray Vargo: I don't know about that, but it makes me think of Indians. They got name like, uhh, Red Cloud, Crazy Horse, Running Bear, Black Elk.

    [makes elk noise]

    Sonny Valerio: Yeah. That kind of shit.

    Old Consigliere: Yeah. Indians, Niggers, Same thing.

  • [after Vinny shoots a policewoman]

    Louie: Jesus, Vinny. You just iced a woman, you know that?

    Vinny: You know what you are, Louie? You're a fuckin' male chauvinist pig.

    Louie: What do you mean, I'm a male chauvinist pig? You just shot a broad.

    Vinny: A cop. I just shot a cop. They wanna be equal? I made her equal.

  • Louie: Goddamn it. You shot me in the exact same fucking place as last time!

    Ghost Dog: I'm sorry. I mean you no disrespect. You're my retainer. I don't want to put too many holes in you.

  • Louie: Jesus Christ. You just shot Morini. He was Valerio's fucking brother-in-law.

    Ghost Dog: He had a gun. He was going to shoot you.

    Louie: What?

    Ghost Dog: See if he's dead.

    Louie: Well, I don't think he's getting any older.

  • Vinny: You know, Louie, there's one good thing about this Ghost Dog guy.

    Louie: What's that, Vin?

    Vinny: He's sending us out the old way. Like real fucking gangsters.

  • Ray Vargo: Did you try to follow the bird? Put a bug on it? Anything like that?

    Louie: No, I never had a reason to do anything like that. Like I said I realize that the arrangement I made with this guy is pretty weird, but he's always shown me complete respect.

    Sonny Valerio: Well, a whole new century is coming, Louie, and Mr. Vargo wants every member of his family to make a priority to erase this weirdo.

    Louie: This guy is a professional. Go after him can be very dangerous.

    Sonny Valerio: Handsome Frank was one of us so now we're gonna peel this nigger cap back. Better him than you, right Louie?

  • Louie: Nothing seems to make sense anymore.

  • Louise Vargo: This is my book.

    Louie: No, it isn't. I got it off from the dead guy, Ghost Dog.

    Louise Vargo: It takes place in feudal Japan.

    [Louie is surprised and speechless]

    Louise Vargo: It's a really good book. You should read it.

  • [interviewing Louie for information about Ghost Dog]

    Sonny Valerio: Where's he live?

    Louie: Fuck, if I know. That's the next strange thing. I mean, I can't just call him up. Instead, he contacts me every day through a bird.


    Sonny Valerio: Did you just say he contacts you through a bird? Did I just hear you say that?

  • Louie: For the past four years, he's done, maybe, twelve perfect contracts. Perfect, Like a ghost.

  • Johnny Morini: I'm sorry, Willie, Mr. Vargo, Sonny, Mr.Bonaccelli, he was delayed on his way over.

    Sonny Valerio: Sit down. Johnny, I want you to step outside, have yourself a smoke.

    Johnny Morini: Sure, Sonny. Mr. Vargo!


    Sonny Valerio: We got really a big problem here, Louie. It seems like you're directly responsible for it. Your mystery man fucked up.

    Louie: But Morini told me he put the girl... Mr. Vargo's daughter on the bus.

    Sonny Valerio: He did, but she went off the bus and went to Handsome Frank's house.

    Louie: You wanted Hadsome Frank whacked. So he got whacked. I settled all up, from outside, no traces, no nothing. Morini said she was on the bus, but, Jesus, I mean he's lucky he didn't do her too, right?

    Ray Vargo: If he had, you would've been fuckin' dead.

    Sonny Valerio: This is not a good situation, Louie.

    Louie: Where is she now? Is she all right?

    Sonny Valerio: Don't worry about Mr. Vargo's daughter. What we need to do is to eliminate the scumbag whacked Frank. Frank was one of us. His killer needs to be neutralized. Erase from the face of the planet.

    Louie: For the past four years this guy's done, maybe, twelve perfect contracts. Perfect. Like a ghost. He's very valuable, he's totally untraceable. I'm sure he didn't realize anyone was gonna be there when he did Handsome Frank. He would've backed off. And it's sure as hell he didn't know that she was gonna be there.

    Sonny Valerio: Louie, unless you don't wanna be buried next to Frank. It's time to tell us everything you know about this mysterious, ghost-like, untraceable, fuckin' button man.

  • Ghost Dog: Everything around us seems to be changing, huh, Louie?

    Louie: You can say that again.

  • Louie: It's a pigeon. It must be a carrier pigeon or whatever.

    Old Consigliere: Passenger pigeon! They've been extinct since 1914!

    Sonny Valerio: Am I fucking dreaming here or what? All right, Louie, forget about the bird, okay?

  • Louie: Mark my words, Mittens. One day, someone's gonna stand up to you! Someone's gonna teach you a lesson!

    [flies off]

    Mittens: Yeah, I'm really scared now-

    [Bolt jumps in and pins her to a garbage can]

    Bolt: You should be!

    Mittens: Aaah! Okay! You...!

    Bolt: Where is she?

    Mittens: Aaah... Who?

    Bolt: You know why I'm here!

    Mittens: Aaahhh...

    Bolt: Where is she?

    Mittens: Okay, okay! Look buddy, I- I don't know what you're getting at, but...

    [she looks up and sees Joey, Bobby and Vinnie laughing on a telephone wire]

    Vinnie: Come on, Mittens. Just tell the guy where she is. Tell the dog, make him happy.

    Bobby: Yeah, yeah, come on, Mittens! Tell him!

    Mittens: [chuckles briefly] Joey, Vinnie, Bobby, my boys! Would you tell the crazy canine that he's got the wrong cat?

    Vinnie: [pause] You got her, pal!

    Joey: That's her!

    Vinnie: She's the one!

    Joey: That is definitely the right cat!

    [Mittens looks back at Bolt and laughs nervously]

    Bolt: Looks like we're gonna do this the hard way.

    [cuts to Bolt hanging Mittens over a busy highway]

    Mittens: Whoa! Aaah! You're crazy, man!

    [cuts to the pigeons, looking shocked]

    Vinnie: Hey Joey, did we go to far on this?

    Joey: You kidding? This is the best day of my life.

  • Mittens: Louie, what is this?

    Louie: It was a slow week. I mean, that's half of what I got.

    Mittens: [stomach growls]

    Mittens: You hear this, Louie? I'm starving here. And when the old stomach starts talking, it's not talking to me. It's talking to... the claws!

    Louie: Not the claws! Please!

    Mittens: I'm holding these bad boys back as best as I can, but the thing is it's not up to me. The stomach's got a direct line to these babies, and I'm picking up a lot of chatter! So, I'll talk to the claws, but in exchange, next week, all your food comes to me.

    Louie: But that's not our deal! I bring you half, you give me protection! That's our deal.

    Mittens: Yeah, well, the deal just expired. Now, get lost.

  • Bolt: I'll release you, cat, when we find Penny.

    Mittens: Excuse me? That wasn't the deal! We had a deal!

    Bolt: Your deal just expired.

    Louie: She said that to me not ten minutes ago. The irony!

  • Louie: C'mon, Big Eyes, ya killin' me. What's the matter?

    Cecilia: It's Thanksgiving...

    Louie: So, what's there to cry about? Ya don't like turkey?

  • Louie: Everybody, I'd like you to meet my new friend, Cecilia Nuthatch.

    Rex: The name's Rex. Nice to meet you.

    Cecilia: A pleasure Rex.


    Cecilia: Very nice to meet you.

    Dweeb: ...And I'm Dweeb! Hi!

    Cecilia: A pleasure, Dweeb.


    Cecilia: Very nice to meet you.

    Elsa: [chuckling] She's so well brought-up!

    Louie: Alright, break it up. Enough with the pleasantries...

  • Rex: I'm Rex. What's your name?

    Louie: I think it's Louie, but seeing you guys is giving me doubts about my brain.

  • Louie: Put him down, Rex. Rex, that means king. Be a king, Rex.

  • Cecilia: [the kids are in costume, participating in the circus as a cover] Louie, I feel so silly! What is wrong with these people?

    Louie: I dunno, but I've never seen so many tonsils in my life!

  • Louie: Just get me to the circus and we'll say no more about it.

    [He starts walking as the dinosaurs follow him, Rex bumps his head on one of the construction devices with a clang]

    Rex: Ow! Ooh!

    Louie: Be careful, will ya? I can't be savin' ya every two minutes.

  • Louie: I'm going to wish for a million wishes!

    Genie: Get serious! That never works!

  • Louie: Where are you going to keep all this treasure, Uncle Scrooge?

    Scrooge McDuck: I won't keep it all, Louie. Most of these artifacts will go to museums.

    Louie: That doesn't sound like Uncle Scrooge.

    Scrooge McDuck: That way, I can enjoy a healthy tax break!

    Huey: That does!

  • Dewey: [referring to Merlock] He can't still be alive.

    Louie: He'd be ancient.

    Huey: Yeah, older than Uncle Scrooge, even.

    Genie: Yes, except his first wish was to live for ever.

    Huey: Oh! Good wisher!

    Genie: [bursts into tears] No, BAD wisher! You don't know! He made me do the worst things!

    Dewey: Like what?

    Genie: Did you ever hear of Atlantis? It was everybody's favorite resort until Merlock couldn't make any reservations! Then down she went!... And poor Pompei! Mount Vesuvius would never had blown its top if Merlock hadn't blown his!

    Louie: But what are you worried about? He used up all his wishes.

    Genie: But that's just it - Merlock has unlimited wishes, because he has a magic talisman. It's what gives him all his powers... and when he puts it on the lamp, he gets as many wishes as he wants! Now you see why I'm a little jumpy?

    Louie: Well, maybe we should wish for the talisman?

    Genie: No, that's the one wish I can't do. You'll have to steal it from him yourself, and good luck!

    Louie: Well, don't worry about that mean old master now.

    Dewey: Yeah, he has no idea you're here with us.

    Huey: And that's the way it's going to stay.

  • Dewey: What a ride!

    Louie: Yeah, I wouldn't mind doing it again now that I know that you can live through it!

  • [for her first wish, Webby wished for a baby elephant and the genie grants it against his will; a baby elephant appears in the room]

    Genie: Now look what you've gone and done!

    Webby: What's wrong? She's cute.

    Genie: And big! Big wishes always big trouble! The bigger the wish, the bigger the trouble!

    Louie: He's right. One look at that elephant, and Uncle Scrooge will want to know what's up.

    Genie: Everyone who sees it will, and pretty soon, everyone will be fighting over me, the wishes will get out of control, and I'll end up being in the lamp for another thousand years!

    Louie: Jeepers! I hadn't thought of that!

    Genie: So please, please! Make small wishes!

  • Louie: At least we still have each other. Think of poor Genie.

    Dewey: If only there was a way we could sneak in and get back the lamp.

    Huey: But there are so many alarms.

    Scrooge McDuck: Aye, hundreds... and 14, 657 ways to trigger them.

    Dewey: And you know each and every one, don't you, Uncle Scrooge?

    Scrooge McDuck: Aye.

    Louie: Maybe the way to shut them off?

    Scrooge McDuck: Aye! Come lads! Something tells me we should plan a full-scale invasion!

  • Mrs. Beakley: Children, I think your uncle has something to say to you.

    Scrooge McDuck: Aye... Welcome home! Can I get you and Gene anything? Cookies? Milk? Ice cream?

    Huey: Oh, no thank you, Uncle Scrooge.

    Louie: Yeah, we're kind of full.

    Webby: And sleepy.

    Scrooge McDuck: That's because it's past your bedtime. Now, scoot along, little ones.

    HueyDeweyLouieWebby: Good night, Uncle Scrooge.

    Genie: Nighty-night.

    Scrooge McDuck: Sleep tight.

    Duckworth: That's telling them, Sir.

  • Louie: [Scrooge has opened a chest stolen by Collie Baba and discovers it to be full of clothes] He stole clothes?

    Scrooge McDuck: Ah, nothing but old robes. 40 years of searching, and all I end up with is Collie Baba's dirty laundry!

    Webby: Well, at least the box is pretty, Uncle Scrooge.

  • Huey: You read the whole encyclopedia?

    Genie: Cover to cover to cover... what's this? Baseball? Bowling ball? Cinderella's ball?

    Huey: No, it's a globe of the Earth.

    Genie: Get back. You mean the Earth isn't flat? I must have missed that part.

    Louie: Boy, he HAS been in that lamp for a long time!

  • Genie: How can I ever thank you, Master?

    Scrooge McDuck: I'm not your master anymore!

    Genie: That's right! Can I call you "Uncle Scrooge"?

    Scrooge McDuck: You're a sweet kid, but don't press your luck.

    Dewey: So, what do you want to do as your first day as a boy?

    Genie: Well, let me put it this way... you'll never catch me, coppers!

    Huey: Quackarooney!

    Louie: Oh boy!

    Dewey: I'm gonna get you!

    Webby: Are you coming with us, Uncle Scrooge?

    Scrooge McDuck: You go ahead, Webby dear. We quad-zillionaires have our own ideas of fun.

  • Louie: Quackarooney!

  • Louie: It's a genie, isn't it?

    Dewey: It's not the tooth fairy.

  • Dewey: Webby! What did you do this time?

    Webby: I'm sorry. Just make them stop!

    Louie: But I've only got one wish left!

    Scrooge McDuck: Boys! What is going on?

    Huey: Uh-oh. Looks like the jig is up. Go ahead, Louie.

  • Genie: First, you have to hold the lamp...

    Louie: Yeah?

    Genie: Then, say, "I wish."

    Huey: Yeah?

    Genie: Then wish for something.

    Huey: That's all?

    Dewey: Boy! It's even user-friendly!

  • Louie: Shh. Hold your ears.

    Natty Gann: What?

    Louie: Don't listen.

    Natty Gann: Don't be dumb. I've heard a man pee before.

    Louie: Yeah? Where?

    Natty Gann: None of your business.

  • Snowflake: Oh no, what if we get split up and sold to different zoos? What could ever be worse? They can't take you from me, Scamper!

    Scamper: Ah, that won't happen.

    Louie: That will happen and a lot worse! Unless we do something.

    Scamper: Okay then, we'll help, what should we do?

    Louie: I don't know what we should do. We just have to escape somehow.

  • Scamper: Who are you?

    Louie: That's Jack, they feed him and he watches us.

    Jack: It's my job.

    Louie: Get another job then! Don't work for these bad men, money's the only thing they care about!

  • Scamper: [trying to get out of the cage] Let's see... if we could get that open...

    Louie: That's a latch, and it's too high up, believe me I tried.

  • [Louie and Zalmie are performing as the two halves of a dancing horse - Zalmie being the lower half]

    Zalmie: Louie?

    Louie: Yeah?

    Zalmie: I'm 17 years-old. When's my voice gonna change already?

    Louie: It's changin'. It's changin'.

    Zalmie: I know it's changin'. When's it gonna change for good?

    Louie: What's your rush?

    Zalmie: I don't wanna be a horse's ass forever.

  • Zalmie: Hey, Louie. I just seen the most beautiful thing I ever seen in the whole world.

    Louie: Some pre-Prohibition booze, huh?

    Zalmie: No. I seen the stripper gettin' dressed.

    Louie: A stripper gettin' dressed ain't beautiful unless she's ugly to begin with.

  • Ella: [while Ella and Billie are playing a game, Louie stands nearby] You've got the beat, bro. Wanna join in?

    Louie: [to himself] If only she knew how much.

    Ella: Oh, sorry.

    Billie: Now see what you did?

    Ella: Sorry. It's not my fault he's, you know, defective.

  • Serena: [Seeing Louie's heart-shaped cloud] It's beautiful.

    Boyd: Okay, okay, what does it say?

    Serena: It says that Louie is mine, and I am his, forever.

    Boyd: [Angrily, to Louie] So you can talk now, huh? Well, let's see what you have to say without your horn!

    [Attacks Louie and knocks his horn into the water]

    Louie: No! My voice!

    Boyd: Haha, there goes your love call, songbird! Now get off my lake, and this time, don't come back!

    [They fight]

  • Father: [after Sam saves Ella and Billie from a wolf, with Louie's warning] Thank goodness you are safe, my precious daughters. When I think of what could have happened with poor Louie here unable to cry out a warning! But I'm sure you tried your best, son.

    Louie: I did try! Can't he see how hard I tried?

    Mother: Darling, that human boy, he saved the lives of our children.

    Father: He has my eternal gratitude.

    Sam: Hey, it was no problem.

  • Chic Johnson: [talking to the viewers/screen] Hey, Louie! Rewind this film, will ya?

    Louie: What's the matter with you guys? Don't you know you can't talk to me and the audience?

    Ole Olsen: Well, we're doin' it, aren't we?

    Chic Johnson: Yes, folks, this is Hellzapoppin'!

    [giggling uncontrollably]

  • Frankie Machine: I don't need it is all, I kicked it.

    Louie: Oh, kicked it... wanna bet?

    Frankie Machine: I mean it.

    Louie: Sure, I'll be around.

  • Louie: The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn.

  • David Kleinfeld: Hey Louie... Louie, your fuckin' chick's givin' you a handjob right in front of everybody. I got guests here, for christsake. People are eating.

    Louie: Take it easy, Dave.

    David Kleinfeld: No-you take it easy. You got any manners? You wanna fuck her, fuck her like a normal human being - take her in the bedroom.

  • Louie: Oh, Hymie, Mileaway will take my place.

  • Louie: Give me my violin case, will ya?

  • Louie: Listen to me you copper-hearted mug, I'm no thief! My racket is beer and you know it. I'm in a legitimate business, I am.

    O'Grady: Sure, you are. You're just selling that nice, creamy beer to the poor working man - with a few murders, on the side, for his entertainment.

    Louie: What are you trying to do, get me sore so I'll spill somethin'?

    O'Grady: What have you got to spill?

    Louie: You'll get a chance to read that when I write the history of my life at three-fifty a copy.

    O'Grady: Don't write the last chapter till the night you go to the chair. It'll be more realistic.

    Louie: So, you think the chair will be the blow off for me?

    O'Grady: It's a cinch. How do you think you'll like the hot seat?

    Louie: I don't think I'll mind, sweetheart, if I can have you sittin' on my lap.

  • Louie: Now, there's a lot of you mugs I never met before. So, I thought it was about time we got together. Seein' that I've been takin' the rap for all the suckers you guys been pushin' around the country lately. Of course, most of you guys knew me when I was a kid in short pants - a runner for a tough mob of south-side cannons. A punk who knew how to keep his mouth shut.

  • Louie: How do you like it, sucker! I oughta give you a little of that heat, just for luck.

  • Louie: You fellas heard what I said at the opening of this meeting and what I said then goes just as it lays. Any mug that don't think so, will be treated to the swellest funeral that ever stopped traffic.

  • Louie: War is a grand racket.

  • Louie: You know, I was just thinkin', if I'd been born a couple a hundred years ago, I might've been as big a man as Napoleon.

  • Louie: Money can buy anything: loyalty, friendship, a man's life. You know, sometimes I even think I'm buying your love.

  • Hymie - a Gangster: Well, ya, you see, I-I mean no, I was, I, well I was only thinking...

    Louie: Don't do that, it isn't good for you.

  • Louie: I was just wondering how it would feel to be shot in the stomach as big and as fat as yours.

  • Louie: Hello, Punch drunk, how's everything?

    Mileaway: Not so hot.

  • Louie: Well, get this straight! You tell that mob of double-crossers if they think they can take me to come down here to try it. Tell them that the first one that shows his face down here will get a load of Florida sunshine inside and out. Now, you tell 'em!

  • Louie: Oh, your sick of it, huh? What have you got to be sick of? Are you one of 'em too? Have you got so much hoodlum in you that it won't come out? Well, I'm through with the game. I told you that and I'm through!

  • Nate Kurtzman: The government doesn't know from shit. They integrate the golf courses in '51, and schools in '54. Where's their priorities?

    Louie: They integrated the cricket field in Clifton Park back in '50. Can't find a colored person who plays cricket.

    Pete, Nate's Assistant: I beg to differ. That was part of the separate but equal ruling. The coloreds could only play cricket on Tuesdays.

    Louie: You can't find a colored person who wants to play cricket on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Kiss-My-Tuchis-Day.

    Charlie, Nate's Assistant: For that matter, you can't find a white person who wants to play cricket. What is it with that game? It makes no sense. How many players do you need there? What do they use, a mallet or something?

    Pete, Nate's Assistant: Isn't that the one with the hoops?

    Charlie, Nate's Assistant: That's croquet.

    Louie: Nah, croquet is something you eat.

    Nate Kurtzman: Everything is something you eat.

    Louie: No, I saw it here on the menu.

  • Louie: [after Donald mocking Frankie for liking a girl, Frankie knocking him out with a punch to the face] Gee, wish I were in love...

  • Louie: Those hoodlums! If only they didn't owe me so much money.

  • Louie: [warning her about John] I don't know how long you're gonna be here or why, but that guy's married, so you lay off!

    Sally: My gosh, ain't you anticipatory!

  • Louie: Where'd they send you?

    James Cole: 1990.

    Louie: '90! How was it? Good drugs? Lots of pussy? Hey, Bob, you do the job? You find out the big info? Army of the 12 Monkeys?

    James Cole: I was supposed to be 1996.

    Louie: Science ain't an exact science with these clowns but, they're getting better. You're lucky you didn't end up in ancient Egypt!

Browse more character quotes from Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)