Loki Quotes in The Avengers (2012)

Loki: Enough! You are, all of you are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by...

[Hulk flattens Loki with repeated smashes into the floor]

The Hulk: Puny god.

Loki: The Chitauri are coming. Nothing will change that. What have I to fear?

Tony Stark: The Avengers. That's what we call ourselves; we're sort of like a team. "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" type thing.

Loki: Yes, I've met them.

Tony Stark: Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But let's do a head count here: your brother the demi-god; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and YOU, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them.

Loki: That was the plan.

Tony Stark: Not a great plan. When they come, and they WILL, they'll come for you.

Loki: I have an army.

Tony Stark: We have a Hulk.

Loki: I thought the beast had wandered off...

Tony Stark: You're missing the point! There's no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it!

Loki: Kneel before me. I said, KNEEL!

[Loki stamps his scepter on the ground, causing a shockwave that intimidates the crowd into silence as they all kneel before him]

Loki: Is not this simpler? Is this not your natural state? It's the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life's joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.

German Old Man: [slowly rises to his feet] Not to men like you.

Loki: [smiling] There are no men like me.

German Old Man: There are *always* men like you.

Loki: Look to your elder, people. Let him be an example.

[Loki aims a blast of power from his scepter at the old man when Captain America leaps in front of the intended target, deflecting the blast with his shield back at Loki, knocking him down]

Steve Rogers: You know, the last time I was in Germany and saw a man standing above everybody else, we ended up disagreeing.

Loki: The soldier. A man out of time.

Steve Rogers: I'm not the one who's out of time.

Steve Rogers: What's the matter, scared of a little lightning?

Loki: I'm not overly fond of what follows...

[Thor appears]

Thor: Where is the Tesseract?

Loki: [laughs] I missed you too.

Thor: Do I look to be in a gaming mood?

Loki: Oh, you should thank me. With the Bifrost gone, how much dark energy did the Allfather have to muster to conjure you here, your precious Earth?

Thor: I thought you dead.

Loki: Did you mourn?

Thor: We all did. Our father...

Loki: YOUR father! He DID tell you my true parentage, did he not?

Thor: We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?

Loki: I remember a shadow, living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss, I who was and should be king!

Thor: So you take the world I love as recompense for your imagined slights? No, the Earth is under MY protection, Loki!

Loki: [laughs] And you're doing a marvelous job with that! The humans slaughter each other in droves, while you ideally threat. I mean to rule them. And why should I not?

Thor: You think yourself above them?

Loki: Well, yes.

Thor: Then you miss the truth of ruling, brother. A throne would suit you ill.

Loki: I've seen worlds you've never known about! I have grown, Odin's Son, in my exile! I have seen the true power of the Tesseract, and when I wield it...

Thor: Who showed you this power? Who controls the would-be-king?

Loki: I AM a king!

Thor: Not here! You give up the Tesseract! You give up this pointless dream!... You come home.

[pause]

Loki: ...I don't have it.

[Thor threatens Loki with his hammer]

Loki: You need the cube to bring me home, but I've sent it off, I know not where.

Thor: You listen well, brother. I...

[Thor is knocked off the mountain by Iron Man who tackles him in mid-flight]

Loki: I'm listening.

Loki: How will your friends have time for me, when they're so busy fighting you?

[taps Stark with his scepter, but the Arc Reactor stops the effect]

Loki: [tries again, with no success] This usually works...

Tony Stark: Well, performance issues, it's not uncommon. One out of five...

[Loki awakens to find the Avengers staring down at him]

Loki: If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now.

Natasha Romanoff: I want to know what you've done to Agent Barton.

Loki: I would say I've expanded his mind.

Natasha Romanoff: And once you've won, once you're king of the mountain, what happens to his mind?

Loki: Oh. Is this love, Agent Romanoff?

Natasha Romanoff: Love is for children. I owe him a debt.

Loki: Tell me.

Natasha Romanoff: Before I worked for SHIELD, I, uh... Well, I made a name for myself. I have a very specific skill set. I didn't care who I used it for, or on. I got on SHIELD's radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me. He made a different call.

Loki: And what will you do if I vow to spare him?

Natasha Romanoff: Not let you out.

Loki: [smiles] No, but I like this. Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man.

Natasha Romanoff: Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that, I'm Russian... or was.

Loki: And what are you now?

Natasha Romanoff: It's really not that complicated. I've got red in my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out.

Loki: Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire?

[Natasha's calm demeanor starts to break]

Loki: Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's GUSHING red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer... PATHETIC! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code. Something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!... I won't touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you!

[Natasha's eyes start to bulge as her face turns fearful]

Loki: [snarling] Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear! And then he'll wake just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams, I'll split his skull! This is MY bargain, you mewling quim!

[Natasha turns and takes several steps away]

Natasha Romanoff: [starts to cry] You're a monster!

Loki: [laughing] Oh no, you brought the monster.

Natasha Romanoff: [quickly dropping her facade] So, Banner... that's your play.

Loki: ...What?

Natasha Romanoff: [on the intercom] Loki means to unleash the Hulk. Keep Banner in the lab, I'm on my way. Send Thor as well.

Natasha Romanoff: [turning back to Loki] Thank you... for your cooperation.

Loki: Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity

Tony Stark: Uh, actually I'm planning to threaten you.

Loki: You should have left your armor on for that.

Tony Stark: Yeah. It's seen a bit of "mileage" and you got the "glow-stick of destiny". Would you like a drink?

Loki: Stalling me won't change anything

Tony Stark: No, no no, threatening! No drink? You sure? I'm having one.

Loki: [as Fury tries to leave with the Tesseract ] Please don't. I still need that.

Nick Fury: This doesn't have to get any messier.

Loki: Of course it does. I've come too far anything else. I am Loki, of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose.

Selvig: Loki, brother of Thor.

Nick Fury: We have no quarrel with your people.

Loki: An ant has no quarrel with a boot.

Nick Fury: Are you planning to step on us?

Loki: I come with glad tidings of a world made free.

Nick Fury: Free from what?

Loki: Freedom. Freedom is life's great lie. Once you accept that, in your heart...

[walks up to Eric Selvig and touches him with the scepter]

Loki: ...you will know peace.

Nick Fury: Yeah, you say "peace," I kind of think you mean the other thing.

Clint Barton: Sir, Director Fury is stalling. This place is about to blow and drop a hundred feet of rock on us. He means to bury us.

Nick Fury: Like the pharaohs of old.

Selvig: He's right. The portal is collapsing in on itself. We've got maybe two minutes before this goes critical.

Loki: Well, then...

[Barton shoots Fury, they leave]

Loki: Kneel!

Steve Rogers: Not today!

Loki: [after Thor charges at Loki's duplicate and gets locked in a prison] Are you ever NOT going to fall for that?

Agent Phil Coulson: You're gonna lose.

Loki: Am I?

Agent Phil Coulson: It's in your nature.

Loki: Your heroes are scattered, your floating fortress falls from the sky... where is my disadvantage?

Agent Phil Coulson: You lack conviction.

Loki: I don't think I...

[Coulson shoots Loki with his BFG, causing Loki to be blown through the wall behind him]

Agent Phil Coulson: So that's what it does.

The Other: The Chitauri grow restless.

Loki: Let them gird themselves. I will lead them into glorious battle.

The Other: Battle? Against the meager might of Earth?

Loki: Glorious, not lengthy. If your force is as formidable as you claim.

The Other: You question us? You question HIM? He, who put the scepter in your hand, who gave you ancient knowledge and new purpose when you were cast out, defeated?

Loki: I was a king, the rightful king of Asgard! Betrayed!

The Other: Your ambition is little, born of childish need. We look beyond the Earth to greater worlds the Tesseract will unveil.

Loki: You don't have the Tesseract yet. I don't threaten, but until I open the doors, until your force is mine to command, you are but words.

The Other: You will have your war, Asgardian. If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can not find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.

Selvig: The Tesseract is showing me so much. It's more than just knowledge, it's... truth.

Loki: I know. What did it show you, Agent Barton?

Clint Barton: My next target.

Loki: Tell me what you need.

Clint Barton: I'll need a distraction.

[Barton grabs his bow]

Clint Barton: And an eyeball.

Thor: Loki, turn off the Tesseract or I will destroy it!

Loki: You can't! There's no stopping it. There is only the war!

Thor: So be it!

Loki: You WILL kneel before me!

[Fury is visiting an imprisoned Loki]

Nick Fury: In case it's unclear, if you try to escape, you so much as scratch that glass...

[Fury hits a button on the machine and opens metal iris panels around the chamber]

Nick Fury: ...it's 30,000 feet straight down in a steel trap. You get how that works? Ant... boot.

Loki: It's an impressive cage. Not built, I think, for me.

Nick Fury: Built for something a lot stronger than you.

Loki: Oh, I've heard. The mindless beast, makes play he's still a man. How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you?

Nick Fury: How desperate am I? You threaten my world with war. You steal a force you can't hope to control. You talk about peace and you kill 'cause it's fun. You have made me VERY desperate. You might not be glad that you did.

Loki: Ooh. It burns you to have come so close. To have the Tesseract, to have power, unlimited power. And for what? A warm light for all mankind to share. And then to be reminded what real power is.

Nick Fury: [walks away] Well, let me know if "real power" wants a magazine or something.

Loki: The Casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?

Odin: No. In the aftermath of the battle I went into the temple and I found a baby. Small for a Giant's offspring, abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son.

Loki: Laufey's son?

Odin: Yes.

Loki: Why? You were knee-deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?

Odin: You were an innocent child.

Loki: No. You took me for a purpose. What was it?... TELL ME!

Odin: I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace... through you.

Loki: What?

Odin: But those plans no longer matter.

Loki: So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me?

Odin: Why do you twist my words?

Loki: You could have told me what I was from the beginning! Why didn't you?

Odin: You're my son... I wanted only to protect you from the truth...

Loki: What, because I... I... I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?

Odin: [unwell] No! No!

Loki: You know, it all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all these years, because no matter how much you claim to love me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!

[an overcome Odin collapses]

Loki: Guards! Guards, please help!

Odin: You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy!

Thor: And you are an old man and a fool!

Odin: Yes... I was a fool, to think you were ready.

Loki: Father...

Odin: [to Loki] FIE!

Odin: Thor Odinson... you have betrayed the express command of your king. Through your arrogance and stupidity, you've opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horror and desolation of war! You are unworthy of these realms, you're unworthy of your title, you're unworthy... of the loved ones you have betrayed! I now take from you your power! In the name of my father and his father before, I, Odin Allfather, cast you out!

Loki: I never wanted the throne, I only ever wanted to be your equal!

Loki: [hanging from the edge of the Bifrost] I could have done it, Father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us!

Odin: No, Loki.

[Loki stares for a moment, then loosens his grip]

Thor: Loki, no... NO!

[Loki falls into a wormhole]

Thor: Loki, this is madness!

Loki: Is it madness? Is it? IS IT? I don't know what happened on Earth to make you so soft! Don't tell me it was that woman?... Oh, it was. Well maybe, when we're done here, I'll pay her a visit myself!

[Thor gets mad]

Thor: Why have you done this?

Loki: To prove to Father that I am a worthy son! When he wakes, I will have saved his life, I will have destroyed that race of monsters, and I will be true heir to the throne!

Thor: You can't kill an entire race!

Loki: Why not?... And what is this new found love for the Frost Giants? You, could have killed them all with your bare hands!

Thor: I've changed.

Loki: So have I. Now fight me!

[Loki appears in Jotunheim]

King Laufey: Kill him.

Loki: After all I've done for you?

King Laufey: ...So you're the one who showed us the way into Asgard.

Loki: That was just a bit of fun, really. To ruin my brother's big day, and to protect the realm from his idiotic rule for a while longer.

King Laufey: I will hear you.

Loki: I will conceal you and a handful of your soldiers, lead you into Odin's chambers, and you can slay him where he lies.

King Laufey: Why not kill him yourself?

Loki: I suspect that the Asgardians would not take kindly to a king who had murdered his predecessor. Once Odin is dead, I will return the Casket to you...

[Laufey stands, his expression hungry]

Loki: And you can return Jotunheim to all its, uh... glory.

King Laufey: I... accept.

[while interrogating Thor, Coulson steps out for a moment... ]

Thor: Loki. What are you doing here?

Loki: [as a SHIELD agent] I had to see you.

Thor: What's happened? Tell me, is it Jotunheim? Let me explain to Father...

Loki: Father is dead.

Thor: What?

Loki: Your banishment, the threat of a new war... it was too much for him to bear. You mustn't blame yourself. I know that you loved him. I tried to tell him so, but he wouldn't listen. It was so cruel to put the hammer within your reach knowing that you could never lift it. The burden of the throne has fallen to me now.

Thor: Can I come home?

Loki: The truce with Jotunheim is conditional upon your exile.

Thor: Yes, but... couldn't we find a way...?

Loki: And Mother has forbidden your return. This is goodbye, brother. I'm so sorry.

Thor: No. I am sorry. Thank you for coming here.

Loki: Farewell.

Thor: Goodbye.

[Loki leaves, just as Coulson returns]

Agent Coulson: [having heard Thor] "Goodbye?" I just got back.

Loki: Look at you. The mighty Thor! With all your strength! And what good does it do you now? Do you hear me, brother? There's nothing you can do!

[Thor smashes the Bifrost]

Loki: What are you doing? If you destroy the Bridge, you'll never see her again!

Thor: Forgive me, Jane!

King Laufey: The house of Odin is full of traitors...

Thor: Do not dishonor my father's name with your lies!

King Laufey: Your father is a murderer and a thief! And why have YOU come, to talk of peace? You long for battle, you crave it! You're nothing more than a boy trying to prove himself a man!

Thor: Be warned, this boy grows tired of your mockery!

[Jotuns surround the Asgardians]

Loki: Thor, stop and think. Look around you, we're outnumbered...

Thor: Know your place, brother!

King Laufey: You know not what your actions would unleash... I do. Go now, while I still allow it.

[Loki has to restrain Thor]

Loki: We will accept your most gracious offer. Come on, brother...

[Thor turns to leave]

Frost Giant Sentry: Run back home, little princess.

Loki: Damn...

[Thor smashes down the Sentry]

Thor: Next?

[after credits]

[Dr Selvig wanders around an underground base]

Nick Fury: [greeting him] Dr. Selvig.

Erik Selvig: So, you're the man behind all this? It's quite a labyrinth. I was thinking that you had taken me down here to kill me.

Nick Fury: I've been hearing about the New Mexico situation. Your work has impressed a lot of people who are much smarter than I am.

Erik Selvig: I had a lot to work with: the Foster theory, a gateway to another dimension... it's unprecedented...

[Fury doesn't respond]

Erik Selvig: ...isn't it?

Nick Fury: Legend tells us one thing; history, another. But, every now and then, we find something that belongs to both.

[Fury opens a suitcase, which contains a small cube]

Erik Selvig: What is it?

Nick Fury: Power, Doctor. If we figure out how to tap it, maybe unlimited power.

[Loki is seen in a reflection, smiling]

Loki: [whispers to Selvig] Well, I guess that's worth a look.

Erik Selvig: Well, I guess that's worth a look.

Thor: Why don't you tell her? How you sent the Destroyer to kill our friends, to kill me!

Frigga: What?

Loki: Well, I must have been enforcing father's last command.

Thor: You're a talented liar, brother. Always have been.

Loki: It's good to have you back. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy Jotunheim!

[Loki appears in front of a fuming Thor]

Thor: It's unwise to be in my company right now, brother. Today was to be my day of triumph!

Loki: It'll come, in time. If it's any consolation, I think you're right. About the Frost Giants, about Laufey, about everything. If they were able to slip past Asgard's defenses once, who's to say they won't try again? Next time with an army.

Thor: Exactly!

Loki: There's nothing you can do without defying Father.

[Thor looks at Loki]

Loki: No! No, no, no, no! I know that look!

Thor: It's the only way to ensure the safety of our borders!

Loki: Thor, it's madness!

Sif: Loki, you must go to the All-Father and convince him to change his mind.

Loki: And if I do, then what? I love Thor more dearly than any of you, but you know what he is. He's arrogant, he's reckless, he's dangerous! You saw how he was today. Is that what Asgard needs from its King?

[Loki walks off]

Sif: He may speak for the good of Asgard, but he's always been jealous of Thor!

Volstagg: We should be grateful to him. He saved our lives.

Hogun: Laufey said, there were traitors in the house of Odin. A master of magic could bring three Jotuns into Asgard.

Fandral: Loki's always been one for mischief, but you're talking about something else entirely!

Heimdall: Tell me, Loki, how did you lead the Jotuns into Asgard?

Loki: Do you think the Bifrost is the only way in and out of this realm? There are passages between worlds to which even you, with all your gifts, are blind. But I have need of them no longer, now that I am king. And I say, for your act of treason, you are relieved of your duties as gatekeeper and no longer citizen of Asgard!

Heimdall: Then I need no longer obey you!

[draws his sword]

Thor: I will not fight you, brother!

Loki: I'm not your brother! I never was!

[Thor, Loki, Sif and the Warriors Three meet Heimdall]

Loki: Leave this to me. Gatekeeper, we seek...

Heimdall: You're not dressed warmly enough.

Loki: I'm sorry?

Heimdall: You think you can deceive me.

Loki: You must be mistaken...

Thor: Enough! Heimdall, may we pass?

Heimdall: NEVER has an enemy escaped my watch until this day. I want to know how it happened.

Thor: And tell no one where we have gone until we return. Understand?

Volstagg: [to Loki] What's the matter, silver tongue turned to lead?

[Laufey is about to kill Odin]

King Laufey: It's said you can still hear and see what transpires around you. I hope it's true, so that you may know your death came at the hand of Laufey.

[Loki strikes him down from behind]

Loki: And YOUR death came by the son of Odin!

Thor: How do I look?

Loki: Like a king.

[Odin discovers Loki holding the Casket of Ancient Winters]

Odin: STOP!

Loki: Am I cursed?

Odin: No.

Loki: What am I?

Odin: You are my son.

[Loki turns and looks at Odin]

Loki: [features briefly blue and chill] What more than that?

Loki: [about Odin] So why did he lie?

Frigga: He kept the truth from you so you would never feel different. You are our son, Loki, and we your family.

Loki: What troubles you, gatekeeper?

Heimdall: I turned my gaze upon you in Jotunheim but could neither see you nor hear you. You were shrouded from me like the Frost Giants that had entered this realm.

Loki: Perhaps your senses have weakened after your many years of service.

Heimdall: Or perhaps someone has found a way to hide that which he does not wish me to see.

Loki: You have great power, Heimdall. Did Odin fear you?

Heimdall: No.

Loki: And why is that?

Heimdall: Because he is my king, and I am sworn to obey him.

Loki: He was your king. And you're sworn to obey me now. Yes?

Heimdall: Yes.

Loki: Then you'll open the Bifrost to no-one! Until I have repaired the damage that my brother has done!

Loki: [activates the Destroyer] Ensure my brother does not return. Destroy everything.

[Sif and the Warriors Three enter Asgard's throne room]

Sif: Allfather, we must speak with you urgently...

Loki: [on the throne] My friends.

Fandral: Where is Odin?

Loki: Father has fallen into the Odinsleep. Mother fears he may never awaken again.

Sif: We would speak with her...

Loki: She has refused to leave my father's bedside. You can bring your urgent matter to me, your King.

[Sif and Warriors Three hesitantly kneel before Loki]

Sif: My King, we would ask that you end Thor's banishment.

Loki: My first command cannot be to undo the Allfather's last. We're on the brink of war with Jotunheim. Our people need a sense of continuity, in order to feel safe in these difficult times. All of us must stand together, for the good of Asgard.

Fandral: Yes... of course.

Loki: Good. Then you will wait for my word.

Volstagg: [chuckles] If I may, beg the indulgence of your Majesty, to perhaps reconsider...

Loki: We're done!

Volstagg: We should never have let him go...

Fandral: At least he's only banished, not dead. Which is what we'd all be if that guard hadn't told Odin where we'd gone.

Volstagg: How did the guard even know?

Loki: I told him.

Fandral: What?

Loki: I told him to go to Odin, after we'd left. He should be flogged for taking so long, we should never have reached Jotunheim...

Volstagg: YOU told the guard?

Loki: I saved our lives, and Thor's! I had no idea Father would banish him for what he did.

[Thor is smashing down Frost Giants]

Sif: Thor!

Loki: WE MUST GO!

Thor: Then go!

Frigga: We mustn't lose hope that your father will return to us, and your brother...

Loki: What hope is there for Thor?

Frigga: There's always a purpose to everything your father does.

[Thor and Loki commandeer a Harrow]

Loki: Look, why don't you let me take over? I'm clearly the better pilot!

Thor: Is that right? Out of the two of us, which one can ACTUALLY fly?

[the Harrow takes out a building]

Thor: Not a word...

Loki: You know this is wonderful! This a tremendous idea! Let's steal the biggest, most obvious ship in the universe and escape in that! Flying around the city, smash it into everything in sight and everyone will see it! It's brilliant Thor! It's truly brillian...

[Thor hurls Loki out of the ship, and jumps out with Jane in his arms... into a skiff piloted by Fandral]

Fandral: [laughing] I see your time in the dungeon has made you no less graceful, Loki!

Loki: You lied to me! I'm impressed.

Loki: [turns Thor into Sif] Mmm, brother, you look ravishing!

Thor: It will hurt no less when I kill you in this form.

Loki: Very well. Perhaps you prefer one of your new companions, given that you seem to like them so much.

[turns into Captain America]

Loki: Oh, this is much better. Costume's a bit much... so tight. But the confidence, I can feel the righteousness surging. Hey, you wanna have a rousing discussion about truth,honor, patriotism? God bless America...

Volstagg: If you even THINK about betraying him...

Loki: You'll kill me? Evidently there will be a line.

[Thor destroys a statue of Bor]

Loki: Well done, you just decapitated your grandfather!

Loki: [tries to steer the boat into a tiny crevice in the mountain wall] If it were easy, everyone would do it.

Thor: Are you mad?

Loki: Possibly.

[last lines]

Odin: One son who wanted the throne too much, and other who will not take it. Is this my legacy?

Thor: Loki died with honour. I shall try to live the same. Is that not legacy enough?

[offers the hammer]

Odin: It belongs to you, if you are worthy of it.

Thor: I shall try to be.

Odin: I can not give you my blessing, nor can I wish you good fortune.

Thor: I know.

[turns to leave]

Odin: If I were proud of the man my son has become, even that I could not say, it would speak only from my heart. Go, my son.

Thor: Thank you, Father.

[leaves]

Loki: [appears from Odin's guise] No... thank you.

Loki: [aboard a Dark Elf ship] I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing.

Thor: [looking at the controls, clearly lost] I said 'how hard could it be.'

[Thor flies the Harrow, but is off to a rocky start and destroys a lot of columns in the building]

Loki: I think you missed a column.

Thor: [about Frigga] You had her tricks, but I had her trust!

Loki: Trust? Was that her last expression, trust? While you let her die?

Thor: What good were you in your cell?

Loki: Who put me there? WHO PUT ME THERE?

Thor: YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHO! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL!

[pins Loki]

Thor: [lets go of Loki] She wouldn't want us to fight.

Loki: Well, she wouldn't exactly be shocked.

Thor: [smiles] I wish I could trust you.

Loki: [whispers] Trust my rage.

[from trailer]

Jane Foster: [slaps Loki] That was for New York!

Loki: I like her.

Loki: [to Odin during his trial] It's not that I don't love our little talks, it's just... I don't love them.

Loki: [holds up his shackles] You still don't trust me?

Thor: Would you?

[releases Loki]

Loki: ...No, I wouldn't!

[stabs Thor]

Thor: I will tell Father you died with honour.

Loki: I didn't do it for him.

[from trailer]

Loki: After all this time, now you come to visit me, brother? Why? To mock?

Thor: I need your help. And I wish I could trust you...

Loki: If you did, you'd be the fool I always took you for.

Loki: You can at least furnish me with a weapon. My dagger, something!

[Thor puts something in Loki's hands... ]

Loki: At last, a little common sense.

[Thor handcuffs him]

Thor: [grins] And I thought you liked tricks.

Loki: Malekith! I am Loki of Jotunheim, and I have brought you a gift!

[throws Jane to the ground]

Loki: I only ask for one thing in return; a good seat from which to watch Asgard burn!

Loki: Did she suffer?

Thor: I did not come here to share our grief. Instead I offer you the chance of a far richer sacrament...

Loki: Go on.

Thor: I know you seek vengeance as much as I do. You help me escape Asgard, and I will grant it to you. Vengeance. And afterward, this cell.

Loki: You must be truly desperate to come to me for help. What makes you think you can trust me?

Thor: I don't. Mother did. You should know that when we fought each other in the past, I did so with a glimmer of hope that my brother was still in there somewhere. That hope no longer exists to protect you. You betray me, and I will kill you.

Loki: Hm. When do we start?

Loki: [mockingly comes to attention before Odin and laughs] I really don't see what all the fuss is about.

Odin: Do you not truly feel the gravity of your crimes? Wherever you go there is war, ruin and death!

Loki: I went down to Midgard to rule the people of Earth as a benevolent God, just like you.

Odin: We are not gods! We're born, we live, we die, just as humans do.

Loki: Give or take five thousand years.

Loki: [on Jane] Say goodbye.

Thor: Not this day!

Loki: This day, the next, a hundred years, it's nothing! It's a heartbeat. You'll never be ready. The only woman whose love you prized will be snatched from you.

Thor: And will that satisfy you?

Loki: Satisfaction's not in my nature!

Thor: Surrender's not in mine!

Loki: Thor! After all this time now you come to visit me! Why? Have you come to gloat? To mock?

Thor: Loki, enough! No more illusions.

[illusion fades, everything in sight is broken, Loki is sitting on the ground looking devastated]

Loki: Now you see me, brother!

Frigga: Please, don't make things worse...

Loki: Define worse.

Loki: [about Odin] He is not my father!

Frigga: So I am not your mother?

[pause]

Loki: You are not.

Loki: This is so unlike you, brother. So... clandestine. Are you sure you wouldn't rather punch your way out?

Thor: If you keep talking, I might.

[from trailer]

Loki: Born to be a king, I ask one thing in return: a front seat to watch Earth burn.

Loki: Brother, whatever you're doing, I suggest you do it faster.

Loki: [looks at Jane] What I could do with the power flowing through those veins...

Thor: It would consume you.

Loki: I am a fool...

Thor: Stay with me. Stay with me!

Sif: Betray him and I'll kill you.

Loki: It's good to see you too, Sif.

Loki: And what of Thor? You'll make that witless oaf king while I rot in chains?

Odin: Thor has to strive to undo the damage you have done. He will bring order to the Nine Realms and then, yes... he will be king.

Loki: [as Kurse stares at him] You might want to take the stairs to the left.

Loki: [as he kills Kurse] See you in Hel, monster!

Odin: All this because Loki desires a throne.

Loki: It is my birthright!

Odin: Your birthright was to die as a child! Cast out on a frozen rock. If I had not taken you in, you would not be here now to hate me.

Loki: If I am for the axe, then, for mercy's sake, just... swing it!

Loki: [to his mother] Is that how I am to while away eternity... Reading?

Loki: [observing the Marauders in prison] Odin continues to bring me new friends. How thoughtful!

Loki: My mother want to know if you fall from the sky with jellyfish, but I tell her you wash upon sand like garbage.

Nick: Thank you.

Nick: You're a pain in the ass, you know that?

Loki: My... my father say same thing.

Nun: Let me get this straight: you don't believe in God because of "Alice in Wonderland"?

Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter," that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or, or with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do? What do they do? They, they dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions out of, out of fear of some, some intangible parent figure who, who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says, and says, "Do it... do it and I'll fuckin' spank you."

Bartleby: [Bartleby is listening from a nearby seat]

[quietly]

Bartleby: Oh, geez...

Nun: The way you put it... I never really thought about it like that before. What have I been doing with my life? What am I...

Loki: Yeah, I know. Listen, my advice to you: you take this money that you've been collecting for your parish, go get yourself a nice dress, you know? Fix yourself up. Find some man, find some woman, that you can connect with, even for a moment, 'cause that's really all that life is, Sister. It's a series of moments. Why don't you seize yours?

[the nun hesitates, then smiles, nods, and leaves]

Loki: That-a girl. Ah.

[he turns around and sits next to Bartleby with a grin on his face]

Bartleby: You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You've been in His presence. He's spoken to you personally. Yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.

Loki: I just like to fuck with the clergy, man. I just love it, I love to keep those guys on their toes.

[Loki & Bartleby enter a crowded elevator]

Loki: Last four days on Earth? Hm! If I had a dick, I'd go get laid. We can do the next best thing.

Bartleby: What's that?

Loki: Well, let's kill people.

[woman standing between them chokes on her coffee]

Loki: [chuckling, to woman, as the elevator doors close] Oh, not you.

Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on.

Loki: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that Wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this...

Bartleby: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.

Loki: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work.

Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires.

Loki: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference.

Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

Loki: Hey, you know, fuck you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.

Loki: Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgment, lives shrouded in secrecy even from one another. But not from God.

Bartleby: Hello, we'd like two tickets to New Jersey, please.

Bus Station Attendant: Jersey's sold out, sir.

Loki: What?

Bus Station Attendant: There's one at the same time tomorrow. I suggest you not underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State, and show up two hours in advance.

Loki: Wait, so all I gotta do, I walk through the arch thing... and then I can go back home?

Bartleby: No. By walking through the archway, all your sins are forgiven. Then all we have to do is die.

Loki: Die? I don't wanna die!

Bartleby: What, you'd rather hang around here for a few more eons?

Loki: No! We don't even know if we CAN die.

[Bartleby looks exasperated]

Loki: All right, but what if we can and then, and then the arch thing doesn't work? What then? Hell? Fuck that.

Bartleby: It's possible.

Loki: Fuck that!

Bartleby: If we cut off our wings, transubstantiate to complete human form, we become mortal. If we die with clean souls, there's no way they can keep us out. We won't be angels anymore, but at least we get to go home.

Loki: Who sent the paper?

Bartleby: Who cares who sent the paper? All that matters is that after all these years, we found a loophole! They can't keep us out anymore! And once we get back in, I'm sure they'll just forgive and forget.

Loki: But this thing is, this is... this is... this is church law. It's not divine mandate. Catholic Church laws are fallible because they're created by man.

Bartleby: One of the last sacred promises imparted to Peter, the first Pope, by the Son of God before He left was... "Whatever you hold true on earth..."

Loki: "I'll hold true in heaven."

Bartleby: It's dogmatic law. The Catholic Church says it's so, God must adhere, this thing has a papal sanction...

Loki: Let it never be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.

Bartleby: You can't be anal-retentive if you don't have an anus.

Loki: Outstanding work!

Bartleby: You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the first commandment. Not only that, I'm afraid not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year cheated on your wife of 17 years 8 times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching the kids.

Loki: In the bed that you and your wife share, no less.

Bartleby: Mr. Newman - you got your girlfriend drunk at last year's Christmas party and then paid a kid from the mail room to have sex with her while she was passed out, just so you could break up with her guilt-free when she sobbingly confessed in the morning. She killed herself two months later. Mr. Brace disowned his gay son. Very compassionate, Mr. Brace. Mr. Ray put his mother in a third-rate nursing home and then used the profits from the sale of her home to buy an oriental rug for himself. Heavens. Mr. Barker flew to Thailand on the company account to have sex with an eleven year old boy. Mr. Holtzman okayed the production of Mooby Dolls from materials he knew to be toxic and unsafe, because it was - survey says? - less costly.

[sees the female board member]

Bartleby: You, on the other hand, are an innocent. You lead a good life. Good for you. But you, Mr. Whitland, you have more skeletons in your closet than the rest of this assembled party. I cannot even mention them aloud.

[whispers something in Whitland's ear]

Loki: You're his father, you sick fuck.

[Whitland starts crying]

Loki: Consequences schmonsequences.

Loki: Whose house? Run's house! I said whose house? Run's house! who's house say what run's house say what Martin! Martin!

Bartleby: Ladies and gentlemen, you have been judged guilty of sinning against our almighty God, and I promise you, you shall pay for your trespasses, in blood!

[he rips open his shirt to reveal a silver breastplate]

Bartleby: Wings, now.

Loki: I'm feeling a little exposed here...

Bartleby: DO IT!

Bartleby: Don't... See, don't let your sympathies get the best of you, they did me once. Scion or not, she's still just a human, and by passing through that arch, our sins are forgiven, no harm, no foul.

Loki: My God... I've heard a rant like this before.

Bartleby: What did you say?

Loki: I've heard a rant like this before.

Bartleby: Don't you fucking do that to me!

Loki: You sound like the Morning star.

Bartleby: You shut your fucking mouth!

Loki: You do! You sound like Lucifer, man! You've fucking lost it! You're not talking about going home, Bartleby, you're talking about fucking *war* on *God* Well, *fuck* that! I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the Throne! I'm going back to Wisconsin

Bartleby: [Slams Loki into a wall] We're going home, Loki. And no one, not you, not even the Almighty Himself, is gonna make that otherwise.

Bartleby: You know, maybe you're wrong about this slaughter thing. How can you even be sure what incurs the Lord's wrath these days? Times change. I remember when eating meat on a Friday was supposed to be a Hell-worthy trespass.

Loki: The major sins never change. Besides, you know, I can spot a commandment-breaker from, like, a mile away. So, bet on it.

Bartleby: This from the guy who still owes me 10 bucks over that bet about what was gonna be the bigger movie - "E. T. " or "Krush Groove"?

Loki: You know, fuck you, man, 'cause time's gonna tell on that one.

[brief pause]

Loki: What, are you insinuating that I don't have what it takes anymore?

Bartleby: Insinuating, no. Flat-out telling you.

Loki: Church laws are fallible because they're created by man.

Loki: [to the female Mooby employee after shooting the board members] Gum? Oh these guys, they were fakes You're a pure soul. You have nothing to worry about.

[holds his gun up]

Loki: But you did not say "God bless you" when I sneezed.

Bartleby: [yelling off camera] LOKI!

Loki: You're getting off light!

Loki: I can spot a commandment-breaker a mile away.

Azrael: Quit killing people, that's high profile.

Loki: Oh, lighten up.

Loki: All lines are currently down.

[to the female board member]

Loki: You're a pure soul... but you didn't say "God bless you" when I sneezed.

[raises his gun to the female board member's head]

Bartleby: Loki!

Loki: [angrily] You're getting off light.

[as he leaves the board room]

Loki: You're so lucky.

Loki: So, Jay tells us you're gonna sleep with him.

Loki: Do you know about voodoo? No real doctrin of faith to speak of , more an arrangement of superstitions.

Loki: I forgot my little voodoo doll.

[looks at Whitland]

Loki: Wow. It really does look just like you. Maybe, if I believed enough...

[pauses, then crushes voodoo doll of Whitland, who is terrified but unharmed]

Loki: [laughs] I don't believe in voodoo.

[leaves]

Loki: [re-enters with a gun] But I do believe in this.

[shoots Whitland]

Loki: Is this why I had to come down here this morning, man? Is this why I had to miss my fucking cartoons? You call me, you tell me it's important, you know. What, to share in your half-assed obsession with Hallmark moment?

Bartleby: We're going home. Somebody sent us this in the mail.

Loki: [about Bartleby] He just lost it.

Loki: [to Bartleby] Who makes out with their wife?

[Bartleby and Loki slaughter parishioners outside a church]

Loki: You're looking at eons of repression getting purged. If only they'd let us jerk off.

Loki: Erik and the men of Ravensfjord are setting off to cross the Western Ocean.

Halfdan the Black: Lucky things! I could do with a holiday, I can tell you. All this financial work, you know... The stress really gets you.

[to his henchmen holding a prisoner]

Halfdan the Black: Um... flay him alive, garrotte him and then behead him.

Loki: I'm a god. I can shape-shift. I can create stuff out of nothingness. I can alter the fabric of reality. So please, quit being a knucklehead.

[repeated line]

Loki: Where's my *mask*?

Loki: Thanks for dropping by.

Museum Security Guard: Dropping?

Loki: Bye!

Tim Avery: Hey, Loki.

[suddenly picks up a phone receiver and shouts]

Tim Avery: Give me back my son!

Loki: Um... No

[speeds off]

Museum Person: Good God!

Loki: And don't you forget it!

Odin: [in the body of a shopkeeper] You know, Thor never gave me this kind of trouble.

Loki: Oh, here we go again with the Thor crap. Thor, Thor, Thor! You know, father, I'm not like Thor. I'm never gonna be like Thor. I just wish that - can't you just love me for who I am and not for who I'm not?

Odin: No! I want you to be more like Thor!

Tim Avery: Okay, you give me Alvey, and the mask is yours.

Loki: [takes the mask and turns away with Alvey] I can't let go. I've grown attached.

Tonya Avery: Alvey!

Tim Avery: Hey, we had a deal!

Loki: I'm the God of friggin' Mischief, what did you expect?

Odin: [surprised] You did the conjuring ceremony, by yourself?

Loki: Hey, I pay attention... sometimes.

Loki: [Sees Mask that was made in Taiwan] This is a FAKE!

Dr. Neuman: Yes, but it's a good fake.

Odin: You've brought me much grief, Loki

[pause]

Loki: [angrily] Right back at ya... DAD!

Loki: [looks at the mask and sees it's a fake] THIS IS A FAKE!

Dr. Neuman: Yes, but it's a good fake.

Loki: Okay, no let me think. What should I turn him into?

Tim Avery: Who are you?

Loki: I'm Loki, God of Mischief.

Tim Avery: And I'm Tim, God of Crazy-Baby-Land. Can you move please?

Loki: Your son was born of the mask, *my* mask. Where is it?

Tim Avery: Born of the... Oh! So, that's why he can pee like that.

Loki: [about Odin] Off the throne... He's off the throne. That's not good.

Odin: [possessing the shopkeeper] Fool! What in Helveti were you about to do to this shopkeep?

Loki: Nothing, I...

Odin: Fool! Don't lie to me! You know Thor never gave me this kind of trouble.

Loki: Here we go again with the Thor crap.

Odin: As expected, you've failed at your promise. You've failed at your quest. You are, in ever sense of the word, a failure.

Tim Avery: [to Tanya] Wow, and I thought your dad was mean.

Loki: Hey, we both knew it was gonna end this way, right? You practically set me up for failure, so at least I'm living up to your expectation in that regard.

Odin: Silence!

Loki: [Examines the antler] This is very beautiful. She's very talented. We'll be able to trade it for something useful.

Saiva: What will they do if they find you?

Loki: Shoot me.