Liz Quotes in Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)

Alexander: I wanted to give you this.

Sean: A book?

Alexander: Oh, it's not just a book. It's a trip I want us to go on, all of us, as a family.

Sean: From the Earth to the Moon.

Alexander: What do you say?

Kailani: I think there's only one thing to say.

Sean: So, who's up for an adventure?

Liz: No, no, no!

Hank: Oh honey, what could possibly go wrong? It's only the moon!

Gus: Move over honey, I gotta take a leak.

Liz: Oh my God! You're not kidding!

Cris Johnson: There's an Italian painter, named Carlotti, and he uh, ahem, defined beauty. He said it was the summation of the parts working together in such a way that nothing needed to be added, taken away or altered, and that's you. You're beautiful.

Liz: Wow.

Cris Johnson: You don't believe in destiny?

Liz: Well, even if it does exist, I don't think I want to know. I mean, if every move we make is preordained, then what is the point of that? I mean, life is supposed to be a surprise.

[beat]

Liz: Isn't it?

Cris Johnson: It would be nice.

Cris Johnson: [has a premonition of them sharing a kiss] Wow. That was incredible.

Liz: What was?

Cris Johnson: This.

[kisses her]

Cris Johnson: I have a small magic act back in Vegas. The Frank Cadillac Show.

Liz: I thought your name was Cris.

Cris Johnson: It is. Frank Cadillac is my stage name.

Liz: How'd you come up with that?

Cris Johnson: I picked two things I really like and put them together. Frankenstein and Cadillacs.

Cris Johnson: I like rain.

Liz: I like rain, too.

Liz: You can see things before they happen?

Cris Johnson: Only my future... except with you. I saw far beyond anything I'd ever seen before. You need to get away from here.

Liz: I don't want you to die.

Cris Johnson: It happened. It just hasn't happened yet.

[Mike & Liz are in the back of a hearse after escaping the mortuary & the Tall Man. Reggie has just been attacked by Alchemy in the hearse's front & thrown out of the car]

Mike: One minute... we're gonna wake up. This is only a dream.

Liz: That's right... it's only a dream!

[the barrier to the hearse front suddenly slides down. The Tall Man is sitting at the wheel and glaring back at them]

The Tall Man: No! It's not!

[the back window breaks, and Mike & Liz are pulled out by the Tall Man's dwarf zombies]

Rex Halsey: That bitch, that goddamn bitch! I warned Rodney. Look, when do they think he'll be out?

Liz: Rex, what the hell difference does that make? She cut his balls off, he's better off dead!

Rodney: She's one of us, Liz; just a bored little child of the jet-set.

Liz: This afternoon she looked about like the jet-set as some scrawny alley cat would next to one of my pure-bred Siamese kittens.

Liz: He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled.

Bethany: You're suggesting I need to get filled?

Liz: In more ways than one. You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for ten minutes.

Bethany: It's been my experience that the average male is never a man. Not even for ten minutes in his entire lifespan.

Liz: That'a a bit militant. You thinking of joining the other side?

Bethany: Couldn't do it. Women are insane.

Liz: Then YOU need to go back to church and ask God for a third option.

Bethany: I think that God is dead.

Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.

[about the protesters outside the Abortion Clinic]

Liz: You're Catholic, can't you talk to them?

Bethany: They hate me more than you. At least you have an excuse, you're Jewish, you don't know any better.

Liz: I don't think they'd accept that one, we used that one already when we killed Christ.

[Liz gets out of her car and heads into Women's Clinic; picketers greet her]

Steve-Dave Pulasti: You're gonna burn in hell, ya fuckin' baby killer.

Walter Grover: Yeah, tell her, Steve-Dave.

Liz: Holy shit, it's The Pope.

Liz: There's nothing wrong with Garfield. He's just a happy, fat, lazy cat.

Garfield: No need for a second opinion.

Liz: You care about him, more than any owner I've ever known.

Garfield: Him has a name. Is this an HMO?

Liz: [to Jon] So um... what's your confession... admission... declaration?

Shaun: As Bertrand Russell once said, "The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation." I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that now.

Liz: Was that on a beer mat?

Shaun: Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold.

Liz: I won't say anything.

Shaun: Thanks.

Liz: Shaun?

Shaun: Yeah?

Liz: You see what I'm saying?

Shaun: Yep, totally.

Liz: I know he's your best friend, but you do live with him.

Shaun: I know.

Liz: It's not that I don't like Ed.

[Liz looks over at Ed who is playing an arcade game]

Liz: Ed, it's not that I don't like you.

Ed: It's all right.

Liz: It would just be nice if we could...

Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Fuck!

Liz: ...spend a bit more time together...

Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Bollocks!

Liz: ...just the two of us.

Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Cock it!

Liz: It's just with Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flat-mates out and then that only exacerbates things.

Shaun: What do you mean?

Liz: Well you guys hardly get on, do you?

Shaun: No, what does "exacerbate" mean?

Liz: It means um, to make things worse.

Shaun: Right. Well I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di.

[Shaun looks over at David and Di at the table next to them]

Shaun: Guys, it's not that I don't like you.

David, Dianne: [together] It's all right.

Shaun: And it's not that I don't want to spend time with you cause I do. It's just... Ed doesn't have too many friends.

Ed: Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink?

David: I'm not staying here.

Liz: David, don't, that's suicide.

Ed: I think you should go.

Liz: Goodbye, Ed. Love you.

Ed: Cheers!

Shaun: I love you too, man.

Ed: Gaaayy!

Liz: You hang out with my friends? Sorry, a failed actress and a twat?

Shaun: Well, that's a bit harsh.

Liz: Your words!

Shaun: I did NOT call Dianne a failed actress!

Shaun: Well maybe one should do the other, and then do themselves.

Liz: Oh maybe you should do me, I'll only muck it up if I have to do myself.

[Shaun mimes shooting Liz and then himself, to see how it feels]

Shaun: You know, I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum, and my girlfriend all in the same night.

Liz: [pauses] What makes you think I'd have taken you back?

Shaun: Well... You don't want to die single do you?

Ed: [interrupting] That's it. I would like to be shot.

Shaun: Besides, I've changed. I haven't had a fag since yesterday, I promise!

Ed: He hasn't!

[Shaun is surprised to see that Liz has a pack of cigarettes]

Liz: You left them in my flat.

Shaun: Yeah, in the bin!

Liz: I was desperate.

Shaun: Sneaky monkey...

Liz: Well... is it clear?

Shaun: No.

Liz: How many?

Shaun: Lots.

[pan up to show a horde of zombies behind the fence]

[Shaun hands Liz a bunch of flowers]

Shaun: Got you these.

[Liz reads the label]

Liz: "To a wonderful mum"?

Shaun: [sniggers] Oooh! Yeah, that's, because... I thought, it would be, funny, because of what you said last night about me y'know, don't wanna be my mum and that. It's just a little joke, just sort of spur of the moment...

[long pause]

Liz: They're for your mum, aren't they?

Shaun: Yeah.

Liz: Smooth.

[while he is disguised as a zombie, Ed's phone rings and he answers it]

[others look horrified]

Ed: Two seconds!

[he chats on his phone until Shaun knocks it out of his hand]

Ed: Oi! What are you doing?

Shaun: [shouts] What am I doing? What are you doing, you stupid moron?

Ed: Fuck off!

Shaun: [shouts] You fuck off! Fuck fucking off! I've spent... look at me! I've spent my entire life sticking my neck out for you and all you ever do is fuck things up! Fuck things up and make me look stupid! Well, I'm not going to let you do it any more. OK? Not today!

Liz: Shaun!

Shaun: What?

[sees the hundreds of zombies staring at them]

Shaun: Oh.

[a jukebox begins playing Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" while the zombie pub owner attacks the group]

Shaun: Who the hell put this on?

Ed: It's on random.

Liz: For fuck's sake!

[David is pointing a gun at Barbara and Shaun is trying to stop him]

Liz: PLEASE CAN WE... JUST CALM... THE FUCK... DOWN!

Shaun: You've been to a lock-in.

Liz: Several.

Liz: You should do me. I'll muck it up if I have to do myself.

Shaun: [breaking down] I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum and my girlfriend all in the same evening!

Liz, Declan: [as each survivor passes by their parallel counterpart] Hi.

David, Mark: [formally] Hello.

Dianne, Maggie: [friendly] Hi!

Barbara, Yvonne's Mum: [politely] Hello.

Ed, Cousin Tom: [too involved with their cell phones, briefly glancing at each other, muttering] Hello.

Liz: Your life is so PG-13.

Liz: Pop.

Annie: Six.

June: Squish.

Hunyack: Unh-uh.

Velma Kelly: Cicero.

Mona: Lipschitz.

Liz: You know how some people have these little habits that get you down? Like Bernie. Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. POP. So I come home from work one night and I'm real irritated, and I'm looking for a little sympathy. And there's Bernie, lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. POPPIN'. So I said "If you pop that gum one more time..." And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots... into his head.

Miranda Priestly: [Andy is at the CK Showroom] Who's there? Who are you talking to?

Andy Sachs: I'm sorry, what's your name?

Liz: Liz.

Andy Sachs: Liz.

Miranda Priestly: Oh God. Get away from her, she's useless. And unattractive. Ask for Ivan. Tell him we need 20 skirts for a reshoot.

[hangs up]

Liz: What did she say?

Andy Sachs: [Embarrassed pause] Uh. Is Ivan available?

Liz: Oh.

Alex: Okay, guys, can you guess who I am? Ready? "You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend!"

Liz: Cheech! No, Chong.

Alex: No, no, no. "Say hello to my little friend!"

[sprays glue gun]

Rob: Tim Allen.

Liz: I'm pregnant.

Miles: Oh! Um... great. That was fast. Usually it takes atleast four to six weeks.

Liz: [interrupting] No... it's this guy I met in Brazil, I'm pretty sure.

Miles: The... the silent retreat guy? The...

Liz: Yeah.

Miles: Silent guy, was it? You guys just got straight to it, no talking?

Liz: Yeah. No words required.

Liz: I like you.

Miles: I like me too.

[finishes phone sex conversation and turns around]

Liz: Oh, God.

Jason: That is a really weird way to talk to your boss.

Liz: It's not what you think

Jason: Really?

[feigned sigh]

Jason: Awesome, because, what I think it is, is you leaving me at dinner to talk dirty to your boyfriend Stanley.

Liz: No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[feign sigh]

Jason: What a relief to know you're not someone who licks people all up and down with their scratchy kitty-cat tongue.

Liz: I moonlight as an adult phone entertainer.

Jason: Like... phone sex?

Liz: Yes. This is the busiest day of the year for phone sex. Surprise...

Jason: Why didn't you tell me?

Liz: OK, um. I'm broke. I have a 100K student loan, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to pay off, I have no health insurance. And, so, if you know of a job, that will pay a poetry-major $40 an hour with her clothes on, I'm all ears.

Jason: OK. I'm out.

Liz: Are you gonna call me?

Jason: Well, you know, I'd like to say yes. But... I don't know if I can afford it.

[beat; Liz turns, Jason chases]

Jason: I'm sorry. That was, I'm sorry. Come on, you know I didn't mean that.

Liz: Thank you so much for last night, I had a blast, and there is fresh coffee for you in the kitchen.

Jason: I think I'm out of coffee.

Liz: Yeah you were, but i borrowed some from your neighbor. By the way she was very surprised that you had female company, she thought that you were gay. Don't worry, I set her straight.

Jason: Bye.

Liz: e.e. cummings, my favorite poet. He had me at the font.

[Liz storms in]

Rob: Hey, Liz.

Liz: [calm] Hi, Rob...

[screams]

Liz: You fucking asshole!

[beat, Liz walks out the store, Barry's in the corner, stares]

Liz: Hi, Barry.

Liz: Hey, Yancy. My father's a lawyer.

Yancy: Oh?

Liz: He can help you sue the diet pill company for non-performance.

Liz: This is my last computer date.

Cosmo: Wait. A computer matched *her* with *him*? I don't think so.

Liz: The man who folded this tube of Crest is looking for someone meticulous, refined. Anal.

[everyone turns around]

Liz: What?

Liz: [Dr. Brandes is cooking for Liz] It's hot in here. Maybe I'll just open this window a little bit.

Dr. Werner Brandes: I'll join you as soon as I'm through pounding these breasts.

Liz: Time wounds all heels.

Liz: [referring to Ray's girlfriend] If he mentions her, just smile politely and change the subject.

Jane: Why?

Liz: Because if you bring her up, he's gonna feel pushed and resentful. This way it's like, no pressure. I'm happy. I'm healthy, getting sex other places.

Liz: Lizzie, where do you get this stuff?

Jane: snagmen.com, it's very informative.

Liz: So I call him up to say good night and guess who answers the phone 1AM PARIS TIME? Penelope Pope!

Jane: Who's Penelope Pope?

Liz: I don't know, but that's what she said when I asked "Who the FUCK is this?"

Liz: Why feed me all that romantic bullshit if he's just gonna cheat on me?

Jane: Two words: Coppulatory Imperative.

Liz: Excuse me?

Jane: The biological urge to spread their seed. The truth is only 15% of all male animals are monogomous. The rest are...

Liz: Plucking Penelope Pope.

Liz: Wow, there's the cynical bitch we know and love.

Street Vendor: Are you going to buy anything or not?

Liz: Shush, shush, I'm concentrating.

Street Vendor: Ok.

Liz: There's the cynical bitch I know and love.

Jane: Remember last week when we were laughing at that graffiti on the subway?

Liz: "Baby, I loves the toilet you sit on"?

Miranda: You're wearing plastic shoes, and what is this shirt made out of?

Liz: It's flax.

Miranda: See? I mean, isn't that a food? You're wearing food.

Liz: What do I want? I'll tell you what I want! I want Ken Railings to walk in here right now, and say 'Pam Shortt's broken both her legs, and I wanna dance with YOU!'

[the door flies open. It's Ken]

Ken: Pam Shortt's broken both her legs, and I wanna dance with you.

Kylie: That was unexpected.

Liz: Where the man goes, the lady must follow...

Barry Fife: [referring to Ken Railings] Let's not forget, Les, that a Pan Pacific Champion becomes a hero, a guiding light to all dancers, someone who'll set the right example.

[Meanwhile, on the dance floor]

Liz: [fake smile] You've been drinking!

Ken Railings: Bullshit! Push it!

Liz: You bloody have!

Scott: I'm just asking you what you think of the steps.

Liz: I don't think! I don't give a shit about them, we lost!

Liz: I knew you'd come to your senses!

Scott: Liz...

Liz: Piss off!

Scott: Liz!

Liz: I'm not dancing with you, all right? I'm not dancing with you 'til you dance like you're supposed to!

[last lines]

Liz: Howard, I've been thinking... everything that you went through today for Jamie really shows how much you love him.

[Howard nods]

Liz: And if you're willing to go through all of that for him just for a present, well, that makes me wonder...

Howard Langston: What?

Liz: [smiling] What did you get me?

[the camera crash-zooms to Howard with a look of horror on his face]

Jamie Langston: [he and Johnny are fighting over who wants to be Turbo Man] *I'm* Turbo Man!

Johnny: No, *I* am; you're *always* Turbo Man!

Liz: [over their fight while baking cookies] Hey, hey, hey, cut it out.

Jamie Langston: Why don't you be Dementor?

Johnny: No!

Steve Brooks: I don't believe it. I'm sitting with three beautiful woman who said they hated me. I got to be dreaming.

Margo Brofman: We still hate you.

Felicia: We decided you should be punished for the way you treat woman.

Liz: Oh, yeah, men like you just have to be stopped.

Steve Brooks: And how are you going to stop me?

Margo Brofman: We're going to kill you.

Steve Brooks: Oh, what a way to die.

Liz: We were faxing each other's brains out.

Liz: HEY. If someone does not tell me about this baby, ASSES WILL BE KICKED.

Lois: I Like her!

Liz: Guys, get off the dog!

Nicholas: We're just playing.

Liz: That dog is like 200 years old in human- would you do that to Grandma?

Liz: Listen, I gotta take The Omen One and Two to soccer practice, okay?

Liz: Hey. Hey, Dennis. Do you wanna have some turkey with us?

Dennis: I can't eat anything grown on Saturn's moons.

Liz: Well then, I think you're safe here.

Liz: David, you're hysterical.

David: I know. See, everybody says, "Don't be hysterical." But I say, "Why not be hysterical?" Hysterical is the new calm. My wife dies, boom! I go out and I adopt a kid from Neptune. Should I just chill, or should I be hysterical? You tell me. I think hysteria is a way of life. It's a clothing line at least.

Liz: He's ten feet tall, we've got a musicbox here!

Liz: It's not like that Colin. I don't feel the same as you, I just want to get out.

Colin Diamond: Well fuck off then. Go on, get. Fuck off. I'll be alright. Selfish bastard. I ain't gonna stop you. I'll tell you. You fuck off, you horrible cunt. You traitor. I hate you.

Liz: Not if you're going to start calling me names.

Colin Diamond: Don't you... a nasty, unfaithful cow who sucked another man's bellend, tell me, fucking tell me, that I'm calling you names. Who is he?

Liz: Does it matter?

Colin Diamond: Who is he? Tell me the cunt's name, I want to know.

Liz: He's just a guy.

Colin Diamond: Oh just a guy. Not a bloke, not just a bloke. He's a guy. He's a cunt. I'll cut his cock off when I find him.

Liz: Stop it, Colin!

Colin Diamond: No that's right, stick up for the cunt. 'Cos you're on his side. Side of the guy. Well let me tell you something Liz, and mark my fucking words, I will tear the flesh off his face with my teeth and stick it in your fucking handbag.

Liz: Right that's it, I'm going. We'll talk later.

[last lines]

Aloysius: You could execute an innocent man, too. And then what would you say?

Liz: No one's perfect. Are they?

Anna: It's someone that is very close to me and he's been quite an inspiration in my life. And i almost through my writing i wanted to give something back.

Liz: Yeah, when i was reading it just made me think about the fact when i was working in NY, my husband was in LA, so he was driving across country. So, on the way over he would take all these pictures of himself and the dog at varies places. So, I sent photos of me and we got all them together and they were all the moment and time being separate, but yet we were together on these photographs.

Anna: Yeah, that's the challenge!

Liz: Yeah, it's hard. It made me missing more...

Anna: I don't feel very young.

Liz: Well, you are.

Man in Car: I wanna fuck you up the ass!

Liz: You can stick it up your own, asshole!

Man in Car: Ha ha ha ha ha, I would if I could, bitch!

Liz: I must be some use to somebody. I mean, there must be a reason for me, right?

Liz: [Liz finds Sanjay using a bicycle pump on his tire] Oh, you got a flat. Need help pumping it up?

[about Dondi]

Liz: How many people do you know can cross the Atlantic with only a hunk of salami as baggage?

[Dondi is praying]

Dondi: I wish you make them let me stay in America, Mr. Big-Buddy, please.

Liz: Dondi's talking to the most influential friend of all!

Liz: Ah, it's beautiful.

Nina: So are we going to pull over and let it pass then?

Liz: If he wants us to pull over he'll sound his horn; sweetie.

Nina: It's getting really close.

Nina: Craig, I think he's gonna...

[They all gasp]

Craig: I can't believe I did that!

Liz: What if they're waiting for us?

Marcus: Or maybe they just kept going like they didn't give a shit.

Liz: Hunters?

Marcus: Not around here.

Liz: Drive or I'll fucking drive this myself.

Liz: It's already too late now.

Diane: Here's to law school, may it be the three shortest years of my life.

Jeanie: Here's to reaching my full capacity.

Diane: A whole quarter of it.

Stevie: Here's to my new employers at Pan Am, may they never find out I'm afraid of flying.

Liz: Here's to my mother who never let me forget that I was born with a silver spoon up my ass. But mother you were wrong, it's up my nose!

Katherine: Here's to my sisters...

Diane: Oh come on!

Katherine: No seriously, here's to my sisters without whom I wouldn't be what I am today... wasted!

Diane: Alright Morgan, now we understand this takes a lot of thinking Morgan...

Morgan: Here's to...

[begins to throw up within mouth]

Jim: Elizabeth, it's been a long time.

Liz: Time was the only long thing you ever gave me, Big Daddy. And it's Liz.

Jim: I bet she's either a psycho or a nympho.

Liz: What is she doing out here all by herself?

Jim: She's a homeless, psychotic nymphomaniac. Where's she gonna be, Park Avenue?

Liz: Do you see that?

Steve: See What?

Liz: There's someone... there's someone watching us through that window.

Bill: You sure, Liz? You're pretty high.

Liz: Nevermind...

Jim: It was in all the newspapers.

Liz: Wow, Jim, then it must be true!

Liz: [about Bobby Fowler] His parents abused the shit out of him, chains, matches, embalming tools, everyone knows it, but nobody can prove it.

Jonathan Doyle: [after escaping the tunnels] Tina, how long were you down there?

Tina: What?

Jonathan Doyle: How long were you down there?

Tina: Get off of me!

Liz: Oh my god, she's been in the tunnels! With Cal and Sara.

Jonathan Doyle: How long were you down there, Tina?

Tina: I don't know! But I did stay away from them, ok?

Liz: Did they puke on you?

Tina: Don't even go there!

Liz: That is definitely not the same bear

Christine: Yeah, this ones got balls